


I’ve Got You

by LostInQueue



Category: Reylo - Freeform - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Armitage’s POV, Armitage’s bond with Rey, Art, Awkward Relationships, Carnival cruise, Coffee Shop, Cooking, Emotional bonding, F/M, Family, Finals, Fluff, Food, Gen, Heartbreak, Illustration, Job Loss, Kylo Ren PoV, Kylo’s falling for Rey, Light Smut, Masturbation, Modern AU, Murphy’s Law, NaNoWriMo, Pride, Real Life Problems, Relationship Problems, Rey POV, Rey is sweet, Rey’s childhood, Risk Taking, Rose is awesome, School, Slow Burn, Starting a new job, Starving Artist, Weighing past relationships against new ones, adjunct professor, artist problems, dealing with a klepto, fear of boats, food allergies, heated seats, nyan cat - Freeform, odd jobs, rent is too high, respectful friends, silencing a motorcycle, silly stuff, tight friendships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 02:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 90,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16610429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue/pseuds/LostInQueue
Summary: Kylo Ren has a love for art. A passion for it Illustration, really, which has him living month to month as an adjunct professor, doing everything he can to stay afloat. Rent is hard on his own, but sharing his living space is not on the table. Life itself has been hard on him, that is until his best friend Poe comes in with an offer.Rey is a student in the same university, dealing with the stresses of a professor blowing off her class, a boyfriend that won't commit, and boisterous friends that are just looking out for their friend's well being. What more could she ask for?





	1. Just A Thought

Living in the north east there were times for things. Time for seasons to change, meaning times Kylo would look forward to a quieter neighborhood. It meant enjoying his whole day, and night, without noise canceling headphones covering his ears which was welcomed, finally being able to enjoy his pillow comfortably. It also meant one of the block dwellers’ motorcycle wouldn’t rev up at two in the morning and roar up the road. 

Fall for Kylo is freeing. He liked being home, alone, listening to his music, enjoying his Lipton tea, and getting down to business. He peruses his passion in illustration both as an adjunct professor, in an online business that can be overly flustering at times, and finally, for himself. On days like today where nothing else can possibly bother him, he keeps a record of all of the inspiration he’s met throughout it. Among the designs he’s preparing himself for tonight are gremlins dressed as complaining children, because there were so many today. His eyes widen for a moment at the thought. It was almost as if a select group of moms were following him around. Multiple times, he checked his surrounding expecting to see the same whiny five year old, clutching his mother’s purse in desperation for some plastic thing he would forget about the second it was purchased, but the face of the child would never be the same. This makes him wonder if this new generation is going to blow up the world some day just because they didn’t get the right colored sticker. 

Kylo had rarely been one to let an idea go. He was so good at diving into a concept, he could almost believe it was truly alive, or the complete truth, no matter how crazy it made him sound, he could argue theories like facts. These tendencies could just make the art that much more believable, as if the line work would honestly tell the story at a glance. 

Usually, Kylo would start in pencil, on a large sixteen by twenty inch piece of card stock paper for his projects. The paper mattered. The feel of it on his hands, the way the pencil glides over the surface, the way it accepts the toughness of his working style. The paper he chose meant that he also knew the way it would accept the medium he would be using to apply color. His recent go to was watercolor for most doodles, quite interested in controlling an otherwise free flowing method of color. For these days, his drink of choice was tea, and then several bottles of water, and a home cooked meal. 

There were other days that he would only take a thick, square edged, Sharpie marker, to a slightly smaller pad, sitting wherever he felt most comfortable, despite the real risk of losing his pen in the couch and marking up anything it touched in permanent ink. On these days, considered ugly ones for any justifiable reason, would be his ‘fuck it’ days. He wouldn’t cook, or clean. His mess would clutter through his apartment like he offered his space for a frat party, spilling all types of sticky liquids through it, to get to step in later.

His ‘fuck it’ days would spur on, building from just about anything now. Work was hard. Not drawing. That came easy. Everything outside of his usual routine snuck up on him making his enjoyable, quiet fall, anything but. His days as an adjunct professor started off like shit, unable to wake up in time to get himself to the university to teach his 8:00am class, ‘Intro. To Illustration,’ really wasn’t up there on his level of importance to show up to that early. It wasn’t like he didn’t try to get out of that one either. He did. Kylo even asked for all evening classes, but that class still stuck to him like fly paper. Figuring he could just ignore it was his only option, and if they asked, he would tell them it was a glitch and the class shouldn’t be one. A mistake on the university’s part, and in no way his responsibility to see it through. He was already three months into the semester now anyway; no sense in starting a glimmer of a care. 

Kylo has other requirements he made for himself in the morning anyway. He would his grocery shopping online so he wouldn’t have to see that blonde he was trying to avoid outside of their apartment building. One, too many times, he referred to her as another name, and though she hated him for not remembering a word out of her mouth, she didn’t mind coming around, looking for him. Kylo would almost starve himself, just so he would not to have to see her in the hall, or anywhere for that matter. All he could remember about her was how self absorbed she was, how it didn’t seem to bother her at all, and lastly how he caught her going through his wallet the last time she spent the night. It reminded him of the cheerleader he dated in high school, Bazine. She was the prettiest girl in his grade. His mind flew back to a time where he actually thought he mattered to her. Where he could actually feel the way she felt against his skin. Kylo takes a moment to remember her build, average, strikingly beautiful features, dark eyes, cream skin, plump lips she would always paint in deep red lip gloss, dark hair that he loved when she tied it back, giving him a sense of power when he tugged it. Filtering his thoughts through how in command she was, confident, powerful, and eventually cold and calculated. He shudders at the thought of linking the two. Seeing her face creep up in a smirk had an unpleasant similarly, and that just wouldn’t do. He was in control of his own life, right?

The woman upstairs didn’t seem to mind using him either, and while he could give a good argument to any man that challenged him, women were different. They made him uneasy. All she had to do was slander his name in some way, and his life would be over. Some how, he was positive the blonde would take him for all he was worth, which wasn’t much, but still wasn’t a fair thought. Kylo believed he was meant for more. So much more than that strange woman.

As of right now thought, Kylo knows and lives by the the term ‘starving artist’. Watching that girl steal from him hardened him that much more. It wasn’t enough that rent was high, or that she was caught; she literally told him it was open and she was admiring how young he looked on his drivers license photo. Practiced at her craft, he didn’t try checking her for the wad he was collecting for the week ahead, it was most likely under her boob, tucked in her padded cup. Where else would she shove it anyway? The fact was he didn’t want to search. He didn’t want to initiate any more contact. Kylo just wanted her out, and for good. 

Besides that, mornings for him would be sleeping in, running through his workouts, an assortment of other jobs he failed miserably at, and this sort of breathing, online business he started a couple years ago. The trickling of funds that it would produce, first made up for replacing items for failed job opportunities among other tenants. One of them being a laundry assistant. That’s what he called it at least. There was no way he would let anyone call him a maid, but several of the mothers in the building worked or had too many kids to have time for the laundry. Offers for his time and their convenience, had women ready to pay him hourly to wash and fold their laundry. He didn’t fight this. Welcoming money in any job, Kylo proceeded to go pick up the loads from the apartments, return downstairs, separate by color and bunch loads into the wash. 

It didn’t take long to figure out why he shouldn’t have been involved with this task. Laundry for women wasn’t cut and dry. But it’s not like they told him he had to have a masters in home economics to figure out reading the tags. There were clothes that had to be washed ‘delicately.’ 

What? 

How does a machine wash clothing delicately? It spins the same way, dropping the article of clothing at the same force. So why is it so important to separate it anyway? Then, then, they have to be laid flat to dry instead of going in the drier. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of washing said item? Won’t it smell like mildew if it’s left to dry? At any rate, Kylo did not stop to read the elaborate care instructions. Instead he wound up paying most of his rent money to right the wrong of shrinking designer garments. 

Once or twice he contemplated being an Uber driver. Each time destroying the thought before ever signing up for it, thinking of just how many people he would turn down because of their strange needs that he would concoct in his mind. Not that any of them were true, or ever happened, but if he could imagine someone needing a ride for them and their Great Dane, it could happen. Being that it could happen, meant Murphy’s law would stuff it down his throat. 

Several times he worked at his father’s garage, earning wages for simple tasks like oil changes and replacing tires. The two worked well together until the topic of his job decision came back up into discussion, ending the easy money flow. It wasn’t that his parents minded his decision. It was more about finding a mainstream job, one that would pay him the way he deserved for his skill. The topic would always halt production, which made the two edgy, until Kylo would return to his usual routine. 

Many more one time jobs would pop up here or there needing muscle, like helping a friend of a friend move, or helping mount a tv to the wall. Construction jobs were good. They paid well enough, but most were in the spring until late fall, and being November meant better chances for bad weather, halting progress on additions all together. 

This, though, is his slowest time of year. If he could just get through to next spring without anything negative or major happening in his life, he will be golden. So all that means is, avoid his neighbors, except for his friends down the hall, who seem to get him, finish up this semester without being fired, and hopefully get this online business going again. Rolling his eyes at the list of accomplishments he would like to succeed at, he turns his attention to his desk. ‘It’s made of wood, right? Particle board is wood, kind of...’ He thinks, knocking once in it and then twice on the doorframe, just for good measure. 

He’s never been one for superstitions, but Murphy’s Law frequently stops by. Come to think of it, one would say Murphy had a thing for Kylo. That is, if Murphy’s Law was a human. He chuckles at this, pulling his pencil from the the NASA mug on his desk, ready to get to work on what Murphy’s Law could actually look like. The first few characters he draws are women, as he seemed to always be burned by them. ‘Murphy seems like the type of character to pop up, unannounced, and make you remember why you should have done the right thing, the first time...like...like... a conscience!’ he shouts in his mind. 

Naming the series of provocative women he drew, ‘Conscience’ he added angelic and demonic features to each. Inking illustration carefully, Kylo moves on to color. Each is painted with watercolor keeping with the angelic theme. Their bodies illuminated the page. Kylo, an expert at his craft, could make any media look realistic, in every style. He truly had a gift. Once finished, he carefully moves them to a drying rack, slightly kicking himself for using watercolor on card stock, of all papers, but not at all upset at the turn out. 

He continues back and forth from his desk, only getting up to get something to drink or eat or use the bathroom, when he sees a message from Poe. 

[Poe]  
Hey...  
Answer the door.

Ben looks at the phone as it conjures up the three bouncing dots with the impending additional request, finally sending: 

I can’t hold this stuff and type. It’s heavy. No I need you to open the door. If you don’t I’m throwing your laundry off the roof.

Kylo looks at it wondering if Poe knows he was messaging him. ‘Probably not,’ he thinks, putting down his phone. A second later, and Kylo is on to starting another image, when there’s a loud knock at his door. “Damnit,” he complains at the ink splatter on the page. Aside from being jolted like that, it was a serious pet peeve of his to waste material. Capping and throwing down his marker at his desk, he yells, “coming!” 

Moving through the mess of his office, he strides through his living room, bumping into his black pleather couch, cursing on his way to the front door. Unlocking its lock and deadbolt, he opens his door to the only one he knows to knock like that. Poe. Opening it only enough to give way to his frame, Kylo looks down at him, wondering what is so important that he couldn’t just message him. 

“Hey buddy!” Poe greets his friend. His already olive complexion, darkened over the last several weeks. Poe pushes in like he always has, telling Kylo he has great news. “So you know how I’ve been traveling?” he smiles up as his friend, asking his rhetorical question. “Well, I landed a job as a cruise coordinator for Carnival, and they’re looking for a new artist for touristy activities. I thought maybe you’d be interested...” he offers his hand out, waving at what he has currently on display in his own home. 

“I have a job, Poe,” Kylo huffs. 

Poe raises his eyebrow, “Still with the school? Doing that...professor in training cr—“ he dodges his friend’s glare, making his way into Kylo’s kitchen, pulling open the refrigerator door and ducking down into it for a drink. Not to his surprise, Poe finds two cans of Corona, still stuck in the six pack’s rings, a case of Code Red Mountain Dew, and several bottles of water. Selecting the beverage he had more of, Poe grabs a Code Red. Cracking it open in the protection of the barricade of the door. Closing his eyes to pull himself upright without looking at Kylo, he says, “Give it a chance. Finish the semester, and then start with me the week you’re finals are through. I’m telling you, it’ll be worth it,” Poe takes a swig of his soda. 

Kylo brings his arms up from his hips to folding them over his chest, “How lucrative would this be?” Boats were never really Kylo’s thing. Aside from being a strong swimmer, he really had no desire to be on a boat. Something about it was maddening. Maybe it was being trapped with the same people all day. Another part of it that lodges itself in his brain is the damned Titanic. Being a victim in a boat crash made his skin tingle in an unnatural way. 

“You’d be surprised,” raising his pinky as he drank, in reference to thinking of an older couple he had the pleasure of meeting on his second cruise. “People on cruises generally have money, or someone they know does. This one lady, I kid you not, spent seven hundred dollars on knickknacks and at some place that sold stained glass on the island, saying how nice it would be to give a piece of these places to people she cared for at home,” he smiles at the memory. “You wouldn’t catch me throwing down that kind of money, unless it was for a special girl.” 

Kylo rolled his eyes, surely wondering what that little kleptomaniac was up to these days. Poe always seemed to have the strangest taste in women. If he could take her off his back, that would be great, but the logical side of him, really did not want to see his friend go through bankruptcy for the chesty blonde upstairs. Shrugging that last comment off, Kylo asks, “What kind of price point do you think these would get me into?”

Poe lifts the can once more, finishing off the rest of the soda before lowering it to the floor to stomp it down, like they did when they were kids. It makes Kylo think of their childhood. They used to have competitions, trying to out do each other in crushing flat an emptied can of soda. They were pretty evenly matched until Kylo grew into his body. Then the challenge shifted into who could stomp down a filled can of soda, opening the game up to their high school friends Armitage and Cassian. The game stopped shortly after starting when the sharp metal cut through the sole of Cassian’s sneaker, giving him six stitches at the soft curve of his foot, just lower than the ball of it. It was awful to watch since they had all been on the water polo team together. The image of Cassian on the bench in full sweats made Kylo cringe enough to lurch forward, swatting his friend from the can, pointing at the recycling bin, telling him not to injure himself.

 

A nod passes between the two of them, and Poe presses on about Kylo’s artwork. “Shit...Man... are these new?” he asks, pulling at the corners of the page by the drying racks. 

“Yeah. Just finished them about an hour ago,” his arms drop from defensively over his chest, to one hand raking his long dark hair back, just far enough to sit beside his ear, rather than tucking it behind it, letting the other hand fall into his pocket.

“You could easily sell them for fifty or more a pop. People pay big money for custom work too, you know, like those cartoon portraits?”his voice lifts with his question on the term. 

“Caricatures.” He corrected his friend.

“Yeah, that,” Poe points back to Kylo with a smile, “those go for about the same, but think about it this way, twenty five drawings, and you’re guaranteed rent being covered. People even put out tip jars, and you never know, what if you get offered a real job?” 

The information gave him an easier answer, to obviously take the position, after finals week through. It was really only three weeks away. He could do this. Poe’s comment though, gained Poe a slug in the arm. 

“Ow!” He whines at the contact Kylo made, whacking his friend back. “So what do you say Ren? Want to come aboard and take a chance?”

Trying to push down his dislikes of boats, he nods wearily, “I just need to know some things first.” 

His friend leans in over the partial wall separating the kitchen from the living room. “Shoot.”

“How long are we on the water?”

“A week. But we stop at places along the way and most of the travel is done at night. Kind of relaxing, really,” Poe sighs wistfully. Kylo can tell he’s enjoying selling his position on this. 

“Do I have to pay for anything?”

Poe grins, “No. You would be part of the crew. You get a room, food, all that stuff, but,” he watches Kylo’s face fall at the sound of a catch, “but...” his voice carries higher to reel him back in, “but you have to partake in the nightly activities. Like there’s like two formal nights where I’ve had to dress in a suit.” He tries to quickly to explain that it’s mostly for the ladies, as Kylo rolls his eyes at the stipulations, “I know you have at least one suit.”

“But you said there are two nights,” he rounds his ottoman to sit on the couch.

“Just get an extra shirt, they’re what? Twenty bucks at JC Penny’s? And a tie? I mean you could try one of mine but you’d look like you were wearing kids clothes...” his elbows slide off of the half wall in a defensive way. “All I’m saying is, it’s an opportunity.”

Kylo nods at this, pressing his lips together in thought. A week to do twenty five pieces, have enough for rent and then some. His thoughts move to how uncomfortable everything else would be, but he had no real choice on this. Rent will be hard next month being that finals are early this semester. If this isn’t so bad, maybe he would take it up full time. That was a laughable thought. ‘Titanic,’ he reminded himself, but then, something in him snapped, returning to Poe’s offer, “How do I apply?”

—————-

The morning is bright as Rey walks with Rose and their longtime friend Armitage about a block from their favorite place, Java Joe’s Coffee shop. 

“You look extra polished today, Armie,” says Rose, who is living life in her black and gold ‘Wildcats’ school pride hoodie, and Nyan Cat pajama pants, stuffed into her ankle high pink Ugg boots. 

“I’m pretty sure jeans and a sweater is normal, unlike whatever this is,” he waves over her as a whole, “you look like some magical beast threw up rainbows all over you this morning.”

“Are Nyan cats magical beasts?” Rose inquires. 

“Yes. Anything with a rainbow tail must be magical,” Rey adds while a grin widens on her face. Armitage shakes his head wondering why he even engaged them in this. The girls could be torturous, and he was almost positive they were conspiring against him as they reach their destination. 

Rey, who wore a baige turtleneck sweater under her puffy white vest, and light washed jeans that could pass as a second skin, had a colorful scarf around her neck. Rose swept her gaze from the sidewalk in front of her, to Rey’s collar. She begs for it, “Can I just borrow it. It’s not that cold out.” 

Rey rolls her eyes at Rose, lifting her hands from her pockets to undo her twice wrapped infinity scarf, pulling it over her head, she says, “just don’t be gross.”

“Who me?” Rose snickers, folding it in on itself and then sticking it in the waistband of her pajama bottoms. Rey’s eyes widen, “Oh stop. I’m wearing underwear underneath, and this can’t be as bad as shoving it in Armie’s pants,” giggles Rose.

“Why on Earth would you think to put it in my pants?” Armitage asks.

“So you could be magical, just like me.”

“You stole Rey’s magic, so you could up mine?” he asks sillily. “Now Rey doesn’t have any.”

“She has me,” Rose spouts putting her hand on the door at Java Joes to push through, “I’m all the magic she needs.” Rey looks up at the ceiling in response. Rose bounces happily into the order line making Rey’s scarf lift and slap into her rear, giving herself a private reminder not to ask for her scarf back. “Speaking of magic, how is it going with ‘Body?’” Rose teases.

“Bodhi,” Rey over asserts herself, pronouncing his name correctly. It’s been honestly an all year fling. They’ve been together all day on campus, retreating back to Poe’s with her friends, which has her wondering why Rose still calls him ‘body.’ It’s not like she hasn’t seen it... they have been, more than friends, for at least half their relationship, if she could call it that. It’s not like he’s specifically asked her to be his girlfriend, or suggested he was anything more than her friend when the opportunity would come to shed the light on their situation. That was tiring. Every time she would be hurt by it, and Rose was no blind woman. She knew Rey was all in, and her teasing was her wall. When ever she brought up the ‘body’ situation she made sure it was in public, where she couldn’t go slip into her room and cry. Rey figures she is just trying to get her to drop him like a box of rocks, but there’s just something about him that she doesn’t want to let go of.

Rey met Bodhi in the book store at school. She had been online for a book for one class that literally had four of them in stock, with no desire to restock. She knew how the store worked. When they had it, they had it. If they were low, they’d wait for next semester to purchase the next series of updated texts. If it wasn’t there, good luck finding it online! 

That’s of course, where she met him, scanning the length of the line that started at the register and wrapped around the history section, all the way through the back of the store, ending in psychology. Glad she came early, her position had her fourth in line. He was darker in complexion next to her, but who wasn’t? It was hardly the summer, being the start of spring, which dulled her usual glow. Still, it was warm, making the rest of his features that much more inviting. She was first entranced by his dark eyes, as they met when he looked over the line with distaste. His look change immediately from his discouraged at the line, to smiling shyly at their connection, and looking down at his list, as if not to want to tell her he’d rather stare all day.

As he passed, Rey turned. Her eyes followed him for long enough, checking out his average frame. He was just taller than her. Height, in reference to herself was mildly important. Not for sex, or the possibility of it, she tried to tell herself that it was more for her mental insecurities of feeling like she was with a child, if her partner was smaller than her. Sure, it was a cliche thing to think, wanting to be the shorter one in the relationship, but it made her so uncomfortable. The thought of her first boyfriend reminded her of this. Chills crawled under her skin like beetles. This problem was stamped down once more as he came back to her side leaning in about the book in her hand. He offered to pay half for it so they could share throughout the semester. ‘Smooth,’ she thought, looking up at him.

It was indeed smooth, considering she wound up spending the rest of the day with him. She couldn’t get over the way he would look at her. He was dressed casually, khakis and a navy blue polo that loosely hung over his waist, hiding his belt. His sneakers looked worn but clean. He would fidget with his dark shoulder length hair, or itch at his goatee when he wanted to ask her personal things, stemming from where she was from, skirting closely to if she was romantically involved. Surely it meant he was interested. Could it not? 

In the weeks to come, they found themselves tangled within each other, fully exploring what made the other tick. Rey believed whole heartedly that Bodhi was for her, and whatever this was would come full circle. He would be comfortable enough claiming her as more than a friend, as she wanted from him. 

Pulling her from her thoughts, Rose asks, “That good, eh?”

Rey’s eyes flutter open, wider than they were, at the sound of her friend’s voice. “What? Uh, yeah. Things are good with Bodhi.” Desperate to hide her problems, “How about you and Finn?”

“Can’t complain. We’re rock stars,” she floats her linked fingers up under her chin. Her elbows pointing out far enough to hit the display of muffins right next to her. Surprised, her hands extend to catch the falling pastries. Rey bends to reach for some that hit the floor, realizing Maz had already put out snickerdoodles in her glass display counter. 

Yes!

“Oh my goodness!” She stared at the treats, making a mental note to make those later. 

Rose’s eyes followed hers to the treat, smiling about it being that time of year. “Those are Armie’s favorite too. We should get some.”

As they order, Poe comes in, sitting casually with Armitage at the table by the window he selected. “Hey buddy,” he lifts two fingers, waving at the girls to get his usual. Just coffee, two creams and two sugars. Rose gives the thumbs up and high fives herself above her head for teamwork, as she orders his coffee next. Poe’s smile increases that much more. 

“So you’re back?” Armitage asks with mild amusement. 

“For the next few days, and then we’re off again.”

“So, you like it?”

“Yeah.” He lifts his eyebrow at Armitage. “Life’s a party, Armie,” he reads the nickname off of his coffee as Rose politely puts it down in front of him, sitting to the side of her, next inline, male bestie, second only to Finn. Rose believed in having a group full of besties. It helped her decide whether or not an outsider fit with the group. 

Oh, how he despised Poe calling him ‘Armie.’ Poe could be relentless too, more so than the girls. Once he screwed up Armie, calling him Amy, instead... at a pub a girl he liked owned, nonetheless. He hasn’t been back since. He shot a look at Poe to quiet the loud mouth before it got out of control. 

Poe looked to the side of Rose, wondering what she had sticking out of her pants. “What is that?” he asked.

“Snickerdoodles. I thought that was obvious,” she said opening the box to display at the table, sharing the dozen with her friends. 

“No. That?” He points at the scarf folded over her leg. 

Rose looks everywhere, not understanding the question. 

“It’s her magic, Poe.” He looks at her strangely. “My rainbow scarf sticking out of her pants makes her the Nyan cat...” Rey says pulling a cookie onto her lips, ready to take a nibble. She sits next to him and Rose, “Don’t ask. And no, I don’t want it back.”

“What? I’m clean,” Rose pulls it from her, in shock that Rey thought she would be anything but.

“It may be true, but I don’t need the trails of your rear in my face.” The group laughs heartily, enjoying each other’s company. 

“Since you’re back for a few days,” started Armie, taking a sip of his drink, “what are your plans?”

“Eh, just catching up, really. Employees look at this time like a mini vacation from traveling.”

Rey snorts a laugh. “I can’t imagine what you’d want a vacation from. You’re out on the water away from all of your real life problems—“

“Like ‘Body’?” Rose teases.

“Who’s body?” Poe lifts his eyebrow to the conversation. 

Rey sighs, looking up at the ceiling for a way out of this conversation. “A guy.”

Before Rey can stop her Rose flanks put the whole ordeal, sharing it practically with the whole coffee shop. “So basically, I think he’s just using you for whatever you’ll give, and you’re ok with it because he’s got a nice body.” Rey and the guys at the table gape at Rose’s honesty, “I’m really not sure how you don’t see it. Maybe it’s all of your studies,” she takes another bite of her cookie. “We really should test the theory, since you’re blind to it.”

“I assume you have an idea,” asks Armitage. 

“Actually, I do. Several,” she laughs mid-sentence, “I know you won’t approve of, because you know I can run my mouth. And the other, well, that one is recon.”

“How do you suppose we set that one up, Rose? I’m not following him like some crazy jealous girlfriend.”

“But that’s the problem, isn’t it?” She stares Rey down. 

“What is?” asks Poe.

“Women like the security of knowing what they are to the other person in their relationship just like men do...’Body’ won’t call Rey his girlfriend or refer to himself as her boyfriend when they’re together.” She faces Poe, “and it sucks!” 

Rey tries to stay out of this conversation. It does suck, and it does hurt, and she just needs to know what she is to this guy. Her cheeks flush pink and then drain back, quite paler than they have been since her glow faded since the summer. Her face lowers, angling it just so that her hair moves over her eyes, blocking her friends’ view as they lined the brim with wayward tears. 

Softly, Poe reaches his hand to cover her wrist, “Rey, honey. Is this true?”

For some time she’s quiet. Armitage smacks at Rose for bringing it up in the first place. Undertones of an argument brew before her, “It is the truth,” Rose grits out, “and she deserves the best! Not some good looking nobody that treats her like garbage.”

An urgent sound of the table grinding over the tiles cuts through their argument, snapping Rey back to Poe’s comfort. “Yeah,” she says quietly, ignoring the open hand and glare Rose gave Armitage and sort of threw at Poe too, proving her point. “It’s just so confusing, and I just want an answer. I think I’d feel better with one. Really. Instead of hanging, on and hoping I mean something to him.”

“Even if it’s not the one you want to hear?” Rose asks, stirring the guys’ patience again. “Listen, what Finn and I have is there because we respect each other. ‘Body’ does not respect you, and it is obvious, to me at least.”

Poe reaches for a sugar packet to throw at her, just to throw something. To Poe, it was a way to tell Rose to shut it, that her confidence in this matter was too much, and to let go. But Rose, the tenacious little wildcat she was, made sure her friend was going to be taken care of correctly. If Rose could find her forever partner, so could Rey, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be ‘Body.’ “So what’s your big plan?” Poe looks over Rey, “to straighten this out?”

Rose deadeyes Poe, “Carnival does ‘Friend’s and Family’ discount deals, don’t they?” She wiggles her eyebrows, continuing, “We could all go on one, maybe during break? And see just how loyal he can be.” 

“That’s not, actually, a bad idea.” Adds Armitage. “If he’s using you, he’ll be on board with it.”

Poe shushes a laugh at the pun.

“You know what I mean,” he says, pulling up a cookie to dunk in his coffee. “It’s practically a free vacation. Relationship or not, he would be stupid to turn that down.”

Poe nods. 

“So it’s settled,” Rose reaches for her friend’s hand, “we’ll find out once and for all.”

An alarm on Armitage’s phone signals him for his departure. “Gotta go. See you at the apartment later? It’s taco night,” now looking down at his friends. 

“Yeah we’ll be there,” Rey smiles for the first time since this conversation started. “I’ll cook,” she offers. Cooking for others was calming to her. She always loved food, and cooking for Rose was satisfying, but after all of this, she was sure she wanted to spread the wealth today. 

Armitage, who truly enjoyed it too, was perusing culinary school, looking to be head chef at a prestigious restaurant one day. Maybe even open his own. Either way, he thoroughly enjoyed it when Rey would feel comfortable within their space, making something for them. It is, of course, what helped forge their friendship. “Sounds great,” he smiles, grabbing his coat to leave, “see you then.”

Rey’s eyes follow him out, smiling, she thought, to herself.

“It’s ok to just dump ‘Body’ and go for Armie, you know,” Rose teases.

“Take that scarf out of your ass, you’ve been a —“

“Magical beast ever since?” she interrupts, “Yeah I know, but we all need a little magical mischief in our lives, and I’m the best kind!”

“I think you’ve had enough sugar,” insists Poe. “What are you guys doing here anyway? Didn’t you have class this morning?” 

“Rose does, in about twenty minutes,” she nods at her magical friend. “I use to...”

“What? Did you drop a class?” he asks taking a sip of his drink. 

“Nah, the professor never showed up... for the last two and a half months. I can’t tell you how many times myself or my classmates have gone to the dean about it. They won’t give us our money back, but won’t make us fail either. We were all promised ‘B’s’ because acing the entire student body that attended his class, looked suspicious. Which I guess is fair, but my grade shouldn’t suffer because some moron can’t get up in the morning.”

Not knowing what else to say, Poe asks, “Did the guy? Lady? Get fired?”

“I don’t think so,” she shakes her head, “Some of my classmates have him at the end of the day, says he’s amazing.” She laughed, imagining him deciding not to take those classes seriously either. 

“Do you actually need the class?” 

“No. It was filler. It was either take ‘Wellness’ which is gym class for two credits, and a health class which is one, and pay double, or pick a humanity for three, and only have to show up twice a week for a nonexistent class.” 

“Well, it can’t be all bad. It’s not like there’s homework. And so what if the guy is a great teacher for other students? You’re getting a free grade. I’d pay for a free grade. Hell, I would pay for a free degree, that meant something, but I don’t really need it to be where I am now. Now it’s just experience.” 

Rey sighs, “I don’t have experience. I’m young. I have school. That’s my starting place. I needed these silly classes so I could prove that I could do it.”

“But aren’t you? Don’t you have that internship next semester? And then you’re done —you get to graduate then and off you go?”

“Yeah. But, I’d like to feel like I’ve got this.”

“You do,” Rose chimes in, gathering her things and texting Finn. “She’s going to change the world, one Kawasaki at a time,” she winked at her friend. “I’m keeping your scarf. I’ll get Santa to get you a new one. This Nyan cat needs all the magic to get through calculus.” Rose raises her coffee cup high over her head, sending air cheers to the entire gathering in the otherwise quiet coffee shop, squealing, “have a magical day!”

As the door chimes with her departure, Rey watches Poe as he ogles out the window at some pretty blonde girl. “Do you know her?” Rey asks. 

“She lives in my building.” He says out the corner of his mouth. “I’ve said, ‘hi’ once or twice but she always seemed to be too busy to stop. 

“She looks like she’s got nothing going on now,” Rey watches as she pulls a needle and thread out of her purse to fix a button that must have popped off of her coat. “Maybe she could use some help.”

Poe turns a second, thinking about what he just heard with Rey’s situation. “No, I couldn’t, not right now. Not in front of you. Not when...”

“Poe. I’m a big girl, and quite honestly, not all that into you. You’re like a brother to me... if you like that girl... you’re here on vacation. Go do what makes you happy,” she says, nodding at the girl. 

His face lightens, “A brother, huh? That just made my day, hearing that. Okay... okay...what should I say?”

“Really? What do you say on the boat?” He tells her his lines. “Okay, no. Introduce yourself, ask her her name, and ask if you can help her.” Her eyes widen at him, “go before she leaves.”

Poe jumps up, leaving his coffee to go try. Why was talking to this girl harder than anyone else? He’s talked to models like they were one of the guys, but this cute little lady, with variations of blonde highlights and lowlights ribboned her twisted buns just so, makes his heart race. ‘Hair,’ he thought, ‘what is it about hair?’ The door chimes as he walks out to see her, his body seizing at the cooler temperature, Poe feels his shoulders squeeze into his body to keep from groaning about it. His heart pounded in his ears, about to say something, when she strings an awful set of curses together. He watches as she shakes her hand, swearing in pain first, and then realizing she dropped the needle. 

“Come on! This cannot be my day today!” turning to see Poe gaping at her. “Don’t look at me like it’s the fifties and women shouldn’t be as vulgar as men.”

Poe’s mouth dropped wider, as a wide grin pulled over his face, looking incredulously over his shoulder through the large bay windows of Java Joe’s. Slowly he turns back to her searching for the needle, offering his version of an introduction, “Hi, I’m Poe, and I think I’m in love.”

The woman looks up from the sidewalk at him, her eyebrows lifting about as high as they could go, “that’s great,” trying to manage a smile. The sun light hit her just so, making her skin glow and the soft pink lipgloss that painted her lips twinkle more than her eyes did. He fixated on them like they were polished fruit, barely hearing the words she spoke. His gaze fluttered mindlessly to two hazel eyes pinning him in place, sobering him from his daze. “You’re weirding me out, guy,” sighing through the accomplishment of finding the needle below her feet. She looks him over just once before leaving him on the sidewalk. Poe just watched as she walked off, disappearing into the crowd. 

The bells chime once more, but Poe can’t hear them at all, still floating in his dreamland. Rey approaches him, offering his coffee to this star struck man, “That was awful to watch, bro.”

The sound of Rey saying, ‘bro’ startles Poe back into the present. “Bro?”

“Bro,” she downs the rest of her coffee, “we need to work on your woman skills.”

“Like you can talk...” he comments with a playful nudge, noticing the woman take another glance behind her to him. 

“I watched you basically throw down your ‘love card’,” she gaped at his silence. “Oh my God! You did, didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about...” he pulled up his fingers from his cup, waving at the girl. 

“Opposites... that’s what we are, bro,” she says noting their relationship problems.

“Stop saying, bro.”

“No, bro, no.” She giggles.


	2. Heartbreak and New Horizons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s ‘relationship’ ends miserably and her friends do their best to build her back up as they’ve learned from this in the past. Kylo even helps her through his friend’s requests. Which has him wondering what a nice girl is like.

“Tacos” she mutters to herself. “Tacos with friends, I mean family, will fix this. Family. Yes, that. Yes. Tacos,” she sniffed climbing the stairs to they guys’ apartment. Clutching her helmet with the same fist as her bag, she unsteadily walked through the hall, accidentally bumping into a door in the narrow hallway to Poe’s. “Sorry,” she mutters to the door as if it was alive. Usually, they would call the apartment Armie’s, when Poe wasn’t there, but since he was back it was only a natural thought to revert back to it. 

Rey wasn’t sure why the building was so quiet. Usually around dinner time she could hear the neighbors arguing with their kids, the lady down the hall would let two cats out as if they were on the ground level, and the volume on the television at Poe’s would be on so loud, she was sure they were trying to hear it outside. Not today though. Today would be a day she had to go through with reanalyzing it. 

Everything was great this morning. Really, except for the conversation Rose offered up about Bodhi. But everything else was good. Catching up with Poe through the day was nice too. He walked her to school and they talked about all of the places he had visited. It give her the faintest idea that she might be normal, besides her abnormal relationship, if she could even call it that, with... well now she had no desire to even say his name, let alone think it. It was unbelievable, what she just witnessed. 

She sniffed as her free hand collected her keys from her coat pocket, pulling up the bronze key to their home. Rey looks down upon it with misty eyes, “home,” she says to herself. Remembering how they came to be. The symbolism in her hand was calming to a point. She always had them, from the moment she met them, she knew they were the right fit. Rey clears her throat loudly, readying the key for the lock, when she hears someone open their door. Hurrying up, not wanting to be caught crying or have to explain herself to a stranger, she ducks her head in, pushing into their apartment, turning quickly to shut the door. 

Kylo, who’s door she had knocked into, looked puzzled as he watched some brunette push her way into Poe’s. For a moment he thinks about whether or not to walk over there and find out, but then he thinks of himself, ‘I wouldn’t want some weirdo coming after me...’ he thinks of the blonde, leaving her well enough alone. 

——-

While Rey’s apartment with Rose was comfortable in size, the guys’ apartment put theirs to shame. Right at the other side of the door is a large living room. Their tanned leather couches set up parallel to the door basically caught her on her way in. She loved the set up. Deciding to just be there for a moment or the rest of the day, on the one middle, creating the ‘U’ shape she usually sat at, Rey dropped, sobbing into it. 

Their couch was the comfort she needed. There were no eyes on her, no explosive fury from her friends, no questions...just one plump back of a couch for her to burrow her face into. Her helmet and bag fell to the floor, bouncing unceremoniously off of the corner of their cherry wood coffee table, onto the monochromatic grey geometrically printed rug underneath. At that very moment, she didn’t care if she scratched something, or if the couch she was on was the only thing in the room. In fact, it is the only thing she can see, besides her vision assaulting her mind of Bodhi mercilessly fucking some brunette against the parking garage’s stairwell. At first she didn’t know it was him, or where the lewd noises and moans were ricocheting from. She even let a call of ecstasy “Bo” that caught her attention, possibly mean something else. Maybe bae? ‘Isn’t that what the kids are saying these days?’ she thought. ‘Maybe that’s what she meant to say,’ she confirmed with herself, as she rounded the corner fisting her helmet, still with her bag on her back in the dim light of the old garage. She fucking found them. 

It wasn’t enough that he was buried in this woman. It wasn’t enough either that he grunted the soft, sweet things he would to her as he did with Rey...no. It was when he opened his eyes, turning his head like an owl, to find out who stopped to watch them. He punished that woman with thrusts she never imagined, as Bodhi stared Rey down with a terrible smile. Something in him snapped... or never was. Opting for never was, she shook her head, from her memory, grinding her forehead further into the soft cushion. 

She shouldn’t be so sad about it. Really. It’s not like he actually wanted her. Most of her pain laid in wanting him. Being as loyal as she was to him, she couldn’t see all of the times he made it known that she really was nothing to him. Rose could see it. Why couldn’t she? ‘Love,’ she though to herself. Love was something she really only had with her friends. Plutonic love was the only kind she really knew, and her intimacy was laced with an underlying need of it. Linking the two together, she had gotten in deep with Bodhi, in a relationship he clearly, really didn’t want.

A few text messages stirred herself from her pain. 

[Rose]  
Do you need anything from the store? 

Then another one. 

Last chance, I’m leaving in  
5  
4  
3  
.  
.  
.  
2 &1/2

Rey laughed sharply at her friend, asking her to get a tub of vanilla ice cream. Vanilla meant she could load up with toppings, and it would still sort of taste like it went together. 

[Rose]  
Any toppings? 

Rose knew ice cream to be her go to relationship bandaid, not usually vanilla though. Rey was into those crazy flavors Ben & Jerry’s would put out. The very ones she explained her theory on, multiple times, that she was sure pregnant women came up with. 

[Rey]  
Nah, vanilla’s good.  
Great actually.  
It’s great.  
Everything is great.  
Vanilla.

Rey looks at her phone, knowing that Rose knows something is up, and won’t disappoint. She never does. Her mind has gone elsewhere about food. It was already getting late, too. Everyone would be home soon, if they weren’t on their way already. Trying to blink her eyes past her emotional pain, she felt the swell of her eyelids from her betrayal. 

This was something she experienced so many times in this relationship, if she could call it that. Why did she want to call it that, anyway? She flipped and flopped through her mental questions. Why did this hurt so much more? Because he was caught in the act? Because of the way he pinned her with his merciless smile? The way his pupils burned into her mind as he got his kicks, still torture her. It didn’t matter if her eyes were opened or closed. Frustration started setting in as she got up from the couch, rounding it towards the open kitchen. 

Their kitchen is impressive unlike hers. Heading right into the corner pantry, Rey looks for Armitage’s spices. The pantry itself was stocked. Shelves lined the walls from floor to ceiling looking like it is a model kitchen from those Food Network shows she loves to watch with him. Every item that came in a box was opened and organized by food group, in Oxo containers, marked professionally with a label maker. It certainly puts her cabinets to shame. Armitage keeps his spices on the left wall, separating them in different cases, specifically for baking and usual seasonings. 

Picking through each case for the things she needs, she notices stickers by color in each of the sections she had pulled from. Taking a moment to check the spices, she turns them over to find the same color on the bottom. For a moment she wonders how compulsive Armie is, but shakes her head remembering Finn and Poe. ‘This must be the equivalent of a baby’s puzzle to them.’ she laughs for the first time tonight at the thought of the two trying to put it back together, and Armie watching over them in frustration. 

Remembering the cookies from this morning, she opts to search out the recipe from her phone, picking out those spices too. Keeping them separate as Armie does, she backs out of the pantry, setting her ingredients down on the counter to her left. The one to the right housed the sink, another counter station and the refrigerator, stopping the kitchen abruptly there. When Rey would cook, she opted for the left being that there is just more space there. The oven sat on the far side, next to another floor to ceiling pantry for his pots, pans, mixing bowls, large utensils, and seasonal baking molds. Their cabinets were dark cherry wood which makes more sense to her as to why they picked decided on the color of the coffee table. Part of her wondered why all of their items matched. They are men... nothing has to make sense yet. But then again, this is Armie. It matters to him. It matters that the apartment is clean. It matters that colors match, and food is organized. It just matters. Another thought creeps into her mind, seeing Bodhi’s eyes again, she wondered how it would actually feel to matter to someone.

Rey pinches at the corners of her eyes feeling groggy now. Her body started to sag and her muscles protest every movement. ‘Coffee,’ she thinks, wiping her eyes once more, feeling the sting her nail gives, accidentally scraping it against her cornea. ‘Ow,’ she whines in her head not realizing she’s forcibly removed her contact lens. Blinking a few times she thinks she’s really injured herself. 

Blurry. Everything is blurry out of that eye, just about everything has a haze around it and this time it’s not from crying. ‘Well, great,’ she thinks, closing her eye tightly, she looks around with her left thinking she still can cook. ‘It’s just meat, spices, veggies and cheese. Really, not that much happening there.’ And her cookies? Well, those were important. She could see it now, two amazing snickerdoodles with ice cream sandwiches between them. It is exactly what she needs to get through the rest of the day. 

Dinner is ready and her friends pour back into the apartment as if they were standing in line all afternoon to get to class. The smell of tacos and cooling cookies are a strange mix, but no stranger than Rey’s look.

“Hey Popeye!” Rose slaps Finn, “I mean peanut?” He looks for her approval. 

Rey is sitting at the table to the right of the kitchen, facing the door, with her back to the small balcony. She continues to press her eye closed, pulling up her right cheek in the process. Her other eye wide and accepting of her current look. 

“I got ice cream,” Rose pulled up two bags in each fist, trying for at least a smile from her friend. Rose stuffed the bags into Finn’s arms when Rey didn’t respond, unafraid of rushing to her. “What did that piece of shit do?”

‘How does she know?’ Rey thinks to her self. ‘Maybe because the only time I’m destroyed is when he’s hurt me.’ Her inner self nods at this.

“Ooo, cookies!” Poe exclaims, striding into the kitchen. He could eat cookies at all times of day and never gain a pound. Making his way around their movable wooden island, that Armitage stained to match the cupboards, he grabbed one from the cooling rack. 

The kitchen has since been cleaned, and all of the fixings were set up buffet style on the counter, as they usually did, leaving the taco meat she beat into a beaded paste to thicken, in the stainless steel pot. It was a trick she learned from Armie. He taught her that consistency matters, and for once she’s able to apply it to their arrangement. 

Rey spoke softly to Rose, explaining her afternoon, all the way up until heading to the garage, when she can barely make out Poe’s thumbprint of a blurry figure hastily heading to the fridge. 

“You gotta try it,” nodding to the guys. His head bobbing mostly to Armitage, who knows Poe enough to be wary of his passion for Rey’s baked goods. 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t good at it. She did learn from the only master that mattered in their apartment, after all. “Don’t be a dick, Dameron.” 

Finn materializes behind him, looking down the ridges of the split sugar and spice coated delicacy. He brings it to his nose, his lips frowning to try and pin point what could be wrong with them as Poe pops back up with a Pepsi. The two friends, look at each other, Finn with distrust towards both Poe and the cookie, and Poe looking back, hoping Finn won’t take his smile as mirth.

Grabbing from the rack in disgust of the guys’ stand off, sniffing and testing each other like lab rats, Armitage takes a generous bite. The guys gape at him as his eyes grow wider with each passing second. Half a chew later, he moves to pull the garbage from the sink, trying to be quiet as he spit the remnants of the disgusting treat into the bag. His mouth is still assaulted by the remaining flavor enough to lift his finger to signal them to wait a moment until he returns from the bathroom. 

Finn and Poe’s cheeks are plump with laughter, when Poe finally asks the question, “Rey honey,” turning now to her, “why do the cookies taste like tacos?” his face falls, seeing Rose trying to comfort Rey, he whispers a curse, following with, “was it that guy?”

Rose’s body sags as if to tell Poe to shut his stupid mouth and think with his brain. Of course it was ‘Body’, “I’m going to kill him, Rey. If I turn up on the news, it’s because I killed that mother—“ Rose stops, “what happened to your eye?”

“Nothing, I just lost my contact wiping it.” She groans remembering she has no idea where it wound up. “We might need to order, I... I don’t know if it’s on the ground or, in the food...”

Rose giggles. The thought of food wearing contacts start to claim her thoughts. “Tacos don’t need contacts, Rey. I’m pretty sure they don’t want to know who’s eating them,” she says as she imagines a cartoon taco reacting as it’s being eaten alive. “Not that they’re alive... you know, my cartoon mind.”

Rey’s elbow falls to her knee, wiping her raw eyelid, feeling the individual eyelashes against her sensitive fingertips. The agitation she’s applied to them over the past few hours, she would have expected them to start falling out. Luckily this is not the case, yet, “what do you mean the cookies taste like tacos?” she finally whines. Rey actually wanted those. 

“Well, maybe you should try it?” Poe dies a little from his last offer, but what are brothers for? Isn’t teasing the most important role aside from protection and all of that other stuff he most obviously had down? 

“Don’t eat the tacos then,” she snorts, “I’m pretty sure there’s cinnamon in it.”

Rose’s face says it all. Not that Rey can actually see it. She presses her lips into a firm line, faintly aware that Armie has come back still trying to get the flavor out with mouthwash. It’s very unlike him to do this but Rey’s state has him wondering what actually happened. Spitting in the sink, he wipes his mouth on the towel hanging over it, fully aware that she probably dried the counter with it, “well, I found your lens... or rather, pieces of it,” he says pulling a tiny triangle from his lips and the rolled remnants of the flexible material off of the dish towel. 

“Oh good, I didn’t eat it then,” Rey snorted. 

“You thought you ate it?“ He asks, dumbstruck, as if he couldn’t possibly fathom actually ingesting anything like that.

Rey nods slowly, “if it could happen, my life would make it so... what do you call that here? It’s not karma...”

“Murphy’s Law.”

“Well, Murphy can shove it.” 

Everyone collectively laughs, which eventually pull at the corners of her mouth. 

“Why don’t we order Chinese and we can bash ‘Body’... or watch a movie...” Rose offers. 

“I don’t honestly want to think about him, if that’s ok, Rose. And I can’t see for crap... you might have to drive me home.”

“What are you going to do with your bike? I can’t leave my car here. I’d have to drive my car.” A light bulb in Rose’s mind turns on while she thinks, as if the effort is lighting strings of Christmas lights. “You guys have your own storage shed here right? I mean it’s not like you could park a car in there... but it’s considered a ‘garage,’ right?”

There’s a swarm of ‘yeah’s’ following her. 

“Do you have enough space to park her bike overnight?”

“You’re going home?” Armie asks carefully. 

“Well, yeah, later...” replies Rey. 

“Maybe you should stay,” he pauses realizing this was not the conversation. 

“Uhm,” Poe looks at Armitage questioningly and then back to Rose, “I don’t know about us, but I can check with my buddy,” he pulls out his phone. Before Rey can decline him asking his friend to use his space, he’s already sent his request, waiting for a response. “Do we have a menu for Chen’s? It’s right down the block. We can get it after we move your bike.”

Finn pulls it from Armitage’s take out menu folder in the pantry. Actually thankful this time, that Armie was such a neat freak. At this moment, the guys really didn’t need to be incapable children, their friend needed them. Poe left for a minute telling them to get him the Sesame Chicken meal, the one that comes with pork fried rice and an egg roll, before heading to Kylo’s. 

“I can look to see if I have jammies here. I have a drawer in Finn’s room... but I think a bath might be good for your muscles after all of this.” Pausing a moment, she taps her finger against her chin, “I think I have some vanilla-lavender bombs left over,” Rose taps Rey’s hand twice, then gets up from her side to check. She eyes the two guys in a silent effort to make sure they don’t do or say anything stupid in the five minutes she will be out of the room. Finn grimaces, because he knows Rose’s rage, and Armie rolls his eyes as if to say, ‘Yes, Mother.’

A silent conversation picks up between them, finally coaxing Finn to throw out the concoctions, and clean the kitchen, and Armitage went to save the vegetables and cheese, wrapping and returning them to the refrigerator saying something along the lines of boiling eggs tomorrow for a chef salad, since he had everything else. Silence stretched across the space like a thick blanket making the guys extremely uncomfortable. A high pitched voice coming from Rose was now, actually, welcome, “Well, we’re in luck! I have two bombs left!” She fists them, returning to the table from the left of the kitchen. “But I only have fuzzy socks. Everything else is in the hamper. And if it’s in there, g-i-r-l you don’t want it,” she snaps her fingers in her free hand and moves her hips to the side with sass. 

Rey rolls her eyes, “thanks—“

“I have pants you can use,” Armitage butts in, crossing his arms over his chest. “I mean if you want them. You don’t have to. They’re from high school —and don’t fit anymore, I mean you’d be the first to use them since then.”

Rey blinks at him thoughtfully, closing one eye so she can see him better, “thanks, I’d really appreciate it for tonight.” 

Rose and Finn share a look. 

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll, um...” he points to his door on the right, as if she doesn’t know the layout. Moving towards his bedroom, “Rose?” he clears his throat. 

“Yeah?”

“Maybe you should start her bath? I can’t imagine she wants to eat right now.” He’s seen this garbage happen to her so many times, he already knew what level of despair she harbors, even though she wasn’t a sobbing mess anymore. 

At her nod, Armitage disappears for a moment to retrieve his water polo sweats, which happen to be a size bigger than her, which is perfect. He returns smiling at himself, to an empty room. Rose took Rey to the bathroom, trying to reassure her friend that everything is fine and she has them, her family, the ones that always look out for her, unlike her biological one. 

He hears the tell tale sound of the bath filling, and Rose’s nervous giggle, followed by her famous line, “I’ve got you, that boy will die if I ever see him again.” Muffled voices now fill the bathroom, as he shifts uncomfortably at the door. Wanting to know what happened, he presses ever so slightly to the barrier between them, not to much avail. He knew he had about seconds to back up since Rose would be a flurry of movement when she’s fussing over her friend. He does right in time, raising his hand to knock as he always would, and turn his head to the side to give privacy. Rose catches his pose, winking at him this time, as she took the clothes from him. The bathroom already smelled womanly, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. And it wouldn’t until Finn or Poe found out. They were the biggest crybabies, when it came to smells. He actually switched to unscented soaps for the shower since they were such freaks about it. Bleach though. He would not trade up bleach. That was a smell, he knew, meant clean. If it had to be clean. It had to be bleach. 

Finn popped back out of his room, in his pajamas, snatching up the menu. He knew what Rose, Rey and he wanted, circling the numbers in a new color marker, “Do you know what you want? I’m going to call it in.”

“Yeah —Shrimp fried rice, extra shrimp.. they always put like two shrimp in there, unless you ask for extra,” he pulls at his wallet. 

“Oh no, it’s on Poe. He sent a message.” He shakes his phone. 

For the first time, Armitage feels a pang of jealousy towards Poe for trying to take care of this situation, ‘just, who does he think he is?’ He swallows thickly at the question.

Rose emerges totally from the bathroom, laying it on thick, “Listen. I need you guys on your best behavior,” she leans them into a huddle. “You won’t believe what that pice of shit...” she yells in surprise at Poe’s head popping through their huddle.

“The ‘Body shit?’” he adds inquisitively. 

“Yes, well, no sex jokes tonight. I don’t think she can handle it.”

The guys all nod, settling in for the scoop. After, they have their complaints, all physically jazzed up like they’ve been high on caffeine all day. “Kylo said the bike could stay over night but that’s it, so someone has to ride it back to her place in the morning.”

Rose nods, looking down at the floor, “I hate that thing. Any takers?”

Finn suggests himself, asking once again if they’re all ready to order. 

———

Kylo returns to his apartment after helping Poe get the motorcycle into his garage, “Stop calling it a bike. I have a bike. That is not a bike,” he looks at Poe. “Who rides that anyway?”

“One of my friends,” he looks shy all of a sudden, since she did call him her brother all day, “...my sister,” he smiles returning to his door. “Thanks, Kylo. We’ll be out of your garage in the morning.”

Kylo nods at Poe, unlocking his door too, nodding forward once again, letting his hair skirt around his eyes as he did. “Wait.” His eyes widen, “You don’t have a sister.” He’s too late. Certainly, not being the one for confrontation, at least not now, her wonders if he’s talking about the person from earlier. She seemed new to him though, thinking it was one of the guy’s new interests. “Sister,” he wonders, ‘that’s not some new term that Poe’s adopted into his... his...’ he shudders while thinking this, ‘like the Mama business.... who honestly wants to fuck there Momma?’ He asks himself, completely unaware of what the term meant in a relationship. ‘Why would...’ his thoughts stop dead in their tracks at a knock at the door. 

His eyes stair at it for a moment. ‘Nope,’ he thinks. 

“Come on man, I know you’re in there.” Armitage complains. 

“What is it tonight?” he grumbles, putting down his pen yet again. As he opens the door, his friend pushes in.

“I have to use the bathroom. I’ll explain in a second. You won’t even know I was there.”

This was true. Armitage was a clean freak. He could not keep a bodily smell anywhere that wasn’t masked with either bleach or some Lysol spray that threatened everyone’s lungs from collapsing, except for his. “Fine.” Kylo shuts the door and moves towards the couch, since every time he’s sat to work tonight had him getting up to help someone. Waiting for the story he thinks to himself, ‘it better be a good one.’

Ten minutes later, Armitage emerges wreaking of bleach, almost furious he grabbed the loose neck to spray, and dropped the bottle. The splatter hit his jeans, leaving an explosion of white burns through the blue dye, starting in a low cluster around his ankle, streaking upwards, as high as his mid thigh. “Well that’s bullshit, did you know about this?” holding the bottle out to Kylo. 

“About what?” spurring on Armitage’s show. “Take it easy. I didn’t know, okay? Now tell me why you needed my bathroom, or you’re on your own tonight if you need it again...”

Armitage weighed his frustration against the possibility that she would take another bath in the morning. There were two bath bombs, he remembers, “Oh, alright.” He sits next to Kylo on the opposite side of the couch, “I said I would anyways,” so he begins.

Kylo’s impatience of the back story is known when he interrupts his friend with, “Who’s the girl?”

Armitage shoots back a look, acknowledging his rudeness, “You know, if you hung out with us more, like you used to, you would know more.”

“Poe called her his sister. I’ve known him my whole life. He doesn’t have a sister.” 

“Listen, I’m not at liberty to tell you about her life before we knew her,” he shakes his head. 

“...but you can tell me all about her personal life...”

“If you didn’t know, the way that this year has progressed, I would think you were a deaf man,” Armitage’s hands fly out in front of him waving off towards the door. For a moment he thinks about Rose and how he thinks she might be brushing off on him. “Rey has cried... sobbed even, through the majority of that ‘friends with benefits’ bullshit that guy was doing to her. And Rose?” he stands out of frustration, “Rose, she’s the little pitbull at her side, dying to run off leash. How don’t you hear any of this?”

“Headphones, I think I have an extra pair of you need it,” he tries to offer, watching his heated friend loose his cool over the situation. 

Armitage waves him off, “The thing is, I want to hear about it. I want to protect her from the bullshit. She’s so good to everyone. She would help a stranger, even if she risked pain to herself...today... after she found out, she still came home and tried to cook for us,” he walked around the living room, unsure of why he was still having this conversation. 

“It sounds like you have feelings for her,” he teases. 

Armitage’s head drops lowly, hanging it nearly in line with his shoulders, “I can’t have feelings for her,” he points at the door, “our family is the only one she’s got. If we ever dated, and something happened to break us up, I don’t know if she could handle that,” he drops his arm from where it pointed. 

Kylo opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. After a while, he manages movement, offering a finger for his friend to wait. Concern crept over him, looking for his older pairs of glasses. Every two years Kylo made it a habit to get his eyes checked. Whether there was a change or not, he would always opt for a new pair, not ranging much in frame thickness, except for the ones that he had while he was a student in college. Those were thicker.

Trying to remember what he did with them, he opened and closed each of his drawers, until reaching the vanity in the master bathroom suite. Curiously, he looks at the stash, knowing that was a strange place for him to put them, he wonders if that blonde did. She was weird on so many levels, but right now, it was time to focus. “Hux?” He called from his bathroom, waiting for an answer. 

“Yeah?” he called back.

“Can you get me a shopping bag? They’re under the sink.” Kylo grabbed the seven pairs, holding the cases tightly to his chest, hoping he didn’t drop them. “Your friend can try these. Whatever doesn’t work, bring back ok?” he says, rounding the door to the bathroom, to move through his bedroom, out into the living area.

Armitage held out the bag, “Trick or Treat,” he held back from teasing Kylo about the glasses he hordes. Kylo’s face turns up into some type of smile, not quite a smirk, but certainly in amusement to his friend’s witty remark. “You know, you could just come over...”

“I think your friend has been through enough today. Maybe another time?” he offers. Usually that was the nicest no he could handle telling them, but after his story, Kylo wonders about the girl. 

“Suit yourself. Thanks, by the way,” he pulls the bag into one fist, ready to head out.

Left alone to a full mind, Kylo sits again at his desk. Unable to fathom music, he lets Armitage’s story filter through his mind, thinking of all the times he had been broken by a woman. 

Bazine was hardly a woman, he scoffed. “A bitch,” he muttered under his breath, his shoulders rising and falling at the following scoff. She was a piece of work. It wasn’t that she cheated, though he was certain that if she did, she must have been an amazing liar, because she was so on point, and upfront about all of her feelings. She would be so vocal it was almost hard to keep up. Her mind would change on a whim. One moment she loved his stubble, the next, even in the same day, she hated it. Once he even let her pull the follicles out one by one with her tweezers. That was a mistake. She stopped half way through, making him so self conscious that he covered his chin with his hand for the rest of the day. It hadn’t helped that it was spring and he really couldn’t pass for a scarf kind of guy with his leather jacket. He was sure he would be made fun of, so his hand did most of the job until dismissal. 

Then he remembers the blonde who makes him uncomfortable enough in his own home. Though, she hasn’t been back down, he still feels her presence, like she has surveillance alerting her every time he makes his move to leave. She’s given him anxiety over going shopping or being out alone with the awful feeling of having to invite her in. After last time, he found, ‘no’ wasn’t a direct enough answer, and she got what she wanted anyway.

Eyeing the door he wonders what a nice girl is like. What it’s like to be around someone that didn’t always take advantage of him. He thinks of what he’s already given this girl he hasn’t met, wondering how gracious she is in his care. Actually counting the things he’s given her, he lists the current three, when a sharp knock hits the door once more. 

“Hang on,” he goes through his door routine, “Finn?”

Finn’s holding the bag Armitage took for Rey, “This is going to be weird coming from me, but we drew straws since she doesn’t know you... you see...” he stuffed the bag into his hands, clearing his throat. He leans his head to the side and straightens up, trying to pep himself up. Finn jumps at Kylo, wrapping his arms around his neck, and pulling him in for a squeeze, like Rose does to him. His body languidly slapping against Kylo’s. 

Kylo’s eyes widen and his body moves to retaliate a press of some kind that would throw Finn off, but he only presses harder leaning a smooch into his cheek. Letting go as if he touched fire, running back to the apartment, the boys both notice Rose squealing like a kid at Christmas. “OH MY GOD HE DID IT!!” The apartment echoed as she bent forward, almost being run over by Finn, who was trying to avoid death. His knee’s rose high into the air, trying to separate him from the terror he was sure Kylo would wreak on him.

“You all loose bathroom rights!” He points at Rose, “piss out the window...” reminding himself, again, why he doesn’t go over like he used to.

——-

“What happened to your pants?” Rey asks now that she can see with the aid of their neighbors old glasses. The frames are a thicker, black resin, that shined like a polished stone. 

“Bleach...” he responds

Poe giggles, “you know what it looks like?”

Rose stares him down as if to correct his behavior, when Rey, of all people, says, “looks like bleach jiz.” 

The room falls silent. 

If you have a blue pen, I can fix it for you.” Rey offers. A pen is practically flung at him from the kitchen, and he scrambles to get the cap off before giving it to her. “Do you want to change or leave them on while I..? She trails moving the pen in a coloring motion.

“I’ll leave them on,” he barely chokes out.

“Are you sure? I mean, it goes all the way up,” she shifts the frames as they slide down her nose. 

He can’t get over how cartoony she looks, dwarfed by his clothes, and Kylo’s glasses, honestly sweet, he stammers out, “I’ll do them,” he reassures her.

After dinner and desert, Rey begins to feel more like herself, still soft about certain topics, while she colors in the spots on Armie’s clothes. 

The group teases them as if they’re the new item, “Stop. I would not take advantage of her like that. Can you please stop acting like third graders?” he complains. 

“Oh, alright,” Rose complies first. “Let’s figure out this cruise then.”

“You still want to go?” asks Poe. 

“Fuck, yeah,” she grins wildly, “If I can avoid applying lotion to my winterized skin every five seconds by going somewhere warm, I’m fucking there.” The group laughs. “Which one are you on next?” 

“Well, that one doesn’t matter since you can’t go until after finals,” he looks at his phone. “The one I’m on that week departs and returns to New York, but the locations we stop at will be Amber Cove, Grand Turk, and Half Moon Cay,” he gives his phone to Rose, sitting back into the couch on the right of the door, while she stands with her mouth wide open. 

“Look at how blue that water is!” she squeals. “Rey! We’re going! Consider this our graduation gifts! I’m telling my mom.”

“ We haven’t graduated yet, Rose.”

She waves her hand, “you’re practically out— next semester is proving your internship you’re the best damn woman for the job. You’re obviously going places...let’s celebrate early!” she whines, clutching the phone like a precious infant against her chest. Rey just smiles at the spectacle. Actually smiles. “Oh it is on! You smiled! That’s a yes in my book!” Rose flops on the couch between Armie and Rey, breaking up their art session. 

“Ow!” He hissed as her sudden, carefree, weight crashed onto his knee.

Rose rolled her eyes, “Oh, hush! I’m not that heavy,” She swats at him, turning her attention back to the beautiful pictures. “Oh my God! I don’t care if I chafe the hell out of my thighs, I am going horseback riding, in my bikini, in the ocean like a damn romance novel. Shit, I’d do it naki—“

She hears Finn cough loudly, choking on the ice in his drink, “No! No, you are not!” his lungs protest from the intrusion. A battle of looks lean into each other, “You are not doing that! It’s not a nudy beach. You’re not. The answer is no.”

“We’ll see,” she tests, only wanting the rise out of him. His eyebrows shooting straight up is all the reaction she needs, before turning up in a full on cackle. Finn drops his head back on the couch like he lost the battle she just won. “So explain this cap’n!” she’s on to teasing Poe. 

“I’m not the captain. I’m an event coordinator, basically. I show up, welcome people, with the rest of the crew, and make sure you try out the awesome activities at sea while we’re traveling, and on land. We usually stay on the boat while you check out the islands, though.” 

“So you can’t come off the ship? Lame.” Rose adds, “I won’t get you fired, but you’re coming to this one at least, the Half Moon Cay,” she tries to put on her best voice over, reading what, you too, could experience. He shakes his head. “You’re going and I’m getting you semi shit faced. Figure out how to cover this as food poisoning, understand?” 

Everyone has a good laugh. 

“Don’t even look at the price. Mom said she would either cover rent for right after school as a gift or get something of equal value,” she stops looking over the prices of a balcony verses a suit, “Armie, are you going?”

“I don’t know, I have to look. My semesters aren’t the same as yours.”

“You can’t take a week off?”

“I’ll check with my advisor, but it’s probably a ‘no,’” he says firmly. 

“You know, I could check with him and make it a yes,” she pulls up her bicep to curl it, pushing up a muscle with her finger. 

“Rose— I really appreciate it but I think it’s the same time as the expo. I would be stupid not to go to that. It’s pretty much a job market for us.” 

“Oh alright, but I’m making sure I bring home the beaches for you. Oh! I saw on Pinterest, how people actually put sand and the ocean in jars and label them! Since you won’t go, that’s what I’ll do.”

The guys roll their eyes hoping for some kind of relief from this, but Rey’s even cuter about it, adding that she would look for tiny seashells to add to them too. 

For a moment, the sediment was sweet, “will it smell up the bathroom?”

“Not quite like you guys can.” Rose bit back, “I’ll do a the research on making sure it doesn’t stink.. okay? It’s not like I’m getting you a hermit crab,” she rolls her eyes.

“Oh—I have to ask. Are you guys on the pill or whatever it is now?” Poe asks uncomfortably. 

“Implant,” they both look at him questioningly. 

“Okay, because, years back, Zika was a problem, and I just didn’t want anything shitty to happen.” Quickly changing the topic, “what about passports? I know you can rush then through the post office...”

“Don’t need to. I’ve had one since I turned eighteen, and Rose got one when we met, six years ago,” Rey says. 

“Covered,” Rose sings.

The group discusses everything they’ll get to do while on the ship, well into the early morning hours. Despite multiple offers, Rey keeps her sights on the comfort of the couch. A couple pillows and a blanket is afforded to her, before her and her family settles in to sleep. It’s the first time today that she can see gorgeous horizons instead of ‘Bodys’ glare. Fluffiness around her, helps her peacefully dream about what’s to come.


	3. Finals Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weeks before finals ruin Kylo’s usual schedule, which is frustrating. He finds himself trying to find out more about Rey, when an email about his Introduction to Illustration class pops in his inbox, claiming a “Kenobi, Rey” is in that class. He finds himself resorting to anyone for information, where his friends have been less giving to it. 
> 
> Rey has quite a scare while finishing up one of her final pieces, throwing her right into Kylo’s care for the remainder of the first day of finals. 
> 
> (Entirely Kylo’s POV)

The next few weeks blow by for Kylo. His classes have him at school the week before finals, handling long days, actually starting well before eight in the morning for most of them. This was a feat, considering he made it a solid effort not to, under any circumstances, step foot on campus until late in the day. He had a point to make; that he simply was not responsible for any classes before noon, that this was all a mistake that the university was trying to pin him with, and Kylo wouldn’t have it. 

He felt he was right and would not be told differently, by anyone. It wasn’t that he preferred not to teach beginners, he had another beginner class at three to five on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

No. 

The issue, wholly stayed within his original schedule, the one that he agreed to at the end of the summer. Adding to it in October didn’t help him in any way. Being an adjunct meant hourly, and given his status, teaching the many classes he did, adding the one in the morning would put him at overtime. Overtime. What a joke. Time and a half was a dream. But this was school, not a place for dreams... he rolled his eyes at how stupid that sounds. 

Working at the university, while he thoroughly enjoyed art, meant he knew the politics of the whole thing. His sympathies for the schools problems, or claims to them, were met in a sigh of disbelief that they could resort to telling students that by investing in their academic goals, they too could make money in any profession they came out with. Overtime, was just not attainable, furthering his position on the whole matter. 

He wasn’t paid based on how many classes he took on. It only mattered what they contractually offered. A three credit class meant three hours of his time per week in the classroom. Kylo’s schedule was full, teaching six classes. Six, at three credits each over the course of a week meant thirty six whopping hours every two weeks. And since overtime has no payout, it only gave him one more reason not to do it, which pushed him on to take his stance. It mattered to him. And if it mattered, he would see it through. 

Each morning was the same. Get up at some ungodly hour, do at least twenty pushups so he wouldn’t stay laying in bed, or on the floor for that matter. The floor was covered in a short hair carpet that would somehow feel colder than the linoleum in the kitchen, or the tile in the bathroom. Whatever the case was for it, didn’t matter, but it did help him wake up. 

Kylo usually slept in whatever he wore the night before, especially if he was drawing. Several times he found himself in his jeans, which were awfully restricting. This morning he woke to black and blue flannel pajama bottoms, a long sleeve soft grey jersey shirt, that seemed baggier than the last time he wore it, and his sneakers... no socks. He only noticed this was on when his shirt hung low enough to touch the floor before each press, and that his toes seemed to strain less within his shoes at their bend. 

His shirt though has him concerned. Feeling much like a hangover hit him, erasing his memory from the night, before, he pops up to his knees, checking the bed for another body. To his relief there isn’t one. 

‘Stress,’ he thinks. 

Showering was less of a joy now that he was on the clock. Kylo thoroughly enjoyed sources of heat. At times he would wonder if he was a cat in a past life. ‘They like to sunbathe don’t they?’ He never met a cat that wasn’t into that. Usually, he’d out stretch his bare feet towards the wall in his office, while his computer chugged along, emitting a temperature even his heater couldn’t seem to reach. Showers though, there he could pretend like it was the middle of summer again, letting the heat of the water cook him past the chill of the morning. But now, with only days left to go, they were too quick, and less satisfying. 

November hit a cold-snap, plummeting the temperature lower each day. Kylo kept Poe’s cruise offer in mind. He would wander from his usual set up, mindlessly going through the motions of dressing, and breakfast, grabbing anything he could. A coffee, from his tiny Kurieg was enough. He poured it into one of his travel mugs, since Kylo would much rather that than spending additional time at some coffee shop. 

These mornings, he would take his headphones, pushing his iPhone into the inside jacket pocket before closing it up and heading out the door. He was sure the only way to avoid eye contact, being the alert man he was, he decides on sunglasses just to get out of the building without catching anyone’s eye. Ideally, he wouldn’t have to. But ‘blondy’ needed no extra invitation other than seeing the whites of his eye, so sunglasses, even in dark places, became his thing. 

On the way out, today, which marked the last day to study before finals week, due to the added darkness in the hall with his shades, he nearly steps on both of the cats his neighbor puts out every day, making him cringe with each feline protest. Inwardly, he tries to calm his nerves, and thinks, ‘this is why I don’t work in the morning...’

Kylo wonders how he makes it out of the building without someone talking to him, or fallowing him to his car. Unlike most, who had a garage, Kylo opted not to park in it. His garage held more important items related to his profession that he couldn’t keep in his apartment. Sure he had the space, but the smell oil paints and glazed would emit was enough to make any stoner high on entrance. Sleeping among it in his old apartment, made him sick. Enough so to make the change in this one. Besides not having the smell haunting him all day, he now had space, which he was immensely enjoying. 

Kylo’s car wasn’t anything fancy, a Kia K900, purchased mainly for being what he could afford at the time. Still, it has its perks, the most important being that it could accommodate his size, and well. Second, that it didn’t raise his car insurance based on the model itself, because, while he was sure it would be nice to have something flashy, his wallet couldn’t take it. And that was an issue. At the very least, having an economical car made him feel less conspicuous. Being someone who was desired to float in and out of the spotlight as he so chose, the neutrality in it of itself held value. Pulling his keys from his jacket pocket, Kylo would march over to the small lot behind the complex, checking his phone constantly for any new emails, as he opened his door and slid into his seat. 

No new emails. 

No transcribed messages. 

Nothing. 

The lack of them had him wondering if either his email was hacked or if the university was gearing up for some substantial change. For a moment this makes him uneasy. Getting into his mind, he starts to weigh the possibilities of loosing his job, or gaining a more solid position, as an actual professor there. The thoughts unbalanced him, making every day before finals harder on everyone, including today. 

Grumbling about every moment he spent awake and at school before noon made it hard for students seeking aid with their projects. It didn’t help that being an adjunct meant he had no access within the school to a private office. He was just out there in the open Like bait, he sits in any free space he can find. The task became a game, finding a place, anywhere. Either in the library, student hall, the cafeteria, or his specific favorite, any unused art studio. Something about the smells of the creatively abused building gave him comfort.

Students in the classes he acknowledged as being responsible for, would be notified by him by email as to where he was for the time being, in the event that they needed help with their final projects. It was the philosophy of the school to be giving of this time, and he felt the need this year to prove he is an apt employee.

Kylo’s classes this semester ranged from beginner to advanced illustration, to advanced painting, and his least favorite, but equally important, art history part one. While all the rest had something to do with a practiced skill, this class because of how he was supposed l to teach it, was awful. It wasn’t teaching, it was going through slide after slide, down a list of notes on said pieces, pointing out differences on them with a laser pointer. The laser pointer was fun to mess with stray cats, drunks and even Rose in the hall occasionally, but it didn’t change how boring the class actually was. He groans to himself finding so many emails over the past week from students, about whether or not he would be willing to set a curve, or let them use their notes. It was the final. Opting not to answer those questions, he sifts through his thousands of emails, when his inbox pings with a new one that pulls his attention back to the top of the screen. 

Dr. Lando Calrissian’s sent him a message about the Introduction to Illustration class he blew off this semester. Kylo rolls his eyes, opening it. He rolls his eyes at this guy for the millionth time this semester, sarcastically assuring himself that he can’t wait to see what else this guy has to say about this whole, messed up case, over them scheduling a class he ‘couldn’t do.’

To: Ren, Kylo  
Re: Re: Re: Intro to Illustration 8-11am 

Mr. Ren,

I regret to inform you that after a full semester of ignoring this class, has given the department no choice, but to have you removed from this program. 

Kylo does a little, sure that he didn’t actually read that. Then continues:

Finals will be graded for all students in the portal by next Tuesday, for this class specifically. Your roster has been attached to this email. Since you do not know them, they’ve been given an assignment, by me, to clarify why they took the class to begin with and explain why they deserve the letter grade they are requesting. They’re required to copy me on the email, and you’re required to respond to all, informing them individually what their grade is based on. They will be sending one drawing and their case to you this week.

Also, you will need to pick up your last pay check tomorrow from my office too, as it will not be mailed out by any circumstances. 

Regards,   
Dr. Lando Calrissian, Dean of Visual Arts Department. 

 

Kylo blinks a few times, rereading the email over, completely ignoring a student that has found him. He clasps his hands together wondering if it was worth calling Calrissian out on his statement. He stares murderously at the screen, bathing his features in an unnatural white glow. The ambience around him has been removed, entirely, so much so, that he can’t even hear his own breath. Blinking back a rage he hasn’t felt in years, Kylo shifts his body weight, growling through a sigh, which makes three students back up now. 

Still, he can’t focus on them. He pulls up the list of complaints on the roster next to each person who had come in looking for some compensation for the class they got to pay for with no educational value put towards their dollar. 

‘Introduction to Illustration,’ also marked with the same time, had each student’s email contact, with pings popping up in his inbox already, he opts to download the document to handle sorting through this with the highest volume of complaints. The first three being students he actually had in the art history class, and two more that followed, in numbers, seeing Jarrus, Kanan and Kenobi, Rey. ‘Rey?’ the voice in his head sung a whine, ‘wait, what?’

He feels around for his phone to pull it from his back pocket, a frown still pushing his brow downward into a scowl, as he fished each cheek for the electronic lifeline. He wondered for a moment how many people there could be in the world, named Rey. Then again, how this could just be a coincidence, he finally finds it in his coat pocket. Kylo hums with success, but it’s short lived as a student asks, “Mr. Ren?”

“Can’t right now,” he pulls up Armitage’s number texting the question piercing his mind at the moment. He asks his friend what Rey’s last name is, finally responding to the question, “what?” Kylo looks up at the student body before him, hoping for his assistance. A beat later, he mutters, “God... ok,” breathing through his nose, “pin up your work and we’ll discuss them as a group.”

Critiques as a group help afford him time waiting for the response to ping in his pocket. Kylo had an entire class basically looking for help, in all different levels. It was interesting. Some of the lower level students found it extensively helpful, gaining the opportunity to learn from advanced students, while others shared tips they learned with other professors, aiding his more experienced ones. 

It was, in a sense, how he once believed college should work. It should be students learning from each other... not just one versus all. Then again, it could never seem to feel proper. Who would give the grade? Who would count participation? Would it matter so long as the work was completed? 

His phone pings, but he doesn’t hear it over the students explaining their concerns with the assignments. Some chose to disperse from the group critique to the hall, acting out figure positions, as cross referencing, a typical tactic for artists to rely on. Those would remember to get all angles of the subject, just in case they needed to change their subject matter. 

For a moment, Kylo remembers a time he had Cassian do the same for him. His final had to do with the many realms of self, having him pose in a grungy, awful bathroom that put gas station restrooms to shame. Cassian was able to cast him as a dominating figure, that could pierce anyone’s soul just by connecting with his sturdy, darkening eyes. The rest of the series had shown him in a softer man, equally dirty, doing usual day to day activities, which didn’t make the cut. He called it ‘Life’s Dominance’ and surprisingly aced the gallery with his professor back then. 

Students press him for form information, still, as the group dies down. For a moment, he wonders if any of the women that came through was Ms. Kenobi. Even the students speaking with him were given the utmost attention and help, in the event that it was her. Not having the nerve to ask if this particular student was her, he forwards himself as a model teacher, helping get the correct stance by rotating the artist’s hand, and pulling at each finger to bend the knuckles appropriately to accommodate the natural movement. “This,” he says, “makes the illustration more believable,” Kylo explains that cause and effect, as well as gravity, should always have a say in the artwork. “If you want someone to believe a story, there has to be some truth to it? Right? Figure drawing, especially, is quite the same. You’re telling a story. The body cannot simply pose to pose. It needs a reason. It needs weight. A center of balance. It needs the subtle evidence of even these fingers to create that point.” 

There was no denying Kylo didn’t know his craft. He was quite excellent at it. Teaching proves to be another strong point as the same student has references made, and gets to work at a table behind her. 

His attention swivels to another group frustrated about hands. 

“I just use a can of mixed vegetables,” he hears one student say to their table. The group laughs, “no I’m serious. The carrot slice is the palm, green bean’s are these cylindrical pieces here,” he says touching his fingers, “and peas for the knuckles and finger pad.”

“And it only costs you two dollars to make,” says another while their table goes mad with laughter. 

“What happens when you need to make a fist?” Another asks, and follows up with, “What happens when it squished or falls apart.”

To this, Kylo never expected the answer that came next. The artist’s smug expression planted a smirk that put the Grinch’s to shame. “Then you get a messed up portfolio of severed fingers,” bringing out his disgusting portfolio. A few students laughed while others got up and left. Kylo could only smile at the odd up creativity, before plunging his hand down into his pocket to retrieve his phone.

-Hux-  
Why?

-Kylo-   
Just tell me.

-Hux-  
Why don’t you ask her yourself?

Kylo’s face falls in frustration, gripping the phone and tapping it against his forehead. Of course Hux wasn’t going to make this easy. He likes the girl. That’s obvious. But then how could he find out who she was, or even what she looked like? He was positive she had dark hair. Not black. So, brown? That could help narrow it down. Looking around the room specifically at students with brown hair had him realize the number was too high to ask each individual for their names. He really should know them by now. 

Plopping back into his seat, he looks again at the list. Pulling up ‘Kenobi, Rey,’ specifically, he finds her student ID number right beneath her name. In the past, he’s had to write citations up for particular students who would come inebriated to class using their ID. Typing it in the Student Portal would bring up their educational level, major, and their current photo ID on record. Kylo sucked in a steadying breath, pulling up the site to check. 

The website itself had trouble loading, and he knew if he refreshed the search there was a chance he could cite her by accident, so he let it be, turning to the remaining few in the class. The clamor of students had since died down to a mere handful chatting among themselves about other finals and having nowhere else they wanted to go since it was so cold outside. “Are you all set here?” He speaks to them expecting them to listen intently to him.

They, however, didn’t stop, snickering about the last comment in their circle. 

“I take it you’re fine then,” he shuffles with his items, at his chair. 

“Yep were good, Mr. Ren,” a student lifts his arm but doesn’t make eye contact, instead looks at his screen. “Why are you reporting Rey?” he asks curiously. 

“I’m not,” he sighs, “I’m trying to confirm her last name—“ he stops short as her picture finishes loading.

“Kenobi? How don’t you know her?” asks another student.

“What do you mean by that?” Kylo has the underlying suspicion that maybe this girl was sleeping around to get such a reputation. Not that he had any say in how she ran her life, but how could Hux care for her as much as he did if she was such a floozy. 

“She’s going places—engineering major. You should really see her bike.” The first offered.

That much was true. The site did say engineering major. He looked back at the screen, bewildered by her soft features, and eyes that seemed to carefully see right through him. He was almost sure if they ever did cross paths, he might not be able to breathe. If she did pin him with such a gentle gaze, he was sure she would linger in his mind forever. If. 

Part of him regretted not taking on the class, but another thought flirted through his mind. He would be getting fired now for pursuing her, not for ignoring it like he had. 

“Bike?” he questioned the student, not looking back at him, instead shifting to press in a command to copy his web image.

“Motorcycle. She’s been converting it all semester. Runs like heaven. I heard she even put in a patent to a few designs she now owns,” he said. 

Another student follows up with, “Yeah, a battery smaller than a cellphone in place of the gas tank, and heated seat technology. You know, like they have in luxury cars? But on a bike.”

Each time they refer to the motorcycle as a bike, Kylo’s eye twitches. He can’t stand it, and it’s starting to show. His phone pings once more from Hux and another from Dameron. For a moment he thinks maybe Poe would be more giving.

-Hux-   
She’ll be here tonight. 

-Poe-  
Hey buddy! I need you to submit your work to the site. Oh and check your email. 

God the email. He forgot about his personal email, which was no doubt flooded with marketing spam. He opened a browser to check his personal email, looking for Dameron’s address. Instead he finds several in a row from Carnival Cruise Staff. Congratulations emails, and instructions on how to finalize his team membership, Kylo goes through the motions applying for each one, as Poe suggested. Being assigned to Radiance, Poe pushes Kylo to only pick that one, reminding him that he would have to be there the day before to train, and help set up the ship while it was docked. 

Before he knows it, Kylo is successfully assigned to the same cruise ship, as a position within it as an artist, giving him a space within the general souvenir shop on board. He looked twice at this, imagining a tiny space, sighing heavily at what he just signed up for. 

He sends a reply back to Armitage. 

-Kylo-   
I think she was in the class I wasn’t supposed to have. 

He takes a picture of his screen and sends it to him. 

-Kylo-  
Is this your Rey?

Kylo almost hopes for a no. That they’re two different people. He holds the phone loosely covering his face with his other hand and remainder of the occupied one. He hopes on and off again that he gets a response sooner rather than later. As his anxiety is building steadily with every passing moment, he begins to feel a slight chill at his toes that climbs all the way up his back, prickling at his scalp, which has him almost shaking. 

A split second later he remembers his email from the students. Figuring he could make up his own theories on her based on those, most likely, rotten arguments. Kylo clears his mind, ready to accept her anger, but doesn’t expect her to be as cordial in such a predicament. Other students in the class drew vulgar renditions of themselves flipping him off. Telling Kylo, to give them an A simply because he waisted their time and money.

Not her. 

Rey’s emails ranged in the beginning from confusion, to understanding there was an obvious mix up, to explaining in the third email that she can’t drop the class, she needed it to stay full time on her grant allowance this semester. The fourth took an unexpected turn, hoping that Mr. Ren was alright. That she had heard of him being there for other classes, but made no accusations about him abandoning them. Pushing on to scold the university for allowing this all semester without a replacement for him, as he obviously was not supposed to be responsible for this. 

Her fifth must have come after the breakup Armitage had informed him of. Her tone seemed raw, unlike anything else he read. 

To Calrissian, Dr. Lando  
Cc: Ren, Kylo

Subject: Don’t Abandon Us

By now you know why I’m writing. I’m sure all of us have. Not many too kindly about it. Just please don’t abandon us now. Most other classes are rounding into finals, and to loose this now would simply be cruel. My next semester’s requirement is that I am done with all of my classes before I can even submit for the internship. I need this class to provide a final, and a grade. Even if it’s just an email requesting a letter and piece of work we submit to you for your critique...I just can’t be set back any further. 

If this is the only email you respond to, Dr. Calrissian, please understand that it’s not just me you’re looking out for. 

Best,   
Rey Kenobi

There he sat staring at his screen, back at the picture of her wondering why he thought his actions wouldn’t mean anything this semester. Why was standing his ground was all he could see? And what would have come of the class if he had been there? Would she be this sweet, understanding person? Would she be the one that would link the bridge for him? Would she have helped him feel comfortable enough to rejoin his friends? To join whatever family thing they have going on there? Would he of wanted that, then, the same way he wanted it now? 

Sifting through half of his emails for the class itself, he made sure to give final grades out to students who swore at him a B or lower, but nothing worse than a C-. He felt he was being fair. Rey’s request for a grade didn’t come in that day, but he was sure she would be granted an A at least. ‘Pity,’ he thought, ‘and an apology for what I put her through.’ Wanting to right his wrong, anyone who didn’t report him also received A’s, trying to avoid obvious favoritism. He was sure he would have complaints on the lower grades, but it served them right, and inappropriate illustrations were a judgement of character that he couldn’t reward.

He spent the majority of his day in the classroom he picked this morning. Kylo checked his phone for messages, only finding a few from Poe.

-Poe-  
We’re having pizza tonight if you want to eat. 

-Poe-  
You still eat that weird shit?

Kylo looks at his phone wondering, ‘Why can’t a conversation be normal with his friends? I don’t do that to them do I?’

-Kylo-  
What’s your sister’s last name?

He waits, then calls Poe. 

“Hey buddy!” Poe picks up on the first ring. 

“Hey,” Kylo bows out a sigh, sure his friend wants the whole scoop. “Do you have a minute?”

“Yeah, why do you need to know about Rey?”

“I just want to confirm her last name. I have a Rey on my roster for the class I wasn’t supposed to—“

“Don’t tell me...”

“Is her last name, Kenobi?”

Poe just laughs.

——-

“Yeah, I know I said I’d be there...” Rey says, still in the shop on campus. An awful sound of grinding metal sounds through the room making her head pop off of her shoulder that pinned the phone to it. Grumbling about dropping it, Poe whined on the other line that she dropped him. “Oh stop. What’s so important about tonight anyway?”

Poe’s voice tried to hide the sing song pitch he had, when his mind was swimming with gossip. Rey knew this side of him all to well, but played the game anyway. “Oh...nothing, sis. I just wanted a chance to catch up before our trip next week. Do you have everything you need?”

“Honestly— I haven’t even looked,” she says struggling to hold the engine block in place, “I need to go. If I chop my hands off... I’m not going, and you’re getting my bill,” she teased. “I’ll call you later. But it might be really late.”

“Call me when you get in. You know how I worry.”

“Ok bro,” she giggles before hanging up. 

Hours. It’s been hours since she hung up with Poe, finally getting the module inside of the engine to filter emissions properly. It was another huge advancement in her bike that can now be patented for clean air technology. 

But it’s done. 

Rey finally realizes, now, the machine shop, is empty. She’s alone. Where it used to be comforting with othe students present, it now spooked her. Maybe her living arrangement had something to do with this new heightened sense. Always knowing she was safe with them, or at their apartment trained her out of the feral person she was before them. New Rey is patient and calm, while old Rey, well, she had a better chance at survival, she thought.

Adrenaline starts to course through her veins at every sound she did not make. Rey takes her bike down off of the suspended lift, leaving the chains that once held it in place pooled on the floor. If it was earlier and she wasn’t alone, she knows she would have put it away, and even polished her station, but now... now all she could think of was getting out!

Rey was no fan of silence. It was equally as disturbing as the faint sounds she was hearing, as if someone was moving through the lab, purposefully, sneaking up on her. Even though one in the morning seemed like it was too late for anyone she knew to be around, she passes the notion of a stranger being less of a coincidence, and more that she’s become a target.

Quickly, she pushes her phone down on her back pocket, letting it call Poe’s number. She needed anyone else to hear, not that they would be able to get to her in time if she was in any true danger, but it gave her some peace of mind, believing that she wasn’t actually alone. Wanting to know if the sounds in the shop were truly from another, she briefly scanned the room for figures around her. The place was fully lit. There was nowhere to hide, or jump out from, she planted in her mind. As she slung her bag over her shoulders, she clasps the loops together in a harness, taking no chances at losing any of her written progress. Tonight’s success was going to land her a higher ranking place in the internship and she would be damned if she shared that intel with anyone. Rey simply worked too hard for it, and tonight was no exception. 

Next to be added was her helmet. Not soon after, the low timber of a man’s voice sounded behind her. Rey tried steeling herself, moving past whatever foolery was happening in her mind, when a hand touched her shoulder. 

Rey did not hesitate. Self defense conquered all fear, even ballooned in panic that deafened her senses. She shot back an elbow strike to his stomach, and turned to give a knee to the groin. Rey took into account her visitor was much taller than average. The strike took seconds longer to connect, but still dropped the man. She didn’t give a second more to this person, mounting her bike to ride off into the night.

——

Kylo returned to his senses on the cold floor of the shop he approached her in, claiming awful things about her. Calling her terrible names as he tried sheltering his wounds with each of his hands. ‘How could someone’s sweet, be so ruthless?’ he thought as if it was a mystery as to why she reacted that way anyway. 

Finally able to stand, he checks his phone seeing that time had escaped him as it had all day. “Two? How?” Then it registers. Awful notions come to mind, believing that he’s an idiot and she must think he’s some monster. That’s what she saw. Her actions were justified. Now, he would never be able to show his face around their friends, or get close to her, he was sure of it. 

Messages popped up on his phone from Poe asking him where he was and why he wasn’t answering his door. Poe was no stupid man. He called again. While the phone stared up at Kylo, begging to be answered, he finally accepted his call, forming any type of lie he could. “I met someone. Call you later,” he says and hangs up. 

It was stupid, really. No man picks up while they were hooking up to tell another that they met someone. But Kylo was desperate. So desperate, he left the building, walking down campus towards one of the dorms, praying that the RA would let him in.

Luck wasn’t something he possessed, but it was cold and the student took pity on him, allowing him to sleep in the office. 

“There’s no bed to offer, but you can have my office chair, Mr. Ren,” the young man offered. Kylo thanked the kid and passed out for the remainder of the morning.

Unfortunately for Kylo, waking in the dorm meant no morning amenities at home. His car... he did have his car. And two more days left in this hell hole. This morning he woke to a whiny, but busy, student body on lines for the communal bathrooms on this floor. His scalp prickled at the thought of having to use one of their facilities. While Kylo was no neat freak of any kind, he had no interest in sharing. Sharing meant dealing with someone else’s terrible habits. An elongated ‘No thank you,’ plays in his mind, as he gets up to start his day. 

The idea of home presses his into mind but then there’s that lie. Some hook up. Knowing he isn’t a great liar, he opts for waiting outside Calrissian’s office door, like a student, until he can gain access to his time. 

The cold morning air wakes him past the crusty haze of four hours of sleep. His laptop bag, sling over his shoulder, hanging mostly over his back, slaps against it as he trudges to his building and up to the top floor. The hall, somehow, looks narrower, but longer as if he’s chasing that stupid rabbit down the rabbit hole. Unfocused, he reaches for the knob, jiggling the locked office door’s handle a few times. His head host the wood with a loud, ‘thunk!’ Even this passes as normal, given the fact that he hasn’t had coffee yet. As his eyes begin to focus again, he sees a printed notice, giving the hours he would be in at, right under his nose.

‘This,’ he thinks, ‘this is bullshit. All of this forcing a class on me that wasn’t supposed to be in the first place, and he’s not here until the afternoon, too?’ Fired up, he pushes from the door to fix up a working station parked right outside his door. He pulls his laptop up out of his bag in a flurry of movements. Then shoves the cord of the battery into the plug beside him letting it load, which in his fury, he can’t see that it’s taking longer to do so. Every passing moment has his livid rage ready to tear the next person he sees apart. 

And then... 

And then it’s...her. 

He struggles to control his breathing to a normal pace, and it’s worse when she sits down next to him. She doesn’t say a word or make a sound, aside from some shuffling with her knees to place her helmet in her lap. There she sits, folding her arms over the top of it and hunching forward in a sleepy pose. 

He knows he’s staring. A couple of times he clears his throat, trying to wake him of his stupor, like if he did, his exhausted state would remove this hallucination. But it wasn’t one, Rey was right there, like she was last night. Kylo reminisces watching her work. It truly was a beautiful site. He marveled in the way she just knew where things went, and what tools she needed, and how comfortable she seemed in her own skin. 

He didn’t know, however, how to approach her. He was the one that was always pursued. Trying to talk to her last night became harder and harder at every passing moment, until he realized that they were alone. He was the culprit for knocking over a few tools, and scaring her into her self defense mode. And here she sat, sleeping maybe? Next to him. 

For a moment he looked at his computer screen, accessing emails, forgetting entirely about Calrissian. He wonders now how often she comes up here. The emails mentioned grant money, but for a moment he wonders how much she’s struggling, if she does, in fact, sleep in this hallway regularly. 

Women’s voices echo through the halls but don’t seem to wake her. ‘She must be exhausted,’ he thinks. 

“Rey?” The tallest of the two says her name. Kylo looks up to see she’s older, her hair supporting a washed out lavender color. “Rey, honey, wake up,” he watches her brush Rey’s straggling hair from her face, almost motherly. “Rey?” she tries again, successfully. 

He watches curiously as she blinks slowly in response, popping up quickly after, “I’m sorry, I—“ she focuses on her surroundings and then back to her councilor, “Did you get my message?”

“Yes, it’s why I came so early. Did you report the incident to the Campus Police?”

“Well, no, I just rushed out,” she waved her hand out in front of her to explain that she left. 

“Why don’t you stay and we can have someone come up? Unless you would rather I escort you there.”

He nervously listens in, waiting for her to agree.

“The thing is, I don’t think he meant to scare me. I just reacted. I’ve been... well... on edge since... Bodhi,” she trails. 

“We still need to report it. If you were that scared, they need to know,” the older woman says, “What if it was Bodhi? If you don’t mind me asking, what happened between you too?”

Rey’s face falls. 

“It’s ok, hun, you don’t have to tell me. I just don’t like to see you stressed out. It’s not like you to be so, skittish.”

“I just,” she stops, “don’t exactly want everyone to know my personal problems...” she whispers, almost insecurely, to herself. “Can we,” she points to the door to her left, “can we?” Rey can’t seem to finish her question.

The woman nods, waving her in, she looks back at Kylo, frowning slightly, “And, who are you waiting for?” she asks him, not completely aware of who he is.

“Dr. Calrissian,” He points to the right of him, noting that his lights are still off, and the sign of his hours. 

She nods looking back into her office, “You know it’s only nine?”

Of course he knows. There is a clock on his computer, one on his phone, and one at the end of the hall. “Yes, Ma’am. I have enough work to do before my finals. I have the time to wait,” he says as cheerily as he can without sounding like a complete ass.

At that, the woman stepped in to join Rey, offering her a glass of water before she closed the door. An hour and thirty minutes of muffled voices is all he can hear, except for obvious indications that the relationship she thought she had was a sham. All of this, he knew from Armitage, but it was awful hearing how hurt she seemed by it. To avoid his own feelings, Kylo finished grading most of his classes, except for Rey and Art History he still had to deal with today. 

Hoping he could just avoid it, and pick up his paycheck today, he decided to wait patiently until the secretary entered. There was nothing more he wanted from this facility after screwing him over like they did, just his paycheck, and to be on to his new gig with Poe. 

As the door opened to his side he scrambles to get up, asking the woman if she had the checks yet. The woman’s freshly dyed hair still holds a dark brown line over her forehead, her matching dark eyes pin him where he stands, even though he’s much taller than him. It makes him feel like he’s staring at a younger version of his mother. His skin crawls as she stares, motionless at him, as if to say, “If you don’t let me have my coffee, you can come back tomorrow.”

Kylo feels his hands retreat back to his chest and the bend in his body return to sitting, uncomfortably, in his now cooled chair. “Sorry,” he tries not to grumble, as he knows this woman looks like she could gleefully set this building ablaze just in the way she rolled her eyes at him.

“Name?” she surprises him.

“Uhm, me? Mine?” Kylo questions.

“No one works here by that name,” she says flatly. “You can wait then—“

“Last name Ren,” he stutters, before she can close the door in his face. The woman fans through the stack, stuffing his in his hands, and is told that Dr. Calrissian will not be in until next semester. “Wait! What?” The door closes in his face, “But I’ve been waiting here all morning...”

A small, “That sucks,” softly comes from the girl, calling him to look at her, “happened to me all semester. Turns out most departments only care about funding, not the students that pay for it.” She offers her hand, “I’m Rey.”

His heart pounds in his ears, “Kylo,” he reaches to shake hers, lingering for a bit. He notices her hands are small, and soft, even though they’re working hands, like his father’s. Her nails are short, not painted like most, and her pinky finger bares a cloth bandaid. ‘Good,’ he thinks, ‘a conversation starter.’ “What, um?”

Heavy clacking ring out behind her from the councilor’s office, “Rey? Oh- Mr.”

“Kylo,” he hoped she wouldn’t try saying his last name again.

“Kylo,” She nods to him. “Since Lando won’t be in, do you think you could escort Rey to her next class?”

The most pressing matter was that his students knew him. Most would call him Ren, never Kylo, and being finals week, meant that students would seek him out to get as much as they need from him, as they did yesterday. He ran a terrible risk letting this girl learn who he really was. But there she is, her hand still sweetly in his, waiting for his response as if she’s starstruck. Over him? Was she crazy? Only the crazy ones seemed to take any interest in him. Surely she was odd too. 

Clearing his throat and mind with it, he carefully asks, “Okay? Where do you need to go?”

——

He’s sure there hasn’t been a time that he’s ever quite enjoyed a day on campus as he is now in her presence. Rey is actually fun to be around, which is surprising to him. She’s normal. ‘When’s the last time he met a normal woman?’ He scoffs to himself, ‘never.’ 

Being half way through his second to last day, the parking lot and campus had seen noticeably fewer students, but he kept his promise, staying around except for when he claimed to need to go to his own finals. 

Art History, he noticed, was a waste. Kylo graded and gave students their final grades the same day. There were people who came in with extra credit, doing assignments to try and up their grades by halves of points. But it still didn’t make up for the majority of people that received D’s for the class. “Look... I know this class blew. It’s just the way they want it taught,” he waves his hand in the air. “Someone suggested a bell curve. Since I’m feeling giving, each of you will go a whole letter grade higher than your average. How does that sound?”

Most of the class perked up in relief. 

But then there had to be one to run his mouth. “It doesn’t sound like you at all, Professor.” One of his students from the morning Illustration class unmistakably says, just too loud, silencing the room. 

“Okay,” he hangs his head for a moment, “You don’t need it then.”

“There’s the guy I know.” 

“What is your problem, Jarrus?” He eyes the cocky young man with long brown hair.

“I want an honest answer as to why I got a C in the class you never showed for.” Students around him start to murmur in disbelief. Mr. Ren was always present.

“It wasn’t my class!” he shouted loud enough for the building to hear them. The students who knew of his calculated frustration, would watch him talk himself back down, but this was a sore spot for Kylo. They never knew him to raise his voice at a student making them all jump as if they were electrocuted. All but Jarrus.

“But you can assign the final and the grade that goes with it?” He sat smugly in his chair, enjoying the show.

Crushing his stylus in his hand, now costing himself another seventy dollars and two days without one, “I was never assigned to your class! This was my schedule,” he growls, projecting it onto the board. 

“Then why does mine say?...”

“It wasn’t posted until the beginning of October. But they knew I couldn’t do it, so whoever threw the bandaid at your class, didn’t care about either of us!” Kylo slammed his hands down on the desk on either side of the laptop. His phone pings twice letting him know Rey’s final is starting and her presentation is in ten minutes, “Now” he continues, “your assignment was given as per Dr. Calrissian, by request of Rey Kenobi. And I cannot condone giving you a better grade for the cartoon penis you drew, that so cordially flipped the bird with both of the hands jutting forward from the shaft.” Students gaped at Kanan as Kylo stood, clearing his desk. “The offer stands for this class. For the other, submit something real by tomorrow or you can keep your C.”

Silence stretches until Kylo’s phone pings again. 

-Rey-   
Are you on your way? I can ask for someone else to go but they’ll knock my grade down. 

-Kylo-   
Start. I’m finishing up. See you soon.

-Rey-   
Ok. We’re in Shop 207. By the garage. 

-Kylo-  
K.

He’s positive he smells after breaking a sweat sprinting through campus, trying to reach her building. ‘He can’t remember a single time he ever rushed anywhere for any one. ‘What’s happening to me?’ he wonders. ‘As long as I keep my coat on I-I should be fine.’ He noses into it, offending himself. ‘Shower, as soon as this is over,’ he reminds himself, shoving through the door, hitting someone on the way in, “Shit, are you ok?” he extends his arm out to him.

“Fine,” he shushes Kylo, pointing out towards Rey who is already into her demonstration, grinning ear to ear. 

“Here are some of my favorites,” she pulls over the camera, giving a bird’s eye view of how the battery slots into the dash, powering the motorcycle. The shop has a large projection screen hanging just above her to show off the details her professor and students on the floor could only see close up. “This is the key, which has face recognition software, and the battery.” She holds up a thin, rectangular strip. “Slip it right in and go. No more need for keys or chancing your bike to accidental scratches,” she tries to stifle a grin. 

“ Next up, is another good one. I’ve been asked every year why I ride as long as I can- especially here in the cold.“

He looks around at the class as she does, some of them nodding at her like she’s completely nuts. 

“My bike and walking are my only sources of transportation... and since we all know I like to sleep, I’d be late to every class this semester if I walked.” The camera picks up her motion over the bike’s gas tank, pressing one of the three buttons centered on top of it. “Being electric, it doesn’t need gas now, the tank is housing a complex computer system that heats my seat,” she squeaks covering her mouth with her other hand, her eyes lit with humor.

Now pointing at the asterisk to the left, “This communicates to my helmet to add filtered air.. Riding in the summer can get hot with the shield down. I thought it’d be nice to breathe,” She pauses. “And this one, marked with an ‘S’ is to turn the silencer on and off. This was mostly for the woman in my building who’s always angry with my return home. She’s got an infant. I understand.” She nods at herself, “Not well, but I can’t imagine how annoying I might be to her,” she babbles. “Finally, as of last night, she’s on clean air technology,” the camera shows her patting the computer again. “What do you think? Should we turn ‘er on?” 

Chills radiated through his body, excited for her, this girl, he finds he only wants to know more about. A cheer and whoops sound from the floor orchestrate her movements. Her eyes wide and bright, excitedly mounting her masterpiece, strikes him where he stands. Her class push out the garage door behind her Professor, and as they move through the shop to the other side, he hears her tell him she’ll do a lap around the recreation space since it’s cold outside. 

‘Is she always thinking of others?’ Kylo manages another question, watching her start up her motorcycle with a ferocious groan from the engine. Going through her motions, she silences the bike. It stuns the class to match. Rey revs the engine purposely so they can watch her wrists communicate her speed will increase, but she stands instead. 

Her helmet slides into place, the mirrored visor shielding her face, gives her time to herself. For the briefest of moments she checks back behind her, to him? He’s not sure, but he’s the last one standing there. Where else could she be looking?

Her motorcycle silently floats through the space. It’s outstanding. He finds himself hurrying through the shop to see what she’s planning. If she planned anything. He wants to know if she’s a showy rider. He‘s sure her wouldn’t blame her if she was. 

Rey is careful. It’s beautiful to watch. Kylo had so many questions for himself now, watching her sparkle in the setting sun, rounding the far side of the field. Her ride was cruise around the block pretty much. On her return, she slides up her visor asking if she can floor it on the side road behind Admissions.

“No,” the older man said. “If you hit ice, you’ll kill yourself. ‘Can’t be having that, Miss Kenobi,” he hands her a cream colored card. Her joy overtakes her. From a distance, he watches as she nearly drops the motorcycle, applying the kickstand at the last minute, jumping at her professor with a happiness that reaches every student. It was heartwarming and painful to watch. He was her professor too, but she would never know, and he was sure missed his opportunity. 

For a moment he wonders how many people she’s given her phone number to. And again if he was special to her, because she accepted his offer to exchanging in the first place. Then he wonders if spending the whole day looking out for her was going too far. Rubbing the back of his neck, remembering how awful he smelled, he wonders how much longer her class is. Lost in thought, he doesn’t see her coming. 

“Hey. You ok?” she asks.

“Yeah, I missed my shower this morning and think I—“ his hand suddenly fills with a men’s sports deodorant stick. He looks at it puzzled, then back to her trying to formulate a question. 

“It’s my favorite. Smells like fresh laundry,” she pulls out another one, “Came in a two pack,” she taps the two together, “cheers!” 

His face splits into a grin biting back a line he can only imagine Poe saying. It takes all of him not to drop it right there. Instead, he thanks her, asking what she’s doing later. 

“Packing,” she smiles softly at him. 

It hits him hard, holding that much tighter to the deodorant stick. It is the end of the semester. He shouldn’t be so surprised. She must have somewhere else to be. The very thought burns him worse than the hug he would never receive. 

“Do you want to grab a bite before then?” she tilts her head to the side trying to gather him back from his mind.

A slow nod takes over his body, his eyes wide, desperate to hold onto these moments. Maybe she would stay? Maybe for him? Or — he could go, he could go anywhere really. His mind blooms with questions rising to the surface but silencing themselves on his tongue. All he wanted to know is about her. For once, he needed a woman to talk his ear off. Maybe this was what Hux was talking about...


	4. I Met Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo spend part of their evening together, handling their obvious attraction to the other in waves. They’re both falling hard, but desperate to do this right. 
> 
> Rey has a visitor at their apartment and while most show up to help, Rose takes charge as she always had.

“Where are you parked?” she asks after class. Kylo opens his mouth, but can’t speak, throwing his unoccupied arm up behind him, turning awkwardly to point towards the garage. The light in her eyes seem to dim, nodding at him. “I’ll meet you down by the train then? It’s about a block to the left of it.. the garage that is,” she said not able to hide the pain in her voice. 

Not knowing the creep that left her this emotional scar, Kylo promised himself that he would fix this for her. Not their...thing... but he wanted the honor of being the new provider of all of her happiness. He wanted to be the one to erase all of her pain. ‘She shouldn’t have to be afraid of a place...’ he thinks. While he works through his thoughts, she’s pulling on her coat, gloves and crinkling up her nose into a sneeze. It stops him entirely, telling himself, he thinks it was to himself, that it’s cute. Her twinkling eyes glow through the tears her release produced, as she looks up to meet his. ‘Did I say that out loud?’

Another sneeze pops out and she’s sweetly apologizing for them, “Hmm, better be nothing,” she presses the bridge of her nose. “Anyway, meet you down there alright?” She waits for him to nod, or give any kind of response.

“Um, yeah. Okay. It’s freezing though. Can I give you a ride?” He shuffles his bag over his other shoulder, and watches her shiver slightly, pressing on the heat button.

“Oh. Um, sure. I’ll have to take ‘er home first, if that’s ok. I mean, I’m not that far,” she has the heart to offer her address in case they get split up, “It’s my friend’s Mom’s little building. I say friend,” she straightens from her seat, “she’s really like family... more like a sister to me, if I ever had one, I assume that’s how we would be,” she shivers again. 

The cold has settled in as the sun completely dips behind the Admissions building. Kylo sets down his bag, peeling his coat from him and reversing it. “It might smell,” he ducks his eyes low so she can’t see them, “but it’s... you’re cold.. and...” he offers it to her. The warmth in her smile is enough to get him through to the garage. “I’ll see you soon,” watching her as she tugs at the zipper from the inside.

Every moment into the darkness night bring, turns their surroundings bitterly cold. It’s so intense he can feel a slight burning through his body as the wind picks up. His step quickens, striding through campus, cutting through buildings to regain some warmth, before bracing himself with arms folded over his chest towards his car, praying that he wasn’t keeping her waiting too long in the cold.

For once in his life he’s actually happy with his height. Where it was problematic for most things, like shopping for clothes, and being subjected to only purchasing them from the ‘Big and Tall’ section, it wasn’t today. Today it was the best ‘tool in his shed’, taking him less than ten minutes to get to the garage and down to the second level from where he entered at the fourth by the psychology building. 

Striding up to his car, Kylo is in such a hurry to get to her, he doesn’t notice the key marks on his doors. All he can see is getting Rey out of the cold. Today has been a day of firsts for him. He’s sure he’s never felt like this, like a person to another. Mattering to someone like Rey set his skin a blaze. Excitement was never this palpable, and while she is beautiful, he feels something more for her. He wants something more. A real connection. Even if they can only be friends, he was sure he would cherish that until his last breath. 

Hux was right. He was right to protect her, to want to know about her life. He was right to want more, but at the end of that word Kylo’s competitive nature set in. Sharing is off the table. ‘They can be friends,’ he thinks about Armitage and Rey, but Kylo wants more. Hope blooms in his chest, wanting the chance at a relationship. 

Blindly he’s driven from the garage down the main campus road, all the way to Rey. She looks like a black olive, swimming in his North Face jacket. His heart lurches at the sight. Rolling down his window and asks how long she’s been waiting, and if she’s okay.

She doesn’t answer him, gaping at the state of his car, “Kylo? Has your car always had such profanity scratched into it?” she thumbs over a deep scratch. 

His brow furrows at her question, but his answers with something she’s not expecting to hear, “No, but all I care about is getting you out of the cold.”

She matches his expression, for a moment fighting the urge to shudder out a yawn, her body being quieted by the cold, shivers under his jacket, responding with only a nod. A small smile plays at the corner of her lips as she drags her shield back over her face, readying her masterpiece for the ten minute drive, in her baggy state. Rey reaches for the silencer, turning it off, as if to call to him in the event he got lost. 

The ride feels shorter than usual at this time of night. Less traffic on the roads has her able to keep him close, even at the worst intersections, pulling up to the apartment. 

Her building is really nothing much to look at on the outside. A large, rectangular, brick building, servicing many families. It has some of the smallest windows he’s ever seen, and for a minute, thinks of the boat, wondering if he’ll even get one. Kylo’s skin prickles. Briefly, he realizes, they’ve parked, or he has. Rey must have silenced the her motorcycle during their ride. She turns to face his headlights, pointing towards the back of the building, and then extends her hand in a stopping motion. He watches her lean back down, her body flattening against her motorcycle, ready to move again. Reluctantly, he watches her go. Sinking back into his chair, he wonders what scratches were there. She looked applauded by it. Clearly offended that anyone could be so mean, to him? Why would she care about that? 

Ten minutes passes and he’s beginning to worry. Mulling over the idea to call her, wondering where she is, he watches her round the back of the building in his rear view mirror, staying visible in the light of the lamp posts. He wonders why she didn’t return the way she came but doesn’t want take his eyes off of her. Just for the briefest of seconds, he does, jumping out of the car to accompany her outside. “Why didn’t you let me—“

“Kylo, the bulb went out in my garage,” she looked at him oddly, “I needed some things,” she lifts a cardboard box off of her hip, “and a cell phone light wasn’t good enough.”

“What is all that?” he guides her into the passenger seat, waiting for her to sit so he can close the door. 

His breathe catches in his throat when her concern flashes over her features, replying, “It’s stuff to fix the artistry on your car. I have a list. You can keep it until you’re done. 

“Done with?...” now his nerves get the best of him. She’s safe. Warmer than she’s been all evening, even with the door open, he’s sure of it. Glancing down at the door, he’s glad it was later in the day, and dark out. The scratches were awful. She was right. 

“Who would do this?” she asks him carefully, watching his eye twitch at the audacity. She watches him shake his head, covering his mouth, maybe to keep from yelling, or having a melt down. 

The truth was, he pissed people off naturally. Or at least he thought he did. At the end of this semester, it really could have been one of fifteen people, or more. It’s his turn to quiet the rider, asking her to wait a minute while assessing the damage. By now he’s closed her door, and moved around her side to the front and back around. Several times, he’s itched the stubble under his lower lip trying to control himself around the girl he just met. He knew she was the only reason he was keeping it together. He would even feel her eyes on him, as if she was trying to call him back into the car. Like she wanted him to know they were just scratches, and she had the solution. She did, his head bobbed still in the cold. She came with an actual fix, instead of rejecting his offer because his car had strings of curses written in the sides of it. 

He returns to sit with her in the now scaldingly hot car, “Oh!” he says louder than he wants to as all of his hair follicles burn on entry. The car now, almost feels like he’s over dressed for a sauna. 

“I figured you were out there too long, in practically nothing,” she lunges in to turn it off. 

He’s cracked the window slightly, trying to suck in cool air as if he was through an invisibility coffee straw, for dear life. For a second he thinks he might be being over dramatic, and that she’s probably fine if he opens the window. Just for a moment. Just to balance the space. 

“So.. what do you have?” Kylo asks as his window rolls back up. He clicks on a light on the ceiling that washes over them in a way he wants to remember forever. Her hair shines as it would in the sun, her eyes seem dark holding a few flakes of the unnatural light within them. Her skin glows only on the surfaces closest to the light, but he can see the softness of her skin, some light freckles dusted over her face, and for the briefest moment, he doesn’t feel alone. He used to hate his moles. His mother used to call them, ‘beauty marks,’ as if that didn’t get him teased. But Rey’s made him feel like they were mapped on his face like a star map to match hers. 

His thoughts began flowing needing desperately to write down new characters. But right now in the thick of this moment, he didn’t want to be selfish. He didn’t want to look away. He didn’t care about the scratches or the fix she had in the box. His heart hammered through his chest and he bit back the tingling sensation flurrying through his body, telling him to lean in and take what he wanted from her. She deserved more constraint from him. She deserved better than him, he thought. 

“It’s paint to match your car. Companies use the same universal color for black on vehicles, so it isn’t hard to match.” He watches her pick up and set down items in their places as she names each one. “...and directions, in case I’m not here.”

The last three words hang between them like a settling fog. That’s right. She was packing, or going to. Rey was leaving. And he clearly couldn’t stop it, “Will?” He tries to form a sentence, “Will you be here tomorrow?” he asks, unsure if he should look her in the eye, his questions felt desperate, because they were. Kylo needed no reason to be around her, but wanted her to have every last one. 

“Yeah,” her voice rolled through as she cleared her throat. He wanted to think it was because she felt what ever was happening between them too, but it was only a day. Who knew a day could effect so much? “Yeah,” she repeats, “I have another final to finish, and a couple errands before we leave Saturday morning.”

He nods in the silence the word, ‘leave’ presses into his mind. 

“It’s Wednesday though, so we have Friday afternoon if you’re free. Just need a place to work on it though. Most supers don’t like it when you do work on your vehicle in the lot.”

This he wasn’t aware of, but why would she make it up?

“I only found out from a neighbor that it has something to do with some noise restrictions. It had a name...” she plays with the tape hanging off the cardboard box. “Disturbing the peace? Or something... it’s the same reason people can’t do lawn care on Sunday’s until after two in the afternoon. Not that it effects me, being in an apartment...” she says as if her home isn’t really hers.

He nods again to keep from saying something stupid, but then, there it is, “I know a place. My Dad—“, ‘Crap,’ his voice whines in his mind. Now he has no choice but to finish his sentence, “owns a shop. Maybe he’ll have some room for us? I mean I don’t know how busy he is. He usually is full with fender benders at this time of year,” he rushes out nervously. 

“Ok,” she smiles. 

He would go deal with the embarrassing nightmare he called his family, just to spend time with her. “So um, hungry?”

“Starving,” her body language changes as if she’s been unleashed, excited for food. “I haven’t eaten more than a cereal bar, since last night actually. Nerves you know,” she says. 

That won’t do. 

Not at all. 

“Pizza ok?”

“Absolutely! V and J’s is right up here on the left. Their Hawaiian slices are the best I’ve ever had,” she gushed. 

“You mean, with pineapple?” He can’t help the shock on his face, grinning, finally from ear to ear. 

“Yeah! They cook it perfectly, and the dough is never soggy,” she sells it to him stopping at his laugh. “Don’t knock it till you—“

“No, no, no...I like it. It’s my favorite, actually. My friends all think I’m gross for it,” he’s thankful for the dim light in the cabin as she directs him there. 

“Mine too,” she hums. “Well now I have one that thinks like me.”

“Have what?” he’s unsure if she meant the pizza or her a friend, blinking at himself. ‘How could a pizza think?’

“A friend,” she says kindly. 

——-

Rey can’t believe her luck. Kylo’s gone above and beyond today, looking after her. A stranger. This morning he was only asked to escort her to her next class, and then she would figure it out from there. But he stayed. 

The finals week schedule always seemed to be screwed up every semester. Last semester it was snow. Blizzards to be exact. At least a foot and a half or more, of snow with each. Walking was fun the first few times. Rey enjoyed the quiet roads, the way the snow fell like glitter in a snow globe under the streetlights on her way to the store. School seemed to always be closed, which was trouble for school work. What could be done, was done over email. Midterms were done at home, which most cheered for. The professors noted that they would have to reduce the grade if everyone aced it, because cheating was way too obvious. Then there were finals. Professors were only paid up until the first week in May. And with all of the snow, well, it meant finals were squished into the last three days of the week, making for severe class confusion to those who had regular schedules in the beginning of the week. 

This semester seemed to be no different. September was practically cursed with power outages from tropical storm depressions, blowing wind gusts that nearly tossed her off of her bike several times. October seemed to be the start of it, solidly, even though students who’s wings had power, like she did, would still go submitting their presence to the Dean. The end of November started showing a trend towards doubling up days trying hard not to have the same scheduling problem as the university did with finals and times slots as they did last semester. It didn’t seem to matter, having to do the same again with time for this one.

He didn’t have to. She was sure he had more pressing things to do, like pass his own classes, than to follow her around campus, but he did. Several times she’d pack away things she liked about him, like keepsakes, to remember the day in case she never saw him again.

Kylo seemed to be shyer than most of the people she had been around this year. He looks at her with soft, wondering eyes. Like he has so much to ask, but something was keeping him from taking the chance of humiliating himself. He stumbled multiple times gaining her number and address, things she would never give to some random person. She even offered her time outside of school, which was always home time with her family, figuring he offered first. 

She saw him as a gentleman, carrying himself humbly, making sure he respected her space. Never in her life did she feel like such a ‘lady,’ she rolls the word out in her mind. Rey always viewed herself as one of the guys. She could keep up with Finn and Poe on so many levels. She proved to be athletic, just like them, running with the best at pick up soccer games. Her favorite, though, once she got the hang of the plastic disk, was ultimate frisbee. Oh, she would get too excited over slinging that thing as far as it would go. 

Rey starts to list everything she wants to ask him as if she harbors a personal assistant in her mind. It would be so much easier to ask throughout the day, but there were finals to worry about. She was sure he didn’t need some weird girl asking a hundred questions about his existence in the universe before any of them. 

She found him awkwardly sweet, and it made her want to help him. It gave her a tremendous satisfaction to help him end the suffering of having no shower this morning. Ugh, no shower, she knew that one all too well. It was something Rose’s mom was working on for the building. When she bought it, the boiler had gone on it, making hot water and heat a sore subject. Rey would learn to shower at two in the morning and had been doing it ever since. That is until she met Rose’s boyfriend Finn. 

Finn was then, and still is, such a wholesome guy. Back then he offered her a key, if she ever found herself downtown and needed something or someone to be around, she could always be there, saying of course, that it was Rose’s idea. It was hard at first, popping in unannounced. But as time went on, and they learned each other, Rey found she had a deep connection with him, his roommates Poe and Armitage, and her own. 

Rey wonders as the day passes how Kylo would do with her friends. He seemed level headed. Enough happened between finals to assume so at least. He offered her a walk to the cafeteria for a coffee, but he ordered tea, plucking two creamers from the bin, and a blueberry muffin at the register. She was sure he sensed her wondering if there was another one, and set his down because there wasn’t one. He made off with a coffee cake instead. His kindness was rewarded with sharing half of each other’s treat. Next, a few students ran right into him, shoving him into her. Kylo couldn’t stop apologizing for landing his hand on her shoulder as he did the night before, even though she was unaware of this. She kept trying to sort out what he was afraid of; it was just an accident. 

They spoke briefly about their majors and their plans after graduation, as time neared for him to get to his Art History class. He asked her if she would be okay if he left for it. No one had asked her that, not even Bodhi, not even on their most passionate nights. It’s why she agreed to give him her number in the first place. If it was for nothing else, it was because she felt safe. 

Rey knighted him with dawning eyes when she saw he made it to her final. She felt important. Like whatever this was, was real. It’s what made her want to offer things to him for comfort, like offering her other deodorant stick. Plenty of people thought she was a little off, carrying men’s sport deodorant with her, but it was what she grew up with, being the only girl among six boys in her foster house, made her life smell better she thought. The smell made her think of fresh drier sheets at the time. Nice and clean laundry smell back then, would fade halfway through the day, unless she pressed one of the older boy’s deodorant roll into her clothes. That is until she saved enough of her milk money to purchase a stick for her self. Rey wanted to make sure it followed her everywhere. 

Originally, she was mortified offering her favorite stick as a man’s selection to him, thinking maybe he would think it was because of a love interest with her ex, if she could call him that, she rolls her eyes. But then, he took it, and applied it right then and there. She pockets the visual, wondering what more there is to Kylo, right up until the present, where she’s now made time for him, to fix this awful vandalism. ‘Men like Kylo must be going extinct,’ she thought when she gathered the things they needed to fix it. Rey never met anyone outside of her family that wasn’t completely mad about their possessions...

She found that she was so deep within her thoughts, she barely realized she was staring at him, parked in front of the pizza place, until he asked softly if she was alright. 

“Oh,” Rey blinks a few times looking down from him, “I?...I was lost in thought,” she worried the box’s fold with her stubby nail. How could she tell him she was admiring the person he was through the course of the day? “Are you ready?” she bends to put the box by her feet. 

“Ready for what?” He can’t help the heave of want that presses through his chest. 

Rey harvests that sound from the atmosphere building around them until her stomach shoots flares of distress through their space, embarrassing her for sure. “For the best pizza of your life?” she asks.

——-

Kylo was sure he wasn’t just reading into her stare. She traced his face with her gaze, softly blinking around the corners of his lips. He could almost feel her touch, but then she catches herself. He can feel her pull away even though they were never connected. ‘Protecting herself,’ he thinks.

She had a right to. They only just met. But it wasn’t like it didn’t hurt. He felt just as open as her thoughts swam in his eyes; there was trust there. Kylo imagines bridging their gap. His mind casts him an image of a gorge with the two of them separated, the only thing he can do is keep trying to build that bridge, to get to her. 

“Come on, Kylo,” she pulls at the door handle to go.

Just her voice is soothing and terrifying at the same time. The sight of her leaning out the door terrifies him. As if she was really leaving. As if this was just an awful dream he would wake from. Trying to keep from feeling desperate, Kylo forces a smile, and replies, “Okay.”

The parking lot was practically full, less a couple unfilled spots towards the back. This usually was unappealing to him. Kylo never really went out for food. The concept to him was less appealing after Bazine mutilated his self confidence. When they broke up, she took the credit like she won a prize. Society just felt cruel after that, not to mention his complete distaste for crowded spaces. 

V and J’s was tucked in a strip mall next to a drugstore, Hallmark shop, and supermarket. The V in their sign flickered, and it had large panel windows that stretched from the sidewalk to the ceiling under a brick columned over hang. From what he can see, there are booths lining the walls and set up through the center too. ‘Good,’ he thinks of himself in a tiny chair in a tight space, crossing it out from his mind, okay with this. 

They push through the glass door to the left of the bay windows, past their huge gum ball machine that always makes Rey smile. 

Kylo leans forward to open the door for her, holding it high and wide open for her to pass through earning him a grin. He’s sure he would do anything for it. ‘Holding doors,’ he adds to his list.

“Hey!” a shorter man with dark hair holds his hands out towards the side of him welcoming Rey back. He acts as if he hasn’t seen her in years, when it had really only been a couple days. “Where have you been? I almost started buying canned pineapple thinking you weren’t coming back,” he teases cleaning the counter with a dish towel. A few of the guys working the line stopped serving or throwing the dough to look over and laugh. 

“Oh, stop,” using one of Rose’s lines. “I have finals you know.”

The man points at Kylo, “Is he one of them?” 

Kylo’s eyebrows flatten. His eyes strain at his assumptions, however he would like, it was rude to imply about her. He watches her roll her eyes and so taken completely off guard when she loops her arm around his, still wearing his jacket, “No, this is my new friend, Kylo.” She taps his arm twice with the other hand, making him sway a little. “Kylo, this is Dopheld Mitaka his brother Vinnie started this establishment, with his friend Jay, but Vinnie got sick...how is he by the way?”

“Better. Better every day.” He nods to himself in a way to thank her. 

“Doph here is actually the reason their Hawaiian pies are the best...” he smiles smugly at her, “Do you have any made?” she asks changing the subject. 

“Yep,” he nods, throwing his towel over his shoulder, ready to serve both of them. “The usual?”

“Yep. Two please,” she looks up for a number from her friend, confirming another two. 

Doph asks about her bike and if she was accepted to the program. Rey delighted in the conversation, “I got a cream card!”

“So you can choose where you want to apply? You’re not assigned?” 

She squeals under her hands she pulled from Kylo to cover her mouth, “Yes! And that’s not the best part!” she slaps them hard into the counter, I even get to choose my mentor!” The brightness of her glow could guide planes down barren runways in the darkest nights. While it was a spectacle to see her happy, but he was already missing the warmth of her next to him. Kylo was dying to relive that, rewinding it over and over in his mind. He could hold on. He held onto so much, and found letting go was harder. But that? He needed that. It matched his need to breathe. Internally he begged for her closeness to return when Doph returned with their slices. 

Hawaiian pizza usually looked mutilated in every other chain he ordered it from. Not here. They looked like they were individual food sculptures. For a moment, he wondered first if they were real, and second if Mr. Food, as Kylo knew him, Armitage, was hiding in the back ready to pop out at yell surprise. V and J’s was not a usual place for Hux to apply though. It looked like it had seen better days, possibly decorated in the early nineties and never remodeled. The pizza though, looked like it belonged in a foodie magazine. The pineapple chunks were cubed and looked candied, draped in golden, bubbly, mozzarella cheese, layered thickly over his special Roma tomato sauce that laid sandwiched between the cheese and the dough so perfectly it couldn’t possibly be real. The crust itself was thin and flaky too. This day had him at a loss - words that could usually flow from him in the form of sarcasm and frustration, couldn’t, and it shows.

As they went to pay, Doph told Rey not to worry about it, “Think of it as dinner on me. Congratulations, kid!” he leaned a kiss on her cheek over the counter, as their father used to before he passed a couple years back. This bothers Kylo. She took his arm. His. And she accepted a kiss from someone else?

Was he really in the friend zone? She called him her friend multiple times today, even backed off when their space had its own sparks. But not Doph. He could plant a kiss right into her cheek and she even leaned in across the counter into it. 

His mind melts the world around him, slightly dealing with a panic attack, wanting to leave this place, drive off and hide in his room until the night swallows him into a deep sleep, forgetting the whole day. Rey though, looks excitedly at him, handing her tray to him, nudging him on to go find a booth. As he does she picks two cups, asking what drink he’d like. “Coke,” he manages a please somehow, when she looks at him. Those honey hazel colored gems root him to the floor until she nods to retrieve it. 

Kylo was doomed, he knew it. Either this would be everything he was dying for it to be and he would have to apologize to Hux for the intrusion on a relationship he deemed unreachable. Or he could give her up... no, he was being stupid. Armitage lost rights to her as soon as he denied his feelings. 

Rey reaches the table, setting his cup down on the table next to him. His thoughts swirl around, falling to the back of his mind when she lowers to sit on the same side as he is. He can feel his lower lip start to hang. ‘What is this girl doing to me?’ he thinks as she leans across the table for her plate. He watches her like a timid animal. ‘Comfortable,’ he thinks, ‘she’s comfortable... with him!’ His conscience pats him on the back in success.

Rey picks up her slice, telling him to, too. “Cheers, Kylo,” she says, pressing her slice into his. Bits of her crust flake from the intrusion. She lunges in to take a bite, completely enjoying his stare. Or so he hopes. She’s just too damn cute. “Eat,” she nudges into him, “I want your honest opinion,” she says raising her piece for anther bite. 

He follows to take his first bite and it is absolute heaven. “Do they deliver?” he asks with a full mouth, mid chew. 

“You know, I don’t know. They never really had too many employees. We can ask later. If you want.” She watches as he gobbles down his first piece, taking a sip from his soda. 

“Yeah. This is... its better...” he looks at her grinning like a fool. “Um how? How do you know them?”

“Oh. I’m not sure if you’re ready for that,” he finds hurt in her eyes when she looks back up at him. “But I can tell you who they are. Can I do that instead?” she asks slowly. 

He nods not sure he wants the information. ‘Ex,’ he thinks, ‘what else could it be?’

She cleared her throat and faced him, her knee perched high over the bench, “I met them a long time ago. Things were bad. His father found me.” She swallows past the past, and he can’t help but need to know what happened, “He was a cop, retired now. Back then his kids would look after me in school. They taught me self defense, in case either of them weren’t around.” She smiles sadly, “Vinnie, Dopheld’s older brother got some weird strand of lung cancer when he was seventeen and it messed everyone up. He. He couldn’t get sick while he was on his treatment, which meant they were pulled from school and homeschooled. Doph, was only twelve when that happened. I was in my third home by then. I remember going to their house after school and sitting by the basement window, writing notes on my notebook and asking how they were every day.” She smiles at the innocence of it, “kind of like what a text message is like now. Um. Anyway, his brother entered remission and part of his support group told him it was important to still have goals. It helped with the healing process. So everyone saved to open this place. Vinnie and his friend opened it and it’s been family run since.” She sips he soda while he tries to make it through the second slice. 

“Doph took over a few years ago. Doctors found a tumor in Vinnie’s lung back then, and it’s since scattered. He isn’t well.” She shakes her head. “He keeps this going to give hope to his family. When their father passed, I even volunteered back there to help out.” 

Kylo’s not sure if he should keep eating now, but she insists, taking another bite of hers. “He does well though, doesn’t he? I mean this looks like it belongs in a magazine and it’s by far the best, I’ve ever had.”

She smiles grandly. “Yes, I’d say they’re on the mend. Doing much better now. Best you’ve ever had? Hmm? Have I hooked you?”

A flake of the crust flies into his esophagus, scratching it on the way down at the sound of her last question. ‘Baby, you have no idea,’ he thinks through his coughing fit. His eyes widen feeling her hand at his back offering him her drink instead of his. 

“It’s just water, drink slow,” she prompts him, pressing a slow oval across his mid back to calm his labored breathing. 

Pressing his eyelids together, he almost wishes he could choke all night, just to get her to touch him. He wanted her care, no matter what it was. “Thank you,” he manages. 

When his breathing regulates again, she asks about his finals, bringing them back into a safer conversation. “It was Art History today, wasnt it?” 

He nods, “Yeah, lots of dates and names. Too much information really.”

“How do you think you did?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. Professor said they had to do a bell curve,” he says. 

Rey presses her mouth into a silent ‘o’ and Kylo sees stars needing something she can’t possibly be thinking of right now. His body turns to open up like hers, leaning back into the half wall overlooking the exit. His left arm thrown up over the back of the bench, widening the expanse of his chest. He was open to her, unable to help it. He finds he can’t help wanting to be, playfully adding, “don’t judge me.”

Her eyes travel from his, trying not to obviously check him out. He can’t help but take a second to drag his finger through his long dark hair. Usually it was a little shorter, and still looked like a hairstyle. This semester, he seemed to let a lot of things go, including that. It was frayed but kept, all except for today that is. All day it’s been dirty, and now he was trying to lure her into feeling the same desperation he was drowning in. 

“I-“ her voice squeaks, “I didn’t. I’m not.” she rushes out. 

Was it working?

“Science and cooking -What is that? Home economics?” she adds, “We needed the same for those. “I can’t tell you how many things exploded or caught fire,” She giggles at Kylo’s laugh, “Oh gosh, and gym too, when I was in grade school...” she shakes her head, “What an embarrassing time,” she snorts. 

‘God to hear that again,’ his eyes roll back into his head. “What was so bad about gym?” He loved gym. 

“I was not coordinated. Better now. Wasn’t then. Still not amazing.” She shakes her head, “but I don’t need it for my profession so, I’m not worried about it.”

“Alright. If you could go back and learn anything then, what would it be?”

“To swim. I’m complete crap at it,” she points her finger to the ceiling, “I can tread water, terribly. But I can.”

“Do you still want to learn?” his eyes pin her. His voice strained with hope. He needed more time. He was sure he needed all of it. “I could teach you.”

“You’d do that for me?” Rey asks softly, “you’d take time out of your day, to help me? Like you did today?”

“Yes,” he purposely doesn’t add anything about being friends. That little seed needed to be fertilized. He couldn’t just be friends with her.

“Alright. Where would we go? The school?”

“Probably not. They close when we’re off, and you’ll be in your internship next semester. I assume that’ll be time consuming.“

“I’d make time, for you, Kylo,” her voice, soft as silk, jeopardizes his control. They weren’t in his car or in her home, they were still at V and J’s, in the middle of a crowded eatery, she had ties to the owner, who could see their every movement. “Even weekends, if weeknights don’t work out for you.”

That was it. 

“Are you ready to go?” 

——

The ride back to her place is awful. Focusing on her directions proves to be just as difficult as not touching her. It was hard not to, but he was so unsure she was as far ahead as he was in their blossoming relationship, he didn’t want to scare her away. 

Coming to her stop is painful. He winces when he pulls the shifter into park, and hears her seatbelt unfasten. The familiar sound of an escape, “I’d invite you up, but it is an actual mess. I thought I lost my battery this morning...” she fidgets with her cuticle, then strips his coat from her. 

As beautiful as he thinks she is, he hates it. This wasn’t ‘goodbye’ but it felt like it. A slow blink steels him for just a second, to the feel of Rey’s body slapping into his. He arms wrap around his neck, like Finn did. it It was her. Their girl. ‘Mine.’ He swallows, cautiously cocooning her body in his arms. 

“Thank you for today.” She whispered in his ear. 

Her hug was sincere. The longer she pressed into him, heated him internally. His breath catches, every time he tries to speak, so instead, he takes a chance, leaning a kiss into her shoulder. It’s the only place he can reach without disconnecting from her. 

Doph got to. Despite the fact that he didn’t get the whole story there, she let him. And it’s not like he was trying for more, though he wouldn’t mind it at all.

Her hold doesn’t falter, though. She made no move to get away. Instead she whispered, “Thank you, for everything,” then lifted and asked if he would tell her when he got home, but lingered, as if she could see something. Like she was trying to overcome something inside herself, but forced herself not to. “Good luck with your finals tomorrow. Tell me how they go?”

Deflated, he agrees, “Alright,” to which he earned a small smile and a kiss on the cheek. 

Kylo didn’t realize he stopped breathing, that is until she reached her door and offered a small wave. As it closed he rolled the windows down, letting the cold air slap him from this dreamland she offered him. He still had to get home without crashing.

——-

Rey’s phone has since blown up since earlier this afternoon. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I know. It went well. I’m at our apartment.”

“Why?” asks Rose. 

“I met someone, and I didn’t want to bring him home. I didn’t want to until I was sure..”

“Is he there with you?”

“No! No. I’m not that kid of girl. You know that. He dropped me off after dinner at Doph’s and left.”

“That’s not exciting...” she laughs, “So what’s his name?”

“Kylo.”

Silence.

There’s enough of it, that if it were paint, she could once over the entire building. 

“Did? Are you still there?” Rey asks, looking at her phone to check that it’s still counting the seconds of the call. 

“Kylo?” Rose repeats.

“Yes?” Unsure of what her friend’s issue was, she started again, “I know what you’re going to say.” Rose was all too unkind with Bodhi’s name. It was just a name. But she went all out looking up the meaning, which Rey was sure Rose was doing now, and then telling her she must have some weird thing for men with eccentric names. Bodhi was an experience, but Kylo was different, “but hear me out.”

As Rey explained her day, Rose repeated a lot of it to Finn and Poe, both of which were trying to shout over her shoulder for more details, an begged Rose not to share certain things since Rey explicitly did not want them to know she kissed him. That part was not her brother’s business.

“We are not mentioning we know Kylo, do you understand?” Rose prompted, whispering over the hand that cupped her her speaker, with a genuinely evil glare. “If he hurts her, there will be an empty apartment across the hall. Let’s just see where this goes.”

The guys knew not to cross Rose. The backed off like scared puppies.

“That’s great hun. Did you want to be picked up? It’s too cold for your bike. It’s only seven.”

“Yeah, I mean, if you don’t mind. I don’t really want to stay by myself.” Pl

“I’m on my way—we’re. We’re on the way!” 

“We’re?” She asks.

“Yeah, you were missed,” she says all too kindly. “See you in ten.”

The three of them leave looking to make this a smooth transition. The guys joke the whole way to the parking lot, giggling like teenagers. Finn, was brought all the way to tears thinking about how soft Kylo would have to be for Rey to let him around her. 

“I still can’t believe they still met,” says Poe. “I mean Ren was supposed to be her professor- art of all things- and he blew it off. The poor bastard looked her up based on her student ID for that matter. He even tried asking for Armie to drop her last name.”

“He would never!” Finn claps his hands.

“And he didn’t but he called me and....”

“And you did?!” 

“Worse,” said Poe, “I laughed.”

“YOU DIDN’T!” Finn shouts, pressing a hand into Poe’s shoulder as they double time it to the car. 

Rose and the guys stop all at once, finding Kylo sitting in his destroyed car. Poe can’t help but assess the damage, and then he emerged, with Rey’s box of stuff, looking over a list, in a daze. “What the hell happened Kylo?” 

He’s quiet assessing the list, and then looking over some of the marks on his car. Long puffs of crystallized air breathe into the the glow of the street lamp above him. “I pissed off at least fourteen out of fifteen students in one class,” he keeps low.

“Can’t you report this?”

“I don’t know.”

Poe just looks at him. It’s his car. And while he wasn’t possessive over this, it was unlike him to be floating through this with short answers. “Hey man... what’s going on?”

“How do you know when it’s real?”

“When what’s real?”

“Love,” he mutters. Kylo expected his friend to start laughing at him. Poe wore his heart on his sleeve, while Kylo was notorious for locking his in a safe and burying it near the Earth’s core, just to stay warm enough to be alive. He didn’t expect Poe to be a human and offer him a friendly pat. 

“I’ll catch up with you guys later,” he says over his shoulder. “Are you guys coming back or staying there?” 

“I don’t know, she said it was a goddamned mess. You know how she is when she’s frantic.”

Kylo perks up wanting to hear.

Finn starts laughing reminiscing about a time when she.. when she what? He joined Rose in his car and closed the door, disrupting his insider information. Kylo was hungry for it. Starving even. 

How was he going to do without her during break? Yeah, yeah the boat, the job, it would be a distraction, but swimming in memories of her would be his only anchor. He accepts the next few trips just to get through the time without her... 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened,” says Poe as they head up to their floor.

——-

In the time Rey returned home from being with Kylo, Rey couldn’t stop thinking about how good it felt in his hold. His arms wrapped carefully around her, how his hands settled with the right kind of pressure. Her shoulder still tingled from the drag of his bottom lip over her worn leather jacket, as if it were her own skin. She does a little inside, wishing for the summer, to be at the receiving end of his lips to her skin directly. 

Rey’s own lips feel weighted from her own commitment to lean a kiss into his cheek. As she pressed in to his hollowed cheek, his body seemed to freeze, like he didn’t expect her to. Her hold around his neck didn’t falter. She didn’t let go, until his long black hair swept forward, tickling her nose and cheeks. 

She could still feel it. 

All of it. 

Which meant... if she could feel this... what else could she? Would he want her for more?

Rey tried to focus, looking to fix up her messes, and gotten ready to do her assignment for Mr. Ren/ Mr. Calrissian’s final. She removed he contacts, which had started to sting her eyes from over usage. Sometimes they felt terrible when a wave of exhaustion hit her. She assumed it was that they dried up, but really had no other ideas about what it could be.

Rey popped on some low music, putting on Armie’s neighbor’s glasses when she heard a strange sound in her closet. For a second she looks at the door, hoping to God it isn’t that idiot’s pet snake again, from 4B. The sound of scratching picks up, giving her lungs a break, ready to breathe again. 

‘Not the snake, good.’

But then. 

Then the handle moves, and she backs up instinctively. She remembers she locked the front door. What if there was a person in there? What if it was Bodhi? She actually panicked at the thought. Her whole body shook in fear as a cold sweat painted over her skin. 

‘Phone,’ she thinks, ‘call brother.’ 

Armie’s at the top of her list, so she calls him first. She presses the speaker phone button firmly even though it’s not a true button needing such a force to work. 

“Rey?”

“H-hi Armie,”

“Are you ok?” his voice echoed in her apartment, helping her feel like she wasn’t alone. Even though he wasn’t there. 

“I don’t know? I mean. I’m physically fine, right now.” She shook. “Something’s in my closet Armie, and I don’t know if it’s a person. And I’m scared.”

“Grab the key and get out of the apartment!” He said forcefully. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon. Stay on the line with me.”

A few times Rey’s phone registers with messages from Kylo, thanking her for the day, and that he got in safely. And another, sappily pronouncing his happiness that he had the opportunity to meet her. She felt bad, but she couldn’t delve into those lovely comments, hanging on the phone, and waiting for Armie to come to the rescue. He came with a metal baseball bat, that he solely purchased so he could reenact the ‘Anger Room’ the guys got him after a chef ripped him apart for not properly seasoning a dish. If it wasn’t for that experience he was sure he would have quit it all together. 

She cancelled the phone call, telling him where she saw it jiggling the knob. 

Armitage shushes her, telling her to wait outside. At her nod, she messages Kylo back telling him that he made her day, and was looking forward to Friday. 

A couple of crashes, indicating Armie hits a lamp and then the floor, openly swearing at the creature. “It’s not a person!” He yells. Another swing crushed into the drywall, but he gets a piece of it, and Rey’s body goes limp with a heaving vomit. 

She was sure he hit a cat. 

“Stay off the ground!” he shouts as if it’s lava.

Warily she lifts. 

“It’s a raccoon! Protect your eyes! Don’t get scratched!” He barked out like commands in a kitchen. He steps on the intruders tail, ready to take it out. 

“Armie! No!” Rey sounds pathetic.

He stopped long enough to glare, “It’s a wild animal. Not a puppy. A raccoon,” he presses its body down with the head of the bat to avoid risking a bite for himself. “It knows it’s way in. If you let it free, it will come back. They claw at eyes Rey. Is that what you want?”

“No but I don’t want death either,” she can’t help the pain in her voice. 

“Do you have a bucket? Or a trap?” We can wait for animal control...” he gave as another option. 

“Oh um, I think,” She moves quickly to her room, returning with a five gallon bucket and some books. “Will this work?”

—- 

Rose and Finn unfortunately make it to the apartment before the animal control unit does. “What the... fuck...?” Rose dies seeing the mess. “Rey?!” she roared stepping foot into the apartment. 

“In here!” Rey’s return holler came oddly from the hall way. 

“I swear it’s only us... it’s only our life, Finn. No one else goes through this weird shit,” Rose mutters. “Where?” She tries again.

“In the wall,” she knocks on the inner wall close to the door making them jump. “Fixing the hole in here.”

“What hole?” Rose questions, and then sees the overturned bucket, with books on top of it move. She squeals. 

“Don’t touch the bucket!” Rey yells through the wall. 

Finn can’t help but take a video of the moving bucket, shamelessly recording their conversation too. He picks up on Armie being in Rose’s room, that they had to remove a wall in her closet when they found the first hole in the ceiling at the corner. It didn’t look like it built a nest, but it did eat through the floorboards by the door, that left the space between floors that she couldn’t get to and then, however it got into her closet. There weren’t any holes in hers, which made her wonder if the door accidentally slammed behind it and for how long it was stuck in the closet. 

He recorded Armie assisting Rey from Rose’s room, covered in dust from the dry wall, and Rey offering him access to there shower first, wanting to be there for the animal control crew that was coming. 

Poe receives it, and plays the whole thing, still in the presence of her new friend, FaceTiming with Finn within minutes. “Seriously? I don’t go with you and this is what I miss?”

Finn kicks back onto their floral armchair, stretching out, far enough to put his feet on the bucket. As much as Rey was scared before, her panic started to set in, hyperventilating about animal cruelty. It was in the bucket, probably choking on its own carbon dioxide admissions. She imagined her own time being trapped and scared, shoving Finn’s feet off the top of it. Carefully she squat, lifting the side only centimeters from the floor, offering it fresh, clean air. 

“Peanut?” Finn assesses her putting his phone down and blacking our the image. 

Poe turns up the volume trying to hear. Kylo, strains to hear too, but can’t understand why Poe’s face is etched with worry. They sit in silence hearing little sniffles and Finn trying to tell her he didn’t mean to upset her. “You know when they come they’re going to have to—“

“Not helping! You’re not helping, Finn,” Rose takes control. “Come on, get changed. The guys will handle this and we’re going to get our nails done.” She knew being here would set Rey back, and after the genuinely nice day she explained over the phone, her friend, did not need this. “I’m taking the car. Ride home with Armie, Finn,” she presses a determined kiss into his cheek. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Is she okay?”

“I said later.”


	5. A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo looks for clarification on his feelings, which he thinks, maybe he should have done alone. 
> 
> Rose is to the rescue, saving Rey from a breakdown, taking her for pre-trip activities. 
> 
> And the new friends push each other’s boundaries.

“I’m probably not the person to be talking to about love, buddy. Still single, but Finn? Finn’s probably your guy,” says Poe, grabbing drinks out of his fridge. 

Rey’s box sits by Kylo on the center couch, next to him like a pet. He makes a sound, not quite a word, to agree with his friend. 

“When’d this happen anyway?”

“All day,” he twists off the cap of the bottled Coke. This was a first offense, drinking Rose’s soda, but she wasn’t here. The bubbles make him frown, thinking of dinner, Doph, her, her pretty little dimples, he was in over his head. He was sure of it. This had to be real. “What do you know about her past?” Kylo asks quietly.

Poe coughs on the carbonation. 

‘Why was that such a loaded question?’

“Um,” he choked on his words before they spilled from him, “You need to wait for her to tell you,” he shakes his head. “That,” he frowns at the floor as if he was grieving, “that is a rite of passage. It’s a promise that you mean something to her.”

A sort of groan comes from him again. 

“Don’t push man. It’s ugly as sin. She pushes it away. ‘Doesn’t want to relive it at all. And if you really like her, you’ll leave it up to her.”

The weight of the hint pushes through his chest. It’s horrendous to think maybe she had a shitty childhood. ‘Third home,’ she dropped her own hint. Third home? Like, what? Moving? His family never moved. It couldn’t be that bad though, right? Just a new house every couple years. Home though, she called it a home. Not a house. Maybe it was just her lingo. ‘I mean she didn’t have to call it the same thing.’ He lets his mom’s voice weigh the concept of the two ways people could say potato, sing through his mind. At the lift of his eyebrows, he’s able to inhale again, now being greeted by both Finn and Armitage.

Finn grins like a boy at Christmas. 

“You’re late,” said Poe. 

“Yeah, yeah. Lover boy over here wanted to go buy a ring and I couldn’t get out of it,” drawled Armitage. 

“Because you’re such a good friend!” Finn uses his odd tone he only uses when talking to animals like babies. “Yes you are,” scrunching his fingers open and closed like he was going to pet a soft little critter.

“Don’t touch me weirdo,” Armie says pulling off his jacket. 

Little kids. That’s what they were. The three of them, excluding Kylo, even though he bit back a laugh too. 

“So, what the hell happened at Rey’s?” asks Poe, dismissing Finn’s need for a proposal on one of the islands.

“You know what happened,” says Armitage.

“Yeah. Okay smart ass. Why the hell were you there?” Poe settles down into his seat waiting for it.

“She called me,” he replies like Poe’s a genuine idiot. 

Kylo squirms in his seat. He was just there, dropping her off. He pictures himself as Armitage explains he grabbed his bat, climbing the stares, being there for her rescue was something he didn’t know he needed. He lives the fantasy in slow motion, coming back to Armitage saying, “Poe, you should have seen her face. God,” he falls into the couch like he’s been beaten. “I almost dragged her right back down. Brodie really fucked her up man.”

“Body?” Finn corrects.

“Yeah whatever the fuck his name was.”

The guys have some group discussion about it, grumbling about how strong she was before him and then, now? “She would have fucking did it herself making it a special collar out of an old belt and making it a home right now,” says Finn.

“Yeah, cooking taco cookies...” Poe barks a laugh that echos amazingly off the walls. 

“Taco cookies?” asks Kylo, finally being okay to join the guys in their conversation. Silence and all three sets of eyes turn to him. 

“The worst god damn thing she’s ever—“ 

“That doesn’t count, that dickhead messed her up,” Armitage stands up for her. 

“What about the first time she made coffee?” asks Poe.

“First times don’t mean shit, Poe. Pick something, anything she’s working on and I’ll say the same.”

“You can stand by her all you want but, I am never eating another meatball she makes. Good thing you can cook Kylo,” teases Finn.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” questions Armitage. 

“Oh! You don’t know?” Finn ignites with pure energy jumping out of his chair, “Kylo and Rey are a thing.”

Kylo can feel his chest get heavy, seeing how Armitage turned to glare at him, as he swallowed thickly. God, a relationship is what he wants, not his frustrated friend’s face peeling him a part, layer by awful layer. Kylo knew he liked her. It wasn’t his fault, was it? It wasn’t like he took his crush and leaned into her just because Hux liked her. Kylo’s breathing steadies and crushes him all at once as the initial shock of Finn’s words electrify him. She didn’t say it, he didn’t ask, but they did share some moments he wanted permanently in his life. “What?” Kylo finally asks.

His question hangs in the air as if the group had crop dusted each other.

“You know what,” Armitage flared at Kylo.

“It wasn’t like that, entirely. It just kind of happened,” he should have just gone home. Poe didn’t really need to be involved. He should never have asked about the ‘love’ word. But then, he figures out that Finn wasn’t there but he knew. He fucking knew. Which meant, Rose. Rose is now his outlet. She would be the one to help him, not these clowns.

Rose frightens Kylo though. She’s spontaneous. The woman could challenge anyone and win. She’s, in part, why he’s ignored this fall, especially with her sparks flaring, ready to fight for anyone. For as small as Rose is, she’s the tenacious guard of their family. Armitage already admitted to her gusto behind all things. She loved being the one to pick her family up. In high school, she was the first freshman to captain the varsity dive team. Which was actually how Kylo met her. His practice was cut short, and sent to the lanes for the remainder of their work out to allow for the dive team to practice in the deep water. 

Regardless of her short stature, she was looked up to, and fawned over for her leadership. Rose, back then, was a risk taker, usually doing stunts just to see how many crashes she could cause in the lanes. Kylo had been at the receiving end of a lot of that. The most frightening one, he remembers as if it was yesterday. Rose always had a bag of oyster crackers with her, popping them high into the air before catching one after another in her mouth. Well, she decided to climb the platform one day with her bag, all the way to the second platform, which for non-experienced divers was roughly two stories above the water. She proceeded to lay down, letting the base of her neck hang off of the edge, popping a cracker into her mouth over the water. The cocky little thing pressed off, again and again until she was hanging by her knees. Popping a cracker too far for her reach Rose pulled a knee high to her chest, pushing hard down into the remaining platform’s edge. She fucking flew backwards, into a perfect dive, still missing the cracker. Fearless.

Rose, he reminds himself.

Speak of the devil, Finn answers his phone, giving up on his teasing, “Hey, baby. What’s up?”

——-

Rose and Rey had left immediately after she took control. Rey needed to calm down, and being that they were going on vacation in two days practically, nails seemed like the perfect thing to start with. 

Rey never really seemed to care about painting hers. She was always elbow deep within a project leaving marbling oil stains over her lightening skin. In the handful of times she went though, it was for something important, like presenting herself to apply to advanced engineering as an undergraduate, and applying to patent several of her designs. Rey wasn’t stupid. There was something about dressing the part that bothered her, but knew no one would take her seriously in her stained coveralls and work boots. 

Going to the salon always made her uncomfortable. Rey never felt like the royalty people posed themselves as, sitting in their massaging chairs, and soaking their feet in preparation for a good scrubbing. These people would thumb through their magazines and talk loudly on their cellphones like they were the only people that mattered. It irked her. 

Instead Rey shakily went to sit on the large chair, that seemed to swallow her whole. For a second her mind floats in the memory of Kylo’s body, open to her. God the thought of crawling onto him surged through her mind. Swimming? They were talking about swimming by then. She dies a little thinking of every which way he could save her. Never being fortunate enough to be around water, except for shallow rocky rivers, and the Jersey shore once or twice, swimming didn’t come up until high school. It was mandatory at least one class in aquatics was taken before she graduated, which left her bouncing around in the shallow end in ‘aquacise’. 

‘Ugh,’ she remembers all of the odd rules they had, needing to wear a cap that hurt her ears, even though they weren’t going under. Needing to only come in a one piece or die of embarrassment when lap swimmers would come through, in their lanes of course, trying to snap at the wearer’s ties. Rey remembers the worst part of the class, having to pedal on a noodle, around in the deep end. So many times she did it just where she could still sort of reach with her toes. But straight on deep end was not happening. It was the first ‘D’ she ever got, but ‘D’ still meant she passed.

The time seemed to flash past her, sinking into the chair, not remotely realizing Rose has been talking to her about the night, less the critter. Rey absently pulls out her phone, texting her new friend:

-Rey-  
What are you doing tomorrow?  
Besides finals... 

She pockets it again. 

“Earth to Rey,” Rose sings to her friend. 

“Sorry,” she half yelps, when a small hand rubs an exfoliating cream up from her toes, up to her knees. 

Rose giggles at the sound. “So, tell me again... how did you meet Kylo?” Listening now without interruptions made her heart swell for Rey, in a good way, that made her float with balloons. Not the ‘Body’ way. That made her channel her inner demon hunter, slapping on shoulder sashes of machine gun rounds and an assault rifle that could put a rocket launcher to shame. 

Rose knew Kylo to a point. Quiet and reserved mostly, until he got burned, then all hell would break loose. Kind of like herself. While she was at peace with her hell raiser, Kylo was not. He was erratic, and because he couldn’t always take a joke, he hid himself in solitude, in his apartment, waiting for life to blow by. 

“So I take it, you’re all in,” she adds with a smirk. 

“It was just a hug. Well, a nice hug. Lingering hug. Like...”

“Like an Armie hug?” since she knew all too well there were levels of hugs she would resort to if she liked someone or appreciated something they did. 

“No... no...like...”

“Like what?”

“Like ‘I didn’t want to get off’ hug!” Rey says all too loudly. She groans when the massage stops abruptly, wishing for a replacement.

Rose, for once, is silenced by this.

“And then,” the tenant washed her legs, wrapping both in hot towels as she cleaned the surface area of the nail. Rey yelped at each pull of her skin, trying desperately not to swear at the woman. “I kissed his cheek, Rose.” 

Silence yet again, save for her yelps. Another few minutes pass with her other foot and she’s back in the water, waiting for something else. A brick. What would a brick do? Why is there even a brick in her drawer? It wasn’t like it was a regular brick. That would have been more alarming. This one was baby pink and porous. Rey watched as the woman pulled up the longest soaking foot, and scrubbed the hell out of all of the rough skin around her heel. The sides were the damned worse though. Several times Rey almost kicked her foot out in desperation for the odd sensation to stop. 

“Cool it, Kenobi,” her friend pressed. “It’s not that bad,” Rose sat there taking it like a massage. 

‘How wasn’t this bothering her?’

“Did he? You know?”

Rey blushes thinking about how she wished it was on her skin. How her skin still bristles at the thought. How she would press her thighs together if she wasn’t so obviously on display for her friend and the majority of the shop. “Kind of?” She squeaks, “he didn’t quite make it to my skin... had the decency not to just lean in and nip my neck while I was, you know.” Her pitch rose higher and higher with each syllable.

“What do you mean? Where then?”

“My shoulder, on my freaking jacket. It was light, because of the layers, but God, not even Bodhi made me feel so wanted in such an innocent way.” Rey covers her eyes and feels the odd sensation of a floral scented lotion being applied and cooling her skin. The water has since been drained. The tenant finishes, wrapping her toes in a paper towel weave, readying her toes for polish. 

“Polish color?” the woman asks under her mask.

Rey offers a jade green and white asking for a daisy design if she could fit her big toe with it. Daisies have been important to Rey since she was a child, founding them in the trash riddled woods, alone and strong, growing in imperfection, she imagined herself, too, as the oddly placed innocence. Rey though, was far from innocent by now. She had her own set of rules in this world, experiences she wishes she could return like library books, but this was life. And she would be damned if someone took that opportunity of living it away from her. 

‘Bodhi almost did, that controlling mother fucker,’ she thought. Her mind went dark with a rage, she didn’t want to own. It was like she was possessed by an anger she couldn’t control. She was finally able to assess the facts that her friends were seeing and Rey refused to believe. But then Kylo, of all strangers outside of their unit, woke her up. The man had a past, that much she could sense, but sweet glory, it was beautiful to close her eyes and only see him. 

-Kylo-  
A couple finals.  
Last one is after three.  
Did you want to...

It’s pleasing to see he was just as unsure of his words on the phone as he was in her space. ‘It’s charming,’ she thinks.

-Rey-  
Want to meet up after?

 

-Kylo-  
Yes. 

It stops her brain how quickly he responded. Rey could wait for days for Bodhi to get back to her, thinking it was just what guys did. 

-Rey-  
Ok :) what do you want to do? 

Rey could only think of getting close to him again, if he would let her. She mulled around the idea of a movie at her place, or maybe going to that trampoline place a few blocks away so she didn’t straight up fuck and lose him right away. It was an option she clearly wanted to explore, but she’d wait, hopeful to do the dance with him at a pace he liked too. 

Waddling from the chair to the desk in paper sandals Rey sat uncomfortably waiting for her stubby nails to be ripped apart here too. Her phone sounds as soon as they start, and she’s dying to know who it is. The worst is waiting. 

Rose sits continently next to her waiting for her woman to come back with a secondary color, asking, “Can I respond?”

Rey groans, “what did he say?” 

“Well you have twelve texts from  
‘body’... no, thirteen, and one from Kylo,” she sing songs his name high and low. 

“Tell Body to fuck off,” she starts.

“—with pleasure.”

Rey inhales sharply as the woman cleans her cuticles, making her finger bleed. The woman starts complaining in Korean. To this Rey sighs, “Yeah, I know.”

The woman’s eyes bulge and her mouth drops open under her mask, “You know?” She looks as though she was caught saying something really shitty, when Rey replies, “Man hands.” Nodding at her bleeding elegance. 

A particularly unhappy man gets in her face, “that’s degrading. Mine don’t do that,” he scoffed lifting his nose high enough to prick the ceiling if she threw him like a pencil. 

Rey tightens her lips together, bulging her eyes, she rotates her head slowly to the left to meet a matching ‘what the fuck?’ look Rose was all too giving to their audience. 

“So, can I reply to Kylo?”

“What did he say?” She can’t help but want to keep him to herself.

“Said, ‘what ever you want to do.’ Aw, it looks like you might have a puppy.”

“Ask if he’s ok with starting on his car, and then maybe a movie?”

“Oh, so an ‘all nighter, huh?”

“Maybe?” Rey laughs at Roses expression, her eyes widen and all of a sudden slit. “You sly dog...” she types it out fast, ‘adding at her place.’ Rose was no fool. His place would mean they could possibly run into each other being only a door down... and Rey did not need that conflict right now. Home and family versus love interest. “Maybe you guys can figure out where the hole is.”

Rey imagines her brain readying itself for the dive into the utter depths of fucking lust sewage. Just the thought of that man and Rose’s suggestive word play has her head drops onto her forearms. Her hair lazily falls over her wet nails to her artists protest, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she whines, “I’m not cut out for this fru-fru stuff.”

Rose just laughs as she’s given another coat on three fingers. 

After they’ve dried, Rose calls Finn while Rey puts her socks and work boots back on, getting the worst damned looks in the salon. She rolls her eyes lacing up her Timberlands. Rey took her work boots seriously. It meant she was ready for anything. Her life wasn’t frilly like this tiny personal art shop. Her life happened. It was dirty and compromising. The four staring could stare. 

“We’re staying out and shopping for the trip. Do you need anything?” Rose listens to Finn basically say all the toiletries that Poe has on the regular in the bathroom, and then donuts, “pebble donuts- the rabbit turd ones?”

She’s gross. She just is. Then Rey has a strange suspicion she messed with Kylo. Pulling up his messages, she’s pleased to find, Rose refrained. She actually responded as if Rey was speaking. Kylo, left waiting, asked her a few things, like what she liked to drink, if he should bring anything, or if she needed to change before seeing him. His thoughtfulness warmed her. 

-Rey-  
Water’s fine.  
Maybe bring something to sit on. They really nailed your car.  
And if you have an old sweatshirt or socks, that would help.

-Kylo-  
Ok.  
Why the clothes? 

———-

She doesn’t answer and it’s frightening. 

Kylo stares at his phone, now home, on his couch, nursing one of the last bottles of beer in his fridge. 

She hasn’t yet asked him about himself, his age, his personal life, where he lives, what he wants to do for the rest of his life, and he’s chomping at the bit to share it with her. What if she rejects him for any of it? Could he handle himself? Kylo feels as if he’s stepping on a live wire, just on the cusps of electrocution with all of these feelings coursing through him. 

He checks and rechecks his emails, grading as he goes, but not finding a single request from Rey. It makes him wonder if she forgot. Maybe not... ‘it is due tomorrow anyway,’ he reminds himself.

Drawing has become hard. In fact, besides writing down a few thoughts from their day together, he hasn’t been able to think of much at all. Except. Well. Except for her. 

Finn’s comment was forward, but she wasn’t. Even her texts were simple. Informative. Not exactly what he would call flirtatious. So why was he having such a hard time not focusing solely on his phone? 

Nothing seemed more interesting than constantly scrolling through his email. Rereading her messages... and back again. For a second or two he remembers packing for his trip. The thought crossed his mind to ask her to come with him. He wonders if she would be okay with sharing a room since it was such short notice. Would it be fair for her to drop her plans to go anywhere with a guy she just met? 

His fucking conscience was always screwing up his daydreams. It would sideline him and take the wind out of his sails quite literally. Maybe she’d go after this one? Maybe she’d want him for it? Gifts? Girls like gifts... right? 

Hours have passed and they felt like days, when finally she responds to him. 

-Rey-  
Socks to protect your hands if you don’t have gloves.  
Sweatshirt for me. 

-Kylo-  
You want my 

His thumb hits send before he’s ready.

-Rey-  
Sweatshirt.  
Yes.  
Do you need a trade for such a request?

A sweatshirt was innocent... trade... that could go either way. 

-Kylo-  
What’s on the table for trade?

-Rey-  
I don’t know. What are you after?

Kylo flops his head back onto the top of the couch, his arm draped over his eyes, bashfully as if she was in the room with her. How? How can he respond without sounding like a complete idiot? 

His phone startled him, buzzing and playing then default tune on high, for his immediate attention. Besides jumping from it, he grabs it again, turning to face the screen of it, seeing Rey. His finger accidentally hits decline, and he swears at it like he’s been burned. All of his senses fly out the window for a second. Well, more than that. He’s dropped his drink, inches away from his laptop, still hitting his tablet and rolled the carbonated drink under the couch. “Fuck!” 

Of course it takes him time to reach it, laying flat on the floor trying to sop up what he could with the rest of the paper towels he grabbed from the kitchen. He misses it. Misses her second call. Swearing for the sake of swearing he takes his favorite pajama shirt off to sop up what was left under the couch, pulling the culprit from back behind it, practically touching the wall. Turning to his phone he returns her requests, letting it ring in the background while he retrieves a soapy damp towel. The last thing he needs is another smell in his apartment.

“Kylo?” her voice sounds so pretty he could explode. He reaches for it, pulling it with him from on the coffee table to the floor, he can’t honestly remember he selected FaceTime. Supplied with her groan, he looks down at the phone to see her biting her index finger, balling the rest into a fist, and starring up at her ceiling? Why would she be? ‘Oh!’ 

It was then he knew he could ask for a trade item, that he actually wanted. But how do you ask someone for a kiss? That would be weird right? And she would have his shirt still. Would that really be a fair trade? Could he ask for all of her free time? Or for her specifically? It seemed to be too much for just a piece of fabric, but it was what he wanted. And most clearly what she must want too.

“I’ll think on the trade item,” he says low enough it purrs out of him. “Why do you need it again?”

He watches as her face flushed before him and looks down and away from him. Clearing her throat, her response is breathy but she tries controlling it, “I’ve never worked in a heated garage before. Pretty sure none of them are, unless it’s summer,” she takes a chance to look back over at him from what she’s doing. “I figured since you covered me so well...” her eyes rake down him, “I mean your coat did... since you’ll need it... oh...” her voice trails. 

Kylo tries, really tries not to laugh. Not even smirk. It’s all right there. Her inability to keep herself in check at the sight of him is such a pat on the back.

“Any how, this.. that... it’s not why I called,” she sighs, the angle of her phone changes very briefly showing the goosebumps on her bare legs that extend slightly over a large white piece of paper. “I have this illustration class I told you about,” her articulation returns now that she’s not facing his bare body. She’s showing layers of tracing paper. An obvious strategy to show multiple layers of work, that will no doubt be part of the final as she ends them, taped together to keep their space permanent. Rey removes it completely from the thick, white paper underneath. 

“I’m having a hard time with proportion. The bike isn’t the problem. And I have the basics I think, but there’s still something off with the body itself. I don’t have anything fancy to help me take the picture for reference. Rose is asleep, and I need to get this done before tomorrow,” She rants about it being her fault they even have a final.

He perks up, hoping she’s asking him to return to her. ‘It’s What three in the morning? That’s not weird. It’s just to go help her pose... to touch her... teach her? His brain slaps him again, offering a fresh one for the stupidity of his actions. All he can think about is helping her position herself around the motorcycle, feeling this softness of her body, teaching her what the focal point tells perception to tell the viewer.

‘Why did I skip that class,’ he thinks, ‘fuck overtime... Rey was better. She would have been worth not being paid,’ he groans. 

“Do you think you could help me from where you are?”

“Um.”

“Like if I set up the phone like this,” she puts it down on what must be a shelf in the garage to go sit facing away from him, killing his mind immediately. 

“What are you wearing,” slips out of him instead of muffled in his brain. Dropped the ball. Dropped it and now it’s shattered like chinaware all over the floor.

Rey, however, doesn’t miss a beat, “pajamas,” she replies. 

“Pajamas,” he repeats, hoping she can’t see the appreciation not his face. 

Rey’s pajamas are the smallest damned things he’s ever seen. This cannot be real. It’s a dream. It has to be. Her spaghetti strap tank top matches the red in the fiberglass. Her straps are practically pieces of floss, and the fabric is practically nothing but lace. Her shorts are tight and support the same lace over up the sides of her thighs with a T-shirt mix of fabric covering her lowers, reaching only high up on her thighs. “Who wears lace to bed?” Kylo expects her to hang up on him. ‘Who wears lace to bed? Who cares!’ He wrestles with his brain, ‘stop making me sound stupid— or I have a sharp pencil with your name on it!’ 

“It’s not lace,” she replies. “Is this the right angle, her left leg is perched on the footrest, while the right is stationary, as if she’s just getting ready to go. 

“It depends. Your bike looks like you want the illusion of turning, but looks more like it’s going head on. The camera angle has to change to be mostly behind you,” He squeaks the last part out. “What is it if it’s not lace?”

“It’s not. I promise. Lace hurts. Scratchy,” she returns to position the phone another way, this he gets him a steady showing of her chest.

“What is it then?”

“Crochet. Really small. So much softer.”

“Softer...” he repeats as if he needs an example.

“You know like, wearing a blanket. But I’m in the garage so it’s cold—“

“What about your heated seat?”

“Has to be outside. Carbon monoxide. Bike has to be on or the door has to be open, Kylo,” she shivers.

“Why are you dressed like that then? If you’re cold?”

“Are you not aware of how figurative drawing works? Is it not easier to see the model without, and add later? I might be having trouble referencing it, but you’re not the only one that had to study some sort of art,” she shivers again.

To this he has no response.

“Can you take the picture? Is it correct?”

“Yeah, yeah... I got it. A few. I got a few.”

“A few?”

“Yeah,” a second later, “you’re pretty,” a hum of approval seems to sing from him. ‘Fuck!’ 

Silence.

Fuck. 

Kylo spends no extra time in sending all of the images, and promising he’ll delete what he took, out of sure panic. 

“Take the strongest one and well work with that,” she says. He’s almost sure he blacked out. To anyone else, it would have only been a rider, her head ducking down low between her shoulders, enough to still see half of her crown. Her shoulders and back bowed forward, low to what was the tank. Her arms bent in the process. 

Kylo never had been an ass man. Legs? Yes. Ass? No. But now? Having to actually study it to help her design is torture. The thick of the left thigh has his grip tightening around the loose couch cushion. Did she know what she was doing to him? It felt cruel and innocent at the same time.

“Do you have one?” she asked.

Tightly, as if to hold on to the remaining air in his lungs he replies, “yes.”

“Great. I’m freezing.”

———

It takes her well into the next morning to finish. Rose caught Rey nodding into the paint she used to color, finding that it was an old lipstick case instead, putting her palm out to catch her. Kylo who let his phone run the whole time, hung up at the sight of Rose. 

“Rey? Rey!” Rose pushes her friend back off of her artwork, dropping her gently to the side of it. 

“What’s for breakfast?” she mumbles. 

Rose barks out a laugh. “We literally have Cheerios and a bag of marshmallows.”

“Perfect,” she cuddles into the floor, “that’s either Lucky Charms, or rice crispy treats...the Cheerios edition.”

“You didn’t sleep at all did you?”

“Does it show?” Rey sits up and leans forward like a drunk, which, she’s never been. Rey likes control. Drinking meant none. Not sleeping made her lightheaded and silly. 

The two figure out their morning, make sure her final is submitted, and get Rey some much needed sleep before meeting up with Kylo outside her building.

“This is horrendous,” she can’t help but remind him as he pulls into his father’s garage. 

Kylo doesn’t acknowledge it, reaching in the back for his sweatshirt to hand to her. 

“What do you want for trade?” she asks.

“You say that like you’re going to keep it,” he says.

Her eyebrow lifts playfully, “is that a challenge? Because, you gave it to me, which means it’s mine,” her eyes light up as shock shows on his face. “Do you know how a gift works? You can’t just take it back.”

What exactly happened last night? He wonders. ‘Sleepy Rey is fun,’ he remembers. ‘Cocky Rey,’ he thinks on it, “I’m pretty sure I know how a gift works. I mean, I’m giving it to you,” his voice drops just above a whisper. “But, since this is a trade,” his voice hums as it did when he called her pretty, “I’d want something you couldn’t take back either. See a thing, like a shirt, can be taken...” he pulls it away from her playfully, enjoying her vice like grip on it at his tug. “But, something like a kiss,” he says slowly, “you could never take back. Even if you tried, you’d only be adding to my loot.” Kylo’s forwardness has him breathing in her shallow anticipating pants. His lips carefully resting on top of hers, waiting for what seems to be eternity, for her to decide if this is what she wants. 

Just when he moves to sit back, she releases the hold she had on her senses, lunging forward into him. Her lips clamp down on his, pressing in hard, as she releases on of her hands on his sweatshirt, uninterested in giving it up. He was not getting it back now. Her free hand cupped the base of his skull, pulling him in, deepening their kiss with the flick of her tongue gaining the access she desired. 

Awkwardly positioned in his car, the console between them, left Kylo at a loss for what to do with his hands. One grabbed the inside of her knee, while the other, squeezed the back of her neck, coaxing her to continue. 

A hard knock on the window, made Rey yelp into his mouth, which he couldn’t get over how much he enjoyed. “Ineedtobeyours,” rushes out of his lungs before he can asses his father’s disapproving gesture.

“Aren’t you already?” 

Dumbstruck by her movement to trap his hand between her legs, has him wondering how this escalated so quickly. Was he just old for thinking it should take more time to get with a ‘nice girl’? “What?” 

Her voice slipped just above a whisper, dipping between decibels of that and inaudible, “Tell me you’re mine,” her tongue darts out to wet her lips again. “Tell me you’ve got me...and mean it,” her eyes flutter from his lips, back up to his big chocolate brown eyes. 

‘She fucking looks like she could eat me alive,’ he thinks, ‘and what’s worse, were at Dad’s garage, trying to ignore his looming irritability over this whole matter.’ “I’m yours,” his body tingles, as he resumes their kiss. “I’ve. Got. You,” he pants out as he possessively pulls her closer to him, the damned console between them, begging to be torn out in a fury, as his body screams for attention.

“I’ve got you, too...” she pulls back from him, “Come on, let’s fix this mess.”

“I’ll be out... um.. in a while,” he crosses his forearm over his bulge, to which she has the decency to smile, but doesn’t say anything at all.

———

The inside of Han’s garage is pretty much a usual fit, as far as mechanic’s shops go. Two large garage doors pull all the way to the ceiling to service larger vehicles, including large truck cabs. Directly in front of those are slight inclines that prompt the driver towards a lift that lays flush with the ground around oil pits for both stations. Along the back wall are tools, red and black tool chests, hanging equipment such as hoses and tires, shelves of oil they both sell and use on premise, and a small corner desk with a cash register, computer, and paper strewn about it. The adjoining walls were mostly bare, except for a few vending machines, and a crate of, what looked like, old news papers on one side, and a couple of big black garbage cans on the other. 

The walls were painted white with a two feet strip of blue about ten feet off the ground, and another at the ceiling which could have been only twenty feet high. The floor however was not dolled up and painted, it was important to keep that the natural color. Natural, so that less accidents could happen indoors.

The car is nothing short of a nightmare. Rey pulls her box up next to her hip on the way out, closing the door and humbly introduces herself to his angry, scruffy looking father. His features resemble Kylo’s to a point. His short, greyed hair, rested just above his ears, which made her wonder about Kylo’s. His big brown eyes for starts marrying the edges of his angled face, keeps him from looking like a monster. Had they been any smaller, she may have backed down or gone running in memory of her sixth house. No, ‘Han, was it?’ wasn’t her last pretend family, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to degrade her for tempting his son’s soul in that kiss. The man was a delicious blend or honesty and secrets she wanted to know, and it was no one else’s decision on how she ran her life. 

“I’m Rey,” she put out her hand, much like she did the day before. Han grumbles, lifting his lip in a sideways sneer. He looked up over her shoulder at his son who stayed helplessly in the car, and then, his eyes must have adjusted to realize why they were there in the first place.

“What the hell happened?” he growled.

“Not sure. Found it like this.” She watches as he moves around her to inspect the damages. 

“I don’t remotely have time to fix this.”

“We didn’t expect that you did,” she says carefully, lifting her box of supplies. “Just need some room to handle it ourselves.” She explained apartment policies, to which she was relieved he agreed to.

As Kylo had the nerve to finally get out of the car, Rey lowered, cross legged, the floor to start her administrations. Han watches as she meticulously fixed space after space without referring to her notes. They were for Kylo, why would she need them anyway? 

Han, who was already losing time with the whole situation, looks up at Kylo, pushing his lips together, presses out, “A word kid?” motioning for him to follow. 

Rey continues cleaning the door first and moving up the panel before the two return offering her his father’s office chair. Clearly working in a garage was not a concept Kylo completely understood. Han rolls his eyes, but Rey sits, accepting his care, even if it’s short lived with the constant moving this project induced.

It’s late, the two are sore, both hanging on the other slightly to keep from nodding off completely, mostly out of the tedious nature of the project, less so from each other. In the hours that passed, they shared stories of their childhood, friends, family, which he still wasn’t completely understanding as to how it sounded like she at one point had thirteen brothers, and other interests. Han has been in and out, dealing with clients and issues, when an older Buick rolls in with significant damage to the door and frame. 

Han speaks briefly to the tow’s driver, and then to the woman Who is considerably smaller than him, but speaks as though she’s in enough power to send the man to a time out like a child if she wanted to. 

Rey leaves Kylo’s side asking for her by name. “Maz?” rounding the side of the truck where they stood, Rey cringes at the damages. “What happened?” she gasps at the bruises on her cheek. 

“I’m not that bad, child,” she calms her, “and it’s just a car.” 

“You know, I can just claim it’s totaled. Would that help you out?” asks Han. 

“No. I’m on a fixed income. I can’t go around buying a new or used car,” silencing his protest. 

“I can fix it,” Rey offers. The garage, including Han look back at her. Her, this tiny person, flirting all night with his emotional wreck of a son, swallowed by his clothes, offers to help his client.

“No,” he says. 

To this Kylo calls over his shoulder, “don’t be an idiot.” Those were the wrong words. The two start bickering in each other’s faces, as if they needed this for years, while Rey nods at the driver to set it down on the lift to the right. 

“I’ll handle this Maz,” she says removing the sweatshirt, letting the cold bite through her forest green v-necked t-shirt. Han’s garage and tools said something about him. Rey figures he was disheveled most of the time. Only certain items were easy to locate like the welding mask, a fist full of tools that hung on the wall, vices and eventually a torch and flint chamber to light the spark. She waisted no time, gathering the items she needed and laid them out on the floor behind her, meticulously. 

Another two hours had passed, when the guys turn to see Rey’s disassembled the door into pieces, taken the front panel and backdoor off. She’s also pulled out anything flammable, including the passenger’s seat and back bench. Maz is enjoying her company, sitting in a plastic chair she found in the corner. Han looks at Kylo in frustration, “doesn’t listen, just like someone else I know.”

Briskly, Han stalks the garage, finding Rey on the other side with his mask on. It takes her no time to light the torch, and challenge him in his own garage, before she welds the frame with excess steel and solder. 

Kylo strides up alongside his father, enjoying that smug little thing that silenced him without a word. “Who’s the girl?” Han eyes his son.


	6. Friend-Zoned?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is being exceedingly frustrating, but then cute and sweet, and then... friend zoned?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this didn’t quite make the 50k word goal for NaNoWriMo but don’t worry, I plan on seeing this all the way through, no matter how long it takes. 
> 
> Also totally planning on doing one for a Christmas challenge, because short school months seem to give me the most gray hair. ‘Look Mom, your hair’s turning to snow! Perfect timing!’ 😂🤣

“What are you doing?” Rey asks Kylo as he looms in her garage, pausing behind her motorcycle. 

His face gives way to what he’s thinking. His jaw clenches every time he forcefully swallows his desire. He was in her home. Inside. Invited inside. Why weren’t they upstairs? Particularly in her room?

Rey passes him, moving the bike, so she could get to the ladder.

“Why do you need that?”

Using Rose’s suggestive words from earlier, “Need to find the hole.”

Kylo’s hands rake through his hair, lacing his fingers between each other to cradle his head as it dropped heavily over his shoulders. “I hardly doubt you need a ladder,” he says, feeling set up for that sort of response. Kylo didn’t exactly think he was quick witted but his addition brought up the story.

“You know, you could have called. I wasn’t far. And even if I was, I would have still come.”

Rey misses a step descending down to the floor, not something she would regularly do based on wordplay, but it happens. She feels the immediate flush fiercely radiate under her skin and then his hands, finger by finger, encircling her waist, propping her back up onto it as if she was just light as a doll. Her hand grips the top rung, pivoting her now secured foot towards him. “Thank you, Kylo,” she breaths, trying to mask her surprise, catching the tail of a whimper that escapes her.

His blood surges through his body, making him tremble. His nerves send him into a quiet panic, finding it too difficult to remove himself from her. Instead, he asks, “Why are we doing this now?” thumbing over her clothed back. 

Rey feels him struggling with something. Maybe it’s to fight the urge to pull her down from the ladder? Or needing to see how far she would let him go? Her eyelids feel heavy, trying focus her vision towards her task became harder with every second he was clamped around her. A nervous pocket of excitement slowly bubbles, rolling up from between her thighs, causing them to press together, ‘in front of him,’ Rey complains at her body in her head. 

“Raccoons are nocturnal. If there’s an entrance here... we have to patch it up,” she tries reaching downward for the yellow flash light, asking for it by color. 

The trouble was, there were two. A lantern sort of light and a gun. Rey waves her hand in earnest down by her side, trying to get his attention, his hands still choosing not to part with her. She commands him this time, “Kylo! Yellow gun; I need it now!” She pulls up the ladder, kneeling on the top of it, disregarding his protests. 

“You’re going to fall!”

“Not if you hold the ladder!” Rey shouts while in the rafters, her arm still searching for the powerful flashlight. Once connected, she squeezes as a blinding light pierces the space between them. She directs it downward so as not to burn his retinas, until pulling it up to check the space between the ceiling and her first floor. Rey slowly scans the space. Ridges, created by support beams make searching the area terribly difficult. That is, until the back wall leading to towards her neighbor’s garage had a gaping hole in it. 

Unlike the rest of her search, with the strength in the light, practically bringing the risen sun indoors with her, beaming off of every surface she could pin it with, Rey finds the hole. The hole seems to go on for ever, even though she knows for a fact that the the garage is easily a twelve by twelve foot space. The light connects with dust particles that seem to sparkle as they float by. Circulation in the otherwise stagnant space alarms her. Then finally, she finds the intruders. 

It’s a nest. A litter. Rey can only help but think of the little ones, actually hoping they’re warm enough for now. “Well...” her voice is muffled. They’re are two problems,” she ducks down, leaving the flashlight pointing at the critters. 

Kylo looks at her dusty form like he could easily die from the sight of her. Rey’s arms are folded above the Sheetrock, probably not the smartest since there was something up there that would no sooner attack them if given the chance, leaving her hanging and looking down at him as if they’d been experiencing some sort of foreplay. He looks like he’s rooted to the ground though. Starving. The man looks like he could feast on her for days. 

“What’s the problem?” he croaks.

“Well, we need to call Animal Control again, for starts. Then Mrs. Tico,” she sighs. “That guy,” she points at the wall, “scares me. And I’m not going over there unless I have to.” She pulls the flashlight, quickly turning it off, before sliding down the ladder’s sides. 

“Why? What’s—“

“The guy? He’s really weird. I’m not into throwing stones. But he’s one to stay away from. I think Mrs. Tico tried to evict him but it fell through.” Her brow furrows trying to remember it. “Best we don’t aggravate the beast.”

It’s too late for Animal Control to show up, and Rey’s left a message with Mrs. Tico letting her know what she found. “Well, if you’re grossed out, I guess you can go. I should really stay and keep an eye on this,” her shoulders sag a little in defeat. 

“Can I stay?” Kylo murmurs his question. He really had no desire to leave. Not after today or yesterday. Not after everything they shared, or their kiss. No. Kylo needed to stay. He needed this. Whatever this is, he repeats that he must continue this with her. 

Rey’s smile returns slowly, regarding him carefully. Folding up the ladder, bracing it against the hook on the wall, and setting her motorcycle back in the right spot, she offers her hand to him. Floating. He thinks he’s floating, lifted up slightly higher than the stairs themselves making it incredibly difficult to touch each one. He blushes awkwardly, feeling like a fool for not being able to walk properly. They’re just stairs. No obstacles. Just a straight shot to another door. He tries counting them as his feet stomp on each step. Rey’s made an encouraging sound but he’s still trying to make it up the next three stairs, when she lets go to unlock the door. 

He doesn’t recognize that she’s stopped and walks right into her. “Sorry, sorry...” he mumbles, grimacing at his awkwardness, and stepping down a stair. He catches a faint smile, as she pushes into her apartment. 

It’s cozy in size but mostly bare. The doorway opens up to an average size living room, a green couch and loveseat set that looks like it’s several years old. A chunky throw that looks something like the thing she claimed to be pajamas the day before, hangs on top of each. Her television stands on a closeted unit that looks very much like an armoire, maybe it is, positioned on the wall parallel to the couch. An ornate space rug that doesn’t quite match is positioned in the center of the space. While that looked like a living room, sort of, the rest of the space was left untouched.

She had no pictures lining the walls, no art anywhere really. It just looked kind of sad. A short beige carpet covers the entire floor, all the way to the kitchen, he notices to the right. That too, is small. The cabinets are a lighter stained wood and there aren’t many. The space itself is tiny, looking more like behind the counter of a deli. Appliances such as her stove, dishwasher topped with a counter space and refrigerator next to it sit side by side along the longest wall. A corner space is left displaying cooking utensils and a small, capped, scented candle that reads ‘Evergreen.’ Kylo wonders if it’s because Christmas is right around the corner, but there’s clearly nothing else around to clarify this as decorations for the holiday. 

The sink sits in the middle of the narrow space between that and the remaining wall looking more like a walk in closet to him than a kitchen. To the left of the sink is a short wall lined with cabinets on the top and bottom, split with a countertop to match the glossy, white linoleum flooring. Some hanging cabinets above the sink are missing knobs, and are so warn out the cabinet’s stained coat has been removed. For a moment he wonders if this is why she doesn’t cook. Maybe it’s just too hard to use that tiny space. 

As Rey leads him in, he notices a few doors, there are two on the right wall, one on either side of the armoire, another to his left, next to the couch, and another in front of him. Rey leads on with the tour just pointing to what each door means. “That’s Rose’s room,” she points to the left of the television, then to the right, “the bathroom,” thumbs behind her, “my room,” and this is another door for the fire escape. It leads to a hallway that connects the building,” she unlocks the deadbolts and hanging chain locks before opening the door so he can see. The hallways is a muted yellow with a tight stitched, dark brown carpet throughout, presumably to hide dirt that’s dragged in from outside. When he leans out to see, there are fire escape doors on either side of the hallway, and three more darkly painted doors, assuming them to be neighbors. 

“The trouble with sleeping over here, is well, I only have a twin bed, or the couch.” She nervously plays with her fingernail. 

“What about the floor?” He can’t believe he’s offering sleeping first on the floor, and second due to the creatures that are between them.

“You’d do that, even though...” she trails, her soft expression has him melting.

“Yes,” his voice seems to get lower, “There’s enough space, and we can get the lantern from the garage...make it almost like a camp out.” Kylo’s camping experiences varied. Most of the time either not having the right equipment, or getting caught in the rain making the tent itself bow or break. There were a few times his campfire spread without him knowing, where he finally vowed never to do it again. Clearly, he thought, the elements hated him by then. But the only thing he really had to worry about here was Rose. If she was home, he knew he would have to own up about knowing her and her family. How would she be with that information? Would she still want him? Or figure he was just one of the guys she friend zoned, by knighting him as a brother?

“Since you know where it is,” her voice tempts him again, “Why don’t you go get it, while I make the bed?”

He thinks he said yes, maybe even nodded, feeling lightheaded at the mention that they’d be sharing a space for the night. His feet slammed into each stair as he double timed it down them to retrieve the light source. Grabbing the handle and pulling it along with him, he hears the faintest knocking sound, like someone’s at her door. It’s hers though and she should answer it, he thinks, not him. The knocking gets gradually louder, but he ignores it again, thinking it’s not his house, not his problem. Reasoning with it yet again remembering it’s late, really near morning, and doesn’t want any more set backs to joining Rey in this space she’s making for them, he ignores it for the final time heading up the stairs and closing the door with a lock.

Rey set up the space, pulling all of the cushions off of the couch, and even moved it ninety degrees to sit parallel to the love seat, facing each of them outward. He frowns at the sight, not really knowing what she’s planning. But now she’s managed to disappear and reappear in less. ‘She must have changed.’ Immediately he wonders if her pajamas are under his sweatshirt, but honestly hopes they aren’t. It takes an obvious toll on him watching her set up their space.

On her return she covers the cushions with a fitted sheet, hopefully keeping everything together, a couple blankets to even out the top of it, and then one for them to share. She’s pulled the two pillows from her bed for them to sleep on though, she’s only piled them both on one side of the bed. He watches as she then takes the crochet blanket off of the couch revealing holes in it, to drape over the backs of the chairs, actually making a tent. 

Kylo smiles at her creativity, asking, “Where do you want this?”

“Oh, perfect,” she pops up reaching out for the handle, we can put it right here,” she turns to adjust the setting to a dimmer light. “You know, I tried, but I don’t think you’ll be able to see the television from in here,” she says crawling down into the space. Just the bend of her legs and the small red fabric peaking out under his sweatshirt has him fighting a black out. 

Hers. 

He was hers. 

This was fine. 

Perfectly fine to feel like this about his girl. 

“I don’t think we’ll need it. I just need you.” Yep, he was in over his head. There was never a time he felt he needed anyone, not even a woman. But Rey? She messed him up. He has only been with her for two days and tomorrow would be Friday. Friday would be their last time together before her trip. Well, their trips. But they would be separated, and it wasn’t something he was taking well. 

Assuming they would be settling for sleep, he kicks off his shoes, peels his socks from his feet and tucks them down into them, he has the decency to walk to the door with. On his way back, he shuffles out of his jeans, folding them and leaving them on the outward facing chair. The final item to be removed was his thick, long sleeve green and black flannel, which he draped over the arm of the chair as well. 

A flushness fills his skin as his body meets both the slight chill of her apartment and her heated gaze. She must have been speaking while he was undressing but nothing registered. Her mouth moves once or twice before her lips finally part in awe. His muscles twitch as he watches her eyes drift lazily up over his body, passing his dressed down state, all the way up to his enormous seeking eyes. 

“Well, then,” she breathes in her whisper, “Are you ready for bed?” she squeaks. 

“Yes,” Kylo’s barely able to crouch down from where he’s standing. The both of them shuddering lightly from their combined closeness, when he finally loses himself in the moment. Kylo leans in on all fours, crowding her space as she backs up into her fortress. He’s leaning nips at the corners of her mouth, begging for entry. Finally, as they’re comfortably inside their makeshift dwelling, she allows him. Kylo positions his arms on either side of her body keeping her contained within the space of the cushions and his body hovering above her. He can’t see much past his need, bust listens to her needy little sounds as she mercilessly claims him. 

Her hands shove through his long dark hair with a whimper of sorts. It’s an excited, lusty need of a groan as their lips mash furiously into each others. His muscles harden under her touch as she grips her right hand into his soft hair, sliding the other down over his back. A bright blue haze develops behind his lidded eyes, as he finds a place of euphoria as they connect. 

Sparks seemed to fire as they hadn’t before. The other women he had been with weren’t her. She could light him up with simpler, meaningful moments. Times enthralled in her creativity, her skills were turn ons he could never have found appealing in anyone else, her genuine care did things to him. It was unnatural and rejuvenating at the same time, which was equally scary.

The thought of her beneath him did him in though, straining into the soft, thin material of his burgundy boxer briefs. His eyebrows lift as his hips softly brushed over her. Kylo was sure of the didn’t have any friction, he would pass out. Then... there was his fucking conscience again. She deserved to feel special... not just like a piece of meat. Truly, now, panic starts to set in. His movements, much slower and refined, he pushes down against her in the same level of want she seems to be showing. 

Briefly Kylo seems to change his mind yet again, pulling soft kisses from her, forcing her to change her position, sweeping what she has released of his hair softly over her cheeks. Her grip softens, mirroring his silent plea, sending mixed signals to her already intoxicated self. “Kylo?” he hears her purr, feeling her soft hands marvel over the thickness of his arms. Never once did that feel like pleasure in it of itself. They’re arms. His long and once gangly arms, now stronger, but still made him feel ape like. Orangutan arms to be exact. They were great for water polo, climbing or holding anything, but God, he thought they we’re they anything but attractive. 

Rey made them feel special though. Made him feel like he was floating every time she so much as looked at him. Their pillow arrangement beneath them shifts and pockets with space between them as she moves to pull her self up, still bracing his left bicep. Her finger tips drifts down the other, his breathing hitches, but remains shallow trying to assess her. 

“Rey?” he mirrors, circling an arm around her waist. He’s slow. Careful, gathering his sweatshirt in his hand, cursing the very fact that the only skin mingling between them are their legs. They slightly brush against each other while she continues to move. “What...” he squeaks an unmanly sound.

Rey nips at him, but carefully backs away finding a thoughtful expression instead of the lust driven one she experienced in other relationships.

He hoped she didn’t hear the squeak or judge him for it. “Um, what... what is this?” he pushes out from his lungs. He begged himself not to ask. It was important to know. The women he was with didn’t respect him like she did, even in this short time... he felt like there was more to this. 

“What?” she looks down around them, searching for something she figured he may have seen. 

“What are we?” he breathes his question. “I need to know.” All of the muscles in his body tense as his brain threatens to completely shut him down and fire his heart. That was not a question he should have answered now. Not while she matched his physical need... but even if she did, he knew he couldn’t live with only half her desire. “Is this just a thing? Or are we more?” 

“What kind of girl do you take me for, Kylo?” her eyes pierce through his own making him wince. He swallows hard looking to answer with anything, anything at all, when she moves to the side of him, waving her arm to the side to lay down. 

“An honest one,” he drops to his side, rolling to his back. He lifts an arm over his eyes, wanting to block out his mortification. 

“You told me you wanted to be mine...t-o-d-a-y. What else do you need to know? What else could I possibly give you so you know I’m yours?” She has the heart to stay in their little tent together, “This is something new, and exciting, and if you keep pumping the breaks, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

He looks at her under the shield of his arm.

“I... I don’t want to get hurt again. This teetering you’re doing... it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. And there’s not. I might not have it all, but I have what matters. Is that enough for you?”

Honest. Damn straight she was honest. His arm reaches out as a sigh presses from his lungs. It’s not what he expected at all. Even the blonde would tell him what he wanted to hear to get him to continue, but Rey, he thought, was this delicate flower he wanted to protect. He wanted all of her happiness, to be the cause of it. He wanted to tell her everything he felt, but it was crazy, wasn’t it? 

She hangs in their silence, breaking it once again, “I’m not crying over the actions of another man. If you can’t respect me then you can get —“

He silenced her with his kiss. Slow. Steady. Calming. It was as if the dam broke and his need claimed her once more. “You. Are. More. Than. Enough,” he spares through slight pants between their deepening passion. Swallowing the whisper of her soft whimpers into him, he pulls her to his side. “It’s all I want to do. Respect you. You owned it since we met.” he coos into her hair.

“Then why are you treating me like this?” she manages asking, her cheek presses into his chest.

“It’s because I do, that I do.” The light of the lantern peaks over the shadow cast by her head. His cheeks heat under her gaze. “I’ve never had anyone make me feel this way, and I’m scared,” he swallows. “I’ve been hurt too. It’s not just you. And it’s not worth reliving,” he brain stabs him with Poe’s advice. He may never know now, but did it matter? If she never spoke a word to him about it, could he let it go and just accept her as she is now, just the same as he asked her to do for him? It didn’t seem to be too terrible a thought. 

His heart seemed to slow as her head sank down into his thin white undershirt. She was nodding off. Comfortably, into him, where she belongs.

——

As the sun peaks through the windows he can’t remember being next to the stairs to the garage, it creeps far enough across the floor, stretching over his eyes. The intrusion makes hims squirm. But then he feels her where he slipped from his own consciousness. In awe that she didn’t leave and go sleep on her own bed made his heart sing. He deserved it for stopping all night, not this. ‘She deserves so much better,’ he thinks cradling her still close to his body. 

Kylo could stay this way for ever, he knows it. Hunger could not keep him from her side. A more pressing issue now has him squirming at the sensation. ‘Bathroom,’ he stares at the bottom of the closed door. ‘No light,’ he nods at himself, assuring himself it wasn’t a dream and he would come right back to her; he wills himself to carefully get up. 

Rey sleeps like the dead. He’s almost sure he’s never met anyone who could sleep through his movements. Even the door clicking heavily shut, he was sure she would wake up to. Nothing. 

Her bathroom was just as outdated as the rest of the apartment, well, the two rooms she showed him were. The bathroom had black and white checkered tiles throughout the floor, covered with matching cheep, tan bath and toilet mats. The pink tile on the walls reminded him of the what he figured the girls bathroom looked like at school. Not that he was ever in there, but if the gender biased blue tile in the boy’s bathroom was present there, pink had to be for the girl’s. It wasn’t even a neutral pink. No this was a, slap you in the face, pink. Knowing all too much about color he assesses it to be a coral pink leaning slightly into the yellow hues, which really made it pop. This lined high onto the walls, edged with a thin, rounded tile that gave way to of all things, a floral wall paper. 

For a second he frowns at this wondering if she overlooked this mixed and matched space. He thought maybe he could fix it for her, but bathrooms are expensive to change, and it didn’t even belong to her. He takes in the rest of it carefully, as if to study it. A tiny pedestal sink sticks up from the floor. Next to it, a small metal rack that held a hair drier and four pack of extra toilet paper out in the open. Past it, standing in front of him is the shower. It’s makeshift like the rest of the bathroom. An old footed tub that oddly reminded him of his grandma’s house is separated from the space with a tension rod and hanging shower curtain decorated with seashells. The shower was confusing though. He wasn’t able to find it until he looked down at the tub. It’s hand held shower head... he nods at himself that this would be the most creative shower he would have had to take since he was younger and at the time, actually afraid of it. 

First, it was time to take care of his pressing need to pee, turning back to the tiny toilet adorned with a basket of lady products. He grimaced at the thought of her needing any of that. ‘Not today, not today, not today,’ he chants under his breath.

Showering was the most horrendous experience he’s ever had. The only thing on his mind was to ask her to move in with him and leave this shit hole immediately. He knew enough about her, to need to ask gingerly. He wonders how long this has been her home, angered that she even pays rent for such an obvious amenity error.

Everything was cold. The tub felt like it had been frozen over night. Running the water should not have taken so long. He kicks himself for his impatience, realizing that the bathroom never clouded with steam, but in he went anyways! Stupid. It was so stupid! But now he had no choice but to follow through. 

Once he finished he realized there was no towel. His fucking luck has him wondering if this was some awful test. He could waste all of her toilet paper, having to explain why she has none later was an option. Or the fuzzy bathmat? That seemed counter productive though. The point was to get clean. Using his clothes wouldn’t help. He was sure he would have to ask for them to be dried then and she clearly didn’t own a washer and drier, at least of what he saw so far. The closet thing that resembles a towel is her shower curtain. ‘Winner!’ he exclaims in his mind.

Kylo’s since left the bathroom, meeting the usual crispness of her apartment to find her still asleep. He rounds the loveseat where his clothes are to pull on his flannel shirt. Anything to avoid the merciless drip from his undeniably cold, wet hair. Leaving his pants since he would be sending the wrong signals if she woke to him dressed, he then manages to make it towards the kitchen. 

Finding her Cheerio concoction from the other day, he shakes his head wondering what he could actually find to make for her. To Kylo’s credit, he could cook. Left to his own devices, with having to eat at strange times to compensate for missing dinners during practices, races, or water polo matches, he had actually became pretty good at it. Rey had enough raw ingredients to make a measured cup and a half of pancakes. He nods at himself, looking for the pan, and then a spatula... and finally anything he could squirt the mixture from. 

Their refrigerator housed enough mostly emptied ketchup bottles to make one full one. Looking for an out of date bottle he takes that, thoroughly cleaning it before adding the batter to it. As he began to cook, Rey started to stir, whining at the loss of him. She sounded like a sad little new born puppy, he forces the animal into his brain, specifically not wanting to call her kitten. Not yet at least. Respect was something he knew she wanted, and for some reason even through their obvious attraction, calling her kitten was indefinitely going to get him slapped. 

Puppy. Puppy was good. It was safe. 

Time was not of the essence. He needed to focus, or he’d risk burning every piece of his pancakes he made. It mattered. He was sure she would eat them if he made them... he eyes the Cheerios again wanting to hurl. This girl needed someone solid. Someone like him. She chose him right? He could do this. 

Rey’s soft voice rang out behind him, cutting through the sound of the oil simmering in the pan. “Oh! Kylo, you showered?” She wasn’t teasing him, he caught the awful look of pity, and then a hug. “I usually have to wait ‘til two in the morning for a warm one,” she offers. “Do you have time to kneel?” she asks him, nodding at his work. 

Kylo offers her a finger, scooping the pancake to the stack. Turning back to her, he lowers, holding her hips for support, a white dish towel drapes over his shoulder. He looks up at her like she’s an angel, her hair still knotted from sleep, dwarfed in his grey sweatshirt. He watches as she pulls her hair tie from her hair, uncurling it to ready it on her wrist. The pan sizzles in the background, while he, himself, is on fire. Her fingers run over his scalp, over and over. Internally, he thinks, he hums in appreciation. She promises that she’ll dry it for him when he’s done, as she ties it up. 

The pressure of the bound hair gives way to spilling water. With no forward thinking, she pulls the hem of the sweatshirt up high enough to capture his draining locks. For a split second she has him wondering why it’s dark. The sun was just...’oh?’ His nose lined up with her abdomen, showing only, slightly out of her pajamas.

Dear life. He held her for dear life. This woman was going to kill him. But he gives in. She would have thought this through wouldn’t she have? She doesn’t just go around pulling people under her shirt — ‘Don’t ask. Don’t even do it,’ he warns himself. Testing her, he noses into her as she rings out his hair with his shirt. She wriggles at his intrusion. My how the tables have turned? He was now the puppy, he rolled his eyes, shutting them, focusing only on her. 

He drew with his nose, down around her exposed skin, leaning feather light kisses over the top of her waistband. His thumbs press slightly harder into her hips giving a steadying pull, coaxing her down onto him. She however, stood strong, not wavering from this strange, new sensation. Instead she let him explore underneath the hem of her top, leaning hungrier kisses into her skin. 

‘Clothes,’ he thinks. ‘Who was the dumbass that invented clothes?’ he whined to himself, fighting with how he would tug this thing off of her while she was still in his sweatshirt. It wasn’t one he could maneuver like usual tops. This was, of all designs, fitted. She called them pajamas. No. They were more like Chinese finger traps. 

“We need to get you some real pajamas,” he mutters against her skin, “These are not pajamas,” he states with finality. 

“Oh?” It comes off as a half moan, “why do you say that? What would they be exactly, then?” she quiets a laugh. 

“They’re a sausage casing to your form. I,” he whines, “I can’t... get in... and I want in,” he shifts upward on his knees, ducking his head from his shirt. 

“Well, I can always help you,” she looks amusingly at him. 

Breakfast could be reheated right? He swallows, “Yes, you could.” 

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes.” He should not have to answer this, but clearly he’s been incapable of following anything through today. 

She reaches behind him, turning off the burner, she spies what he’s been making. “Kylo? Did you make these?” He nods. It was a silly question. They were the only two in the apartment. Of course he did.

“And syrup. You didn’t have much left or anything.” 

“You cooked... for me?” she whispers as if he bought her a house, “How? How did you do that?” He smiles at her, and she looks at him like he’s given her the galaxy. “Please, please smile? All the time...for me? 

Her voice is so soft and wonderful, and his... he can’t help but keep it plastered on his face. “Okay,” he says, rising to his full height. “There’s still some batter left,” but if you want to start...”

“No, I’ll wait for you.”

He’s able to get three more pancakes out while she finds glasses and plates. Readying her folding table, that’s oddly bolted to the wall, she pulls the stand to keep it from clattering, heavily down against it. There really wasn’t enough space for a traditional table, leaving this as their next best option. 

The pancakes are wonderful. He’s made a few that look like reindeer with heart shaped eyes, Christmas trees, and ornaments with sayings in them. Her favorites, of course, are the ones that say, ‘mine’ and ‘yours.’ 

“This was very thoughtful, you know,” she says, enjoying her last bite. “I’ve never had anyone cook for me, except for my family,” she offers shyly. 

“Well, you’re worth it,” he blurts out sipping the last of his milk. Uneasy now with her stare, he folds his arms around his plate leaning over it, like she might take it. “What are your plans today?” He asks, rolling his tongue over his teeth, removing any left over syrup. 

“Well for starts, taking care of you,” she smiles, “and then?” he watches her bob her shoulders, “relax. Make sure I have everything for tomorrow. We’re leaving around ten to get there for a twelve o’clock departure.”

“Do you need a ride?”

“Oh no, I think we’re ok. Armie’s going to drive us.” She follows up at his stare, “Armitage, one of my friends,” she starts explaining who they are. He must have won her trust. When he slips another information bomb on her. 

“I know them! Small world. I grew up with Poe and Armitage mostly,” her eyes widen as he continues about his past. She lights up more and more as he speaks. Her excitement peaks and then...

“Wait! You know Rose too? All of them?”

“Yeah, actually, the one I know the least is Finn. Though he was always around when Rose was diving.”

“Wait! Is it true she was held back two years so she could apply for the Olympic Dive Team?” Rey asks. 

“Yeah. I heard that she was skipped ahead in middle school because she placed out of so many subjects. But it totally messes up high school transcripts, showing that she was there for six years. She was technically a senior for three years. And then her Dad passed, and everything changed.”

“I remember that,” she whispers, “I... he... he was there,” she feels the need to explain, “I only had hours until my birthday. Eighteen meant freedom. Finally. I had everything lined up. I was to leave and go right to the police station, where Officer Tico said he would drive me to my new home, with them. It’s how I turned up here.” She sighed heavily. “It just so happened that my last foster father, participated in a drive by shooting, firing at parked cars, trees, and me. Officer Tico didn’t hesitate, threw me to the ground as if I was of something of importance to him, and earned one...”

“Right in the temple,” they both whisper. Christ, Poe was right, he didn’t want to hear this. 

“Yeah,” she followed up. “It was just a fluke he was outside too. He wasn’t supposed to be.” She nurses her milk, “We’re still here to make sure her mom is okay. I’m sure you’ve seen enough to think I’m piss poor, and barely scraping by. But we’re not.” He watches her line the remaining syrup on the fork, scrapping every bit of goodness he provided her off of her plate, when she says, “I have who I need—I just want to be who my family needs too.”

———

Letting her dry his hair was easily the most loved he felt in a long time. Rey has no issue with setting him up in the living room, on a cushion, sitting in the floor in front of the now functioning loveseat. She’s sectioned out his hair in layers making absolutely sure every last remaining piece was dried and now comfortably settling around his ears. 

As she combs it out, she’s careful not to knick them at all, which he’s sure was a feat, apologizing constantly at the size of them. He mentions hating the movie Dumbo, since kids were mean and would tease him constantly for it. Rey sniffles behind him, to which he catches her hand in his, “Don’t, it’s not really—“ he wants to tell her that it’s not a problem any more. That it hasn’t been for years, but instead she begins to speak. 

“I don’t like that separation song,” her nose sounds like it’s tumbling gravel, “it was the only movie we had for a long time. Seemed to be cruel to have such a movie among groups of foster kids... but you know... Disney with their meaningful stories and all.”

Kylo’s face fell, horribly, as if the gravitational pull magnified considerably. As he turned to face her she’s managed to let a tear stream down her face, “No, no, no..” he clarified, “I mean if you have to, fine, but—I don’t want you to feel like this. Not with me.” 

Her words haunted him for the rest of the day. He’s certain he had no idea the girl from the article was Rey. Not that he knew her before or anything. Rose wasn’t the same age, or close in age to him. It made more sense that she stayed, Rose was probably in the throes of anti-bullying campaigns with Rey by then, mentioning that she was two years younger than her as it was. 

As he sorted it out, it made Rey sixteen when Rose graduated, finally. But that would mean her parents knew about Rey’s ugly truth... for how long? How long did it take to actually get a hold of her? How was it that she could be in such a dangerous place? He hoped it wasn’t long. He hoped that it was a fluke, that nothing about it managed to be more than a few hours, but he was sure it was. Kylo recalls all of their conversations. Hints she’s dropped, third home, thirteen brothers, collectively, he’s almost positive, and now this... and then Poe’s reminder. 

‘Leave it alone,’ he presses himself.

“Do you want to come with?” she asks as she finishes up with Mrs. Tico, who also warmed at the sight of Kylo.

“Where?” he asks.

“Poe’s” she finishes.

“Are you sure it’s ok to bring a guest? Especially on such short notice?” Kylo asks even though he’s never been considered a guest. He was one of them, even with his oddness towards their group hang out. 

“Please! You’re their friend which practically makes you family.”

‘Oh no! Friend-zoned? Why?’

He knew why. The breaks. All of the whining won him nothing more than that. He wonders how that other guy surpassed the friend zone, and how many encounters he was allowed before she dropped him. It bothers him that he’s been kicked to the side, especially after today. It doesn’t change his heart rate when she takes his hands, practically begging him to go, ‘she can feel this right?’ he prays. 

“Okay,” he winces as if he’s stepped on a hot coal. 

She’s so grateful she could explode. It was almost too sweet to watch her brimming with such excitement to show her family who she connected with. As they pass through the hall, all he wants to do is go home, but he promised. It was time to just do it now, even as his heart races and the floor threatened to swallow him whole, as she turned the key to enter the apartment. 

“Oh, what do we have here?” Kylo scrunches his face as he hears Armitage’s voice.


	7. Room For More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armitage remembers times with Rey during her childhood. Both Armitage and Kylo don’t take kindly to the other’s relations with Rey, one upping the other as they go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to Armitage’s mom comes from Legends, suggesting she was Armie’s father’s mistress.

Rey bounces up and down, it’s the cutest thing he’s seen since she’d seen her excitement towards his reindeer pancakes, but why? 

To her, the apartment smelled like home, evergreens and Armitage’s cooking. Christmas is easily Rey’s favorite time of year, just for that alone. 

“Armie!” she gushes, “When did you start decorating?” Her fingers brush against the lit garland his Mom used to make with him every year. Once or twice he’s told her they do it especially for her, to help her remember a simpler time. Kylo watches her as she lingers by the varied, woven evergreen branches, touching the different textures, and loving their natural beauty against the dark wooden door frames. 

Armitage’s Mom was the only parent that Rey started calling Mom when they met. She was what Rey thought a Mom should be. The woman was strong, loving, and the most honorably honest woman she’d ever known. There were enough times that Rey kept her past a secret, and his mother, who Rey purposely never used her first name out of respect for the woman, would challenge her to see a clearer path. 

Mom was of an average height, which as a child back then, to Rey, was tall. She remembers always looking up to her, even when she crouched down to show significant care. Armitage and his mother were important pieces in her life, in fact, the only ones that knew her the way Dopheld’s family did. His Mom had long, strawberry blonde hair that she usually tied into a low, braided bun. But Rey’s favorite was when it was down. It looked as though it could light the paths for all lost children, to bring them home. 

Mom never seemed to paint her face either, showing the wears of stress and age, teaching her that life could be beautiful and terrifying, but she could channel it. She had the option to let life consume her, or let it come and go as naturally as a passing thought. Her eyes were kind; marbled with blue and green shades mixed within themselves sort of like sapphire stones. Dainty features such as a soft point of her nose, thin but lovely rosy lips made her smile of the best she’d ever seen, and the curve of her jaw put paid models to shame. But it wasn’t this that made her. It was her heart. The way she regarded her son. The way Rey could relate to the torture of being used and cast aside, and she never once gave up, or gave in. 

Mom was a good reason to get up every day and prove she could handle her own torture. Armitage brought them together. He was the reason that Dopheld’s father learned about her situation. He was only a boy then. Really, they were only children looking out for each other. 

Every year since she could remember, both him and his mother would braid evergreen branches for garland. When she was younger, but still semi-feral, Rey would cautiously sit outside and watch the process. The fragrance was so calming to her, Armitage, who was ten at the time, had learned how to make a corsage for her first year to give to the wild thing. The original was rough being his first, but it was important, and better still, Rey cautiously accepted it, and strangely had the effects of like catnip to her. She would curl up with it and stay planted next to Armitage until the street lamps came on.

“I have one for you, Rey,” he watches her touch the one hanging by the door. Her head swivels around to find him in the kitchen, finishing drying a bowl with a red, snowflake sprinkled printed towel. 

“You do?” she cant help but breathe in the wonder that he cared to do this again for her. 

Kylo sighs heavily and cannot deal with this right now. He hasn’t been ‘introduced’ as anything yet. Maybe he really was friend zoned. Though this was the Armitage he knew, to a point, always trying to go toe to toe with him, and of course it was out in the open that Kylo is of interest to Rey, which meant the Olympic trumpets were sounding and a battle was to be had. 

Rey seems to gravitate in wonder to Armitage, only once looking back to Kylo, wondering why he was still by the door. But this was important. More so than a man, or the attraction between two people. It was a tradition. Actually, of the very few she had, this was invaluable. Rey makes her way to him, and he’s already pulled it from an invisible cabinet, Kylo thinks. It looks disturbingly like a proposal to him, who manages to stay out of her view, but still within earshot of their conversation.

“When did you do this?” she asks admiring his handiwork. Armitage bound Balsam and Fraser fir together at the base laying cedar pines over top, decorated with fanned holly leaves and berries bunched with tiny pine cones in the center. A small, flakey gold ribbon bow tied the item together, and as always, he gave her the soft leaf bedding behind it so as not to scratch herself, if she ever wore it, even though she never did. Instead, Rey always carried it as if something could snatch it from her. She protected it, every time. 

“Last night. Poe’s been packing and Rose is never any help when Finn’s not here. I almost found her a coloring book to keep her out of my space—“

Rey’s face splits open regarding her friend, “Why didn’t you wait for me?” she asks as she thumbs over the different pines. 

Kylo’s hands could not have been shoved any further into his pockets. Even his short nails were feeling the pressure of the seams beneath them and his skin. “Well,” Armitage starts, “You won’t be here, and it’ll be the week before Christmas when you return. I can’t imagine having enough time for this and baking when you’re all back. So I figured I’d just do it now.”

She nods thoughtfully, “But, what about Mom?” Rey brings the gathering up to her nose to sniff at it.

‘Kitten,’ registers in Kylo’s mind as puppy literally was getting drop kicked out.

“She’ll be here for Christmas,” he promises. 

“Will you let me cook with you, too?” she sniffs at it again.

‘That’s it,’ Kylo’s hands are ejected from his pockets, swinging a little more than casually as he strides up to the island to lean down by them. “Why do you keep doing that,” he looks at her.

“Doing what?” her thumb traces the healthy pine needles. Her innocence is completely disarming. He was expecting to see some type of flirty look as she spouted her questions to Armitage. Instead he got big doe-like eyes that were cautious, with the possibility of giving way to the need to run. 

“Smelling it like its a bundle of flowers?”

“Smell it.” She presses it towards his nose.

Armitage tried to stifle a smile, knowing full well this thing was not allowed to be teased. Her friends knew not to do it, most of the time. Watching Kylo have to figure this out would be far more fun than anything Armitage could ever dream of. He waited to a fault to get him to coax it out of her, when she finally let down another part of her wall.

“Armie does this for me, every year. Mom, his Mom I mean, and him found me when I was a young child. I made a home for myself between the two fences in his back lot when I’d runaway. There was a lot of junk back there,” she forces a smile when she looks up at Armie. “Enough to make a place to live in.”

“It was not enough to live in, Rey, it was almost winter. You were going to freeze.”

Rey sniffs at it again and smiles, “Do you pick these every year because of me?”

“Yeah,” He lightly scratches at his stubble, “It was Mom, mostly, until we realized you responded to it,” he smiles thoughtfully. “It was a lot like training a wild animal,” he dodges the balled towel thrown at him, “still wild...” he chokes a laugh. 

“It smells like my safe place. And when you had it, you became safe too.” She said softly. 

The corners of Armitage’s lips curl up at the memory of her balled up next to him, “When we met you, I begged Mom to wrap the porch banister with it so you would come down the next day and so it went...”

“Until you followed me home, and I took the worst beating of my life. That, I could take, but they took my thing, and I wasn’t sure if you’d give me another,” she shakes her head as she feels Kylo’s arm secure her at her waist. 

“I was pretty sure you were on your own, Rey. I couldn’t have imagined you had a family, or that it was that bad...but aren’t you glad now that I did? You could have still been there, or dead,” to this she nods. 

“Safe place,” she mutters to her self, but Armie knows, breaking her concentration, “I have more if you want, Rey,” he tries to calm her before the darkness takes over. “You know, Mom said she might stay into the week, maybe stay for New Years?” He ignores Kylo’s efforts to sooth her, rubbing small circles into her side, “Do you remember your first one with us?”

Her fear starts to wane, spitting an even line of curses, “You thought it would be fun to melt marbles in the cast iron fireplace,” a small smile pulled at her lips, the one in the kitchen.”

“I was grounded for a week. They melted so horribly and coated the inside of the drum so well it always looked like there was a pool of water in it,” his eyes squint trying to hold down his fit of laughter. 

“What’s so funny?” Finn’s turns to close the door, not completely registering that Rose has already skipped into the kitchen to join the chatter, “Hey...Kylo?...”

“Yes,” Rey fists her evergreens, “Where are my manners?” she squares off holding the island counter, “It seems, I’ve finally experienced a small world moment, meeting your friend, Kylo.”

——-

If he could stomp off and trash the place he would. His mind reels at the very fact that he wasn’t even introduced as ‘hers’, and her Armitage was in her space. Or his; he claimed it so it should be his. She called him ‘your friend’ which was a lasting slap in the face.

“Aw, you have your sniffy?” Rose changes the subject, “Why don’t I get a sniffy?”

“You don’t need a sniffy, your high enough,” teases Finn.

“High in life maybe, but I’m the shortest person in the room!” she waves her hand now specifically at Kylo who she’s named as the human skyscraper at least every day of their adolescence. 

“You practically live here, just smell the walls,” Armie complains. 

“If you make me smell the walls like that weird ass candy movie where they lick the wallpaper, I will take it down and wear it like a boa.”

“That’s a promise, you know,” Finn widens his eyes toward Armie.

“And I’ll traipse it everywhere if I have to,” she continues. 

Kylo can’t help but smirk at the thought when Armitage smugly chides, “I don’t negotiate with terrorists...”

“Oh, I could roll all over your bed with it, and pull...”

“Rose. Stop.” Kylo had seen enough. Rey actually looked physically sick from her speaking about damaging their tradition. “Hux, can you just make her one?”

“Oh-o! I was right!” Finn teases watching as Kylo, the most impersonal one in the room, gingerly assesses Rey’s well being, while pulling her in against himself for a hug. 

Poe materializes out of nowhere, not even noticing the change in decoration or the grouping of their friends, including Kylo, in the kitchen. “Don’t use my noise Finn. Can’t have people thinking there are two Poes.”

“You mean two Finns.”

“No, you learned that sound from me,” says Poe, hastily making it across their apartment to the bathroom, looking for his secret stash of gels and hair products.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just a sound and doesn’t actually belong to anyone...” Finn tilts his head back calling over his shoulder to his friend. 

“Keep telling yourself that, Buddy,” he stops at the word, straightening in his step with a look of pure confusion on his face, “speaking of buddies... good to see you Kylo,” he says as if he hasn’t been in the apartment for the last few months. It had been days, but not everyone knew, right? 

He offers a nod back to Poe. 

“Ready for tomorrow?” he asks like it’s nothing.

“Yeah, should be interesting,” Kylo’s voice sways with the thought of the boat.

Rey sighs peacefully into him, her ear still pressed comfortably on his chest, hearing a slight irregularities of probably nervousness. “What’s tomorrow?” she asks. 

“I start a new freelance job,” he was slightly embarrassed to say where, as it was clearly a chance on tourists dollar. Nothing as sturdy as a real job, and it was frightening for two major reasons. No safety net, and on a boat. 

“Freelance? For what?” Kylo only hears her even though others start speaking around them. 

“Artwork.”

“Oh!” She slaps at his thigh, “like your pancakes?”

“Pancakes?” this derails Rose, “We had exactly nothing at home.”

“You slept in their home?” Armie’s voice trails through his question. 

“I couldn’t exactly leave,” Rey starts. 

“But he could have...”

“And then I’d of been alone with the critters.”

“Critters?” Both Rose and Armitage ask. 

“There’s a hole and a nest; your mom knows and it was removed this morning.”

“Why doesn’t anybody tell me these things?” asks Rose. 

“Did you really want to know last time?” offers Armie. He watches her blink out the obvious ‘no’. 

“What kind of heat do you guys have for that place?” Kylo interrupts. 

“Practically none. Not all of the pipes work. It’s a work in progress. Why do you ask?”

Calling it condemned was the absolute wrong way, just like the unyielding need to throw the garland Rey kept nursing smells from needed to be rectified. Instead he tries, “Do you usually have air in the pipes?”

Rose rolls her eyes at him, “Alright Mr. Building Inspector...”

“No I’m serious. I heard knocking. What is that?”

“Kylo it’s air,” Finn said sternly. The man posed a look that could even curb Rose’s wild side, as if he was trying to avoid something they didn’t want to speak about.

“Girls, you’re moving in,” said Poe. “I know you have practically nothing...we’ll go through it when everyone goes back, but this is the end of that pad.” At their protest, he drops the other shoe. “You didn’t tell me about that shit! I’m not allowing two pretty girls, my girls, to be stalked by that weird ass man.” He frowns, “We’ll figure it out.” 

“Peanut, should we get your bike?” asks Finn. 

“It should be fine locked up there. It won’t respond to anyone besides me unless it’s already on...face recognition software and all.”

“And you’re not worried that if there’s a break in that someone could get it? I mean how far back would it put you if you had to restart?” Finn had a point. “I’ll drive with you.”

“I’m coming too,” Kylo’s voice channeled deeper than usual. He wished he knew. Maybe he should have confronted that idiot harassing her. What if it was that creep she was scared of in her building? Or now worse, whoever Armitage caused the beating from? 

Making their way down to the car, Rey asks why he didn’t mention it before. 

“I didn’t want to upset you, and if it made me uneasy, it couldn’t have made you feel safe.”

“Next time, Kylo,” she covers her hand over his, “I need you to tell me—it’s the only way this is going to work.”

———

Rey’s place is still uncomfortably cold and quiet. Both Finn and Kylo retrieve Rey’s bags for the trip, which are very different from Rose’s luggage. She has Rose’s old diving duffle bag, which is still in excellent condition and a durable backpack that’s designed to keep her laptop and book of work she had patented for her bike. 

Rey stuffed whatever clothes that were left over, sneakers, and a wooden craft box sort of thing held tightly under her arm. She folded some sheets, both of their pillows and blankets, giving them to Finn as a job to put them in the car. Kylo received the bags, but neither left her alone. 

Rey pocketed the candle in the kitchen, the now cleaned ketchup bottle and the towel Kylo had draped over his shoulder earlier that day. While she was not a pack rat by any stretch of the word, Kylo found it amusing that those items were important enough to her to take with them. 

As she moved across the living room to Rose’s, Kylo used the opportunity to scout Rey’s, now, old room. Just as bare as everything else, less the bed. Linens now pulled from it, it looks somewhat like a cell. This started to be less and less of a weird concept to fathom why she would spend so much more time with his friends, than in this strange little apartment. He figured that maybe with her bright outlook, that she would have painted the walls to match her personality, or decorated with those cutesy little, huge eyed, figurines that Rose did. But she did not. 

He felt strangely alone there. Like time warped him back into a place she feared. It wasn’t close to what she’s already been through, he’s almost positive. But he can’t help but wonder what happened through that span of time. Armitage dropped bombs today, in the wake of trying to one up him with their connection, going as far back as childhood. 

A knock clears his mind to nothing. Then more rapping at the wall. So much so that Kylo takes two large steps forward and pounds back at it on the wall. The very effort startles Rey all the way in Rose’s room, “Stop!” she screeches.

Kylo’s pounded so hard some of the drywall has buckled under his fist. He’s not ashamed of his show of power, only that he can’t do more for her. It was more than enough that Poe opened his home to their friends, and frankly, he was surprised she was alright with being uprooted. But then again, she never really had a place, he assumes, that was hers, except for what she named her ‘safe place.’

“Kylo,” he hears her whisper, “we’re leaving now...” she eyes the damage, placing a hand on top of his shoulder. “You can’t fix this. Some people are broken, evil things, that get a kick out of scaring little girls.”

“You’re not some little girl, Rey. You’re a bright young woman that’s being—“

“Not anymore.” she stops his snowballing, “Let go with me.”

——

“I have to say, it’s nice to have everyone back together,” Rose tosses back the rest of her bottled Coke, “even if it means I have to hook up a camera in the fridge to see who’s been drinking my soda.”

“You didn’t do that,” Finn rolls his eyes.

“Oh, but I did, Finn,” Rose leans forward putting her glass down on the table before them, pulling back the remote to select the Yule log feature on their television. “One day, I’m going to have a huge fireplace, like they do in those crazy old castles,” she starts. 

“Oh, yes and put the bed right next to it—that’s a terrible idea...” Finn looks at her dreamy state, “sounds like an amazing way to set the house on fire.” 

Mr. Sarcasm always came out right before Finn had to travel. Anything, even an hour out of his way would have him either ready to rip into someone, or tease them until they snapped, as he was starting to now with Rose. It was manageable to a point. Rose knew he had about an hour until he would start losing it. It didn’t matter though. He was all packed. Nothing was out of place. They spent enough at the store to ensure they couldn’t possibly run out of soaps, razors and ‘just in case’ medicine, in the event that they got sick or food wasn’t agreeing with them. He was set. It wasn’t like it was his first trip with Rose either. The two had been to Disney World, packing nearly the same way, and he still panicked. 

“Alright you too,” Poe blows out a heavy sigh, “It was Kylo.”

Shooting Poe a glare that could pierce right through his eyes, hanging him on the wall, “You were right there with me, buddy,” he rolls off his tongue so perfectly it actually sounded like Poe himself. 

“Can’t say I regret it,” Poe’s grin spreads across his face, excited to have his friend around again. 

Armitage took a seat next to Rey, who was obviously snuggled up next to Kylo. Kylo’s comfort level was on display, hanging his arm over the back of the couch. It was easy, too easy for Armitage to go for Gold here. Rey was theirs. Anyone in the unit could offer up a casual sofa hug, so he did. His arm slung carelessly over the back of the couch, landing unceremoniously over Kylo’s, unbeknownst to Rey. She was practically studying Kylo’s online portfolio, asking him questions about each one, while the two threw each other’s hands off the back of it behind her. 

She would lean to either side showing whoever wanted to see, or if a style reminded her of Rose especially, she wanted to show it off. Dirty looks would dominate and retreat from their faces as long as they were in the volley of her movements. 

“Should we figure out arrangements?” offered Rose, to give the guys a chance to work out their shit. 

“Yeah—“ Rey agrees.

“You’re sleeping in my room,” Poe doesn’t allow the bickering. “Both of you. I’ll be out here,” he taps the couch he’s on firmly, not having to glare back at Armitage. 

All his life, well since they met, Armitage made it his business to protect Rey. As a child, Armitage was teased, borderline bullied from everything to do with the color of his hair, to the slight gap in his teeth, cycling on to terrible tales of his mother being a whore. It broke him. 

Before then, he was boisterous, imaginative and fun loving. He would say good morning to all things, stopping on his way to school to pick up the paper for the neighbors, slinging it further up the driveway, closer to their doors. Every so often they would give him a quarter or change if they had it on them for the splendid gesture.

Once he learned the cruelty of becoming a young adult, he found that kids could be awful. Several times a day he was at the mercy of another bad joke about how his mom was easy, just because she had Armitage out of wedlock. It wasn’t to say those kids didn’t have their own problems. They did. It was just more fun to make fun of him. 

His mood soured and he turned into a mess of himself, but his mother had none of it. She was kind and capable, making sure he knew he was wanted. She knew this lifestyle would take a toll at some point, and tried to teach him that there wasn’t only one way to look at life. Her life belonged to them, not just to her. She wanted him to one day see how important he was, and one day, she got her wish. 

Every year they seemed to get at least one warm day, maybe two, during December to create her natural garland. It was detrimental to their wooded yard to take care of the trees in doing them. It happened to be the year he had the most trouble, when she turned up she was dirty from head to toe, brown pine needles and sap stuck to a loop of hair over her ear, and she sat like an animal within the tree line, licking... licking at her forearm like a cat. 

At first he promised himself he was seeing things. Maybe his blood sugar was low or his stress from the day’s insults had gotten the better of him. Which ever it was, he was pretty sure she was a figment of his imagination. 

He watched as the youngster, he guessed her to be maybe three or four, truly unsure of how young girls aged, or what size they really should be for each year, climbed a pine tree at the back of their lot, like a bear cub. His mouth dropped open and he was sure to have looked like a complete idiot to anyone who saw him, but not his mother. No. Mom saw an opportunity. 

“Why don’t you go say hello?” she offered.

“To a feral youngster?” he rolled his eyes at her. 

“Armitage,” his mother shushed his tone, “I don’t see anyone else there. Why don’t you see if she’d like some?” she offered a container of water and a piece of cinnamon raisin swirl toast the two shared every year. 

Warily, he looked at his mother, who had not been on the playground the last time he tried to do the right thing, tried not to think of the embarrassment he would be facing if the girl barked at him. But it was only them. Their backyard was lined in holly bushes, stones, many different variations of evergreens that grew in a forest that protected the local reservoir a few acres back. The ground had been at a glance, a shade of unending brown for years. In fact, he often wondered what it looked like all cleaned up. But that was a task, especially without working equipment, or a crew.

As he moves off their porch onto the deck holding his offerings the wind seems to pick up giving his proximity to her. If she were a cat, he’s sure her ears would point and her back would throw ridges onto a curve, but she wasn’t. She was human. Her response was clear and aware. Her figure popped up, her body stiffened like a spike in the ground. Unable to read her face from where he was, he stood, accepting the wind, blasting his face and tossing his short, bowl cut hair, mercilessly. 

Taking great curiosity in her, he offered his filled hands out to her, asking silently if he could move through his own back yard. She said nothing. Didn’t move a fraction of an inch. Just stared. After sometime, he swallowed hardly, figuring he may pass out from the stress of not being accepted by a wild animal. Crunch after crunch, stepping forward, towards the back of his lot. Armitage kept his eyes only on her, for fear of losing her, even though he almost felt the twinge of needing reassurance from his mother again. 

He stood at her tree trying to figure out how to coax her down, thinking, maybe she needed to do this on her own. He tried speaking to her, telling her it was alright, that he wasn’t mean like the boys he knew. But most of all he wanted her to trust him. Being bigger than her didn’t seem to help. Holding out the water and toast didn’t either, but he didn’t give up. He thought, maybe she needed time and space. 

Weighing whether or not he though she had ever eaten anything off of a plate before, Armitage pocketed the water and loosely clenched the the toast between his teeth so he didn’t break it while he removed his jacket to make her a picnic. Once it had been settled there for her, he took a few steps back, waiting in the leaves.

The girl clearly was wild. She descended the tree carefully down the trunk, until her feet touched the softness of his coat. He was careful not to make any movements as he watched her take on this strange, new, squishy land beneath her. Her bare feet press into it carefully, coming to a squat to touch it with her hands, when she accepts it entirely. She flops into it as if the ground below her is a mound full of pillows.

He’s surprised the little girl would rather curl up and sleep there instead of eat, but when he checks with his mother, she’s up again nosing at the food. Her eyes connect with Armitage’s, and he’s the one that feels fear.

She doesn’t move from his coat. Enthralled in such steady attention, Armitage speaks to her, trying to gain knowledge about her. He babbles about his life, the weather, anything to get her to stay. He’s sure he’s spoken enough to gain her trust, beginning to move forward, sends her retreating behind the tree. 

“I’m just opening your bottle. You know? So you can drink it?” he makes the motion of drinking a glass. 

At her peek, he sits back, giving way for her to try. His heart swells as she really tries to figure out how to lift and level the bottle, dumping it in her face a couple times before she got the hang of it. The bread was no different, completely gagging on each of the raisins, as if she didn’t know to chew them, or really, what they were. Each time her eyes would bulge and she’d look at the piece of food snorting at it with distrust, but he was allowed to comfort her, taking out the shriveled pieces of fruit and throwing them into the woods. 

It was then, when he wondered if she ever wore a coat. Armitage held her hand, telling her to wait, hoping she knew what he was saying. Still skittish, her breathing seemed erratic, as if the very size of him in his standing firm frightened her. “No, no,” he coaxed her to stay, “I want you to wear this. It’s getting cold,” he said. 

Rey quietly watched him gather it, asking her for one arm and then the other. Once it was zipped she started to cry. Panicked, Armitage reached for the zipper to take it off, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry... I, you... you’re not even wearing shoes. You’re going to get sick,” he babbled every last thing his mom ever repeated to him to get her to calm down. Of course the zipper got stuck, and he let out a few swears she seemed to know. 

Then, to him, the unthinkable happened. She leaned in for a hug. It was all over from there. Armitage hadn’t experienced kindness from another person, quite like that, before. The lump that formed in the back of his throat was hard to control. In that moment he thanked his mother for everything she had ever done for him, to give this girl an opportunity at care, specifically his care.

Getting her to follow him was hard enough. She would sit in the yard watching them on the deck making the rest of the garland. Offering yet another piece of him, when he gave her the corsage, solidified their bond. 

Over the next few years he’d lain witness to some awful truths, for one, getting her out of that shit hole. Officer Mitaka, a family friend, needed no other reason to storm the rundown residency after Armitage told him she lived in the crawlspace. 

Displacing her put her in Officer Mikaka’s care until a foster home took her in. Even though she was to stay within her district, she always made her way back to Arimtage’s tree line. 

He remembers pieces of his childhood with her that make him smile. Like the first time she reached the porch, and furthermore came inside. The first time she called his mom, ‘Mom,’ and how his mother wept. He remembers baking with her, making treats in the shape of holly leaves and berries, of which she practically punched out of his mouth in fear of him wanting to eat such a poisonous item. 

Another time they tried getting her to brush her teeth, having to promise her it was important, straddling her like he was wrestling an alligator to help without being bitten. The dentist was no better. Her level of panic surpassed that of being beaten by her first home’s parental unit. That though was tiring, finding out she was only being protected by her foster siblings killed him. He would file complaints for her and submit them as soon as he had proof it was happening. 

Going to school was different though. Transitioning Rey was a awful. It was like caging a wild animal at first. Multiple times he was sent to comfort her while they were in their elementary school together. The school wasn’t separated, as it was a small enough town to keep kindergarten through eighth comfortably together. Until Rey. If Armitage wasn’t there, sickness or otherwise, then Dopheld would be. He was a close second in the ranks of people she trusted, but of the two Armitage was the only one that knew all her secrets. 

Her street knowledge, landed her in a position to end the bullying Armitage was facing all of this time, turning him into a more popular student. When he did leave to start high school, Rey would skip gym and lunch to go see him. It’s where she met Finn, Rose and Poe. 

A pull within their group started, making her wonder if Armie was alright. Rey, who would learn to communicate like the four of them, teasing each other, confidently knowing that their group was more than that. It was family. She would hug or cuddle with Armie only, despite their age difference, trying to boost his confidence in the shift. “You’re my family, Armie,” she would say. “You’ve got me until the end. Now, teach me how to have fun with them with you.”

Times have changed since when they were kids, but it was all the same. No matter how old they were, he would be there for her.

The guys pull him from his thoughts, teasing as they do. “You know, she might be attracted to you right now Ren, but she’ll always come back to me,” he warned. 

“Oh yeah? And why’s that?” Kylo tests.

“Because I was the first person she trusted. She knows I won’t let her fall.”

“Alright, Hux,” he rolls his eyes.

“Just whatever you do, don’t hurt her. Because if you do, I might have to kill you,” the men stare each other down, grumbling to one another. 

“I’ll be her last,” Kylo admits, it’s both a threat and a promise, and has Armitage seeing red.

——-

As the girls get ready for bed Rose squeals, “I can’t believe it’s tomorrow!”

Rey shares a smile with her friend, asking if she has everything. 

“Oh! I have MORE than everything,” her voice carries through the door, “Do you know what I deal with?” her voice continues to raise. “Mmm mmmhh! I am not going through anymore pre travel jitters with that man. I cannot even tell you what he said about breakfast tomorrow,” her finger points and travels the space in front of Rose’s body as if she was painting a large do not enter sign with it. “I can’t wait to get checked in and go, because all this worry makes me want to leave him home!”

“You don’t mean that!” Finn playfully shouts through the wall, and a murmur of responses in the living room cloud their banter. 

“Oh I do,” Rose whispers sassily to Rey who’s shrugging on Armie’s sweatpants and Kylo’s sweatshirt. 

She looks like a little kid again. When the door opens, she’s tucking her hair behind her ear, wearing Kylo’s glasses, and heading to the kitchen.

“Everything okay?” Armitage asks, getting up for her.

“Yeah, just want some milk.” 

His heart constricts. It’s been years since she’s asked for it, “Oh, I’m not sure if there’s milk in there. Maybe creamer? Don’t drink the creamer straight,” he realizes he’s given a little more of her past. 

Rey just smiles at him, “That was gross. I learned you know,” she tried hiding her embarrassment.

His eyes lift and he’s automatically transported from this miniature cock fight to being a boy again. Her boy. 

“What are you wearing?” Kylo asks, concerned with this closeness they were having. 

“Jammies,” she replies with her head cocked to the side.

“I thought your pajamas were ...red?” At the lift of her lips, and blush spreading across her face he’s plagued with idiocy. ‘That was for me.’ She doesn’t say anything more about it. Except of course. Goodnight. 

Her goodnights were different for everyone. Finn got a hug, they called a ‘bear hug’, Poe, a shoulder hug from behind as he sit on the couch, Armitage she cuddled into her hug with him, thanking him again for her piece of garland. “You know, I’ve kept them all, except for the first one,” she tells him.

“I figured as much,” he smiled into her hair.

Kylo was given a hug and a kiss on the cheek, getting teasing sounds from Finn who couldn’t help himself. But Kylo needed more. He wanted to shut Hux up completely, nuzzling into her along her cheek down to her neck, landing kisses she barely protested about, on her skin. She pushes him though, gently back off of her, whispering, “Not in front of my family, Kylo.” Another connection to her lips and he nods. Respect, he remembers. 

“Don’t you kiss me with those lips,” Rose teased. 

Mortified, Rey throws a pillow at her friend, wishing everyone a good night, but especially eyes Kylo with want, disappearing behind Poe’s door.

——-

“So you up for it tomorrow?” Poe starts with the job questions.

“A lot is packed. I think I have more art than clothes,” he replies. 

“We have to be there before the guests show up. Lots go in the night before. But since you’ll be in a shop, you can come with me in the morning.”

“Wait, what?” Armitage can’t help but want to know.

“Yeah, our buddy here took a job in a boutique in the Radiance,” he lets out a shallow giggle.

Armitage grabs his phone, quietly texting Poe.

-Hux-  
Do they all know? The girls and all?

-Poe-  
Nope ;-P

They share an odd look between the two and then:

-Hux-  
Got room for one more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I’m half way through ch 8, looking to post probably sat or sun. It’s been crazy... but I live this story and how developed their characters are becoming in it.


	8. The Radiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone makes it to the ship taking in the scenery and settling in for the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! It’s been crazy at home. Kids are sick and work is nuts! But I love this story and will be updating it more often, definitely after Christmas. But I’ll be working on nine this coming week for sure! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking by me :)

“You ready, Ren?” Poe knocks on Kylo’s door.

“Yep. Yeah,” he replies through the it, collecting the rest of his premade, plastic wrapped originals. Kylo sends a flurry of texts to Rey wishing her safe travels and hoping she checks in with him all day.

-Kylo-  
I just want to hear from you.   
Tell me when you get there?

But this was Rey. She could sleep. And so she misses them, he figures.she wouldn’t just ignore him right?

“They’re going to leave with out us!” Poe bangs on the door again. 

“It doesn’t leave until ten.” They argue through the door until Kylo pulls it open. 

“What took you so long man?” he eyes the sunglasses in his hair. 

Kylo closes the door behind him, “Shut—“

“Poe? You left your wallet.” Rey’s since changed into a cream colored t- shirt, light wash blue jeans, and pink fuzzy slipper socks that have seen better days. “Kylo?” He watches as she can’t quite compute why he would be in the hallway, finally asks, “What are you doing here?”

Both Poe and Kylo look at each other but before he can respond, Poe jumps in, “He’s giving me a ride.” He pats his friend on the shoulder, “Don’t keep me waiting, we’ve got to go or we won’t make it.” 

“We’ll see you,” Rey says, waving after him. She looks back to Kylo, “That’s very kind of you to take him, but won’t you be late for your job? Or do you start later?”

Kylo shrugs his shoulders and nods, just happy he gets to see her before she leaves. As he looks her over, settling back on her pretty eyes, he repeats what he typed in his texts. He tells her how lucky he is to be with such a beautiful woman. 

She laughs at this, and he can’t help but find it adorable. “Kylo,” she shakes her head in denial. Rey waves her hand over herself. “I’ve just had a shower, my hair is still wet and I haven’t put any makeup on.”

“And you don’t need it,” he assures her. 

“Come on!” Poe’s voice carries through the hall. 

Kylo rolls his eyes, chuckling softly, “I better go... wish me luck today.” God He was a mess. He knew he’d give anything for this moment to last for hours.

“You don’t need it,” she says softly. “You’re talented enough.” 

It’s almost as if she said it just for his reaction. A grin spread across his face like wildfire, and because of it, he lunges in, swiftly planting a kiss on her lips. It takes her by surprise. He’s sure that their connection isn’t enough though. It could never be enough. He drops his portfolio to the side, following her acceptance of him. As he pressed his lips harder into hers, he felt this nagging pull in his mind, wanting to tell her how he feels about her. He needs her to know, but opts for slipping his tongue into her mouth, his hands steadying her head at her cheeks. 

“I’m leaving without you!” Poe calls again. 

Kylo slows, savoring every last moment close to her. Her cold, wet hair tangled between his fingers, while her lips still pressed against his.

This time a tenant yells back through the wall, “Leave, asshole!”

As he pulls away, he doesn’t look into her eyes. He knows if he looks now, he won’t go. Instead, he’d beg her not to go, or take him. He leans his nose against hers, needing more time. 

Poe shoves two birds with extra gusto towards the door the disgruntled voice came from. Once his overreaction concludes, he strides over to Kylo hooking his arm, and clearly pissing the man off in the process. “If you make me miss my boat, your paying my wages for the week.” Poe teases Kylo, holding on to his big secret, “It’s not like you won’t see her again, lover boy.” He teases with a cutesy face, puckering his lips up to the side, and batting his eyelashes a few times.

Kylo does everything he can to ignore his friend, “Call me? Or message me when you have service,” he said almost looking like a puppy being pulled down the hall. 

The image jerks at her heart. He looks so sad that he has to go. It eats at her, awfully. A whine slips out from her, responding to him, “I will, Kylo.” Her feet carry her down the hall to him, planting just one more kiss onto his lips before waving to the both of them. She watches as they leave the hallway completely, bickering like children. The very image has her smiling to herself on the way back into the apartment. She replays his words, his desperation, and Poe’s tease, ‘lover boy,’ has her reeling. Could this really be love? She rolls her eyes at herself, counting the days they’ve spent together. 

——-

The Radiance is alarmingly large, dwarfing Kylo (and every natural thing around them), which usually nothing did, so this feeling is unexpected to say the least. Being next in line at the dock to check in before welcomed aboard had Kylo’s nerves taking over. While his sunglasses hid the panic in his eyes, his body itself started to shake. A crew member asks him for his name, ticket, passport and driver’s license, for the third time before Poe intervenes. 

“Hey man,” Poe nudges him with his forearm, “it’s just a boat. Here, let me get this for you.” Poe took his bags so he could focus on the items he needed from his back pocket. Finally checked and approved, he gathers his belongings and follows Poe onto the ship. 

The first few steps up the ramp are difficult. The ramp, is by no means narrow, but it does still put Kylo off balance in fear. His first issue is touching the boat. His second is being over water between the ship and the dock. His body sways even though the ramp moves marginally. The simple shift isn’t even enough for any overly sensitive individual to feel, but Kylo is confident he will be falling right off into the cold water below. 

As he finally makes it up the ramp onto the deck, there is a mild celebration behind him of all of the staff members he’s held up in the process of boarding. Poe walks with him first to his room, cutting through the main atrium to get to the elevator to access their staterooms. Poe figures maybe Kylo needed some normalcy, the type that made other concerned guests feel more at ease. He figured the interior of the ship would do that for him. 

“So, what do you think?” Poe stretches his arms wide showing off the impressive detail of the main atrium. If Kylo woke up in this facility, with no other concept of this being a boat, he wouldn’t be of the wiser. The interior reminds him of a lavish hotel. As he stands dumbfounded in the middle of it, he takes in the scenery. The floor plan is lined with chairs and small cocktail tables, couches line walls that are rubbed giving the illusion of the individual’s seated there having some sort of privacy out in the open. He imagines rough seas and thinks it may be away to keep the furniture from sliding around. He nods at himself.

A large oval bar with sits under the stairs on one side where stairs climb to the first of the showing level reserved for the hundreds of crew and staff that work together making each cruise a success each time. As they walk through to the back of the atrium, they pass full grown palm trees. Living palm trees. Kylo can’t contain the smile that’s creeped across his face, imagining that this may be the safest place on the Radiance. He’s already picked out some of the spaces he might actually find comfort sitting in as they pass each place, reaching the elevator. 

Each of the levels are lit underneath each section’s ceiling as recessed lighting. Their placement has him wondering if it was to replicate shimmering stars at night. Their reflections showed on the glass encased elevator, bringing in that much more light which seemed to sooth him. Next he noticed there were LED inlays banding around the lip of each level’s floor, which he imagined they used for theme nights or as ambience in the evening, or really, maybe just left on all night, since there was literally no light at sea. 

The last mental notation worked right back into his mind. The dark water swallowing him up, in the middle of the ocean, miles from land, miles from the bottom, with every type of sea life swimming below him, waiting to drown him. It’s strange to be at the mercy of his imagination, but it has been happening for so long, about every last situation, especially with disrespectful women and ‘what if’ scenarios, that this anxiety, his days played out with, is completely normal.

Poe retrieves Kylo from his thoughts again, “Isn’t she gorgeous,” he’s most obviously talking about the ship. 

Kylo nods. 

“Look, I know you’re nervous about this, but nothing is going to happen unless you want it to. Even working. The boutique might be open 9am to 11pm but you can decide when you work. So long as you put in... I think it’s like six hours in your designated location, you’re set.” Poe continues, “and when you’re not working, you can enjoy yourself on all the different levels. You might actually find that you like this lifestyle. Maybe even stay on for more than one cruise,” he leads Kylo to his stateroom. 

Being a tall man always made apartment hunting difficult. The sound of Robin Williams playing the Genie in Aladdin, one of his favorite films, always seems to play one line in the back of his mind. “Itty, bitty living space.” For most that he had looked at in the past, before settling across the hall from Poe, had too narrow door frames or they were too short, with average hight ceilings. There was always a problem. Even hotel rooms, when he would travel with his parents as a kid had the same problem, but his stateroom? He stepped into it like it was proportioned correctly with the ability to service a taller man. 

“If you like the doorframe then check out the remainder of the room.” For that Poe gained a shove. “Ow! Hey... I’m six doors up on the opposite wall,” he points but Kylo is still in his room actually impressed with what he thought was going to be the size of a shoebox. The first thing he sees is the window, actually saying, “Thank fuck, there’s a window.” It’s circular and actually larger than he thought it would be. In fact, if he really tried, he could imagine Rey’s apartment’s tiny windows, thinking that it might actually be bigger than the ones there. He scans the room, eyeing down the wall and measures the window against the queen sized bed underneath. It’s just about the same size, less the corners. It’s actually calming to know this and it helps calm his anxiety. 

The bed is pushed back into a nook of a spot right under the window, another attempt to keep furniture from moving. In front of that are thin and tall nightstand that fit between the bed and walls. The space between the sides of the bed and walls are a problem. Kylo, being one to jump out of bed at a second’s notice, takes the opportunity to move the nightstands out and push the bed from his preferred right side towards the left, against the wall, finding that it’s not a queen but two twin beds pushed together. That’s frustrating. He hopes for a moment that it’s more comfortable than it sounds. 

Kylo has never been one to move all over the bed, not unless it was with someone, usually avoiding attacks made in him in their slumber. He rolls his eyes thinking about the blonde. She was the only one to successfully kick him out of his own bed. But these beds had him wondering if he was going to be stuck between them in his sleep. As inviting as clean linens are to him, this is not the time to experiment their comfiness, not yet at least. The new placement of his bed throws off the ‘feng shui’, as Rose would say. He huffs a laugh, wondering why she was the first in mind when setting up his sleeping arrangements. If anything it should have been Rey, but Rose would be on his case about this set up...and he knows it. Good thing he didn’t really believe in that or he would be jumping into the wall every time he got up, especially at night. 

And then those nightstands... because he’s mangled the space in his room so far, he now has a space behind the bed back in the nook. It was as if a light bulb went off in his head, picking up and placing any unwanted furniture back there if it fit. Both nightstands and his suitcases could fit back there. Perfect! Now everything was out of the way.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees his pillows sag. ‘Ugh,’ he thinks. “The wall was a makeshift headboard in the nook, damnit!” he complains. The deed was done though and he would figure it out as needed.

Next he eyes up the colors chosen for the decor. Clean, it embodies cleanliness, he nods at himself. A pallet of white, tan, and dark blue, he assumes is to symbolize the clouds, sand and sea they would be experiencing on this journey. 

The room still felt a little stuffy, given it’s slightly larger than an average walk in closet sized cabin. Now looking back towards the door, standing in front of his bed, he takes into account, flat screen television that looks like it can turn towards the bed on an adjustable mount on the right, the extra narrow blonde wooden desk that follows it on the same wall, and the teal blue couch to the other. There is a small, glass, oval table right in front of it that he actually measures to see if he can shove behind the bed. It would be a stretch but he had to try. 

Claustrophobia is a real thing he suffers from, which living in his own actually helped him with. Having all of these things made him less comfortable. The table had to go. Then there was a chair for the desk he had to figure out. 

Poe caught him rearranging the space, “You ok, buddy?” He looks at the disaster that is now his room. Kylo managed to completely throw off the design of the room looking actually pleased with himself. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Better now. It was too cluttered before,” he replied. 

Poe snorted at him, “It’s a stateroom, it’s going to be small. If you wanted a suite it would have been more...”

“Suite?” The thought of this baffled him. There are larger rooms?! Of course! “I suppose it’s too late now to switch?”

“Yep. It’s not like a plane. Besides, all you’ll really be doing in here is sleeping or taking a shower, or whatever...” he waves Kylo over. “Now, get your portfolio, we’re going to be late for the morning meeting. I’ll get you all set up after it.”

———

As Rey walks through the door, Finn and Rose are up, and the bathroom door is shut, meaning Armie is up too. “Don’t eat yet,” she hears Finn complain to Rose. “Wait until we’re on the boat.”

“But I’m hungry now!” whines Rose, lifting her arms evenly at the sides of her. 

“Please? don’t want to have to find a bathroom!” Finn’s nervousness began to get the better of him. The more Rose wanted something to eat or drink, the more Finn fought it, telling her to go pee right up to before they were ready to go. 

“You know, if we didn’t live here you wouldn’t know what I ate,” she called, perching herself on the back of the couch like a bird. 

“Not that we had any food,” Rey snorted. 

“There was ketchup,” she replied.

Rey made an awful gagging sound, “Ketchup is not a food,” her grin widens as Armie joins her on the center couch, pulling at the collar of his navy blue t-shirt from where it clung to the remaining water droplets from his shower.

“As I recall, you did not know that,” he jabbed at her playfully. 

“Technically, it’s a tomato,” Rose challenged. “That means it’s food.”

It was Armie’s turn to gag. Something about sucking on watered down tomato paste was too disturbing to ignore. A disapproving scowl turned down his face, shuddering through his body as it did.

Amused by this, Rey continued, “You know, we did have Mayonnaise too, which technically together is a splendid omelet.”

“Mmm, what I wouldn’t do for an omelet,” Rose lowers to lay across the back of the couch. Rose pulls at Armitage’s hair ever so slightly, and nods to the fridge, “Do you have either? You could just squirt like a teaspoon of each into my mouth... right here?” 

Finn has had more than enough. “No condiment omelets! Just water. Pee if you have to in a cup. I’m not missing the boat because you have the shits.”

“Speaking of, we should probably get going,” Armitage gets up, grabbing the girls suitcases first. 

“Oh, I can help. Let me get my shoes—“ Rey’s interrupted by Armie waving her off. 

“It’s fine.”

“No. You’re going to let me help you.” She shoves her feet in her sneakers, and grabs her bags to even the load. 

Finally on their way, Armie chooses to drive since Finn is having a near crisis breakdown at every light. It’s almost like the time shown on the digital clock was spurring him on. “Finn you need to stop, man, you’re going to give yourself an aneurism,” he says calmly, gripping the steering wheel to his WRX. 

They merge onto the highway, finally, Rey played into Armie’s calm, “Close your eyes, Finn, everything’s good.” She looks up at Armie’s expression in his rear view mirror. “Better than good,” she smiles thankfully to her knowing friend.

When they make it to the port, the boat is gleaming in the sunlight, even on this cooler December morning. “I can’t believe we’re going to islands, especially dressed in coats,” Rose giggles. 

“You can always leave them in the trunk,” Armitage offers, popping it for their suit cases.

“Oh good idea!” Simple math seems to confuse Rose, counting out Rey’s two bags, hers, then Finn’s, “Armie, who’s bags are these?”

He just smiles lifting them out of the back, “Mine.”

“You’re coming?!” Rey squeals causing a scene, doubled over in excitement. 

“What about your car?” Finn asks, finally feeling like more of a person, now actually being at the dock.

“Covered,” he replies. A green Landrover pulls up with a couple friends from school. He launches the keys to one of them, thanking the man again before they all walked off towards the check in line. 

The ship is magnificent. Armitage happens to catch Rey’s look of awe, asking her if she was ready. 

“Yes and no,” she answered honestly. 

“No?” Rose panicked, “What do you mean no? Rey, were here! Today is the day...” she whines. 

“No, no. Not like that. I—what if something happens,” she squeaks. I don’t know how to swim.”

“They have life jackets,” Rose says flatly, “And! I can teach you how to swim!” Rose goes on talking about all of her abilities and how long she’s been swimming, as if to convince her, but all she can think of is Kylo’s offer in the booth at V and J’s. As much as she wanted the skill from him, being on a boat and a poor swimmer became too frightening. 

“Sounds lovely, Rose,” she manages. With that her girl friend gushes about how excited she is, pointing out every little detail that she sees and is magically in love with on board. 

As they journey to the elevator, Rose bluntly asks Armie, “You’re staying with us right?”

“I didn’t want to impose—“

“Nonsense! You’re staying with us. There’s an extra bed in the room Rey’s staying in within the suite.”

Armie swallows hard. He knew about her blossoming relationship with Kylo, but sleeping in the same room as her never happened. Even when they first met, well, when she was between homes and would sleep over, he would sit in the doorway making sure she didn’t feel alone. This... this would be a new, uncharted place for them that he wasn’t sure he was ready for. “It’s really ok,” he tried.

“Nope! You’re staying with us or get off the boat.”

Finn just rolls his eyes, “He can do what he wants, Rose,” he almost sings while there wait for the elevator doors to open. 

“Wrong again! I’m running this show until I get fed, and then you’re all free to go on your merry way,” she snorted.

That’s right. Food. Food is the center of Rose’s world. The girl could burn calories and energy as if she was exhaling a breath. If she isn’t topped off, she could threaten the world’s existence at the blink of an eye. “You need to eat.” Finn says flatly. 

She growled. Actually growled at him, “I TRIED to eat but you wouldn’t even let me have a condiment omelet.” 

They are hardly the only ones on the floor. In fact, it’s packed with travelers with and without kids, suit cases everywhere and while most try to pay attention to their families, a large group of them look up at her. Rose, not being shy at all clarifies, “Mayo and ketchup. Try it,” which makes Finn apologize for her behavior and to ignore her as they make it to the room. 

Their suite is impressive. Rose gasps and for once is speechless taking in the layout of the room. Sure she saw the top down map online, but this surpassed everything she could imagine. As they walk past the bench in the foyer, rounding the corner, they see a big, open sitting room. Two black, leather chairs that sit around a small, glass coffee table; next to it, along the wall is a matching couch and two additional seats creating a lounge of sorts. There’s ample walking space towards sliding doors that give way to a deck that also have folding lounges, for, she could only assume, laying out. Which Rey would be doing with her, supposing she would find out more about this budding relationship she seemed to be floating along with. 

Back inside there was a counter that she assumed was sort of like a kitchen. It had cabinets, with mugs, glasses, and plates stored in them, and a microwave. The very thought of it made her stomach grumble more. 

Rey saw her friend grab at her stomach. Lifting her finger, Rey shrugged off her purse saying, “Now that were here, and Finn has calmed down,” Rey pulls a granola bar out of her bag. 

Rose stumbles over her feet to get to it before anyone can tell her no. She didn’t even care that it was oatmeal raisin. She hated that kind, but down it went anyway. Her friend surprised her with half a water bottle and a box of Nutrigrain bars. “Where did you get these?!”

“Bought them this semester and forgot they were in this bag,” she shrugs. 

“Gross! How old are they?” Finn whined his question. 

“They’re individually packaged. Unless opened, they’re like cans of soup,” Armitage stands up for her, not letting on to the fact that he didn’t mean to interrupt. He puts down his bags by the couch wondering what the door next to the kitchen is. He’s actually pleased to see a laundry unit, and reports that it’s there before closing the door. 

To the left of it are four stairs leading up to the master suite, which he climbs but on realization turns heel as if the two were already in it. 

Finn laughs, “What’s the mater, Armie? You look like you e seen a ghost.”

“That’s your room and I don’t need any more information than that,” he says looking to explore the rest. Another door just left of the stairs catches his eye, and just to the left of that, a desk with a circular mirror, and another door past it before reaching the foyer. Armie turns the knob pressing inward. As he enters he’s first semi relieved that there are two twin beds in the room, separated by a table, lamp, and alarm clock. A brilliantly painted seascape replaces a spot where a window should really be, but that, he has a feeling, would look into the ship, and that would just be strange. 

The room truly looked just like a hotel room, crisp white linens, a dark blue blanket folded at the end of the bed. The wicker weaved bottom looked as though it was used as storage. It was something he wanted to check but figures it would be best to just get his bags in there and unpack later. When he turns back to the door he first sees a closet, then a dresser, and finally another desk with a matching chair similar to the one outside the wall. It’s almost like the ship was assuming people wanted to do work while at sea. 

“Found the bathroom,” Rey said, opening the other door. It was small and convenient, having all the normal amenities. A shower on the back wall was decorated with sandstone textured tile. Some lighter blue accent tiles laid in an intricate design on the wall matching the floor. The curtain was a thick enough white cloth that bunched up outside of the tub itself. The toilet and sink sat next to each other on the longest wall. The toilet had a small basket with toiletries on the lid, and the vanity itself had ample counter space since it only had one sink. The vanity’s surface was white marble,   
iridescent, shimmering flecks within it looked like they moved under the recess lighting too. Finally, Rey took note of the mirror. It was easily the biggest one she’s ever seen. Since she was a kid, mirrors amused her. Anything reflective really. And while it was fun making faces in them, she really tried not to. That is, until Armie walked in with his tooth brush and toiletries. 

“For old time’s sake?” he questions her. With that, everyone joins them in the bathroom for a few silly faces in the mirror, obviously snapping a few photos in the process.

——-

Kylo has since settled in a boutique selling hand bags, across from the general store, as a request from Poe an a fellow crew member that noted the woman before him found sales were better in a place she could mount the work. The woman before him they kept referencing was on maternity leave, with no set desire on being back any time soon. Poe showed him the general store anyway, just to show Kylo what a favor he actually pulled off for his friend. If he was being honest, there was a good chance Kylo would have snapped in that back corner next to the odd set up of refrigerators housing milk and soda. Cheese flavored Combos on a rack barricaded the space along side other snacks, where he would have worked, and Slim Jim’s sticking out every which way from a cup on the wall. 

No. 

The boutique was so much better. He had his own little section of the brightly lit section of the mall, if he could call it that. Kylo looked up registering the name of the shop, called, ‘Tippy Totes,’ nothing about it sounded manly. In fact, he was pretty sure his masculinity gave him an ultimatum, expecting to sit with the roped meat instead of this frilly stuff, as his only chance of regaining it. 

The space inside the shop was clean though, much like his room. Decorated with a mix of light and dark blues created a waved pattern in the carpet that was strangely leading in towards the store. Once inside he noticed the walls were painted a soft shade of blue, one that was easy on the eyes, and allowed for the natural light that peaked through the circular windows behind the counter to keep it well lit throughout the day. 

Furniture within the space was darker though. It seems closer in color to Armitage’s cabinetry. It’s dark. Maybe a cross between cherry and hazelnut finishes. Whatever it is, he thinks it’s nice. It’s grounding. Striking. And for lack of a better description, anchors the pieces in place visually. 

The bags range in style, and age group, he presumes, what with the character printed pieces they were showing. Women’s designs fancied everything from cloth, straw, quilted, and leather; whereas the men’s saw less of a fabric change, favoring water resistance and leather over any other choices. Show pieces were up front, while racks of bags were hanging behind the counter, where a tall, older woman, with lilac hair stood with a clip board, taking inventory. She seemed to fit the build for such a trendy little shop. 

Kylo made no sudden movements when he was introduced to her by Poe right after the morning meeting. Poe and Amilyn chatted like long time friends, but when the two turned to Kylo, Poe’s smile remained, while Amilyn’s faded, like the light of the day was being shadowed by a coming storm. He watched nervously as she warned him with her fake glittering eyes. This was not safe; but it would just be a week, he reminded himself, twitching nervously to shake her hand.

Of course the woman didn’t shake his hand, making it even weirder when he tried to shake her limp fish of a princess handshake. As he remembers correctly, it took all of his patience for the day to stay calm and not out her on the terrible shake. He chanted, ‘this is her shop,’ over twenty times in her presence, and then at least fifty more up until this very moment. 

Kylo works within his space, pulling out the premade illustrations still in the plastic, and hung them on the walls with the 3M wall hooks he brought. Multiple styles of artwork lines the section behind his side of the counter, that Amilyn shared of course. He works in silence, doing his absolute hardest to keep out of her sight. He was sure she has some kind of control issues, and didn’t really want to know what they were. Besides, this place has air conditioning, he reminds himself. It’ll be hot in a few days, then shudders at the thought of the foot traffic in the general store. 

No. 

Quieter than a mouse would suit him just fine. 

Kylo adds a section on the desk, with his Kinkos printed business cards, which were completely black with bold white lettering. On it is his full name, email, and website. He also situated his iPad where potential customers could see what he’s done and, in some cases, the process. He always thought that education in the arts helped sales. Sometimes people just needed the background story, or an understanding of the materials to purchase a piece... and in the process it made him appreciate it that much more. 

Amilyn seems to float her way over the floor, opening the shop to the public, which reminds him to look at his phone.

-Rey-  
Hi Kylo. We made it. We’re checking in now. I hope your first day is exciting. :)

‘You have no idea,’ he thinks, actually terrified that Amilyn, who he’s already been referring to as Lilac, has telekinetic powers. Instead of getting into it, he replies:

-Kylo-   
It’s good. Kind of my own boss in a shared space. I’m glad you’re okay. I miss you. 

Ham. He was being a ham, as his mother would say. It was her go-to word when he was being borderline sweet, but mostly showy with his thoughts. They were words... and he’d most likely say them, but wouldn’t have to if she were here, he rolls his eyes at himself. 

Almost immediately after, Rey send a picture of herself, a little too close to the camera. Her message underneath reminding him that it’s really not that long of a time, but follows with:

-Rey-  
I miss you too. I wish you were here.

And if that isn’t enough for him to stand abruptly, and ask Amilyn where the bathroom was, just as a cover to take it as an excuse to get back on solid ground. He wanted to be back with Rey, where ever she was, he would follow. ‘Love,’ he thinks. ‘This has to be love.’ No one else has made him feel this way and he certainly wasn’t going to pass it up.

But then his feet start to catch under his frame. The feeling is unnerving.

“I think you might want to wait until you can figure out how to stand,” she calls after Kylo who still looks like he’s taking her instruction towards the lavatory.

Mortification sets in. “We’re moving?”

Amilyn grumbles. “What did you think we weren’t going to move?”

She continues to speak, but he can’t focus on her. Her voice fades completely, turning to a low pitched ring. Kylo feels the floor shift at his feet, and every fear about boats is relived in a flash, as if he was just dragged through the floor to the propeller. He can see it happening before his eyes; the current in the dark water below the ship drowning him, then being chopped to pieces.

His heart rate quickens, slamming thuds against his chest in an unrelenting pace. It’s awful to say the least. His body fills with warmth as if he broke a bone, then flushes quickly after, leaving a cold layer of sweat over his entire body. Something both cold and bony touches his shoulder which drops him like a brick. 

Echoing voices bring him back after what feels like half of a second. “Kylo?” Amilyn’s voice waivers. She pats him multiple times on the shoulders, saying, “Don’t make me pull you back into the shop like then six point buck I hit on the way in.”

‘Lilac’s got a sense of humor, or she’s terrifying, of both. Could be a good character for a series,’ he thinks. Kylo groans as he shifts to his side, trying to get at least to his knees. “What happened?” He manages to ask.

“The boat started to move as you left for the men’s room, and hand an anxiety attack.”

Kylo looks around at his surroundings. People have been avoiding him to give him his space, offering snootiness that couldn’t be avoided as he got back to his feet.

“You know, if you don’t like the sway, deck thirteen, by the pool, doesn’t rock so much.” They discuss plans for him to work outside instead, and Amilyn strikes a deal with Kylo, allowing him to sell from her storefront too. They settle on Amilyn taking a ten percent fee on every sale purchased through her shop since he wouldn’t be there in person. 

Kylo knew he couldn’t take much more of the anxiety he proves to be suffering from with each dip. Ten percent of a fifty dollar piece seemed like too much, but what if he had success here? It was a risk he had to take. “Deal,” he said offering his hand again to shake hers, this time finding a true iron grip, as if he sold his soul to her.

——

Food. It was time for food. Lunch may have been the next scheduled meal, following brunch that is, but the girls could only think of omelets. Rose’s nose led them down to the Windjammer Cafe on deck eleven where they could indulge in this eggy need. While the girls yammered on about all of the food they could see in the buffet, Finn and Armitage fell back into their own coded conversation.

“So, when are you looking to go shelling?” asks Armie, sliding out a cream colored chair at the matching table they selected.

“Rose is head over heels about the Half Moon Cay. I may not be able to get her back on board the way she’s been going on about it. I think that’ll be the best place to do it,” says Finn leaning back in his chair. While they wait for the girls to load their plates and come back, Finn adds, “She convinced Poe to come out with us, remember? It’ll be good to cut loose with you guys like old times.”

“Like at graduation?”

“Oh,” he snorts, “No, that was the dumbest idea.”

“Like you had a better one.”

“Oh, I did! Sneaking into the diving pool, is not my idea of fun. Look at me, man... Do I look like a swimmer to you?”

Armitage bites his thumbnail trying not to laugh.

“I can bash the shit out of the water, but swim? I don’t have to be shit-faced to have trouble with that.”

“Trouble with what?” asks Rey, on her way around tables to get to theirs. 

“Nothing,” Finn raises his eyebrows trying to avoid talking about it with them. 

“It’s clearly not nothing,” adds Rose. “Now you have to spill.”

“It’s not much. Just that Finn’s on a boat and can’t swim,” Armie spills the beans.

Armie gets up from the table as Finn shoves him in the arm playfully. The two look like children, honestly. 

“Oh, perfect!” Rey spouts, “Rose is giving swim lessons all week.” Part of her is happy Rose would have a different student. It wouldn’t be right to go to class with Kylo, having more knowledge or skill if he really did mean he would teach her, right?

“Oh you’re not getting out of this one this time missy!” Rose digs into the thickest part of her cheese and sautéed pepper filled omelet.

“What one?” the boys question.

“Rey can’t swim,” Rose deadpans.

Before anyone can ask about Rey’s aquatic skill, Rey interrupts, “And you can’t hold your peppers.” 

“Oh!” Finn complains, “Come on! The bathrooms have no real ventilation...”

“Open the balcony door then,” she continues to eat. “Never deny me food and I won’t seek out the smelliest retaliation food.”

“She showed restraint, Finn,” Rey pointed back over her shoulder, “They have crab cakes back there.”

With that the guys excuse themselves to pick through the buffet. Finn picks up where they left off, “All of my shorts have pockets that zip, so I could have it on me the whole time.”

“That’s risky.”

“And what’s the alternative? Pause the moment, run through a few decks and get back? I can find traffic everywhere... and people traffic is the worst.”

“Like the ones that just stop and stare at nothing? But need to in front of you?”

“Or teen cattle on their phones...”

Armitage laughs loudly. “Okay, point made. Does Rey know?”

“Nah, just you and Poe, really. Listen,” Finn hands Armie a plate, “If all goes well...”

“If? That girl’s in love with you,” he smirks.

“If...” He looks over his shoulder. 

“Weird quirks and all...”

“Can I make a sentence please?” He gestures a shrug with the plate in his hands.

Armitage nods, resisting the urge to call him princess. 

“If she says yes,” he dips his head back towards the food to look less conspicuous. “I’d like you to be my best man.”

A loud clatter rings through the buffet gathering looks from every table. Armitage looks too realizing it was he who dropped his filled plate and silverware. They both drop to the ground to pick up the mess and are quickly shoed away so the staff could clean it up. The guys circle back to restart.

“You ok?” asks Finn.

Armitage stutters through several rounds of speech. “Wait, you want me to?”

“Be my best man,” Finn frowns not understanding his response. 

“And you didn’t ask Poe?”

“No, dude. You’ve been the only one I’ve really talked to about this. Christ, man, you took me ring shopping and endured every awful stare those associates gave, thinking we were a couple. Poe doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s flighty as hell. Why do you think he loves this job? He’s on the edge of normalcy and adventure, all the time,” his eyes bulge with the last three words. “I know our dynamics are weird, even terse at times, but you’re closer to me than my own family.” Finn offers a reassuring smile. 

Armitage rakes a hand through his hair, “Really? I mean, yeah man. I’m honored. I never knew. I just figured we were good roommates?”

Finn just laughs. “If you had brothers, like I did, you’d know. You’re closer to a brother than a roommate, which is saying something.”

On their return to the girls ask what happened getting the briefest answer. “Just a klutz,” Armie says, hating everything about that word, but warmed being worthy enough to be Finn’s best man. 

The guys are in silence as the girls yammered on about everything they wanted to see and do that included shelling. “Since you’re here now Armie, I have a ton of tiny jars... I can’t imagine you still want me to gather the beaches,” Rose teases. 

An idea crashes into Armie so hard he backs away from the table with force, shoving his hand in his pocket to grab his phone.

“Was it something I said,” questions Rose.

He waves her off, giving some asinine excuse about having to contact a chef, but takes down notes in a flurry in an app instead. “Please don’t throw out those bottles,” he hurries out of his lungs as if she was just going to toss them. A message notification alerts Finn, who also brings up his phone.

-Hux-   
I have an idea on what to do for your proposal.   
If you don’t have one.   
Rose bought bottles for that “capture the beach” project.   
“If you want to give her clues or be sappy like those movies she likes, take the bottles to the island.

-Finn-   
I think I follow.   
But I’m not sure I do.  
What if we get called out for littering?

-Hux-  
If I have to I’ll tell the staff and anyone else...

-Finn-  
Really?

-Hux-   
Yeah.

And then, Mr. Idontdoemojis sent a thumbs up and an office. 

The guys continue speaking in emojis well into the afternoon, like kids. For the first time in forever, Armitage actually feels like part of a brotherhood, thanks to Finn. He always sort of had Kylo and Poe, but Finn... he made it official.


	9. It’s All In A Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo realizes Rey is on the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thanks for waiting on this. I’ve been totally zapped for energy the last few nights here. And if you’ve read any of my other stuff, you’d know I like to work through the day. That being said, day one is a long day.. 🙄

After they eat, finally feeling like humans again, Rose brings up the pool. 

“Eager, are we?” replies Rey. “Isn’t there some time limit you’re supposed to wait?”

“Myth,” she says flatly. “I know people that can eat and swim.”

“Standing isn’t swimming.” 

“I can eat and swim... but I don’t think they’ll like that.”

“Can we just check everything out first?Besides, I don’t think it’s quite warm enough to swim,” Rey adds warding off a slight chill.

“Oh, I suppose. But I heard it’s heated.”

“There’s no way it’s heated, Rose,” Finn finally joins the conversation. “They have a waterslide pumping up water through the tube. I highly doubt they have a heater too.”

“Wanna bet?” Rose challenges him. 

No one bet Rose anything unless it was something they knew definitively. She must have stayed up all night since Poe showed her those pictures, because she was telling facts about the ship like a member of the crew. She knew that the ship went through a transformation period, once being another line, just to reengage the cruise loving community. That one had indoor pools too, and he was sure that if Rose wasn’t leading them up to the top deck, that they would find said heated pool. 

“Nope. Just lead the way I guess. But no one is dressed for it, so we’d have to walk all the way back,” his voice lifts when she looks at him. 

“Oh! So you do want to swim?” Rose can’t help the excitement in her voice. Finn was sure she was a sea creature. The only real times she would be out of the water was when she was eating or sleeping. He remembers when she proudly stated her mother allowed her an IUD as a teen to completely bypass her cycle. The item made it impossible to feel cramping and lose the three days out of the month where she couldn’t practice because she felt crippled. Even her body changed because of the constant chlorine. She rarely had to shave, because all day, everyday was basically the equivalent of swimming in Nair. Her skin shined if she air dried, and the application of lotion made her practically glow. 

As sarcastically as he can Finn replies to Rose, “Oh, you know me. I just can’t wait...”

The four make their way around the ship anyway. Armitage played a major part in that, obviously trying to delay their awkward and very public swim lesson, that Rose was bent on giving. They toured each deck leaving nothing left to be discovered. At least they were now, very familiarize with each level. As they round the corner, making their way back to the main level, they see a huge number of guests in the center, and others who decided not to come down, but listen in from the railing of each floor level, there listening to announcements. 

“Oh my God!” Finn tries to whisper shout at the group like they were going to get kicked out for not attending the whole thing. 

The information covered that they assumed they missed was who the man speaking was, and whoever the other two crewmen they couldn’t make out from their distance were. One seemed to side step out of the spot light while they looked around for a possible exit. Since the room was packed, it would be just too obvious if the four of them snuck out in any direction, especially after the man speaking looked as if he made eye contact with them as they piled in. 

“Who do you think that is? Rey asks Armie, leaning on one foot towards him. 

A voice they recognize sounds behind them, and Rey feels a hand at her waist, eliciting a terrible, high pitched wail. It seemed to overtake the space as it climbed the levels of the ship. It wasn’t until she spun around to shove the provider of such a gesture that she realized she caused a scene, halting the entire welcoming party.

Heat crept over her skin as she realizes all eyes are now on her. “Poe!” She whines a whisper, shoving him at the shoulders playfully.

“Is everything okay over there, Poe?” A man’s voice carried over the crowd of murmurs. 

“Yep, just scared my sister...”

The two share a look that crosses between confusion and annoyance. The bald, older man, clears his throat getting back to the remainder of his speech. At its end, another crew member thanks Captain Rex for his time, and wishes everyone on board to a wonderful start of their vacation.

Poe laughs at Rey’s mortification. “What was that about, Poe!” she hisses.

He just smiles goofily. “You missed the opening cheer. Don’t think I wasn’t looking for you guys,” he says as he hands her an itinerary. Before they can explain, he asks what their room number is so he can help them with the WiFi. He excitedly welcomes everyone aboard like they don’t live together, and heads back to their floor. 

“This is nice,” Poe says, flopping on the couch. “I haven’t been up here yet.” The friends all lounge together for a moment, “Oh, right,” he gets up to enter the code in the televisions to link them to their service, “That’s my employee code.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “You won’t get charged. It’s something of an amenity,” he says. “ It’s kind of like the gym at school, for alumni.”

He stays a while longer, adding to their conversation, filling in the facts of the ship and where the heated pools are. “Not everyone on a cruise is a young person. The ship provides aqua therapy in heated pools too. The best one is,” he looks for the deck map sitting on the desk table across the room. “Here, on deck thirteen. It’s an indoor pool, just past the outdoor one... and past the bar. That thing is double sided which makes for a fun environment.”

“I bet your guards love it..” Rose rolled her eyes.

“They’re paid well enough, and I think they get bonuses for the people the save. Or at least that’s the rumor,” Poe replies. 

Suddenly Rose’s eyes go wide, wondering if she was meant for a life at sea.

“No one needs you kicking them in the balls, on purpose, during s save,” Armie reminds Rose, cupping himself. Rose had trained with Armie as her active and passive drowning sequences during her certification. Being so much bigger than her, it didn’t seem fair that they were paired, but that’s life. A swift kick or two in the balls had him resist the need to go all out on the active drowning drill and helping her swim him back to the wall without the instructor knowing.

“If they’re really intoxicated and made me get in, in the first place, a knee to the baby maker is only a fair price to pay. Besides, if they can’t remember the pool, how are they going to remember that pain in their shorts? I could just lie, and say they very awkwardly, fell over a railing anyway. You know? Be just as surprised as them?”

Armitage shoots a look to Finn in a silent question, asking if he’s sure he wants to marry the wildcat. The two share a laugh at his expense.

Rose, of course, catches on, “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” their high pitched responses have her reeling. 

“No really, tell me.”

“Just that you’re so lovely...” Finn starts. “In that, I-could-beat-you-and-get-away-with-it-as-a-cute-anime-character-would,” he poses with squinting eyes, his mouth dropped open in a fake smile and throws up two fingers in a peace sign, just for good measure.

——-

Exploring the ship takes them well into the late afternoon. There’s just so much to see, and do, and people...plenty of people. In fact, there’s really enough going on to just people watch. People are interesting enough. Their lives and needs being played out before others in a very natural way. Comfortably. Like no one’s watching. 

Armie’s hand winds up on Rey’s shoulder trying to wake her from her daydream. She jumps a little returning to their real world, “We’re going to go get changed,” he says throwing his thumb behind him. “Do you want to come swimming, too?”

“Oh,” Rey looks around again, “Um, yes. Okay,” she replies. 

Once the four are back in their room, Rey and Armie take turns putting their items away. She hangs her dress in the closet, and dumps her heels in there for good measure. Rose’s duffle bag is emptied and put in the closet next to Armie’s suitcases. Then she finally fists her one piece and cover up and heads to the bathroom. 

Of all the things to feel inadequate about, it was not going to be her bathing suit. Okay, so it didn’t show her stomach, but honestly, who was she there to impress? With her stomach no less? 

Her navy blue bathing suit had tiny white, dotted flowers on it, similar to her nail design, which she thought was pretty cute, despite her nails being green. She fixed the straps that twisted over her shoulders and threw on her flowing, white, coverup. For a moment she realizes she didn’t bring flip flops, but tosses her hand up to wave herself off saying to herself, ‘it’s just one more thing.’ There was a good chance Rose would do the same anyway. 

Sure enough she’s barefoot, getting the pleading eye from Finn, who does not want to share the bed later with everything she’s stepped on from their room, to the pool and back. “See, Rey doesn’t have them on either,” she gestures to her friend. 

Finn practically begs Rey to speak up, “I forgot them, but I can wear socks?” her voice pitches the question higher. This calms Finn and the girls find socks before they go. 

Walking through the decks dressed as they were gave enough odd looks that Rose started mimicking them, giving them right back, all the way up to the pools. The temperature outside wasn’t freezing but there definitely was a chill to the air being December and all. They made their way past occupied deck chairs and even some brave souls in the outdoor pool as well, which made Rose tighten her smug little smile. She asks if the water was heated and enjoys the confirmation even though she could see the light wisps of steam dancing over the water’s surface. 

The outdoor pool looked inviting, but the four still pushed on to go inside, past the bar. It is a gorgeous show of engineering and design that Rey can appreciate. An elongated, shallow, turquoise pool stretched through the room, nearly, she was sure, reaching the back of the ship. The floor looked marbled like red granite, but it certainly didn’t feel like it was. The texture was all wrong for that, in particular. Hot tubs set on either side of it, designed as little getaways of their own. They were set up much taller than the pool itself, under grass hut roof tops, which Rey thought were cute even though they were inside. If it wasn’t enough, there was even a bridge that went up and over the width of the pool so guests didn’t have to walk all the way around to get on the other side. For a moment, Rey wondered who the designer had in mind, the children or the adults, specifically seniors, for such an item to be installed. Three rings separated the path way on either side, and were extremely inviting to older kids, looking to jump off them while the lifeguards weren’t looking. 

Chirps of the whistle shocked through the waves of conversation, all diverse in nature, controlling troublemakers. Rey nods to herself that they did just come from a port in New York; it wasn’t like English was the only language there, or even considered the majority language to most. New York is an animal all it’s own; and currently one she willed herself to forget, for now at least. 

Settling at a long deck chair, the group found themselves leaving towels, socks, cover-ups, and Rey’s corded knapsack on two of them. Rose looked chipper and willing as ever in the clearly favored space, squealing once or twice through her smile. Finn and Rey shared some terrified banter while Armitage leaned back on a chair enjoying a moment to himself. 

Unlike Rose, Armitage had his fill of water sports. Sure, he was into going in eventually, but in his opinion, he had the whole week. He played the conversation he was sure to have with Rose, over and over again in his mind, saying, ‘We just got here’ and most likely having to defend that with a, ‘let me enjoy this a moment at a time.’ Just as his head jerked to keep himself from mouthing it, Rose asked him why he wasn’t with them. And of course he has to go through the motions.

Rey is the last in the water out of the three. Rose hopped right in, ready to seize the day. Finn was basically dragged in by the petite woman, and Rey, she went on her own. Slowly. Determinedly into the water, promising the pool to be drained by an unknown source if the water misbehaved. Because she’s serious and firmly believes that water understands threats, she waits for a wave to lap in response to her. “Good,” she says to the inanimate object.

The water level itself says five feet where they are and closer to the stairs on either end, gradually gets shallower. “I can do this,” she whispers to herself, holding tightly to the edge’s wall. At least Finn had a little more to him being that the water seemed to only reach his chest, where it easily rested at her collarbone while on her flat foot. Feeling the need for control, Rey crowds the wall, bouncing on her toes for the briefest moments while watching Finn and Rose for their session. 

Swimming here, oddly reminds her of high school. They weren’t at school. Not even close. Something about just the water rising up uncomfortably to her shoulders did it to her; though the tell tale smell of chlorine was missing and her eyes didn’t burn being so close to the surface, which was nice. Inviting even. As she itched her face she even noticed the slight salty smell of it, allowing a drop or two to her lips to discretely taste. Yes, that is considered weird on so many levels for being intentional, but if she was going to choke on it today, she wanted to know if it is going to burn her insides or be the equivalent of swallowing gargled water. The later it seemed.

Lifeguards rove around. She’s made eye contact with the four she can see at least. Her mind notes their numbers, seriousness, as well as the belle in the back with long dark hair, who seemed to smile at everyone, as she took stock of them. Not to mention Rose and Armie who were not in their attire, but knew the two wouldn’t hesitate to respond. Rey rolls her eyes inwardly remembering all of the times Armie pulled her out. She was so thankful that he stayed around after graduation to guard the school’s pool. None of the other guards seemed to understand they had to watch, instead of openly flirt with each other as if the job was one massive ‘meet and fuck’.

Rose snaps her attention up towards Rey, waving her over, “Rey, calm down. Your tenseness is going to hurt you. It can even put you in a greater potential risk of drowning,” she reaches for her friend’s arms. “Stay loose. You need your muscles to work when they’re needed. If you tighten them, they’ll be too exhausted to help you if ever the need arises.”

To this, Rey nods. A sniffle passes between them as if she needed to hear that her whole aquatic life. 

“We’re just going to start with something called a ‘bob’. It’s a breathing activity that we use to help you control your, well, breathing... and find your natural buoyancy.” Before even starting, Rose gives examples of centers of gravity. “These points are different for all types of bodies. Even ones that look the same, may not be the same. My center of gravity is right above my navel,” she says, treading a bit, being that the five foot depth is a little much for her short stature too. 

Rose gives an example of the bob itself, simply going under with tightly sealed lips and coming right back up. Seems easy enough. Finn has a go, knowing he can handle that. He came back up like it was nothing at all. Rey on the other hand, has so much to be nervous about. None of her underwater experiences were good. None. In school, they even used mats designed as fish to give her something to look at, like they did for the kids, but nothing could distract her from how uncomfortable the water felt on her face, or how it pressed into her nostrils or got in her ears, or when she came up for air, or how her hair stuck to her face like a second skin. The hardest part, no doubt, was having to hold her breath. Not breathing freely was scary to her. So scary, that her high school midterm was to hold her breath above the water.

This is for Rose though. She wouldn’t let her drown. Rose held her hand while Rey held the wall, tucking her chin down as she always has to put her face in, believing that if she wasn’t upright no water could be snorted up her nose. But right then, Rose stops her. “Rey, tell me in words what you’re afraid of,” her friend asks gently. 

“The water up my nose and then choking and drowning right away,” she seems to rush out.

“Ok. First. I’m here. I won’t let it happen. Second, that type of entrance is for swimmers going in one consistent direction, and while you’re swimming it helps you keep the water out but a bob is different. Think of your nose as a cup. Can you tell me what happens when you put that cup upside down into water.”

“It holds air.”

“Right,” she repeats her friend, “Your nose does the same thing. It holds enough air, not to breath in, but to act as a barrier between the water and your nostrils. So long as you come straight up and don’t snort in, you will be fine. No water will intrude on your nose until you look back,” she motions her head back to look up at the skylights. 

As Rey processes the information, she straightens, still holding Rose’s hand and the wall, she submerges quickly. Every follicle prickling on entry and pulling from the weight of her now soaked do on the way up. She’s greeted with cheers from Rose and Finn who didn’t expect her devotion to this, and Armie, who had made his way to the water’s edge just in case.

Most of the hour from there was Rey learning how to stay under for longer without pinching her nose. Finn, on the other hand, was working on rolling from his front to his back, and while on his back, how to move to keep himself a float. Rey would watch every so often when Rose would settle herself behind him in shallower water so she could stand. She was completely capable bringing assistance to even his largely scaled form compared to hers. 

Rose set the base of his neck at her shoulder, letting the weight of his head find its natural comfort as it should if he was floating on his own. His shoulders lined up with and covered her chest as she swept his body up towards the surface. Her guiding hand swept under his backside, lifting his back into a curve, while the other swirled around in a constant figure eight motion under water at her other side, giving her balance.

Rey watches as she got low to his ear asking him to do things that he responded to, just as gingerly. She continues praising him, turning him away from splashing kids, and walking him down to the steps. She needed to know that if she let go, he wouldn’t be terrified. 

In their moments together, Rey still practiced the under water concept. Kids wildly play around her. One starting a splashing fight with another hiding behind her, which has Rey gulping the water, trying to catch air instead. Her panic begins to set in as another pelts her awfully behind her head, trying to out do the other kid. 

She waves her arms frantically to get them to stop, but the action shoves water into the first’s face, making him fire back at his friend harder. With the little air she had, Rey tried bobbing away. 

For a slight moment, underwater felt nice for once. Slight, being the important word here. No sooner did she enjoy it, did too small feet press firmly into her back, knocking the hope of her getaway, right out of her lungs. Fear swallows her whole as a flurry of bubbles lands close to her face. This time larger feet, and a muffled yell later, she’s scooped up by two strong, familiar arms. 

The shouting continues, louder as she surfaces, but Rey is not yet aware of what happened. The light is blinding even though it’s now evening. His voice is raw, and that’s when she feels his body, still dressed; Armie. 

A guard comes to their side in a rush, going through the motions and writing up an incident report. “Carnival Standard Procedure,” the closest roving guard said, pulling a plastic bag from his waist pouch. It protected a pad and small pen he used to record her name, contact information, room number, and the details of the event. 

Armie held Rey close while she caught her breath between coughs and sobs. All the guard could do was apologize, and that it happened when they were switching posts. “It’s still not a reason for this to happen,” Armie growls.

“No. It isn’t. But I can give you the name of the guards and myself, if you’d like to reference us down the line. But I can assure you, there’s not a lot that can be done by us directly. I can have my manager take a look into it too and come up with a better roving plan. As you can see, there aren’t chairs in here, which makes it difficult to have a constant position.” The amount the guard shares is surprising, which either meant he was a rookie, or a veteran that had his own quips about the way things were run. 

“Well, see that you do. Even to a swimmer, being caught in a splash war can make it difficult to breathe,” Armie says, mostly so Rey could calm down. 

At that, the guard writes down all of their names, as well as the manager and the numbers they can be reached at, as if he’s had to do this more than once. “I’ll find the kid’s parents and make sure they know what just happened and ban them for the remainder of the day so that they understand how dangerous this situation could have been.”

Armie nods. “Good.” In his rage for Rey, he will accept nothing less. “One more thing,” he adds, as the guard goes to stand. “Do you have a portable, pocket size flotation device so that she feels safer aboard? This was a swim lesson, but I doubt she will be returning to the water any time soon.”

“Yes, actually. It’s in the main office.” He pulls a small radio, “Any available, please cover 2-1-4.” As he waits for a response, he says, “You can either follow me; it’s down on the main deck. The largest pool is inside—it’s the only reason it’s in there,” he clarifies at Armie’s confusion. “Or, given her state, I can just run for it. She honestly looks like she should stay seated for a while.”

Rey speaks for herself, “I’d rather like to go back to my room.”

“We can do that after,” Armitage let’s the guard go retrieve the item and come back. In their quiet time, Rey leans into Armie, trying not to cry. He’s seen her cry so many times, she can’t count them anymore. “It’s okay to cry, Rey,” he whispers, ducking his head to her ear.

“I don’t want to.”

“But you need to. Rey, the stress alone...” he sighs, “You’re going to get in your own head... like you did last time. And we’re on a boat.”

She shudders, “I think I just want to go back to the room...”

———-

Amilyn was right. Oddly, the ship seemed to rock less on top. That seemed wrong. The physics, Kylo thought, were wrong. But there he is, walking comfortably with other patrons who didn’t seem to have a care in the world that the ship was miles from land and certainly over the deepest, natural navy blue colored ocean he’s ever seen. For the first moment, he can actually breathe out here. The breeze is still a bit nippy and he can’t fathom why people are already lining up for the waterslides and pools, but they are. 

Kids practically run in front of him, weaving through the adults trying to secure their desired places in line. Two particular brothers, it seems, shove each other trying to make it back to the line first. Both shivering with the start of blue lips from the obvious temperature change, holding their bodies between shoves. 

As he walks the deck, he hears a group of older women raving about the temperature, hoping that they don’t turn off the heat when they get to the warmer weather. Once one starts they all start. Hen party, Kylo remembers his father calling that. He takes a seat in an empty chair wondering if he should start making obvious sketches of people aboard as animals. Hence, the hens in front of him. God, that could get him in a lot of trouble. Maybe do it for the purpose of practice, he thinks. If it’s worthy, he could write a note about the inspiration and sign it. Maybe he should tell them? No that’s a terrible idea. He talks himself down and simply into just drawing them and seeing where it goes.

A few times he’s discovered, each woman making eye contact with him, posing as a busty, senior model, making him die inside. That was it, he had to tell them what he was doing before the blush in his face looked more like scarlet fever. Kylo, gets up the nerve to go strike up the already weird conversation he’s sure to get slapped for, contemplating whether or not he should say he’s a student or just pile on the sob story. Matured women, he reminded himself... these weren’t ‘just out of school’ girls, these were women older than his mother. They could smell shit three days before it’s processed, the awkward truth will have to do. 

Kylo clears his throat and make his way to the side of the pool with his pad in hand. “Uhm, excuse me?” he lifts his hand to them. All three surprisingly crane their necks to see him and it’s apparent that he really should sit so he doesn’t hurt them. “Hi, um... I’m Kylo—“

The shortest of the three, a wisp of a woman, with the thickest glasses he’s ever seen, attached to a beaded lanyard around her neck, leans in, “Kylo?” She tries out his name, her voice pitching high at the first syllable, “That sounds exotic.” 

“Renee!” The larger one scolded, “I’m sure the boy is not interested in your assessment of his name.” She looked at him, rolling her wide, exasperated eyes in an apology of her friend, “I’m Elle, this is my sister Alice, and you’ve met Renee...”

“Good to meet you all,” Kylo extends his hand to each of them, trying to stay polite and calm. “This is going to sound weird, so I’ll just cut to it. I’m an illustrator. I draw all types of subjects and in different genres. I just got a job here. This is my first day,” he battled with telling them too much, “and, well, the three of you reminded me of my mom,” because saying dad was wrong. 

The three of them watched him as his confidence dwindled with his story. Elle, with her kind smile, her rolls dimpled and crows feet seemed to deepen each time she calmed him, but this time was different. “What have you made?” she asks hoping he would show with out explaining. “My grandson is an aspiring artist. He likes the ceramics. Does a lot with resin and metal though. What is that?” she snaps her fingers, trying to think of the word.

“Casting?” Kylo asks.

She points at him, her index finger shaking in his direction, “Yes! That’s it.” Elle seemed to know what she was doing. She watched Kylo’s dread seep out of him. 

Alice chimes in, her body language matching her sister’s, “Doesn’t Cas draw on the computer?”

“Nuh—um, no... that’s a program...We all thought was a girl he was dating.”

Kylo cracked a smile, offering the name of the program, “Maya?”

The three of them quickly turn their attention back to him, “How did you know that?”

As they converse, he finds out Elle is Cassian’s grandmother, which is enough courage to get him through showing her what he made. The women howl at it, each asking for him to make a copy. He promises that he will, and once the items are colored he would deliver them to their rooms. 

“How much are you selling those for, Kylo?” asks Elle. Kylo’s answer has the three of them frowning. “Do you know what I paid for my room?” she scoffs. “Try a little higher. You have a gift. No one will find this in a shop on the islands, or here on the boat. Try to appreciate yourself and your time a little more.”

“And a tip jar!” Renee adds, “You should have a tip jar.”

“Oh! Kids like games, and parents like free stuff. If you need a way to engage people, set it up so your gallery has a note about where to find you... like a certain deck or something.” Alice looks at her sister to clarify.

“Oh! How about draw a cartoon of yourself in a location saying the first person to find you gets a free illustration,” adds Elle. “We can spread the word for you. Don’t worry, Kylo. You’ll be so busy you’ll need a vacation.” The women laugh, stopping shortly after they started, hearing a loud commotion in the next pool. “What do you suppose is going on?”

“I don’t know but it doesn’t sound good,” Kylo goes to stand. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see.”

The women let him go telling him they’ll catch up again. Kylo waves, clutching his sketchbook close to his side, wondering if he should even be looking in on this. It was a pool. Probably a guard yelling at a patron or something, and then he hears the voice sound again. Armitage?

The moment Kylo hears him, he zeroes in on his friend, scowling, wondering if Poe even knew. Armitage moves protectively with a woman... his woman! Kylo’s muscles shake in fury that Armitage would put his hands on her, knowing she was with Kylo. He watches on as the moment unfolds before his eyes. Her grip strains around Armitage’s shoulders as she coughs into his chest. He can’t gauge the severity of it but there it is, her little whimper, followed by a guard kneeling next to the two of them. 

Armitage answers for her for most things, and shifts with care for her in a way where she can answer herself; his arm rests possessively over her shoulder as if he’s guarding her. All it takes is seeing Rey’s head drop down to his shoulder for Kylo to retreat down to his room. He was done. Just done!

——

Kylo sulked in his room finding exactly nothing he could throw in frustration that was worth having to repay Carnival for. Instead his muscles tense under his skin, rippling before they can relax. He continues the cycle over and over again for what seems like an hour or so. 

How could she just do that? His mind started repainting the images in his head. He let every sweet moment he had with her go, expecting that he was only a little fling. Unimportant. He willed himself to delete her number from his phone, and just as he slid it out of his contact, sweet little smiley face emoji she picked for herself, and all...It rang.

If he had the chance to study her digits, he would have known it was her. He would have distracted himself with other things, but stupidly he picks up, answering, “What do you want?”

The line stayed silent. For what felt like eternity, he waited for a response, and got nothing. Then a click, followed by a dial tone. 

It was her. It had to be. But now, he had no way of knowing for sure. 

Poe knocks as a crash rings out from Kylo’s room, finding that his phone, was just as good as anything, to throw. It hit the wall at such a speed he thought for a moment it would have dented the wall. It didn’t. They weren’t Sheetrock like at his apartment. These were thicker and strangely enough, magnetized, which has Kylo groaning aloud. 

Can you even demagnetize a phone?

Poe swipes his key since Kylo is just too preoccupied. He opens to a terrifyingly awkward glare; Kylo’s tussled hair was thrown all over his cheekbones. His eyes flickered in an intensity he’s only seen in feral animals. He looked as though he was panting through a fight he was having with his reflection over the desk. He bore his teeth at the image of the other man he was berating. 

“Uhm... I can come back later... I mean, yeah... I’ll just. I can go.” Poe went to turn, stopping when Kylo’s made a noise that sort of sounded like stop. 

“Did you know?” he asks as though he’s possessed. 

“Did I know what?” His head rolls over his shoulders, looking back at his friend.

“Don’t play stupid with me, Dameron.” Kylo moves forward to tower over him,”Did you know Rey was onboard?” 

“Yeah, man.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It wasn’t my news to tell.”

This makes Kylo’s eye twitch. “What is it with all of you and your damned secrets?!”

“They’re not secrets. Especially not to the Internet. Google her if you can’t wait. But she’ll know if you do,” he shoulders past his friend, knocking into him purposely. 

A stretch of silence blanketed the men, as Kylo opened up about what he saw.

——-

Rey looks down at her phone in utter disappointment. ‘Who does he think he is?’ she thinks, grumbling about it to herself. She tilts her head, sneering at her phone with distaste at his words. For a moment she wants to believe it was the wrong number, but to no avail. It was the same as the ones she texted. His voice sounded raspy, upset, angry even but she willed herself to not want to care. She did not want to be at the mercy of another man. Crying over someone that clearly didn’t care about her the way she did for him, was foolish. She picked up her phone changing his name to emojis after looking up the meaning of his name. Rey picked a crown, an eggplant, and a man’s face, figuring ‘king dickhead’ was a suitable name for now.

As Armie finishes in the bathroom, he’s considerate, picking up his mess before Rey goes to use it. “Poe texted me before. He wants to know if we all want to join him for dinner. The captain said something about wanting to meet his family.”

“Because we interrupted the man,” she started. 

“No. Oh, no. That was you,” he tilts his head back calling after her. He smiles at her grunt and sure enough Rose and Finn get back to the room asking where Rey is. “What took you?” 

Rose threatens to beat Armie where he stands. “I know not to bombard her after that sort of thing, you asshole,” she punches his arm.

Armie looks at Finn for back up, but that was an obvious no. Finn is smart enough not to take sides against Rose unless she is one hundred percent wrong...And even those circumstances have to be the right kind, like all of the stars in the cosmos have to be inline for a chance at bringing up the fact that she’s wrong. 

“She’s fine. Showering. Then we got invited to the Captain’s table for dinner with Poe,” Armitage informs them. 

Rose’s lips create a perfect ‘o’ before allowing Finn to shower first. She opts to see how Rey is first hand. Knocking as she usually would, Rey allows her friend in. 

“Oh my God, Rey!” Rose looks at the floor. “I can’t even! I’m...”

Rey wouldn’t have any of it though. “You taught me something I could use, and did. I think it’s the only reason I’m alright right now.” She hears her friend sniffle.

“You mean that?” Rose asks tentatively.

“Every word.”

“You know,” she sniffles again. “I’d hug you, but you’re naked, and that’s not my jam.” As Rey sputters a laugh, Rose calms down. 

“Can I ask you an unrelatedly question?”

“Of course. What’s on your mind?” 

“Kylo...” she pauses just long enough for Rose to tease her. “That’s not,” she clarifies, “What I mean is, what do you know about him?”

——

The Captain’s table is luxurious. Certainly something Rey is glad she didn’t deny Poe of. It was just as important it seemed to him when he was pitching it to Armitage over the phone. The room looked as though it was solid mahogany. Even the walls were rich in the same color that matched the legs of the table. Allowing her eyes to sweep the room she noticed every last detail in a moment. 

The off white tablecloth, elegant table settings in each space. Turquoise blue chargers sat underneath pristine white plates, filled water goblets and empty wine glasses decorated their usual spaces that sparkled underneath the most interesting light fixture she’s ever seen. It didn’t take much to wow her. Creativity certainly came from all aspects in life, and she could really appreciate if not the aesthetic then the time that went into it. As her eyes passed over the room, she settled finally, just past the top of Poe’s head, across the table, on Kylo. 

The air in her lungs felt as heavy as cinderblocks. His stare seemed to be impassive, not even smiling at her. Resisting the urge to want to hug or acknowledge him from his nasty response to her over the phone, she bit down the need to cry in front of everyone, or even embarrass Poe on his special arrangement. 

No. 

Rey could handle this. She clutched onto her purse that much tighter, as if the pocket sized flotation device would abandoned her in a moment’s notice too. Everyone else seemed to gush over how they didn’t know how he was aboard or why it was even missed. Rose continues, “I guess you weren’t really around while we were planning this out. It’s our,” her finger waving between her and Rey, “early graduation present.” 

He stood along with Poe but stayed on his side, raising his eyebrows in a slow nod, congratulating them. His eyes rest on Rey’s, for the briefest moment, telling her off as his eyes burned into hers. 

For a brief second he felt he had gone too far. His muscles tingle and ache and burn all at the same time. Sorrow for himself, but then the pain was flushed from her face. Steeled away, as if some new woman came through the door instead of the one he though he knew. 

She dropped her gaze from him, letting it fall like Bodhi, but harder, said the porcelain relationship it was should shatter at her feet as it did in her heart when he responded to her call earlier. She needed him then. She needed to be reassured. To talk out what happened, to pretend he was there comforting her. She needed him, because they were each other’s. But as she dropped him, so did all of those needs. 

Poe brought her in for a hug, thanking her for agreeing to this, “You showing up even after...it means a lot,” he whispers. 

“I wouldn’t miss it, Poe. You’ve worked hard for this,” she pulls back from him. “Now, where should we sit?”

——

Kylo is dying. 

She’s sitting right next to him, and has only offered a curt ‘hello,’ if one could even call it that. All of the sweet little moments they had, were just that. Meaningless. And while it was the usual, it hurt so much more coming from her. 

He watches as she tries to listen to the conversation, still clutching to her hand held envelope of a purse. He took in her attire, from a casual side lean, pushing his head down into a tripod of fingers, listening to his friends as he did. She wore a white, buttoned down, collared blouse, a golden colored cardigan, with a navy blue, flowing skirt, and golden colored flats that look like they were just purchased a few days prior. As she moves, trying to hide her discomfort for the evening, Poe takes a stand to introduce Captain Rex. 

In doing so, Rey slid her chair back, still holding tightly to her purse, to stand respectfully. The rest of them popped up nearly seconds later. Captain Rex looked to be on in his later years of life. Grandly enjoying his work and the crew. His darker complexion looked as if it was primarily caused by the sun, as sunspots obviously decorated the top of his head. His face looked serious, intense even, until he cracked a smile at Poe. His grin pushed his thick, white beard well to the sides of his face, reminding him, briefly, of a tan Santa. The time of year had to be causing the image. It had to. There is no way Kylo would have picked that image to describe someone in any other circumstance. 

As he came in, he took the time to shake everyone’s hand, including his, asking him, specifically, how he was feeling. If that didn’t turn him red, it would also be the stares and questions from his friends too that would do it.

Clearing his throat, Kylo answers the captain, saying, “Uh, yes. Good. I’m okay. Thanks for asking.”

“Oh, good,” he kept a firm hand in his, clasping the other over the back of Kylo’s with a double tap. “Amilyn never gets worried, about anything... or anyone.”

To this, Kylo gains Rey’s inquisitive look, and plays Amilyn’s behavior to his favor, biting her back for being so comfortable with Armitage earlier today. “That’s, very kind of her,” he’s interrupted by Captain Rex.

“Don’t say I said anything, you know,” he winks, letting Kylo go. 

Stupidly, he checks over his shoulder at her, catching her sad, ‘how could you’ stare, breaking her heart even further. He wanted to say anything to her but that look silenced him. All he could do was war with himself and watch it unfold publicly. She nodded carefully to herself, he assumed, willing herself not to make a scene, but he wanted one. Deep down he wanted her to fight for him. He wanted to know that he was special to her. More than some toy he had been to others... but she wouldn’t budge. It wasn’t the time... and he felt like she had outgrown him. 

He found himself clarifying to Poe and the others how his job as going, who he met, which gained a howl of laughter from the guys. Rose never met Cassian, but from their stories, felt it was imperative to meet him as soon as they got back. 

As dinner was underway, they received all of the chef’s specials, which this evening was a strawberry and arugula salad with a raspberry vinaigrette, followed by a lemon sorbet and the main courses offered were Beef Wellington with a side of steamed broccoli and carrots, or a plate of giant crab legs. 

If that didn’t get Rose going, he wasn’t sure what would. He needed her comic relief for the severely strained relationship, if he could call it that, of which he provided them tonight.

“How big are ‘giant crab legs’?” she asks. Captain Rex must find her amusing, raised his hands, giving the run about size of about two feet. Her mouth drops open wide, “Shut. Up.”

Finn tries to tell her not to speak to him like a teenager, but Captain Rex waves it off, clearly having far more fun with them than he’s lead on to. 

“Finn, after the way this day started, you are not going to tell me I can’t eat an alien today.”

“An alien?” Poe’s head turns to his left to look at her. “It’s more like a giant sea...”

“Alien.” Armitage leans back so he doesn’t get too close to Poe’s face. “If you say anything else, you’ll destroy half the table’s will to eat.”

“You’re better off eating an alien, anyway.” Finn offers his area of science fiction expertise, “I’m pretty sure people gain weird attributes like telekinesis...” 

His joke almost stops with him, when Rose adds, “or levitation... but I’d go for flying if anything.”

Rey stays quiet during the whole conversation, aside from deciding, also, on the crab. 

“What are you going to have?” Poe asks Kylo. 

“The, uh... the beef.” 

“Nooooo,” Rose complains. “Live a little, Kylo!”

Rose. What a character. For a moment he wants to switch places with Armitage just to feel like he has someone in his corner. Rose seems to always cheer for him. Why not? Right? “Alright, fine,” he agrees to her. 

Within moments the wait staff comes in, removing most of the extra plates, deeming that different items, including rectangular plating would be needed to serve the table their meal. For the briefest second he watches an exchange between Armitage and Rey, who seem to have an conversation pass between them. 

“I honestly don’t think wine is a good idea, Rey.” 

“I need something dark then,” she whispers, pushing her glass of water further from her. 

Armitage’s eyes search hers. “Coffee won’t go with this. Your other option is a coke or root-beer or something.” At her nod he waves back at the waiter asking for a coke, and to please take the glass in his hand and dump the water. 

He’s briefly asked if there’s a problem, and he gracefully replies, “Nothing that your services caused.”

Confused, he takes the glass and looks up at her. Her face draining of color, “Is she alright?”

——

Rey’s panic attack boils over, excusing the girls from their seats to the nearest bathroom giving Armitage an opening. “You’ll have to excuse this conversation, Captain Rex, as I planned to have it with my idiotic friend here privately, so as not to embarrass Rey. But since she’s gone,” he repositions his glass in front of him before looking up at Kylo, “What the actual fuck are you doing, Ren?”

Surprise rang out over the guy’s faces, all turning and looking at Kylo for an answer. “I should ask you the same thing,” he nearly growled.

“Me?! You’re the one ignoring your girlfriend, staring at her like she burned you, when it’s clearly obvious how blindsided she is.”

“I saw the two of you.”

“When?” Armitage’s voice pitched uncontrollably. 

Kylo worked his jaw, knowing that sound. It was the sound of betrayal. Women did it and now his friends too. “This afternoon,” his words drained from him like acid, burning holes into their relationship. 

“You’re an idio—“

“Rey,” Finn cleared his throat, “Rey almost drowned today, Kylo. Armitage saved her.”

Poe starts to panic, lifting suddenly to go check on the girls, something Kylo should have done but didn’t. Rooted in place by his own jealousy coming back to slap him hard in the face. Captain Rex asked if there was anything they could do to make her stay more comfortable but Armitage declined saying, “It would be best if we didn’t make a scene. She’s having a panic attack over a sloshing glass of water. I’m sure you aren’t helping, Kylo. What with the way you responded to another woman’s name and all.” 

Kylo bit his tongue as Rey returned. Rose obviously applied some foundation that matched her skin but looked less natural. He liked the way her skin blushed, the way the bridge of her nose would initiate the spread, and the makeup closed him off to it. Eyeliner and a soft smokey finish was applied to each eye. Her initial waves were pulled back into a braid, to keep them out of her face and to help her calm down. And that little yellow envelope purse was clutched even tighter as Rose offered her seat. Rey nodded in acceptance, now sitting next to Armitage and across from Finn, who gave her a reassuring smile. 

Rose on the other hand, now sitting next to Finn, across from Armie and to the right of Kylo. With her wine glass in hand she lowered to him so only he could hear, whispering, “You’re going to fix this or I’m going to kill you.”

Well that’s just great. HIS life support is now threatening his existence. Perfect. Just wonderful. 

As she sits she eyes everyone, reassuring them that everything is just fine. And then, she wonders out loud, “What was the real reason we were invited to this? We seem like an odd group to be. Isn’t this usually for business people?”

“Well, yes and no,” Captain Rex enlightens them. “Poe has been working with us over the past few years now and always has a story to tell about his family. You all. And when he told my staff you’d be here. I wanted to offer him this time with you, where he really would not exactly have it. Besides that, I was interested in meeting all of you as well.” The man takes a drink of his ginger ale, “Aside from that, we know who you are, Ms. Kenobi.”

Rey’s eyes cannot hide the panic as they widen. “I’m sorry?” she responds. 

“You’re going into an internship program for computer engineering, are you not?” he asks all too causally, making her turn, ready to run. “Calm down,” He raises his hands like he’s patting snow. “We’re, Carnival is part of that program. We’d be honored if you’d consider us as your partner for this next semester.”

Rose’s mouth falls open as the conversation stills letting servers place their main course in front of them. Politely, they thank their wait staff, all still waiting for her answer. It comes softly. “I, thank you... I just. I’m terribly afraid of boats. I can’t swim, I’m afraid of the water... almost drowned today actually.” She swallowed at the admission. “A lifeguard gave me a portable lifejacket,” she wiggles her purse over the table, “So I don’t panic—well panic less,” she nods at herself. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I won’t be able to focus until I get that under control.”

“Ah, yes,” he replies. “Well, most that share your fear seem to feel better after they see the controls. I think it would help set your mind at ease. The technology has come so far. And we’re constantly looking for new ways to develop it for redesigning ships, maintaining, and so forth.”

“If you think it would help. I would be open to it.”

“Great. Best time is during the morning. Not so much traffic,” he makes a joke to which she smiles. “Any time after eight,” he nods at her. 

“Alright, nine?” She offers.

“Nine it is. I’ll send Poe to get you...”

“Take me too, Poe.” Rose begs. 

“Are you even up at nine?” he teases. 

“I can be up all night, son!” she swings her voice, “Take me too, Poe.”

———-

Over dinner the group takes turns teasing each other, turning the gathering around for the better. The more they do, the more they laugh. Even the captain has added stories from his life, mostly about him and his wife, Alice.

Kylo’s face turns awfully hot, he assumes in embarrassment. This whole day has been one massive fuck up after another. At least, the crab was good. He could just focus on breaking the exoskeleton with his pent up frustration, and eat the success, while listening in on the stories he’s missed out on, hiding in his apartment.

As they carry on, an awful burning rips up his arm and down the back of his leg. Poe notices him first, “Kylo, you okay man?” 

Just the mention of his name seems to call a panic to Rey who knows the symptoms he’s rattling off to his friend all too well. She’s a blur of movements, rushing the block station across the room for a bread knife. She passes behind Rex to the center of the table, excusing Rose from her seat. She raises the table cloth covering their food, shoving it to the center of the table. Everyone seems to push back from the table but Rey can’t see them. She can only see keeping the area sterile. Holding the handle of the knife in her mouth like I pirate, she opens her purse pulling a sterile cloth to lay flat on the table. Down goes the knife, hand full of alcohol wipes, and an EpiPen. 

Armitage protests but to no avail. She’s taken out her plastic gloves resembling those of a deli clerk’s due to her own issues. “Rey stop,” he complains at her, “What if you have a reaction?”

“I know what I’m allergic to Armie,” she says cleaning the knife’s blade. “Poe, come hold Kylo down. Keep him talking.” As he did, she spoke clearly to Kylo, though in his panic she sounded like a chorus of angels. “Keep still,” she told him, pinching at his pant leg, pulling it tightly off of his skin. The slack fell open at a quick knick to the fabric as she slit the knife through it. 

His breathing falters when she uncaps the needle with her teeth, holding it there as she tells him to swear if he has to. Kylo barely feels anything. She’s lined it up against his exposed outer thigh pressing the injector to give the dosage, and its over faster than she had started. “I assume there’s a first aid center somewhere aboard,” she speaks to Captain Rex. 

As they converse, she massages the injection spot, furthering Kylo’s emotional pain. Part of him wanted to whimper and pull her close, but she was acting medically sterile with him. Her eyes didn’t hold the same warmth, and didn’t connect with his own as she moved.

“Yes they’ve been notified,” he confirms that they’re on their way.

“He should be watched by someone over night. I have a second dose, but he really shouldn’t have it. Double dosing can cause a heart attack in some people, I’ve read.” 

“Yes, of course,” confirms Rex. “Can I ask how you knew what to do?”

“Oh,” she steadies herself, standing up straight again, “I’m allergic to chocolate and latex—“ 

“So basically, you’re allergic to Valentines Day,” teases Poe. 

Rey presses her lips together, picking up a packet of butter, to toss at him, “Comes in handy, I suppose, you know...”

“‘Fer what exactly?” Poe teases again. “What could you possibly weed out?” He presses his tongue in his cheek knowing he didn’t need an answer. 

Moments later, several medical personnel come to assist with the situation, asking basic questions. Kylo can speak for himself. The reaction didn’t seize his throat or insides, however he burned all over. His lips and gums feel numb, like he went to the dentist, and his eyelids are the only other thing to really report on. He made mention to Rey, who he caught himself trying to call his girlfriend but failing with his friend status instead. The later seems to burn her. “I’m sorry,” he croaks, reaching for her hand. 

“I can’t, Kylo,” she steps out of reach. The action alone makes him feel as though he’s completely lost her. There’s no anger. Just a pitiful sadness drowning him as he leaves the room with the medical staff.


	10. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it’s just better to take life experiences from someone else.

Being allergic to something suddenly, sucks. Kylo cursed at himself as if he willed it. As if he could turn it off. He swore he’d fix it... as if that could really happen. How does one suddenly have an issue with food? Kylo remembers back to his childhood, when his parents started introducing fish and crustaceans, making them more of a staple in their lives as he rounded the double digits. Crab should not have been a problem. Kylo used to love lobster. He even went trapping with his crazy uncle off the end of a pier, he was sure Uncle Luke didn’t have a permit for. Still, they were delicious, and depending on how much butter he used each time, resulted in the amount of zits he’d wake up with the next day. They had gels and creams for that, not to mention the chlorine from swim team and water polo practice acting as a daily cleanser. 

It didn’t make sense to him that magically, on this day, of all days, his body would reject such a thing. He’d been such a dick to her too. His mind replays the events and she still dashed around to prevent him any more pain, even if it put her at a loss. Maybe it’s what his friends meant about her putting others first. And damnit if he didn’t feel like he deserved it. 

The shot slowed the pain, reversing the hives that he managed not to scratch. Hives. He never knew such prickling, debilitating pain could come from such tiny bastards. Anyone that scoffed at a reaction to hives could go eat a dick. It felt like being stung by swarms of bees and then said stingers burned holes into him at their sites. Itching them burned the entire area, making his skin not only feel like it was blistering in third degree burns, but also felt like the spread of poison ivy. 

If Rey avoided that dinner all together, or worse, ignored his symptoms, he could be dealing with a very different night, hooked up to some IV no doubt. Instead, hours passed in first aid, approving his ability to be on his own allowing him to go back to his room.

“You can’t stay by yourself,” Poe reminded him.

“I can and I will,” he responded.

“No you can’t, you asshole. I’ll call them again and they’ll strap you to a bed in there. Would you rather that?”

A grumble of a no passes through him.

Poe asks out of the guys, who would he rather spend the night with, constantly aiming back with “Rey.”

“For the last time, Rey’s not the option.”

“She’s my only option.” His response comes out far rawer than he expected. Hurt by the whole ordeal. “It’s Rey, or I’ll take myself back down...” he pouts. 

“Don’t expect her to. She doesn’t take kindly to being destroyed.” 

——

Rey’s since turned off her phone, no longer having a need for it. She only needed it for him. But now, he’s made it quite clear that she’s nothing to him. 

As her friends tried to calm her, she threw her hands up saying, “It’s—can we not? I don’t want to spend any time thinking about this.” Her voice became softer with every word. “Clearly, I have to change something about myself. I can’t actually only be attracted to assholes. It can’t honestly be a thing,” she mutters.

Armie tried to comfort her and she shrugs him off too. “Rey,” he tries her name.

“Nu-no! I’m not doing this right now. We’re on vacation and, damn him and everything else, if we don’t have a good time.

It’s late and as much as everyone seems to be into that concept, sleep eventually wins. That is, except for Armitage. He never really noticed him as a ‘needing closure’ kind of guy, but perhaps he should have. He shakes himself back to the present, not really needing to go back for self examination. But today was different. The save hurt him, but his friend’s assumption of her infidelity had him reeling. Okay, he could accept that he didn’t particularly want Rey hanging around Kylo, for his anger issues and flightiness. But Rey is solid. She has her own anxiety problems, and deserved only the best, but he shouldn’t have tampered with Kylo’s already corrupt mind. Obviously he needed no help in burning bridges. But he knew the girl on the other end. He knew this hurt; whatever the idiot did, he wanted him to rectify. 

‘Ugh, Why do I have to be the one with the conscience?’ he groaned picking up his phone to text Kylo. 

-Hux-  
We need to fix this. 

-Kylo-  
...

Those three dots appear and sit tapping for long enough to assume he’s not really going to reply, so he tosses his phone back on the nightstand, giving up for the night. 

——

Morning comes quickly. It seems to be surprising to everyone how fast it’s come, too. The guys all mull around the suite while Poe actually took Rose who bounced around waiting for him at sunrise, and Rey who seemed professional, as if she was going to an interview. They were both dressed casually, of course, in cotton t-shirts and jeans. Rey with her sneakers and Rose in her flip flops. If she wasn’t barefoot, she lived in those or her Uggs. 

Left to their own devices, Finn and Armitage had time to plan out Finn’s proposal, and try to fix this thing with Kylo. “See, this is exactly why I never tried to date her,” Armie starts.

“But you play the part of the over protective ex, cock blocking Kylo constantly,” Finn points out, sitting forward to reach for his coffee. 

Armitage’s face turns up like he’s just swallowed a bug. “What do you mean by that?”

“All I’m saying is, we already know Kylo and his tendencies. The guy can be a basket case when he’s provoked. He can’t communicate well — like everything about him shuts down when he looses someone.” 

“Or something...like his keys,” the guys laugh. 

“Yeah, but that’s what I’m talking about. What if he knew we were here? Don’t you think he would have been hanging out with us? Maybe that shit yesterday never would have happened.” He sips his coffee carefully. “Ok, the crabs would have still happened I’m sure because of my pushy woman,” they laugh again. 

“Crabs,” Armie says echoing Finn. As If a word could be so silly, the guys can’t help but just say it until their exhausted from laughing. Finn actually wipes a tear from his eye because of it. 

“Yeah... Yeah. Maybe we should pay him a visit today,” he adds. 

“Who? Mr. Crabs?” teases Armitage. 

Finn wiggles his finger between the two of them, “That’s our thing okay? Girls can’t know—or Gawd, Poe can’t either.”

Armitage puts his hands up in agreement, obviously not ready for a war this week. 

“Good... Now what’s our plan of action for Kylo?”

———

Rose can hardly contain herself, while Rey takes in all of the technology she wasn’t expecting to find. In all honesty, as updated as the ship is everywhere else, all she could imagine being there was a wheel, and some binoculars, maybe a button for an anchor? Instead she’s greeted with a large office lined in wood, set before the bridge itself. Shelving and cubbies hold nautical books and maps in the event of a power outage, ‘backups’ Captain Rex claimed. There were flags for every country they crossed waters in; he mentioned that they needed to be represented correctly even though the ship gave off codes, similar to an IP address that communicated with their locations. “Some things can’t be changed by technology,” he says as he opened the door to the bridge. “But, others can.”

The bridge is wonderful.

The windows alone are impressive. Her immediate thoughts that follow are wondering what sunrise and sunset looked like from in there. A few times she found herself telling Rose to get her hands off of them. A scowl match began between them, until Rose pretended to lick her palm and smack the window closest to her, making the pair double over in laughter. 

“You go on a head with your braininess,” Rose waves off her friend. “I’ve got a view to take in.”

Rey’s taken around to computer monitors, of all things, mapping the their travel, watching the weather, the currents, depth. Captain Rex explains each of them uniformly, making sure to show their manual counterparts in the center of the bridge itself. “What we’re looking to see, is if there’s a more efficient way to run power here and throughout the vessel. Carnival wants to be able to manage whats used, and see if there’s a way to make the back up generators match the usual output in the event of an emergency. We want to promote less panic. Then there’s the other severity; say we lose power, and the generators aboard fail as well... how do we keep the thousands of people aboard safe and healthy?”

“And you think cutting down the power will do it?” He looks at her, amused that she’s challenging the thought. “Have you any idea what the output is for each room on board? You’d have to know you could support that at its highest power before you can try matching the electric used or even lowering it. But you’ll cause more problems for the line if you try. You could cause more trouble than it’s worth, honestly.”

Rey looks around, speaking again “Honestly, I’d fix what people already have a problem with. And that would be ventilation. Even if you can’t redo a ship in service, there’s all types of clean air technology around to temporarily assist it until the ship’s redesign.”

Captain Rex nods, “Like yours?”

“Yes but that was to a specific cause; my motorcycle.”

“Do you think it’s feasible for a ship?”

“If they can do it for busses, I’m sure there’s a way to either pull it all into a central hub to get cleaned and recycled, or do it individually for each bathroom.” Her face turned, “I’m not sure though which would be more cost effective. 

Captain Rex chews on his bottom lip, weighing the options, giving the exact count of rooms per ship, “but the suits have two, not to mention the restaurants and locker rooms for the pools, and so on.”

“Well, it would be something worth looking into. Maybe line up the recycling action with the toilet’s flush to keep from having too many mechanics. Programming something like this can be a mess. My bike took half a semester before I could install that one.”

They continue to converse into the morning as condensation starts to develop on the windows. This indicates the warmer conditions outside. As excited as she is, Rose cannot help but draw Christmas trees on them, opening her phone to take pictures of the trio in her ‘finger painted’ artwork. Not soon after, she was handed Windex and paper towels to fix it, before being escorted out.

Rose looks at her friend in disbelief, “Clearly he must not celebrate Christmas...”

“Or maybe he needs to see?” Rey teases her friend. Rose truly had a gift. She could say anything, to anyone, and get away with it. Sometimes, Rey wished she grew up so bold. A smile crept across her face, continuing with, “Oh, Rose...What are we going to do with you?”

“Everything! Because this is our vacation!” she sang joyfully, swinging her hands over her head like she was at a pep rally.

——-

Kylo sat in his room for most of the day, fiddling with his phone. He tried everything to get a hold of Rey but either his messages were not delivered, or his calls went straight to voicemail. Sure she was in the ship, but she may as well have stayed home, or flew halfway across the world, since that’s what this ugly separation was creating for him. He died so many times feeling let down by her, only to be picked up and thrown to pieces again. Didn’t she know what she was doing when she saved him? Didn’t she know that he needed her? How didn’t she know? And then, THEN! Then she pulled away telling him no. She may as well of rammed that bread knife through his chest.

Being their second day at sea really didn’t mean much, other than the fact that they were trapped. No where else to be but the thirteen levels of the ship. Kylo of course, was quarantined to one, not for the spread of an allergen, but only to keep an eye on himself. However, it wasn’t dealing with this alone. He had Poe texting him. Checking up on him between shifts. Each time he knocked on the door, Kylo hoped to God it was Rey. It wasn’t. And it stayed that way. He’s almost ready to give up begging for her presence when he hears Elle, Alice, and Renee outside his door.

Visitors, he thinks would be a nice change from Poe, since he seems to be the only one on speaking terms with him at the moment. Elle and Renee comment about his interesting setup. Renee confirming her husband used to do that too, “God test my soul.”

“Test? Don’t you mean rest?” Kylo asks.

“No test. That man is always testing me. It’s fine by me if God fucks with him,” the women cackle like hyenas. 

It’s completely welcome. Kylo hasn’t laughed, or smiled really since he sat with Rey at Dameron’s on their couch. 

Alice comes clean about being the Captain’s wife, and he feels his smile finally return to his face as she goes on. It seems not everyone knew. The women gave their theories on what happened and what they’d been through with their own relationships. For once in his life, he didn’t feel like a terrible fuck up. It turned out that men did this dumb stuff all the time. Elle’s husband would get shit faced by peer pressure, and was ultimately fired from his own company for excessive drinking when he wasn’t truly a drunk. It turned around when Elle pushed for a lawsuit with what she was saving for the kids’ apprenticeships. “Sure he was mad, but it straightened him right out and we won. The business was rightfully returned to him, and his so-called friends left town.”

Then there was Alice’s husband, Rex, who would yell at her constantly, not realizing he was even doing it. One day a dam broke and she let him have it. “I chased him with a hot frying pan, swinging the food we had all over the floor.” She shows them the burn she got from it, saying, “But he’s never respected me more since.”

Renee’s story reminded him of Rose down to the last detail. She was the smartest ass of their group. “He just likes to pick. It doesn’t have to be about me,” her tone breaks, “it could be the shade of blue the sky happens to be, or his food isn’t just right, or what’s better elsewhere. I started learning other languages just to screw with him,” she laughed. “The trouble now is all the technology. He might not know what I’m saying at the first go, but the phone does,” she rolls her eyes. 

“The point is Kylo,” Elle starts, “No relationship is perfect. We all just learn ways to even out the playing field.” She looks at Alice, “Maybe not my sister’s way though.”

“Has she tried to talk to you?” Renee asks. 

“No.” He looks at the phone, reading only the time. It’s almost dinner and she still hasn’t tried, he whimpers to himself at the thought.

“Well,” Alice starts, “Maybe it’s better that way.”

“How so?” Renee asks for her logic, “The boy is clearly at a loss. How would not seeing her help him?”

“Well,” she lifts her finger to her lips, starting to speak again, “Didn’t they all have the crab?” she speculates. “If he reacted to it, don’t you think she’s trying to avoid another break out?” The women nod, and she continues, “She gave you a dosage of her lifesaving device. It sounds like she only had two. Those things are expensive as fuck...”

“Alice!” Elle chides. 

“Six hundred dollars each. I can say it. It’s completely justified!”

Elle rolls her eyes.

“She gave it to you didn’t she? And now she’s less one. And now she has to be even more on edge. What if she has a freak reaction too?”

These were things he didn’t think of. She did give him more than she should have. She was gentle in the administration. His brow furrows as he picks up his phone searching methods and finding far more painful ways to give the shot. His thigh bares no bruise or discomfort. His hives have since retreated and the burning and itching has given way to far calmer skin. 

Kylo made it imperative to pay her back the cost of the shot and wants to correct all of his wrongs. But, she won’t pick up. How could he even get ahold of her? Figuring the guys had no interest in helping him, and now Rose too, he was on his own... that is, until Poe knocked again at his door.

———

“Do you want to go in? We could just hang out on the balcony, and watch the stars if you want,” Rose asks. 

“Maybe in a little while. I have some things I’d like to think through.”

“Do you want company?” Rose asks, sitting at the edge of her deck chair. 

“I think I’m alright. I just have to mull some things over, between this opportunity and what’s still on the table at home... and Kylo,” she replies honestly.

“You mean you don’t hate his guts?” Rose looks surprised.

“I don’t really know yet. It hurt,” she nodded at the thought of it. “But he isn’t Bodhi. He was so good to me at home...”

“And you need closure? Or to know that this was a fuck up?”

Rey looks up at the stars. “Yeah, something like that.”

Her friend pats her shoulder and wishes her luck. “I’ll wait up for you...’let the guys know you’re up and about.”

“Thanks Rose,” she replies quietly, appreciating her friend’s understanding. 

The evening is balmy. Surprising for this time of year. It’s nice to be comforted by warm air at least. Summer always seemed to be a time that Rey could unwind. It was all together less stressful. But this was a false one, she reminded herself. Five, maybe six days of warmth before going back to the cold reality of winter. Rey shook her thoughts of returning; not that seeing the bridge and conversing on a professional level meant she was ready to trust boats had anything to do with it. Really, it was more about not letting her friends stress about her personal life, or her all together. They were there as a group on vacation, well, the four of them were. Poe and Kylo have to work, which opened up questions she wanted answered.

Did Poe orchestrate all of this? Why didn’t he spill the beans? Why was it important to keep it quiet? And why didn’t Kylo just tell her where he was working? Then she cycles through, finding that it didn’t really come up, like Rose said. She sat back in her lounge chair, pulling her knees into her chest. And then the question that stung, “Why didn’t he trust me?”

——

It took her all of about an hour and a half to locate the first aid department, which there as a small unit on every floor, but the central one that he visited was down on the main deck. Reluctantly, the staff gave her every indication that they shouldn’t be giving out his information, but after some coaxing Rey finally received his room number. 

Nervousness gets the better of her on the way over. Maybe she shouldn’t bother checking. What if he was really done with her? What if the time leading up to this vacation was just drummed up in her mind? What if it was something she pretended happened, to mask the pain Bodhi caused? “Really, fucked up thing to do,” she chides herself. “Making up a relationship like that. What was I even thinking?” 

Rey turns down a corridor towards the buffet, figuring she needed something in the tank, before even trying to make it towards his door. The sign next to the entrance said dinner was from six to nine and they served coffee and desert until ten. Not having her phone, she looks around the buffet seeing that most of the dinner must be over now. The warming trays have food but the space is left instead of filled. She wonders what happens to the left over food, and again if it’s alright to bring something to Kylo, imagining he may not have had anything to eat. Finding no wait staff she fills two plates of food, one for her to eat, and covers the other with a third plate. 

Eventually she’s asked several times by staff looking to end their shift, if she is being joined, and if they can take her stacked plates. Each time gaining an assuring look from her, saying, “Yes, he’ll be down in a moment. Lots of work, you know.”

Rey didn’t have to elaborate, but it seems that after the third questioner, she feels the need to go. She ventures out with the plates, leaving her mess, and it eats at her that she’s done it. Usually, she would help, but is sure they would have taken his plate if she left it for even a moment. ‘This would have to do,’ she thinks.

Her thoughts betray her again, this time mocking her about her decisions to even bring food. Was she not enough? Was giving him a chance to explain himself not enough? Several times she thought about just putting the food down outside of someone’s door and letting room service think it was their job. That is until she makes it to his door. 

“Now or never,” she mouths to herself, knocking bravely on his white door. 

The door opens and she’s met by an older woman. One with warm brown eyes, a cloud of white hair and olive colored skin. Her expression warm and inviting but Rey’s caught off guard. They said 3819; she looks down at her palm for reassurance. “Um,” she finally makes a sound, “I’m sorry, I must have the wrong room.”

“No dear,” she looks back to Kylo, “You’re right where you were meant to be. Come along ladies,” she extends her call to her sister and friend. “It’s time these two caught up.”

Kylo practically launches himself from sitting on the side of the bed towards the door, making it difficult for his senior friends to leave. He can’t help himself, wanting to cross her space, take in everything she has to give, even if it was a slap in the face. He was willing. He felt stupid, child like, and this - this wasn’t her fault... And she still came back. 

He doesn’t think, only lunges forward to wrap her up in a hug. “I’m so sorry,” he croaks. His face falls in pain understanding what caused hers now, thanks to Elle. He should have been patient, but it wasn’t a skill he owned. As the ladies left, each gave him a stern look, reminding him once again to recognize what she is giving him. 

Kylo would make this up to her, even if the only result going forward would be friendship. She was owed this. He shrinks down in size, lowering to his knees on the floor. “I’m sorry, Rey,” he squeezes her, pressing the plates into a vertical hold between the two. He continues to apologize, unable to say much else. 

Salad dressing and juices from the beef tenderloin that she picked out for him leak from the plate’s positioning making her complain a bit. She backs up from his hold to put the plate down at the desk next to them. She tries to wipe at the obvious stains she would have until they did their first load upstairs. 

“How are you feeling?” she looks as though she just manages asking. 

“I’m better that you’re here,” he tries his hardest to remain calm but it’s hard. His speech is reduced to practically nothing but whines and sounds so much more like a child than a grown man. “I’m sorry— I just I saw you and Armitage and I lost my composure.” He dragged her back with him as he sat flat on the floor, giving their knees a break. 

“Why was your first though that I would betray you?” she asks awkwardly situated in front of him. There was no reason to break her back over this, so she let go, looking from him over to the couch, hoping he would understand the request. 

He did. Trying to be quick to his feet, he stumbles over himself, trying to usher her to it first. “I panicked,” his full lips looked even fuller as he pouted. He gave her every awful detail of passed relationships and why he thought Armitage was claiming her. 

To his surprise, she lifts her eyebrows at that, “Well, I’ll have to have a talk with him then. But how could you just make accusations about me? That hurt, Kylo!”

He was sure “I’m sorry” had little or no effect on her now. It was a miracle that she didn’t leave him in disgust. He needed to give her more of him. They needed to be completely honest with each other. He couldn’t allow anything else to come between them. “Do you think we could start over?” he asks tentatively.

Her breath shakes at the question, obvious at her release, “No, Kylo.”

His heart shattered. His eyes drained more tears that she did not see. She isn’t able to look at him when she continues. 

“I liked how we started. I liked knowing I could tell our story and be proud of it. You were so good to me, and I trusted you for it.” She sniffled. “Do you think Rose and Finn start over after their arguments? God, they just had one before we came about eating before boarding... and then walking barefoot to get to the pool from our room. They would be starting over every six hours if they took this logic.” She spits through a laugh. “I don’t want to start over with you Kylo,” she says as she finally looks back up at him. 

There’s confusion and pain in his face, all readable, as it wasn’t before. He’s trying. Really trying to give her what she wants. If this was over, then so be it. 

“I do need you to be honest with me. I need you to talk to me, not just shut down and keep me out,” her own eyes threatened to pour her brimming tears from her lashes. 

Shakily, as if he’s never used his limbs before, he lifts one heavy arm up from beside him to clumsily wipe the tear away with his thumb. It took all of his focus to coordinate such a task. He didn’t want to see her cry, and he also didn’t want to blind her eye in the process. To him the action mimicked an operation. As he made the sweep to the corner of her eye, finally off of it, he was rewarded with the press of her head leaning sweetly into it.

He swallows hard asking if he can hug her. Watching her nod fills his chest with fresh air that he was sure he would never feel again. His girl didn’t hate him. He could live with this, turn it around, slowly of course. He feels finally, somewhat at peace holding her in his arms. They would get to everything. They would. He knows they would. She gave him confidence in that at least. 

They stayed this way, quietly listening to the other’s heartbeat. Rey broke their silence, remembering his food. “I don’t suppose you have a microwave in here,” she wonders, still enjoying the rise and fall of his chest.

Honestly, he didn’t care about the food. Why would he? He would gladly starve if it meant she wouldn’t get off. But as the thought came and went, she’s moved across the room to check the plate itself. The ceramic dish, now cold, seems to be a tell tale sign that the food was too, or on its way down in temperature.

“We have one in our room,” she offers. The level of her volume went soft when she realizes the state of his layout. “Why did you redecorate?”

Well...she would find out sooner or later, his eyes lift in discomfort, thinking she might tease him about it as the others do. “I think I might be claustrophobic.” He explains his space at home, how he’s pretty much a minimalist, and she makes no sound while he tells her. It’s sort of unnerving. 

But then, she says, “Like my place. Well Rose’s,” she tosses a hand looking sweet as she did when they first met a few days prior. God the stress of this made it seem like the had been together for so much longer. She let him in, so to speak. Rey knew material items weren’t all they were cracked up to be, while Rose was quite the opposite. It wasn’t necessarily a sick obsession, yet, but she loved anything with obscenely large eyes and tiny bodies. “She’s just gotten into loving food with faces, and now will not eat peeps because they have eyes!” she squeals with amusement. “Rose is always eating my toast too... I figured I could rework a plate inside of the toaster to give that a face too... but I never got around to it.” It’s the cutest damn thing to see her wave it off and smile about it. 

The best though is knowing she made ever effort to make him feel alright with his quirks. It honestly caught him off guard. Kylo was so ready to defend himself, he wasn’t sure of what else to say. 

“Well, so long as you don’t hurt yourself with this setup—“ She looks around the room again.

“I won’t. And if I do, I’m pretty sure you could take care of me,” his smile spreads, then fades all at once. It isn’t something he meant to say out loud. In fact, he followed up shortly after thanking her for her quick thinking. “I had no idea I was allergic to it. We used to eat lobster and shrimp all the time at home.”

Rey looks at him thoughtfully. 

“How old were you when you found out you had those reactions?” It was an answer he wanted, even if he had to wait on the others. But, God, he hoped it wasn’t from her ex.

“Chocolate happened recently... but I’ve been told no one has that issue. It’s not true, or at least it doesn’t make sense. I can eat certain brands and burn like I’ve been set on fire for others,” she fidgets with her hands on the second. “I’ve always been allergic to latex though.” Her eyebrows lift he can tell she doesn’t want to say. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to,” he would come up with some elaborate reason and go on a rampage though, and Rey could tell.

“Kylo. Balloons are made with latex,” she tilts her head, not needing to wonder where his mind had gone. “I was with the first family I could remember,” she looks at him asking if he could be strong enough for this. “Just tell me to stop if you can’t deal, alright?”

This was what Poe was talking about. She doesn’t like going back...

Rey took a steadying breath telling Kylo about her first family. “They didn’t look a thing like me. No one spoke like me. I’d ask for my mum constantly, and I’d either be ignored or told she would be home later. Later never seemed to come. Or I was told she was there and left before I woke up for the day. I was about four when I figured out she was either never coming back or dead.” Rey nodded to herself, “Well, they had six boys, all raging in age it seemed. One summer an older boy had a bag of balloons he bought. I didn’t know what they were and I had just met Armie. I wanted to take one to my friend. So, I picked a yellow one and a horrible prickling feeling started racing across my skin.” She chewed the inside of her cheek, unable to look at Kylo. “I thought maybe it was just yellow that did it, so I put it down and tried red, then blue, then pink and by then I was covered in red bumps... and then the older boy found me going through the bag.”

Kylo didn’t tell her to stop. His mind raced with all of the awful things that they could have done to her.

“I started to cry, and did the only responsible thing he could think of, sitting me in the shower and waited for me to stop shaking. It takes longer to get over when you don’t have medicine,” she shakes her head. “Instead of keeping it to himself, the boy told the man in charge... I guess his father... and any time I got in trouble, I’d find a balloon in something. Nothing was off limits. Clothes, shoved in pockets, socks, put under cereal— I started just looking for them out of survival.” 

Kylo can’t help but pull her close to him again. “First home?” He can’t contain the sorrow he feels for her. He remembers the paper, Rose’s dad... and as his mind races, his cheeks warm again for an entirely different reason. He’s snorted back the sensation of rolling snot threatening to drip into her hair, only to openly choke on the half wet booger. 

“It’s not all bad,” she assured him. 

“How many, Rey?” 

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me,” comes out more like a whine. 

“I can’t see how it does. There’s no reason to go back. I have my family now and that’s what matters.”

“Please, just...” 

“What?”

“I just need to know.”

“No you don’t,” she raises her voice.

Poe’s words float through his mind again, but he can’t hold it back this time. “I need to know that I mean enough to you. I need you to tell me... I need...to.”

“You don’t need to, Kylo. You don’t,” she’s stern with him. “How would you feel if I begged you for your deep, dark past that you’ve spent your entire life trying to out grow. I’m not who I am right now because of what I held onto, it only happened because I was willing to grow. I need you to trust me, Kylo. Don’t you know how that works?”

Shit. 

“Yes,” he mumbles. Maybe she didn’t feel the same anymore. What if his little stomping fit at dinner tarnished that? What if she would have before then? And now? Why is she fighting this now? 

“I don’t need to relive it. I’m not even in a place where I can ride off and pull myself back from the void. I’m stuck on a boat. The furthest I can go is the length of the ship. I don’t even know what the front and back are called,” the corner of her lips quirk up in a small smile. “The only reason I agreed to this anyway, was because it sounded like a beautiful escape. Don’t even get me started about that night.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Of course he knew... not the extent of it, but Armitage was giving, “You do look cute in my glasses though.”

She tenses, “You’re glasses?” She turns to look up at him from being cocooned within his gigantic limbs. “Armie, got them from his neighbor.” 

He absolutely loves it when she frowns, connecting all the dots together. “I’m their,”

“Neighbor,” they say in unison. She slaps him in the chest for it. “Why aren’t you around then? If you’re their friend, why is it I haven’t met you until now? How can you say you’re close with them if you haven’t even been around?”

His jaw tenses. He knows his reasons are childish, but she deserves the answer at least. He swallows thickly watching her crowd his space wanting her answers. His weren’t that bad, and he needed her to trust him so, “idontlikebeingtesed” he rushed out. 

“Sorry?” Rey doesn’t quite catch that, needing it again, “Slow down, and just talk to me.”

“I don’t like being teased. I’m practically the target for everything. I’m big enough to be called, and have been in fact, a Sasquatch. I grew up with them. Poe first then Armitage...we used to call him Hux though. It was just easier. Poe could be a prick but we all looked out for each other for a while there and everything was fine, until I grew. There never seemed to be a shortage for shitty things to say.” He takes a long second, rolling his eyes under closed lids. “They used to have no shame too.” 

Rey just listens hovering from where she slapped him. “Did you ever tell them to stop?”

“Well, no,” he says. “I figured it would get worse if I made a scene. It’s different for guys—“

“No, it isn’t.” Rey’s sure of this. She fought for Armie. “I’m not saying go punch your friends, because that’s a good way to lose them, but you were—are bigger than them. All you had to say was stop, and mean it.”

He hadn’t thought of that. Maybe she was right. Maybe he can get past this. Maybe with her... he feels the slight indication of her nails brush over the side of his neck, running shivers suddenly through his body. He’d give anything for that all the time. ‘Do it again’ he nearly chanted, hoping she can hear him. 

“You know, if you’d just talked to me, all of this would have been different...”

“How so?” he tries to mask the obvious crack in his speech. 

“Well, I wouldn’t have been angry with you. Excited, really... to see you,” her eyes dropped slowly from his landing her sights on his lips. Her words come to him fragmented, trying desperately to say anything at all. 

Her fingers drift onward towards the edge of his hairline. Just the slightest movement, the crescent of her nail nudging against each follicle, sends tremors jolting through him. She says nothing more. Fixated on the way he reacts to her touch. Steadying herself astride one of his thighs, she holds herself up on his left shoulder, making no sudden movements. Entirely focused on the sensory field, working on the nerves at the base of his skull. 

It’s not like he knows this. To Kylo, it’s the most comfortable damn thing he’s experienced in all of his life. He wants to keep his eyes open but the more she works over him, he can’t. She seems to move in with her other hand, over every strand of hair as if her life depended on it. As she makes it up around his temples, he finally has the nerve to ask what she’s doing to him.

“Increasing blood flow,” she says a matter-of-factly. Her fingers don’t stop moving through his hair, when he feels the press of her body to his, trying to keep her hands where they need to be to work out his stress. 

It’s an absolute battle to keep his mind on what she’s doing, not where the rest of her is pressing. God, the strain is real. He wonders if this is a test. He’s most definitely failing if it is. He can feel her perky breasts press into his chest, her flat stomach meld into his, and damn it if it doesn’t frustrate him that she’s not completely straddling his lap. He can’t help but want her there. Need her there.

His breathing is labored through his speech, asking for clarification.

“You didn’t have to take anatomy did you?” she purrs.

His eyes fly open, trying desperately not to make a scene. He wasn’t really sure whether or not this was just a scalp massage or if she was going to be so bold as to explore him this evening. “Why did you need anatomy?” He chokes on his words clearly not being the right ones as she let off of him...no, no, no! 

She sat back on his leg, still not feeling much of her weight, he assumed from sitting on her own as well. “One of my classes required it for artificial intelligence,” she ran her fingers methodically through the part of his hair he wore to the side, straight back, in long combing motions. 

He can’t help the groan that slips his lips. And for the briefest of seconds he feels weightless. His arms that had rested to the sides of him like dead fish could suddenly move. As they lifted, his hands tentatively encircle her waist, needing to know if this was alright before exploring her. She made no move to bat him away. Instead, she braced the back of his head, supporting him like she would have the water goblet, leaning in over his lips to quench her thirst. 

His mouth suddenly went dry. He swallowed several times trying to fix this before she found out. It didn’t seem to matter though, not to her. She didn’t make him feel inadequate. She seemed to know that sucked all too well. Instead, she focuses on what she likes, pressing in on his for his mix of sweet and eventually sloppy kisses. 

There’s nothing now but them. They could be floating off into the sea with each other and he wouldn’t have a care in the world. Kylo could only see Rey. She was all he ever wanted, fiery and fierce, with this gooey center she’d only give to the worthy few. He wanted to be worthy. He’d do anything for the chance. 

His hands tighten around her, massaging her sides as he goes. One arm snakes around her waist to hold her in towards him, and the other palming her back, guiding her chest back into his. He needed the contact. He felt he would waste away without her. His lips press firmer against hers, ready to take over her need. 

“Please stay with me tonight,” he peppers kisses from the corner her lips to her jaw, desperation seeming to take over now. His movements becoming more fluent, like the ocean’s tide, rising and falling, calling her to him with every brush of his lips over her pulse. 

“Nuh,” she groans. He’s sure it was supposed to be a no, but tries that much harder to pacify it. No, did not belong here. Not between them at least. He would ask her again, just to be sure he heard her right, and maybe beg her. He could do that. He could look weak. He’s already been vulnerable, why not try weak too? 

“Please? he whines. “I’ve never needed to know anyone the way I need to know you.”

——-

She hums at the thought of being necessary to someone. Special enough to be that sort of level of importance. Rey lets her hands wander down the back of his neck, reveling in his build. It wasn’t exactly something she ever focused on it in those moments as she explored him, they were. She wonders just what kind of weight those shoulders could bare. ‘Maybe me?’ She feels like a child even suggesting it. Who gets lifted anywhere anyway? 

His muscles feel oddly like the hardest pillows she’s ever touched. As she runs her stubby nails over his cotton shirt she hits a few tiny lumps, hoping it’s not still a patch of stubborn hives. There’s really only one way to be sure and she knows this can only end poorly. Sweetly, she lets her fingertips drift down his chiseled torso, appreciating him through the the fabric between them. 

“Kylo,” she listens to him groan at the sound of his name emitted from her lips. His palms move from their anchor points over her back. One cupping her firm rear end, while the other dares to explore beneath her shirt. Both of them begging her to answer his plea. “I won’t be, ahh-“ she moans as he swipes his thumb over her nipple, pebbling it between between his fingers. 

Instinctually, she seeks friction, letting herself open up to him, “Kylo,” her moans are met with his needy mouth, no longer dry, sloppily swapping from exploratory nibbles, rolling her already hardened nipple, giving it a hard suck. 

Her mind drifted briefly reminding her how different this was than Bodhi. Kylo worshiped her through every caress, even while she tried to prep him to accept a less satisfying outcome. Only of course, if he was still handling the breakout. 

Bodhi never made her feel like her body was hers. It was his. His little toy to use when he felt like it. Kylo on the other hand, made her feel wanted. Like more than a thing. More than a status. He made her feel like everything. She’d never been with a man that openly begged her for her attention, or even for her time. 

“Kylo,” she tries again, unable to resist grinding into him, coaxed of course by that amazing tongue and those beautiful lips, she couldn’t believe were still hers. “I won’t be able to touch you if you still have hives...” she rushes out unsure if she’ll get the chance again.

“Then don’t,” he tries to persuade her, still working on her bud. 

“You’ll get hurt,” she whines. To this he slows, letting her finish her thought. “If you reopen them, it’ll spread like it did last night.” She lets out a secondary, softer exhale missing his contact, “Please. Please let me check.”

—— 

It’s the worst God damned feeling when she confirms it, showing the patches that aren’t quite gone. A cold shower could bring him back down, right? It never seemed to be a problem in the past. In fact, the very thought of it, never really crossed his mind with other women. He usually was so turned off it didn’t seem to matter what the temperature was. But Rey? Jesus, he couldn’t look away. He could stop this need. 

“Please don’t torment me,” he hears her say. 

The dreamy trance she’s put him in has since evaporated like fog burned off by the sunrise. Surprised by her choice of words, he responds nearly inaudibly, “What?”

“If I can’t touch you,” she whimpers, though her body is on fire with need. “You shouldn’t touch me. It’s only fair.”

“Nothing about that is fair...”

“Yes it is.”

——-

Getting up is just as hard as stopping. His whole body aches at no release. He knows she feels it too with every press of her thighs she’s trying to hide. 

“Did you still want this?” She points at the plate offering the meal warmed up in her room. 

Figuring there was no rejecting her kindness on any level, he nods, asking if everyone will be okay with him being up there.

“They’ll have to,” she says.

“Why’s that?”

“First, you’re my boyfriend.” If that didn’t light him up brighter than the sun he didn’t know what would. It was all the validation he needed to jump at her side, pulling her tightly against him yet again. He wanted the world to know, but would settle with everyone on the ship. “And second,” she said opening their room to him, “they’re your friends too.

Rose pops up from her chair, relieved to see Rey and then startled a little to see Kylo. “Ooo,” She makes a popping sound with her mouth, welcoming him in. “Well isn’t this a surprise!”

Armitage and Finn raise eyebrows at the couple, clearly still fidgety from their moments before, welcoming them back as Rose did. 

Rose catches a glimpse of the plates. “Rey?” she asks, “Did you steal food?”

“Hardly. It’s a buffet. It’s meant to be taken,” she replies. 

“Rey, Oh my God, steal me some food, Rey,” she laughs in a ‘I’m not joking way’. 

“They’re closed for the night,” Rey shakes her head.”

“That hasn’t stopped you before. Use your charm. Please? Please? Rey? Oh my   
Gawd Rey, please get me some food.” Her silly little smile is the only indication she’s just teasing, but Kylo actually gives her a piece of his steak, subduing the beast. 

This might not be so bad after all.


	11. Appreciating You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bedroom activities take over followed by a hell of a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has upped the rating’s content to E. I tried to keep it at M, but they were just too darn into each other.

It’s already the third day and Kylo’s senses have heightened. The ship has come to a steady crawl, so much so that he wonders if it’s similar to a taxiing plane. He grumbles wondering when he’ll get his ‘sea legs’ as Poe called them. Forget sea legs, he wanted to be comfortable with all of it. To be able to pretend he was being rocked to sleep in a hammock at night. But also, wanted to feel as though he was navigating the ship as if he was comfortably standing on solid on ground. Kylo finds he needs the chance at actually enjoying the feeling of the constant movement to be able to get through the day. Now that the ship seems slower, maybe closer to stationary, and it makes his skin crawl.

At the dock in New York, there was at least a dock. There was probably the same here too, but for some reason, the very fact that it wasn’t going to be exactly like New York’s makes him uneasy. 

Unlike every other day on land, in his comfortable apartment, the details of which Rey now has, he’s unable to bring himself to completing his usual workouts. There just isn’t enough room. Already taking this into consideration, Kylo’s eyes remain closed trying to take waking up slowly. He envisions Rey and their near ‘make-up’ session the night before with a frustrated sigh. 

That girl, he thinks of her. ‘His,’ he clarifies with himself. She called him her boyfriend—not a friend—her boyfriend. While he approves of this connection, he can’t help but feel too old to be called a boyfriend? Isn’t that an indication of being exceptionally young? Is there even a term to make his status with her feel less elementary? 

He supposes not being in tuned to this for years, even with blonde, that he couldn’t actually think of how long they were fucking, let alone her name. There was never a date he could hold onto, or anything real for that matter. But now? Rey branded him with a name. With a duty to her...and now that desired role had a date. 

December 17th was now the most important day, besides of course obvious ones, like the day they met, and his birthday, of course. He never actually preferred it either. Like everything else that defined him physically, his birth date was something he frowned upon, being so close to Thanksgiving. He assumed that the timing was similar to that of kids born around Christmas. Not to their dilemmas of the amount of gifts they received, but to the unbearable reminder of being what his parents were most thankful for. At first he was young enough to play along, but as time went on, the teasing picked up. He hated sarcasm, and everyone that used it, mostly because it was targeted to him and his worth. The largest culprit was his own father, closely followed by Uncle Luke, who unlike dear old dad, could dish it to everyone. 

It was fine if it wasn’t him, or anyone he truly cared about... rolling his eyes, Kylo remembers the time Uncle Luke touched a fuzzy looking cactus, thinking it was fake. All of the curses he learned that day far exceeded anything Poe ever taught him. The attention Uncle Luke gave to that plant from there on out was in a word, terrifying. He would openly mock it as if it were alive, past the obvious photosynthesis, cellular level of life. He spoke to it like it had a soul, a reason for biting him. He even promised it its demise under the tire of his scooter at the time. 

All of this was fine, until Kylo was teased for anything. The absolute worst was when he started thinking about changing his name. He shudders at the thought. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his given name, or who he was named after, specifically. It was all of the God awful nicknames that came with it. Big Ben being one in particular he could honestly do without. He didn’t exactly want to be referenced to by only the size of his dick. Or even have people suggest that it was his only true quality. 

He hummed at the thought that Rey was more concerned with his wellbeing. If nothing else, the deodorant she offered that night, was a true indicator. Now with everything else, and not rejecting him for being human, he can’t help but feel like he owes her the world. 

He does his best to relive last night. If he focuses, he can feel her breath on his skin, and her dexterous fingers working over him as if he was a giant ball of knotted yarn. She was going to set him straight. He would have a chance. She would speak to him with every swirl off her fingernail. She would promise him light in every day; the very fact that she came back to him to check confirmed this. He believes she is everything and deserved it too. He would make it right. He had to. But first, he needed to deal with the rising temperature racing through his body, reminding him of every temptation he managed to leave unexplored. 

She told him it was for his safety. If the hives opened, he would pay, and she couldn’t touch him for far longer. The risk of infection was too great. “Broken hives stung worse than blistering burns,” she told him, which he would accept if only she would continue touching him. But she stopped. At least now there weren’t any, and she wasn’t there to stop her from pleasuring himself in the soft light dawn provided. 

There, he could imagine her, remembering each little movement. His eyes slide shut, practicing the word, stupidly sounding it out like a child. Mouthing it as if the very focus of it would guide her back over his lap. ‘Movement...”

His eyes roll back into his head, rocking his hips generously high as if she was just above him. For just a moment he wonders if hives were on his member, or if he could satisfy his need better in the shower. Maybe then he wouldn’t aggravate himself? That was a sobering thought that kicked him, as his fist moved over himself carefully. Whining at the thought of hives there, he stopped, still grilling himself while he thinks about this carefully. ‘She checked me didn’t she?’ Kylo’s free hand manages to reach over to touch to his chest, searching for unwanted rough patches of the lingering bumps. His skin, now soft, only show grayish markings of where the nastier collection of bumps had been. He wonders if a little sun will burn that away like it would for mosquito bite scars. 

Feeling all the more confident that they were most likely gone, he spits in his hand, as he rounds his thighs outward with the obvious intent. His half hard length stirs, tapping at his stomach impatiently waiting for him to fulfill his promise to satisfy the need Rey triggered within him. Hissing at his own touch, he drops his head back onto his mound of pillows. Kylo’s shoulders are thrown back, pressing himself down within the mattress, wishing it was her weight driving him there. His eye lids grow heavier with every pass, letting his body climb as he searches for his release. 

It’s his imagination, it has to be...as his shuddering breaths shorten into nothing, enveloping himself in his own hot spurts, when he’s sure he’s heard her. ‘There’s no way,’ he argues with himself for even throwing that in there. But then, there it is again. 

Still coming down from his high. Now shaking through tremors that spiked through his orgasm; sticky from his spend, he props himself up on his elbows trying to locate his temptress’ calls. 

He’s sure he’s lost his mind, scanning the room as if he was looking for a ghost. But then her noises become that much more defined. An object quickly shifts on the couch, frightening him at first, and then works through a pivotal cue, her body positively vibrating through her administrations, stilling as she finds her release as well. Her soft mewling sounds catching in her throat as she finishes. And finally a small sigh before she falls back asleep. 

Kylo stays unmoving, in shock really, truly believing that he imagined the whole thing. He did have an amazing imagination. It was part of the reason art came so naturally to him. He shakes himself from his stupor, still seeing her organic form wrapped in a dark velvety blanket on his blue couch.

He’s...he’s heard those sounds before. Kylo shakes his head supposing it wasn’t someone else. Bazine never moaned, she was positively hard to please. Then there was blonde and he was sure she was a fit of fake pleasure. ‘And the award goes to,’ he rolls his eyes thinking about every time he thought it and still tried his damnedest to get off. If it wasn’t them, then was it really?...

As his question materializes and floats off like a bubble in the wind. The realization hits him hard. It was her! Her little whimpering sounds he mistook first as puppy yips in her sleep. He groans first in appreciation that she felt so comfortable with herself, and second in him, that she felt no shame in taking care of her own needs, especially if he was really going to deny her. This time though, wasn’t completely his fault. It was new. All of it. He shouldn’t have been going through that now, but was. It was complete bullshit... but... but how did they get back in his room anyway?

It didn’t seem like a pressing question at the moment, what with Rey sated at the usage her own devices. But he asked it, and now his mind couldn’t seem to see past it. Besides, the poor girl looked exhausted.

It has to be a dream though. There’s no way his beautiful little sunshine, first, slept over on his couch, and second, let herself go there too. Kylo scrambles to get up to make sure she isn’t just a mirage. Having to think about how mirages even happen, he tries relying on his fifth grade science class. Actually, Mr. Roffner was the only science teacher he ever listened to. He snaps back from his imaginary classroom figuring it wasn’t hot enough in his room to pass the idea.

It takes all of his strength to get out of bed quietly. Even with the space between the bed and the wall, his room suddenly felt smaller, and the sudden movement tied his legs up under his sheets. 

He stares at it in such a murderous rage, snarling at it as if somehow the inanimate object would know to get the fuck off him. The thought of his uncle has him feeling like such an idiot, ready to destroy a sheet over being tied up and unable to reach his girlfriend. A smile stretches over his face at the thought of the word. The emotional value from it over the boyfriend one he argued with before, is significantly better. So much better, he feels the sheets begin to release him, as if he passed it’s test. He had to be patient with her. With life and himself too. He could do these things. 

One foot and then the other pressed down into the short, dark blue carpet. Kylo stands and turns with just enough room to turn and pass the wall with a slight brush to his left shoulder. He shakes his head at the size of the room again. There had to be a better way but he couldn’t think of it right now. Now it was all about her. She is his single focus. The walls felt like they were shrinking in on him at his distance from her, but he would fight past his nerves to check. 

The three steps from his bed to the arm of the couch are the quietest he’s ever taken, trying his damnedest not to frighten her. His breathe shallows so low that he’s only aware that he’s still breathing when the pull of cool air fills his nostrils. Peering now over the side of the couch he sees her. 

Rey’s no mirage. She’s curled up under a blanket she must have pulled from the closet, sleeping in his sweatshirt. Dying to know if she really preformed such a private act unknowingly with him in the room. Or maybe she did? Why didn’t she seek him out? Or sleep by him? 

As he lowers by her side he takes in her shape. Her curl is natural; bent to accommodate her frame on the narrow couch. Her blanket rests over her telling form. It takes no imagination to know where those sounds came from now. His eyes cross from the very obvious tuck of her hand down into her center. 

It feels as though a band of sweat forms around his crown, heating and cooling all at once as it flushed through the reminder of his extremities. She hadn’t moved from her climax. While he studies her he imagines she’s still at least moistened by her act, which sets him down into a foggy daze. He groaned wishing she was awake, that she did that for him, so he wasn’t on the outside looking in at her pleasure... if only she knew he was there, that she would allow his intrusion, in all the ways he needed.

He needed. He thinks of the past few moments feeling like a greedy fucker. ‘Okay,’ he levels with himself. It’s been a dry spell, he knows this for sure. Maybe not sexually, he reasons with the blonde being in and out coming to mind, but the combination of this new desire to be with Rey and her actual compassion is incomparable. He feels like a person of importance when she looks at him. Acting on impulse would ruin this for them.

“What would she want?” his breath carries his question quietly. He hears the slightest clicking, followed by liquid lapping of sorts. The very sound is intoxicating. He knows all too well it is not the sloshing ocean waves. They’ve slowed far too much for even that.

——

Rey’s shriveled fingers find their way out of her heat, now laying flat and extended his plush couch. The remainder of her indulgence now seeping from her center. An obvious smell if anyone was truly around. But who was? It was still technically night according to her friends. If it was cloudy in the morning, Rose tried to convince her that it was still the evening on multiple days. Today, she thought, would be no exception. 

Rey felt her eyelids extra heavy this morning, actually believing she was experiencing paper weights there in place of those thin layers of skin. As she spread her fingers, feeling particularly gooey, she’s sure she’s heard someone. Her heart races hoping to God it’s not one of the guys. Rose would understand. Jesus, she can actually count the times she’s come across her cleaning her toys just before an exam. It wasn’t like she was a stranger to it either... but God help her if it was any of her brothers... or...Good Lord Armie. He did not need to whiteness that!

How did she get on the couch anyway? Her eyes stayed closed as she tried her best to act sleepy and think at the same time. It was a losing battle, but, fuck, she did not want to look any of them in the eye after being found. 

A gruff clearing of a man’s throat has her mind reeling. Poe can’t clear his for crap. He usually tries over and over again, stomping off to get a drink instead of clearing it completely. Finn is a loogie guy. Enough said on that; she tries not to gag. And Armie, he sounds like he’s revving an engine until he gets it out so, great, she doesn’t know the man in the room. Perfect. So long as no one touches her she’s fine. 

Fine. 

‘Everything is fine,’ Rey chanted in her mind. 

She slows her breathing smoothing her eyelids from the wrinkling her thoughts produced. Rey’s ready. ‘Touch me and die,’ she thinks. Her senses heighten so much so, she can hear the carpet squishing underfoot, his matching shallowed breathing, and now his radiating heat. 

‘Too close,’ she thinks, parting her lips, baring her teeth. She all but growls as she feels a huge pair of hands scoop her up from where she laid. ‘He’s...touching me?’ Rey shrieks in her mind, shouldering all too quickly through a roll, connecting her open palm to his nose.

“Rey,” he hears the man groan, trying not to drop her. 

Her eyes shoot open and eyes widen all that much more in fear. She knows him. Her jaw drops open, “Kylo! I’m... Oh! I’m so sorry!” she whispers a shout. 

Confirmation of her arousal bashed him square in the nose. Her force makes him question if she broke it, and feels incredible pressure in his teeth, pressing his tongue carefully behind the top row. Kylo grimaces, seeing blue and white blinking stars, as his vision clears enough to see her. He hears her whines over his wellness, just above his own ringing ears. 

“Oh...” she whines again. 

Kylo knows enough to at least say something. What? He isn’t sure. The first thing he that spills from him is certainly wrong, “What is it with you and hitting people?”

Her potent fingers still around his cheek, still within range to hypnotize this now delirious man. “What?” Rey questions him confirming that there were only two instances that she had smacked him. 

“Actually, four,” Mr. Ihavetoberight walked right into that one, having to come clean about touching her in the lab.

“Are you fucking serious?” Her mouth twisted from fully gaping at the man who still owned the right to hold her, to a hesitant smirk, “I’m four for four then!” 

All the while a rumble of laughter crashed out of him. “It seems you are. But maybe, less of that. I don’t need people thinking my girlfriend beats me,” he finally, finally gets a nibble at her aromatic digits. He faintly tastes all of the promises of her glory. His tongue envelopes the two pickled in her juices with his broad, flat tongue. “Fuck,” he whispers between generous sucks stripping her of her settled spend. 

Rey feels her breathing escalate at every torturous curl of his tongue. She’s well aware that his strong arms are still holding her average size, sure that she feels heavier by the moment, barely coos out a request for him to find the bed. At least there he wouldn’t find her so cumbersome. There she could force him back; have an even playing field between the two of them... She wanted to retaliate. 

As devine as it felt to be worshipped by him, Rey began to feel jealousy over her two fingers. She rolls her eyes at herself, and catches the deepest, darkest eyes she’s ever seen, mirroring back at at her. His intensity, heated by her roll, taunts her. She’s unsure if she should even admit to her feelings when he speaks up, purring, “What is it, beautiful?” Planting individual kisses at each finger, tracing the tip of his tongue in the short crevice of her nail. “Tell me.” He groans in appreciation, finding the last little bit. 

He’s being forward, he knows he is, but she’s tempted him far too many times. While he would never dream of taking her without her permission, he does feel the impending need to show her what she does to him. To teach her how good he can be. How amazing she could feel, now that she’s his.

Several times she’s made it known that she is, in fact, a good girl. Loyal and true, he didn’t feel the need to push her limits, instead decided to make her feel secure. He wanted her happiness, to trust him, to always come back. He couldn’t bare the thought of being without her again. 

No. 

That would break him entirely.

Instead, he waits patiently, for her to speak up. Wandering to the edge of the bed he waits with her still suspended. 

“It was just something foolish,” she assures him. “Nothing to do with you.”

His lips quirk up in an inpatient smile, a slight hum of disapproval reverberates through him. “No secrets, baby,” he boldly replies.

Rey’s taken back by those three words. Of course he wants her past, but no one seemed to unless they were sticking around. Just her family knew, really. She prays that it’s not that. That he’ll be alright with the actual truth, “I...” she tries to control her breathing when he does it again. “Fuck,” she whines. “Stop treating my hand like your mistress.”

There, it’s out now, and he retreats from it ever so slightly, weighing her words. “Are?” He lifts an eyebrow, “Are you jealous of your own body, Rey?” His voice stays low enough that even his question sounds more like a statement.

All she can do is nod. Her breath is so shallow she’s unable to speak. Instead, she reaches for him, her hands high, wrapping them around his neck. She pulls him down to her making him feel like he is the only person that could ever matter. She sat, only to meet him; her lips now crashing into his. 

Rey sighs into his parted lips making Kylo’s eyes roll back into his head. “Fuck,” he returns her profanity, his hands dropping down to the sides of her, forcefully scooping under her sculpted ass to give her a tight squeeze. He’s dying to know this is real; that they’re really working their way to the center of his bed. Her yip is exciting, and he finds himself wanting to know every one. 

Kylo’s buff sleeping habits have him on display. As she explores every ridge of his sculpted mass, her body seems to feel as though it’s engulfed in flames. “Please,” she gasps as she wraps one leg, followed by the other, around his torso. He hasn’t even made it to remove her clothing, to explore her, and she’s arching into him, dying for some friction. “Please, Kylo, I need...”

“Tell me...” his mouth barely separates from hers, while his hands grip at her shorts. This time he know these were worn for him. They’re so short, stopping at just the right height, to halfway expose her cheeks. Her skin is so soft, and she responds so naturally to him, he can’t help but pull her hips up to him, grinding his length into her wet begging center. One pass after the next has her cursing at her clothes, ripping them off as he grinds in to part her. 

Her hips jerk as he passes her once more, to this Rey moans sweetly. ‘She’s real,’ he thinks, having to stop himself from remembering the others. It’s hard enough to wait but he does. He finds himself wanting to beg for her but his body already says what it needs to, and then...

“Kylo, I need you, please don’t make me wait,” her body bends backwards from him into his mattress, keening at his next torturous pass. Her stubby nails working down his torso to keep his jerking hips in place. She slides one hand down his spine, dipping under his waist band there, while the other smoothed over his length through the little pocket opening of his boxers. She’s gentle when she frees him. Her greedy little fingers explore him as he nearly sings in appreciation. 

“Are you sure you just want,” he hums in need, her fucking slick pooling past the thin line of her panties, “to start at the end?”

She pants out her question barely able understand his, “There’s more?”

“There’s so much more,” he croons, “Has no one ever taken the time to appreciate you... teach you how much more your worth than just some fucking toy?” His words were sharp. He knew about her ex, but didnt want to really explore history at all. He did however, want to correct her thoughts about sex, and teach her how it’s meant to be between two people that actually cared about the other. 

Bashfully, she slowly shakes her head. “Will you be my teacher?” she asks.

“It would be an honor,” he smirks and then asks her to tuck him back in. By the rate he was going he would no doubt have blue balls, but this wasn’t entirely about him. It was more about her, and besides, he got off this morning... the evidence is still lodged somewhere in the tied up sheet on the floor. 

In her frenzy to find her joining with Kylo, they’ve already stripped her of his sweatshirt, revealing her as topless underneath. He looks down at her and then to the sweatshirt wondering where it went. “I didn’t wear it,” she sounded like she purred at him, calling his attention back to her, “Who was really going to look under my sweatshirt?”

His expression is serious, “Only a dead man.”

She cracks a smile as he crowds her. Rey runs her fingertips up his biceps, over his shoulders and back down again, enjoying the way his eyes seem to darken. Then she asks, “By my hand? Or yours?”

That’s it. Kylo’s lost it. Rey comes out in bits and pieces and each fragment makes him wonder why he never met her sooner. Appreciation, he nods at himself. She deserved all the best. He cannot keep the grin from spreading on his face, and then adds, “By both of us. There’s something outstandingly sexy about a woman that can take care of herself,” he admits, ducking down to hide the obvious wonder in his eyes. 

He did not want to show just how smitten he was for her yet figuring that was a mistake in past relationships. He did not need to fuck this one up more than he had so far. This was about making it right. Making her feel like she mattered to him. There would be other ways, so many other ways to explore their experiences together, but now? Romantically? He wanted her to feel like the sun and stars. Needing no other inspiration, he worked over her. His hands kneading into her softly, as if he had the luxury of sculpting her out of clay. 

Her eyes roll back into her head at his touch. Kylo’s large hands feel like they’re everywhere; studying her. Rey can’t help but think of Bodhi. It’s such a fucking waste to, but she can’t seem to pull herself to the present. He never did this with her. Never once concerned with her pleasure. She always apologized about the size of her breasts, or being too small in other elements, to which he never reassured her. At this point she was sure she was just a pocket to fuck... But not Kylo. Even the other night he had been so expressive, she was sure his passion for all things bubbled near the surface. His features told a story, only those that payed attention to could see. And, oh how Rey wants to pay attention. 

There’s never been a time in her life that anyone gave her such satisfaction in bed. Never did she think she’d find pleasure in the long game shown in romantic movies, not even porn made sense to her. Her body clearly dismissed the chance of knowing what those avenues may be like since no one she’d been with gave a damn.

Rey marvels in the way Kylo looks at her like she’s the only person that has ever mattered to him. She studies him as he moves over her, his lips trailing hot kisses from the base of her neck down to the valley of her breasts. His long mane sweeping over her collarbone as he moves make her choke on a squeal. Kylo smirks at her as she shrugs her shoulders to combat it, grinning as she does. He pauses only to kiss the palm of her hand which she come up to counteract her surprise.

Kylo traces featherlight kisses down from her palm to her forearm until she realizes he wants her calm...comfortable. As he lowers back down to her before their interruption, he rubs his stubble over her soft skin. To her surprise, he’s made no indication of her being inadequate, not even a flick of his eyes catching hers to wordlessly make her wonder about his expectations of her. 

His long lashes stay closed as he explores one breast with his mouth, and the other with the slightly calloused pad of his thumb, causing her to short circuit. Rey’s lips part further than they had been while she stared in a daze at this Goliath of a man practically painting her body with his tongue. Rey was unable now to help the groan that came from deep within her from a place she was sure women faked. God, he had her questioning everything he knew. 

Rey hooks her arms under his, clinging tightly to the backs of his shoulders, crying out for more. “Oh! Ky—hh— lo,” her breathing hitched high as he gave her exactly what she responded to. His smirk controlled by the arch of her back shoving her breast higher into his mouth had him reeling. 

‘This is real,’ he thinks to himself, shoving his freehand under her rear end, squeezing at it deliciously. He listens to her desperate cries and shallow breaths before she clings to him desperately, silently screaming through her orgasm. Her body, now as limp as a rag doll, lay spent below him in his bed and he hasn’t even entered her yet. Kylo answers his silent question, reassuring himself that this one is ‘the one.’

He lowers herself to the side of her, giving his arms a break, wanting to know if she’s alright, he asks if she needs anything. 

“Just you,” she replies through a shaky breath. 

“More?” He asks again needing to know if she’s alright or if they should stop. He would respect her if she said she needed a moment. 

All too soon she replies with, “Yes. More...All of it... of you, I mean. I need...I...”

“I know what you need, baby. I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he says tugging his boxes from himself first, and then her delicates from her careful not to rip them. Her squeal makes his heart sing, pressing him on to explore all of her. 

Taking from his vantage point this morning, seeing how she responded to herself, he was determined to give it to her the same way she did herself. He’s sure it wasn’t just strumming her bundle of nerves until she jerked around. Even the blonde taught him that... her performance made him believe she just didn’t like the full press, that it most clearly took a little extra to help her get along. Rey gave the secret, and he’d surprise her, he was sure of it. 

“Tell me you want me... that you want this, us... that I can touch you, please?...” he groans as he feels his way over her mound.

He hovers too far back for her to reach out to show him how bad he’s needed. She’s positively soaked, still potent from her last release, trying not to babble about past experiences, just nods with pleading eyes. “I need you,” she breathes, “I’mcleanandprotected...” she launches out of her system. Rey never once let Bodhi enter her without a condom. She always felt like she wasn’t his only, and once it was confirmed, she had no reason to feel bad about it anymore. But Kylo was so different. He just was. She trusted him wholeheartedly after that show. Maybe she shouldn’t. Maybe he was that way with whoever he was with, but right now it didn’t matter. She wanted desperately to take him to bed...and he would find out just how sincerely she wanted him if he’d ever get close enough to her core.

Kylo visibly shudders at the thought of entering her bare. He thinks of the way she admits her care, and remembers her allergy, wondering if it had something to do with it. For a moment, because of her eagerness to share, he wonders if she’s flighty after fucking. What if she liked multiple partners? The thought of Bazine came up making him seize up. 

“Kylo?” Rey lifted herself to one elbow and then the other, purely using her core strength to pull herself up over his lap. His long length, hardened and twitching against her dripping seam had her eyelids fluttering closed. Just the sensation of contact drowned her concerns, vibrating need all throughout her body. But she wouldn’t let him think his cock was all she wanted. “We don’t have to... it’s alright. I don’t want you to think...” she tentatively curls her fingers around the head of his weeping cock, “That this,” she lightly pushes down his long, velvety shaft, “is all I want from you.”

It’s his turn to shudder. His breath catching in his throat chokes him, when her hand slides back up over his now throbbing head. When she releases him he croaks out a wretched sound, followed by his his tightening grip, anchoring her body to hers. “What do you want from me?” His need threatens his sanity. Kylo rocks her seam onto his member, coating himself with her slick as he goes. “Tell me, everything,” he grits out.

The moan she emits is unlike anything he’s ever heard before. “I...” she gushed at his constant contact, “I want everything with you.” She hisses as his strong arm supports her backside while the other tightens his grip on her thigh. His fat head now grinding over her sensitive nub, every time she tells him what she wants. “You’re special, Kylo... you aren’t just some toy...” he lifts her high over his screaming red head ready to plunge into her. Her final admission to him, “...Not to me,” are the last words she speaks.

It’s all he needs to hear. His cock buried swiftly inside her to the hilt. Her scream is met with pain to his scalp, surely believing he has clumps missing. ‘Retaliation,’ he smirks, then it falls when he remembers he didn’t even attempt to stretch her before burying himself inside her. He groans at his idiocy, and then the glorifying feeling of being given the honor of experiencing her bare clenches around him. As his consciousness seems to return, he feels her drip. Horrified that he positively split her, he tries to lift her off. 

“No,” she mewls, rocking onto him, “please... I...please,” She falters with her speech. “You, you make me feel like I matter,” she pants. Her brow furrows as if to recall the pain of his past relationships, “I want..I want you to feel like you matter to me. I want it in every way I can give you.”

Had Kylo’s eyes been dilated before, they were certainly dark as night now. “Do you mean that?” his voice is caught in a whisper. 

“Every word,” she’s all but had time to round his shoulders with her palms before he really began to move. He didn’t care who heard. They were in his room. It didn’t matter. He implored her to let the entire ship know who she belonged to. His thrusts pumped into her at a punishing rate. Her body climbed higher and higher as he pushed her through her second orgasm. He watched through his hooded eyes as she arched her back, throwing her head back in ecstasy. His name, unlike the porn he’s seen, falls silently at her lips as she shakes through her latest release. 

“Don’t stop... not for me...” she whines, wanting his climax too. “Come, Kylo... please...” she whispers. It is absolutely his undoing. 

He flips her to her stomach, her ass high in the air has him babbling every sweet little complement he’s ever wanted to share with her. It had only been almost a week and he was sure of so many things. Connecting again with her, he tells her she’s beautiful and fucking delicious; his rhythm nonexistent has him rumbling out grunts like a wild animal. Disjointed slaps of his balls to her dripping folds has her wondering if she has just one more to give him. Her expert fingers has them coming undone together. 

Kylo’s eyes burn, wanting to stay awake more than anything but fails falling back into the most blissful slumber. 

——

The ringing in Rey’s ears continue until well after they wake. Kylo, the first to rise, did when she subconsciously whimpered over the loss of him, shrinking out of her. Oddly, he found it charming that she, even in her sleep, she didn’t want him to go. 

Neither of them were aware they were still on a boat. Instead, they were only worried about each other. Rey didn’t even mind that she had left her room to aid Poe in taking care of Kylo. Surprisingly, she’s able to remember last night. 

Armie’s argument was valid. He shouldn’t have to draw straws to decide on who gave up their bed to sleep on the couch. It wouldn’t have been fair to him anyways. From her experiences with boys, even as a kid, they really didn’t understand how to avoid spoiling their space. It seemed to be a rite of ownership; the dirtier, the better. She rolls her eyes.

But then, she must have walked with Kylo to his room after she got her jammies on. As she ponders all of the events, she feels his large, warm hands kneading hers skin at the small of her back. She can’t help but sigh, wondering what she did to deserve him. It was certainly not the shot, right? It was t just a rousing game of, “appreciative sex,” like a man’s thank you card... right? 

The room’s phone rings on a table behind the bed, loud and clear, shocking the couple awake. Kylo leans a kiss into the center of her spine before reaching for the phone. 

“Kylo?” A woman’s voice asks carefully.

“Speaking?” he answers, still rubbing Rey’s back, unsure of what this new person wants. 

“It’s Amilyn. Are you alright? Will you be coming in today?”

“Oh, um. Yes. I’m much better now,” he gives Rey, who is obviously listening in, a squeeze.

“Good. I have a few people here that are looking for you, and I think you should know, that you’re sold out,” she says.

“Wait! Say that again?” His breathing stops all together. 

“All of your pieces. Even the weird angel and devil ones... you’ve been cleaned out. Come down and I’ll settle you up, and we’ll talk about scheduling time with a few that requested your services exclusively.” 

“I? Wow! Yes... okay. I’ll be down in a bout an hour.”

“Why that long? Some of these people are extremely impatient. It’s actually why I called.”

“I’m with my lady. I’ll be there within the hour,” he says casually, even though he’s brimming with excitement. Kylo feels like flying when Rey’s eyes find his, sparkling with thankful tears. 

“You...” she starts.

“I’ll always mean what I say,” he smiles at her, hanging up with Amilyn. “Especially, when you say it first.”


	12. My Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey have a lovely morning, find out just how well he’s doing with his work, and meet up with friends to enjoy the Amber Coast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I’m working on the next chapter soon. Hoping for this week.💖 that is for sticking with me and these love birds 🦢

[](https://ibb.co/HXs3NJ3)

Holding Kylo’s hand is a dream. It’s exactly that. It’s so large, Rey wonders if he could hold her in one hand. ‘That’s silly,’ she rolls her eyes at herself. She notices as he holds her, his fingers lacing hers, actually touch the top of her hand. The action, as simple as it is, is refreshing. No one she was with even considered her worthy of holding her hand. She was a toy to most, not a treasure. But Kylo sincerely locked fingers with her on their way out of his room. 

He took great care in walking with her at sunrise to get her to her room. No one was allowed to see her the way he was. He had only made mention to it once this morning, explaining that he respects her and expected everyone to do the same. “I don’t want anyone looking at you the same way I do...” he muttered while they were still in bed. “I don’t share.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true, Kylo,” she purred at him.” Stroking him where the we’re joined again. She had refused his efforts to leave until he shrunk out naturally. “I think you share very well...”

His smirk melts her every time, and good Lord, heaven help her when he uses his deepest tone, well, the deepest she’s heard in the time they’ve known each other. The deeper he does the more her body clenches in response. He seemed to pick up on it right away, doing it only when he could almost sense her pooling desire. 

His hand gently squeezes hers, calling her back to him. He must of said something. “Sorry?” Rey looks up at him hoping it wasn’t anything major. 

“Did I lose you?”He asks. 

“Hardly,” she confirms quietly. “I quite like being connected to you like this. It makes me feel wanted...among other things.”

His heart sang every word that spilled from her mouth. It certainly wasn’t what he imagined her saying. At least not about holding his hand. As he turned his head to look down at her, she lifted their joined hands, laying a soft kiss to his closest knuckle. He could have died with the sincerity of her delivery. Her eyes were wide and full of promise...trusting...sweet, but most importantly, his. 

It didn’t really matter what he said anymore, or what she was doing later, so long as he could see her, it is absolutely all that mattered. He strolls with her then to see Amilyn at Tippy Totes, showing her inside first. “This is where I’m supposed to be working,” Kylo explains his situation and the deal Amilyn proposed to him.

“Ten percent is a little high, don’t you think?” Rey asked casually. 

He leans his next to the side and scratches it on one side. “Well, yes and no. You see. I have the same fear you do...of boats. And when I started, and felt the boat move, I think I think I may have blacked out.”

Rey’s eyebrows furrow with concern, holding him tighter. “Who’s going to save who then? If this thing goes down, I mean?”

He stills, standing flush against her body. He uses his free hand to brush her tendrils behind her ear, thumbing his pads down her neck. “I will. I’ll be all you ever need. You’ll never need to worry about who’s got you, because I do.”

It was something she knew her friends offered, but there was something more here. As if he was offering his life to her. Anything and everything was relayed in his message. He would even go through with an activity he found frightening, like being in this boat, just to be there for her. For life? That’s what it sounded like. But they’ve only been with each other for a little more than a week. How could he promise such a thing so early when no one else would? 

“D-Do you mean that?” Rey asks cautiously. Her eyes flick up to his.

“Every word, Rey.” He smiles thoughtfully at her, “Nothing would give me a greater pleasure.”

“Oh good! You’re here!” A woman’s voice suspends their moment. She grunts pulling a few bags with her out of the storage closet. With a quick swat of her foot, she kicks the door closed. “You would not believe this place was packed an hour ago.”

Rey takes in the height of this older woman. While her features look soft and rather pretty, matching her lavender shaded hair, Rey can’t seem to shake the badass vibe she’s getting from the woman. She walks with authority back to the register, with her bags in tow, looking over Rey, stone faced. It is as if she’s trying to make out if the couple had history, or if the two were enjoying a week long fling. Not that it was really any of her business, but she wasn’t exactly sure how she should bring up his earnings with this girl present. 

“Amilyn,” Kylo tries to introduce Rey.

“Just a second, Kylo,” she hangs up her items, refilling her stock. The woman makes quick work of it. Not once glancing to the rungs for each colored handle. Rey lifts her eyes in amusement. 

“How long have you run your shop?” Rey asks, trying to break the awkward silence. 

“Thirty years,” she curtly supplies the answer, speaking mostly to the wall. 

“On multiple ships? I mean... isn’t this one new?” She asks kindly. 

“Yes. Multiple ships,” Amilyn bends to get the rest of the items she stashed there before the pair came. 

“What got you into bags? If-If you don’t mind me asking, of course.” It’s then when Amilyn looks towards the girl that she sees Rey’s posture. The girl looked as though she was more sheepish than assertive. 

It took a total of three seconds to change her tone with Rey, rounding the desk and offering her hand for an introduction. “Hi, I’m Rey...”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Kylo bites out, trying to make sure everyone on board knew. He didn’t want anyone to look at her twice, no hesitation, or stumbled words. He wanted her sureness. Her trust. 

“Yes,” Rey looks at him warmly, even her eyes sparkle at the thought of being his...Not just someones belonging. 

Amilyn stares at the pair, finally asking, “Rey?” Not wanting to make a scene about what she learned from Alice, she repeats her name once more, adding that it’s nice to meet her. The woman reaches out to shake her hand. Being that Amilynn is so thin, her handshake reminds Rey of holding a fish’s carcass. One that has been thoroughly picked over. Not to mention, she just hangs it there at first, like a Princess. 

While Rey is taking in Amilynn’s features, the woman squeezes her hand around Rey’s making her gasp. The strength in her grip is alarming for the dead fish she was giving before. “Nice to meet you—“

“Amilynn,” the older woman spouts. “So, I hear you’re quite the catch.” Amilynn raises her eyebrow to Rey.

“I’m—sorry? I’m afraid I don’t follow.” Rey looks at Kylo questioningly. The color in her face drains and her lips sort of droop; Rey knows she was loud with him this morning. Unabashed calls of affection must have made themselves known to the surrounding rooms and out into the hall. She groans terribly, wanting to hide out under something. What if the woman heard their morning together? She eyes seem to cross harder together now, as if they were strong magnets. 

Kylo pulls her closer to his side, nuzzling into her, trying to be as soothing as he was curious about her response. The action itself unwinds her nerves. A first for her. So many firsts she never knew she missed out on, actually. Tentatively, her chin drops to her chest, leaning ever so slightly towards where his lips have rested, just under the shell of her ear. She does her very best not to moan, as the comfort he’s given her just now has exceeded that of anything else he could have done for her at that moment. It was as if he knew that Rey might be embarrassed about the passengers might know. Then, he laid a kiss right at her pulse point, brief and telling, hoping it would help her relax. It doesn’t. 

Rey’s eyelids flutter closed as if they’re still in his room. Her lips part, and she’s past wishing she could control it. He must know his breath, now, the only thing that’s touching her besides his hand, is driving her pause. As it fades and she feels the cool, unwelcome air, biting at her again, she opens her eyes. Startled by the way that Amilynn’s looking at her, Rey swallows roughly, asking her to clarify.

As Amilynn speaks, Rey’s gears start turning again, “Oh, right. It was very kind of him to offer and all. And I am considering it,” she says, brushing her thumb across the back of Kylo’s hand. “But, I don’t know enough about boats or water safety to apply, really. My specialty is in artificial intelligence, linking human needs to electronic hardware. It’s similar to what Apple is doing with their technology, but leaps and bounds further into discovery and change. My specialty would actually find me in more of a lab or medical type setting.” 

Amilynn looks dumbfounded when Rey finishes. Her mouth hanging slightly open as if she’s ready to say something but she isn’t sure what. 

Rey continues, “There isn’t really anything for me here in terms of my field. I honestly would just be sitting on my hands, waiting out the four months of my semester, not advancing in much, if any, way.” She looks down at the floor, towards her shoes, “I just—I’m not the kind of person to want to ride out her past successes. There’s not much growth if I did.” Rey catches herself wondering why she feels like she’s in trouble under this woman’s gaze. But when she looks up, Rey sees Amilynn’s genuine wonder. She watches on as she turns her head to look at Kylo, who is also processing her honesty. 

“What are you hoping to get into?” Kylo asks carefully. He had been hoping she would just stay onboard with him. A dull pain started to settle in his chest, that she wouldn’t be with him for a semester. 

“Medical most likely. I’d like to bridge the gap between what an individual can or can’t sense happening to them, and accurately diagnose the patient, eliminating incorrect care methods. It would would make the medical industry more efficient - especially the doctors and nurses in the field already.” She pauses, “Think about it...hereditary cancers detected early could give quality of life to those who patients that might otherwise not have a fighting chance. What about premature birth? It could give answers needed to help the baby grow with their mother instead of the NICU. What about victims in accidents? Or you... with your surprise allergy change? What if I wasn’t there? Would you have known what was happening to you?” she asks softly.

Kylo forgets about Amilynn, about where they are, that they’re in public, taking her around the waist. A hand presses at her lower back, pulling her flush against him. “No, but I have you,” her brushes her lips with the pad of his thumb, “and I’m so thankful for that.” Kylo leans a kiss down onto her lips with such care, in obvious awe of her. His lips linger on hers so sweetly, he could have sworn he was floating.

Amilynn, watches Rey’s return, natural in it’s own right. She actually believes Rey. Believes in them, their blooming relationship, and that’s when she softly clears her throat calling Kylo back down from cloud nine. When he’s able to focus on the woman, Amilynn takes out a booklet of sales receipts. Each pink copy is for him, while she keeps the yellow. “Now, I have a going list of the items you sold, and our agreement has you making twenty nine hundred dollars.” His eyes widen and she continues, which means your gross total was thirty one ninety.” Amilynn takes her checkbook out since most of the transactions were completed via credit card. “Do you use online banking?” she asks while filling out the check.

Kylo stutters for long enough for her to look up at him. Never in his life did he think this was possible. In a single day forty drawings made him enough money to handle rent and a half. Ideas start filtering into his mind in rapid concession. Maybe he would be able to afford a house, a mortgage payment—ask Rey to move in with him, marry him... his heart hammered in his chest so fiercely he was sure he’d pass out if he forgot to breathe. 

“Kylo?” He felt Rey’s tiny hand brush down his back in a comforting way, wishing her skin was on his. “Are you alright?” Her voice sounded just as distant as the night before. Unable to give an answer, Kylo merely grunts a response before collapsing.

Rey’s done everything in her power to keep him from banging his head on the way down. First in trying to support him from behind. His huge body buckled down onto her knee, which she had, thankfully, slid back out from under him or she, too, would have been flattened. Her quick thinking had her catching his head like a medicine ball, trying to hold it and his neck close to the crook of hers on his way down. As his weight pressed her to the floor, her last move was to let him lay flat on the floor, cradling him all the way down. It all took seconds to do, but felt like an eternity, trying to keep him from pain. 

Amilynn just stares, and then, “Is he always like this?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve only known him a short time... but he seems really involved.” She sighs, tilting her head to look at him, “He’s shy, reserved, and I’m wondering just how many times he’s actually been appreciated.” Rey moves a tuft of hair that’s fallen over his beautiful features before asking Amilynn is she has any smelling salt.

She does not. Instead she closes her doors to the public, with a sign that indicated she would be back in an hour.  
“How long do you think he’ll be out for?”

“I’m not... I don’t know,” Rey clarifies. “He’s never done this before.”

“How did you know how to catch him then?”

“School. And,” she laughs, “My friends are lifeguards. They do their first aid and CPR recertifications every spring and guess who’s the victim,” she thumbs herself to make sure it’s obvious. “All on land of course. They aren’t looking to give me a heart attack with the real saving sequences.”

“A heart attack?” Amilynn asks, sort of confused. 

“I’m not aquatically inclined.”

“Alice told me. You know,” Amilynn spoke softly to Rey, “Not everyone onboard is.”

It was a thought that didn’t even cross her mind. 

“I’m not saying that a natural disaster couldn’t topple us, but I am saying there are people from all stages of life, well abled or not, swimmers, and non-swimmers... all of that, that come on vacation and let all of their worries away. It sounds like the two of you actually just need to focus on this vacation.”

Her brow furrows, considering this thought. 

“Let it all go for now, Rey. Kylo can work if he wants to, but this needs to stop happening. It’s not the first time he’s fainted for me.”

“Wait... what?”

“He fainted when the boat started moving.”

As quick as Rey is, it takes her a moment. She looks down at him, “He’s afraid?”

“Of boats it seems,” Amilynn finishes her question. “I can’t imagine being afraid of being paid though.”

Rey frowns at the thought. He couldn’t be afraid of that. Surely no one was afraid of success, or money in such a way. But then it clicks, he’s been used by that girl, she stole from him, made him feel like he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t even speak up for himself, and now having a piece of him back, maybe that’s what dropped him. Rey tried a series of pressure points pressing lightly enough to prick him as if he had smelled the salt to begin with. Kylo moves slightly, groaning as he moves to open his eyes. The light in Amilynn’s shop has since dimmed since the natural light had fought its way into the windows. The odd shift made the lights seem just a tad darker, which was welcoming. 

Rey’s soft smile welcomes him back. She doesn’t have to say a word. He fainted. He knows it. How embarrassing? As a kid he used to do it all the time; height, his mother told him, but what did she know? She’s the shortest in their family. Clearly she couldn’t know what heights did. The doctors he would see confirmed that it was his growth pattern, happening just in about six months cycles... but he’s an adult and this shit should not be happening. 

Stress then came to mind. But how could it be stress? Rey was here and they were a couple... are a couple, this just begun and he willed himself to do everything in his power to make her feel as she did him. He felt complete, which is more than welcomed. 

As his eyes focus on her, he groans a little, feeling the cold floor on his backside, and then the warmth of her fingers combing back his mane as she did in his room. Respectfully at his side, of course, instead of on top of him in Amilyn’s shop. “Are you alright?” Rey asks, genuinely wanting to know. 

“Yeah,” he manages softly. Kylo makes a move to get up quickly and Rey stops him. 

“Slow down. There’s no rush,” her hands rested on his shoulders. 

Amilyn repeats what she told Rey, telling Kylo, who remains seated, to enjoy the vacation with his girlfriend. “I know you’re here to work, but remember to take some time for the two of you, too.”

It was actually one of the nicest things Amilyn suggested to him, from being articulate and cold in the beginning. 

“I’m wondering if your fainting spell has something to do with low blood sugar,” Rey assesses Kylo. “We haven’t eaten yet, and you’re just too big to,” She stalls her speech with the way he’s looking at her, “to ignore it.” Rey tries clearing her throat, as if she could clear the air along with it. 

“Alright,” Amilyn finishes his check, making sure he deposited it on his banking app in front of her so that the item could be shredded immediately. Then she grabbed the list she took with commission requests and room numbers, starring a few of the more overwhelming guests who took a liking to obsessing over where he was and when he would be back. There is one in particular that has four stars, indicating how annoying her was. “This one right here is an older man. I think he may be hard of hearing, but he said he needed someone to work on a full lengthened story. And if this one was successful, then he would move on to his bigger projects. It seems like he either works for a firm if he is the firm.”

Kylo just looks at her. A firm would mean multiple projects. Isn’t this what Poe suggested anyway; the possibility for more work? Consistent work? How did Poe know so much about this stuff anyway? This is the world of networking. He blinked at his confirmation. Poe, the smooth talker he is, must know people he thought. Maybe this was all orchestrated. He frowns at himself, ‘why wouldn’t they just call? No one takes a vacation just to find an artist. That’s ridiculous,’ he thinks. “A firm?”

“You know... studio? Like a place where the art is created?” She replies as if the concept was new to him. 

Of course he knew what she meant. It wasn’t a huge surprise really. Rey seems to see it before he does it, patting him on the back twice before getting up. “This is great news! You should feel honored,” she beams. “But, I can’t be trying to catch you every time you faint, yeah?” she teases him and lends a hand. 

Her toothy grin still spread wide on her face is contagious. Soon he finds himself smiling about it. “Sorry,” Kylo manages to say, embarrassed by the fact that it happened. That’s twice now, he complained to himself. 

“Why don’t you get the list and start checking in after breakfast. You need something—“

Amilyn butt into their conversation telling Rey to remember what she said. Happily in control again, Amilyn readied her shop to reopen, gave Kylo what he came for, and shoed them out to enjoy the day.

——-

Their friends were already perched at a table when Kylo and Rey arrived to the buffet. Sunlight trickles in the windows where they sat, blinding the pair as it gleams off the table top, as they make their way across the room.

“I’m so excited, maybe too—“ Rose caught the sight of them strolling up to the table, hand in hand, stopping her train of thought. Her grin widens as he pulls out a chair for her to sit before he decides on a place and getting their food for them. 

She listens in as Rey sweetly replies, “Are you sure? Well alright...”

“Three pancakes with butter, syrup and ba—“

“Sausage, please,” she tries to fight back her blush, obviously trying not to bring attention to herself. 

Rose wants to scream. Watching these intimate seconds has her wanting to stomp her feet, loudly, with delight. Her little heart is thumping so loud in her ears she’s certain it’s mimicking a club beat. She gasps as Rey’s head turns to follow Kylo’s frame as he walks toward the buffet line, gagging herself on a grape she just popped in her mouth a second prior. 

Rey blinks back toward her friend from being stuck on cloud nine. “Rose?”

Rose puts up her first finger, heaving one large cough after another. Served her right, Rose thought. Karma is that little bastard frying ants that seems to pick on the group as a whole. Her face, now hot with embarrassment and discomfort from her coughing finally downs her water. Coming up for air, she situates herself, lacing her fingers together, sitting up nice and proper, and closing her eyes to try to focus on keeping herself together. “Well, good morning, Rey...” 

“Somebody got some—“ Poe’s voice sounded behind Rose, beaming at Rey, and then up to Kylo, who was already on his way back with their plates.

“‘Got some good sleep,” Rey cleared her throat, figuring Kylo might not like the attention.

Finn welcomes Poe to the table as Kylo sets Rey’s dish in front of her with a soft smile, before sitting down with his own right next to her. Trying to point with his chin with his mouth stuffed full of scrambled eggs, Finn points at the beveled crab claw design on Rey’s utensils. He elbows Poe to take Kylo’s, snickering as he does. 

“Hey! Get your hands away from my food, Poe.” Kylo holds his fork defensively.

“You’ve got crabs!” Poe tries to get Kylo to look around his plate but the sudden pitch of his voice silences the dining room. 

Kylo makes a move to capture the lip of his plate to leave as Finn and Armitage share their own private joke at his expense. But Rey is on to it. She reaches for his hand, pressing it down onto the table. She feels his body tense up under her fingers—but he doesn’t fight her, not yet at least. She’s quick to kick Poe under the table and orders both Finn and Armie to share what they found so funny.

“Crabs,” Armie mutters, “craaaabs...” He elongates the word pointing at the handle of her fork.

She shoves him in the arm, “It’s not funny. Apologize.” 

Even Kylo’s eyes widened when she demanded the change. To his surprise, they did. All three of them, like children, lowered their eyes and looked at Kylo to say that they were wrong and it isn’t funny. 

“And?” she asks briskly.

“And?” Armie parrots.

“You’re s-o-r? Rey sounds out the word she wants from them, which has the boys sort of teasing her now too. All of them sounding out the word with her. 

At its completion, they cheer, “Oh! Sorry! Yes, sorry Kylo,” they sing song to him. Rey glares again providing that she shouldn’t have to say it, or explain why that was wrong. 

Rose interrupts the oddness of the conversation with the first destination. “Guys! I’m so excited! We’re going to do everything,” she squeals, “I hope you got a lot of rest because we don’t leave until six—“

“I’d say be back on board by five. We are moving again at six.” Poe chimes in, “And the first formal night is tonight too.”

“That’s poorly planned,” says Finn. 

“Why?”

“Why don’t you guys do that while your at sea and can’t leave? People are going to be tired,” he looks at Rose, as if he needs any other examples than her energy. 

“I don’t make the schedule, but the second is like that on the return trip. I think it’s to get people with kids a chance alone for the evening. The kid’s club has a lot to offer but for the formal nights, it’s ideal to have them tired.”

Finn nods, accepting what he said. 

“Alright, well, I’ve got to get moving, work and all,” he laughs, tapping the table twice before he gets up. “I’ll see you guys later,” and with that Poe’s gone.

Kylo has since, openly laced his fingers with Rey’s making it a challenge for her to eat. Left handed tasks are hard. She squeezes his hand and moves to let go. He’s since finished his plate, and rested his now free hand over the back of her chair, wanting to remain in contact with her.

Her pancakes have since soaked up the soft butter and syrup mixture making her fluffy pancakes, soaked and heavy. Still delicious, but they break apart every time she tries to get a fork full. 

“Says here we get to leave the ship in a half hour,” Rose chirps, “Are you in your suits already?” She thumbs her red and pink striped tie bikini top, pulling it upward to show it, under her flowing white tee. 

“Your always ready,” snorts Finn. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your bras and panties are all bathing suits too.”

“You like it. No clasp,” Those at the table have a laugh, while Finn groans about how sharing Rose can be. He hates clasps. They are the worst. Some of Rose’s bras even have three. Like what? Why? And there are a few that hook downward into a loop, for which he actually said he’d call the company and complain every day if he had to about the poor construction. The last thing he needs is Rose to drop that can of worms. “Yes, I prefer the strings,” he says, “Now... can we get moving?”

“If you’re going back, can you grab my suit too?” Rey asks, “I’ll just change when we’re out there.”

“Um, no,” Rose shakes her head. “There’s too much to carry then, and you’ll need a bag, and someone will have to watch the bag,” she rolls here wrists while she talks. “I’ll wait for you, and we can meet up with the guys when we get back down.”

Rey smiles at her friend, who has clearly thought this through, cheekily adding, “Okay, Rose,” as she shoves the last few bites into her mouth, “but what if you want to bring dozens of shells back with you? And I doubt all inclusive meant that the locations gave away free stuff too.” Rey lifts her eyes from her plate, catching Rose’s train of thought crash before her very eyes. “I’m sure pictures would be good too...” 

She stops when she hears Kylo try to hide a chuckle. Laughing means opening up, and Kylo knew too well that it often went hand in hand with teasing. Lifting her eyes at him, Rey adds, “we’ll be fine. I can bring the canvas bag so everyone can put their stuff in it too.”

Rose finally agrees and motions to go get ready with her friend. Kylo walks with them until the elevator lets him off at his floor. The whole while, that is, until the elevator doors opened, he held Rey’s hand, drawing circles with his thumb in her palm. He’d smile when she involuntarily shook as if she caught a chill. ‘Responsive,’ he thought to himself. “I’ll—“

“See you in a little bit,” Rey squeezes his hand before he goes. It’s all she can do from openly jumping him in that glass chute they called an elevator. There they’d be on display not only for Rose, but the entire main deck to see. Honestly, Rey didn’t mind the initial thought, but sharing him or the idea that anyone else could see them indisposed made her skin creep. 

Just as he walks out of reach, the doors close, ready to lift the girls back up to their floor.

“So...” Rose purposely elongated her single suggestively charged word.

“So?” Rey parroted. 

“You and Kylo, eh?”

“This really isn’t a surprise.” Rey rolls her eyes. 

“Yeah, it is...before the crabs, we were all ready to kill him. And after, I’m pretty sure you fu—“ Rose has never been one to stop herself, but as the elevator pings and the doors open, she finds a group of kids all crowding the doors.

Rey beams figuring the conversation is over before it started, but Rose can’t stop. The jog down the hall giggling back to the room about the events of their evening. As they enter their room, Rey says, “But that’s all I’m telling you. I think he’s shy, to be honest. Like he wants to be around us, but he can’t handle being focused on? Does that make sense?” 

“Rey, he’s always been shy,” Rose thinks about dropping the bomb over his name but then feels like it might be worse to do so now. Kylo changed it the day he turned eighteen because of those stupid nicknames she heard float around the school halls. They weren’t even that good, but enough was enough and Kylo snapped. As she thinks about it, she remembers the teachers weren’t much help either. It darkened his mood and he’d been the butt of every joke she’d ever heard since. It was a miracle he was actually branching out to enjoy a relationship with Rey, and she seemed to be happy to have him. “And soft, and kindhearted. But he has a nervous, jealousy streak that can destroy worlds.”

“And so do I.” 

“No, Rey. You have an internal self destruct button that destroys you and your world. I just, be careful,” her friend warns her. 

“I’m not deceitful, and I’ve always been loyal in relationships,” Rey defends herself as she goes into her bathing suit. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. He has a very active imagination at times. Just promise you won’t back down from the person I know you are, just for a set of pretty eyes.”

The thought of Bodhi flashes into her mind, and all of the self doubt that manifested within her during their “relationship”. Pursing her lips to avoid having to confirm that Rose is right, she adds, “You have nothing to worry about.”

—-

Reuniting with the men at the main deck makes Rey’s mouth go dry. ‘Kylo’s there. He’s actually going to spend time with them!’ she thinks, grabbing hold of the handles of her bag over her shoulder. 

Each of them threw on their trunks and a t-shirt. Finn opted for a white Nike shirt with a blue swish on it that matched his shoes, and grey jersey shorts. While Armie had his usual orange and navy blocked trunks and matching orange sleeveless shirt, while Kylo actually looked like he was part of a Nautica catalog. “I think that might be the nicest I’ve ever seen him dress,” Rose spouted while Rey drank him in. It wasn’t much different from the guys really, if she thought about it, but something about that extra layer is so enticing Rey thought she might faint herself. He’s comfortably wearing what oddly looks like khaki shorts, but may be board shorts? They were really throwing her off. Trunks didn’t look like that, right? His shirt underneath is white, covered up with that secondary, open button down, black collared shirt, she was dying to tug on. 

In his hand he had his sketchbook and pencil figuring he may hang back more than she expected. Which was fine, she tried to push down that pang of discontent that he’d be working instead of enjoying himself. But, it is his time too, she pressed into acceptance, repeating it as they met up with them finally. 

“Well, don’t you look nice,” Rey complements Kylo, to which Armie already teases, flicking his wrist. 

“Oh? This ol’ thing?”

The bridge of Kylo’s nose turns pink and he can feel it. Attempting to stop it, he quickly rolls his eyes and offers to hold Rey’s bag. He’s rewarded with a smile, the handle, and Rey’s hand to hold as the group makes their way to the island. 

The pair find that it’s just as difficult to exit the ship as it is to board. After trying to hold hands and the railing of the ramp, Rey settled Kylo’s hands on her shoulders and they attempted to walk down the middle until they made it to the dock. The fear is real. Both of them shook nervously on the floating dock too. Kylo, honestly thought he would be better than this, but not only their boat was present, but multiple boats were. It was just too much for him to deal with. 

Rey, on the other hand, is just afraid. She has her life vest, and her friends, but the water is all around, and judging by the color, is really deep. It took everything in her power to swallow that for long enough to remember Kylo’s fear too. If she hadn’t, Rey was sure she would have clung to him like a life raft.

“I can honestly say, I did not expect to be dropped off at a pool,” whines Rose. As pretty as the layout looks with rows and rows of blue and white chairs accenting curves of multiple pools on three different layers is, it was not what she had in mind. 

Patrons on board were corralled there until locals that kept this portion of the trip running, and representatives from their ship that they’ve seen on board, welcome them to Amber Cove. 

“This must have been what we missed when you had to eat when we boarded,” whispered Finn. 

Rose snapped her body around in an ‘Oh-no-you-didn’t way, saying, “I wouldn’t have had to if you let me eat before we came.”

Travelers around them quietly hushed the pair so they could hear better. It wasn’t like the staff was saying more than ‘hello, and we’re so glad you’re here.’ One blatantly stared them down while a handful of others tried to make it seem like they were telling their silent children to be quiet instead. Roes made sure to commit their faces to memory. She would retaliate—somehow.

No one told Rose what to do.

Finally, the group started to disperse around the pool, and for those that wanted the beach were shown to the beach access, and those looking to explore the area were given a guide. Rose, who went right for exploring, returns to the group with great news, “Were going with the Andre to the ‘Damajagua Waterfalls,’ she over accentuates the name in her dramatic voice. “We all have to wear helmets and swim,” she laughs.

“Uh?” Rey’s question doesn’t go in answered. 

Kylo assures her that she’ll be fine, “We’re all here,” he gives her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Oh don’t worry, they have these thick coastguard approved life vests, we all have to wear,” Rose rolls her eyes. “I wonder how hard it is to flip with one of those. It’ll be like I gained twenty pounds in my midsection here,” she gestures as if she had a donut of extra weight around her. 

“Wait... you’re allowed to jump off?” asks Armie. He’s handed the brochure she picked up, “There’s no way we can do all of this in two hours.”

Rose grins at him, “Oh, we will. And well be able to circle back. I’m hitting all twenty seven or were lingering for the second wave.” It’s unlike her to delay lunch so her friends assume she means business. 

Luckily, the facility they pass, has an abundance of lockers, that Rey uses to hold her bag. Before she completely stows it away, Rose grabs her underwater camera, and the group leaves their shoes. 

——-

Blue skies are painted with white wisps of clouds as if they were painted there. Kylo takes note of how the sunlight glows through the foliage, the way the breeze makes the leaves sway, and what the mixture of both does to Rey’s mood. She watches her surroundings in awe of the nature around her. Tropical birds, lizards bugs, everything. It all holds beauty to her and it’s inspiring. Kylo already has so many ideas but no book to keep them in. At least it was in the locker with their things instead of on the boat. Content. He finally felt like this is where he is meant to be. Wherever Rey is. That’s it. 

Cluttered sounds of a conversation pull his focus back to the present. 

“Andre says there’s a path and ladders to get back up to retry a jump or slide... or use it if you want to continue on the path,” he hears Rose inform the others. 

As the jeeps stop and their tour group gets out, each is given a light blue vest and navy blue helmet. Some look like they’ve been through some trauma gauging by the deep scratch marks, but Finn just presses his lips together. He knows if he comes between Rose and her craft, there will be a public humiliation session, and Finn did not want any part of it. 

“You don’t think there’s leeches in here do you?” a fellow traveler asks. 

The guys share a laugh at Rose’s expression. “No,” she answers, “That’s only when the water is dark and motionless.” She was not going to deal with people mucking up her vacation with their false input scaring the group. 

“Alright, are we on our own or do we have to follow the guide?” asks Finn.

“No, we can go ourselves. There are people stationed at every fall,” she says swatting at the biting gnats. “Come on, let’s go! I’m sure when we all cool down the bugs won’t be so bad.”

As lovely as the scenery was, the humidity was coming in thickly, more so than it had in the morning. By the time they made it to the first waterfall, Armie, Finn and Rose were fighting each other to be first. Surprising all of them was Armitage, hoisting Rose up and placing her to the side so he could slide down the slick rock surface, flying way off the ledge in the cascading water of the falls into a bright turquoise natural pool beneath them. 

“Hey!!” Rose calmed after him,only waiting because the tour guide said to, otherwise Armie would have gotten a face full of feet on her way down. 

“No tricks, Rose. I’m serious. Please just slide?” Finn’s seriousness is over looked with a lift of her brow. 

All her mind can hear now are tricks. Yes. “Tricks it is!” she shouted sliding at first. As she reaches the ledge, she stomps a foot down, pushing with her strong legs to gain a more upright position. Rose turns her body, pointing both of her fingers at her friends, with a wink, as she suspended herself in the air. A split second later and she’s made the turn to do a half turn of a flip to land with her arms stretched downward to reach the water first. 

“Shouldn’t have said anything,” teases Kylo. 

Finn just looks at him. 

“I bet Rose will catch you if you want to try, Finn,” Rey suggests. Finn actually double takes Rey’s sight in at her comment. 

“Yeah? And what are you going to do?”

“Watching,” she points at the camera. “Just watching, and taking pictures.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?” Kylo asks thoughtfully. “When will you have another chance at this?”

His question seems to hold a dual meaning. Does he mean a chance at this? Or doing it with him? Or them? “I can’t swim, Kylo,” she’s almost too frustrated to say anymore when he draws her in by her waist.

He gives a slight nod. Not one that men usually do, but a small careful one, just for her. Just for her situation. “Do you trust me?” he asks.

Kylo watches her face soften, “Yes?” Rey’s never had the luxury of trusting anyone but her friends, so this allowance is a big deal to her. It changes what he means to her. Sure she may have been forward about the boyfriend thing, and they’ve already had a few bumps in their blossoming relationship, but it only seemed to build on the trust she wanted to have for him. Admitting it makes her feel like this, all of it, is real. 

“Good. I trust you too,” he admits quietly. “I trust that we’ll be fine sliding together.”

“What?” she squeaks. 

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, Rey. But I can promise that I’ve got you, and I won’t let anything bad happen. Well go under, and you can hold your nose if you want to. I’ll keep my arms around you, and lift you to the surface. I’ll make sure you breathe first and then start to move to the shallow water so you can decide if you want to go again. I’ll do it all day if you like it.”

People come through and slide one right after the next, joyfully plunging into the lagoon below. Right as she hears Rose tell everyone she wants to do it again, Rey decides, Kylo’s plan is one worth following. 

“Okay,” she says, “let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is being done for my NaNoWriMo piece in place of the sequel to The Manny. I don’t really want to rush that story. November is a short month in terms of days my kids are in school. If you’re a parent, you get it. There’s just not enough time. 
> 
> Aside from that, this story has been picking at my brain for a while since working on my own art pieces. Art Problems are real. :D


End file.
